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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22049663 -

A few weeks ago my great grand father died of dementia too
:sad:

i truly hope there is a cure for this disease in my lifetime


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22050527 -

Best wishes towards you and yer grammy.

I would suggest staying away from any drugs.  When my mother got really sick a year ago I stopped my pot intake (smoke(d) alittle bit everyday) not because I felt I needed/wanted to stop..but just for some reason I did not want it any more.  I feel it masks true feelings that should be felt and "suffered" through.  *shrugs*


--------------------
"...Terrific, im glad we've had this time to discuss..im outro, call me if you wanna blaze one up.."


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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: cApTaInCrAp]
    #22060466 -

I'm coming to terms a bit more about her passing, they said to expect her circulatory system to shut down and her limbs and such to turn purple :sad:She was the best gma i could ever ever ask for.This disease is horrid,we are giving her 5mg Morphine every hour,4mg of diluadid every 4 hours and hallucination medication The hospice service said were doing everything right. I hope she passes soon because she doesn't deserve to suffer like this. Ive come to terms that it will be best for her to go.She hasn't eaten solid food in over a week,she can't swallow anything including chicken broth.

The nurses and docs equate this to a comatose state. I've basically been saying my goodbyes telling her how much she means to me. I've told her before so if she didn't understand now I used to tell her fairly often. And every day that I loved her. This is causing a lot of misplaced Unreasonable anger,I feel super apathetic and broken. Just devoid of good emotions right :frown:.

Also on top of all the grieving for her, I have to worry about getting a job quick and it will be really hard because my particular area in California has the worst job employment in Cali. I've only had one job and as I said had to quit it and take care of her constantly. I have to move out to my own place soon and I want to also go to a trade school. Funds are a huge issue. It's going to be a huge change in careers unless I go into health care.

I have 100s of $ worth of medication that even with insurance costs about 50-70$ per month. I'm still addicted to opiates makes it tough getting into the workforce and I'm already not clean because 5 if my meds were replaced by medical cannabis and that disqualifies me a lot.

Those are just some things I've been able to have my parents cover as payment for taking care of nana. I would've done it even if they didn't pay me but they payed for my meds and a place in the house. Now they don't have to do any of that, they still probably will for a while but right now I'm grieving for her AND a little worried about what to do in life. Until now I have my aspirations and dreams all on hold,now I need to figure out what I want in life.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22060515 -

I understand your frustrations


not everything in this life is forever, perfect or guaranteed
You have to embrace everything current in your life, you never know when youlle lose it.. :hug:

the disease is sick..
and very fucking dark and evil

and i may have it one day..
and my dad is 57
he isnt showing signs, yet..
but im very similar to my ol man and i loom 95% like him
If it happens to him i know it will make me cry a thousand crys
as of now im tearing up a  bit thinking about the thought




Best  thing you can do is cry as much as you need to,
let it all out as hard as you can. crying is very, very beneficial when it comes to getting over things
its also.is such a beautiful and freeing emotion
not always
but usually i can feel all my negative emotion fly right out my eyes



You will come to peace
and youwill find a job and kick your drug habit if you just embrac  life and try
:heart: :hug:



:pm: if you ever need to talk and support


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22060710 -

Seriously_trippin said:
I'm coming to terms a bit more about her passing, they said to expect her circulatory system to shut down and her limbs and such to turn purple :sad:She was the best gma i could ever ever ask for.This disease is horrid,we are giving her 5mg Morphine every hour,4mg of diluadid every 4 hours and hallucination medication The hospice service said were doing everything right. I hope she passes soon because she doesn't deserve to suffer like this. Ive come to terms that it will be best for her to go.She hasn't eaten solid food in over a week,she can't swallow anything including chicken broth.

The nurses and docs equate this to a comatose state. I've basically been saying my goodbyes telling her how much she means to me. I've told her before so if she didn't understand now I used to tell her fairly often. And every day that I loved her. This is causing a lot of misplaced Unreasonable anger,I feel super apathetic and broken. Just devoid of good emotions right :frown:.

Also on top of all the grieving for her, I have to worry about getting a job quick and it will be really hard because my particular area in California has the worst job employment in Cali. I've only had one job and as I said had to quit it and take care of her constantly. I have to move out to my own place soon and I want to also go to a trade school. Funds are a huge issue. It's going to be a huge change in careers unless I go into health care.

I have 100s of $ worth of medication that even with insurance costs about 50-70$ per month. I'm still addicted to opiates makes it tough getting into the workforce and I'm already not clean because 5 if my meds were replaced by medical cannabis and that disqualifies me a lot.

Those are just some things I've been able to have my parents cover as payment for taking care of nana. I would've done it even if they didn't pay me but they payed for my meds and a place in the house. Now they don't have to do any of that, they still probably will for a while but right now I'm grieving for her AND a little worried about what to do in life. Until now I have my aspirations and dreams all on hold,now I need to figure out what I want in life.


Man I don't even know what to say. It hurts seeing you go through this, bud. You're a really, REALLY tremendous dude. I know it's incredibly difficult right now, but rest assured your Grandmother knows 100% exactly how much she meant to your heart & how much you loved her -- and vice versa. I know it's such a cliché, but it's the truth...she's going to be at peace now. No more suffering like she has been during this ordeal.

Don't worry about all the other stuff right now (the job stuff). There will be a time & place for that down the line. Let this situation resolve itself, take some time to gather yourself after it's over and return to some level of normalcy -- and then go from there.


--------------------
:niffla:

ACADEMY AWARD WINNING ACTOR
WG32 KILLED HOFFA
PROFESSIONAL BALL BUFFERER
WORST NEIGHBORHOOD YARD OF 2026 WINNER
OTD’S FORMER PRODIGAL SON
TODAY IS BEER DAY

Edited by Nifflerz (08/07/15 11:41 PM)

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Nifflerz]
    #22060774 -

:hug:  Thank you  Addy :heart: I feel love for sure and talking on here is a big support to me and I appreciate it. I know I need to cry and unfortunately I haven't been able to. Idk why, I just emotionally stonewalled. I developed this out of need when my dad almost died, had to put on an optimistic,strong face. Now I'm having trouble crying which I know will help. I've had a couple of times since this happened where I just haven't been able to cry so everything is still bottled up. I feel like crying right now actually.
Niffla said:
Seriously_trippin said:
I'm coming to terms a bit more about her passing, they said to expect her circulatory system to shut down and her limbs and such to turn purple :sad:She was the best gma i could ever ever ask for.This disease is horrid,we are giving her 5mg Morphine every hour,4mg of diluadid every 4 hours and hallucination medication The hospice service said were doing everything right. I hope she passes soon because she doesn't deserve to suffer like this. Ive come to terms that it will be best for her to go.She hasn't eaten solid food in over a week,she can't swallow anything including chicken broth.

The nurses and docs equate this to a comatose state. I've basically been saying my goodbyes telling her how much she means to me. I've told her before so if she didn't understand now I used to tell her fairly often. And every day that I loved her. This is causing a lot of misplaced Unreasonable anger,I feel super apathetic and broken. Just devoid of good emotions right :frown:.

Also on top of all the grieving for her, I have to worry about getting a job quick and it will be really hard because my particular area in California has the worst job employment in Cali. I've only had one job and as I said had to quit it and take care of her constantly. I have to move out to my own place soon and I want to also go to a trade school. Funds are a huge issue. It's going to be a huge change in careers unless I go into health care.

I have 100s of $ worth of medication that even with insurance costs about 50-70$ per month. I'm still addicted to opiates makes it tough getting into the workforce and I'm already not clean because 5 if my meds were replaced by medical cannabis and that disqualifies me a lot.

Those are just some things I've been able to have my parents cover as payment for taking care of nana. I would've done it even if they didn't pay me but they payed for my meds and a place in the house. Now they don't have to do any of that, they still probably will for a while but right now I'm grieving for her AND a little worried about what to do in life. Until now I have my aspirations and dreams all on hold,now I need to figure out what I want in life.


Man I don't even know what to say. It hurts seeing you go through this, bud. You're a really, REALLY tremendous dude. I know it's incredibly difficult right now, but rest assured your Grandmother knows 100% exactly how much she meant to your heart & how much you loved her -- and vice versa. I know it's such a cliché, but it's the truth...she's going to be at peace now. No more suffering like she has been during this ordeal.

Don't worry about all the other stuff right now (the job stuff). There will be a time & place for that down the line. Let this situation resolve itself, take some time to gather yourself after it's over and return to some level of normalcy -- and then go from there.


Thanks Niffla :') :heart: you're a pretty great person too and just reassuring me helps more then you can imagine. You are most definitely right she will be at peace and my family believes she is going to heaven to be with my grandpa who died in 2000 from Cancer,so that helps my mom. For me it helps but I'm not sure how much because in the past few years I've been really questioning religion.

You are also correct about the job thing,as much as it freaks me out I have to deal with this and supporting the family


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

Edited by Seriously_trippin (08/07/15 11:57 PM)

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22060832 -

Be alone if you need too
Also dont go hard into the drugs

just dont.

you need to keep a clear head during times like this

addiction will just make you handle it alot worse


Give it a few weeks man :hug:
be alone, and reminisce, look at photos, or any physical matter that reminds you of her
That should have tears flying out like niagra falls nigga! :`)


I promise you crying is like a purge of powerful emotion.
It will help so much.

bottling up emotions is unhealthy ime


You will come to peace, but for now think, feel and remember her for who she was and your connection with her
I feel the universe is one
she still lives on within you


:hug:
:rose:

You have my deepest love and condolences

but i have  lost 2 grandparent thee past 2 years from dementia
My grandma and me were really really close.. :`)
i will always cherish every bit of love she ever gave me,and every memorie i had with her, and i know she did too :crying:
she was my only real friend growing up in a house of a failing marriage, physical abuse from my mother when i was a young toddler, on several instances.
And a lack of any close friends or relationships with my siblings


I love her so much, but im sad and mainly happy she doesnt have to be a living zombie no longer


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22061356 -

She stopped breathing earlier . I thought that was it, it visibly and mentally shook me to the core in a way I've never known. Then her breathing started again, she is probably getting closer to death,in my earlier post I was composed about it said I'd come to terms yet when she stopped breathing everything got much to real and I freaked the fuck out. It was horrible and she's not gone yet so I'm guessing shell go into cardiac arrest.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin] * 1
    #22061361 -

Seriously_trippin said:
So I was with her everyday for 6 years now, we r closer then average gma and grandson. Im very grief stricken but at least she won't be suffering from Alzheimer's anymore. I haven't dealt with the fact that she was terminal basically until a few weeks ago when they confirmed she's going to die. Today they gave her 3 days. I devoted all my teenage years and age 20-21 so I'm so close to her it's going to really hurt me. I haven't dealt with this personal a loss yet in life. I have been diving head first into lots of opiates and furthering my addiction but killing some emotion. Wish me and my family luck/pray for us.

She will be in a better place soon, we do believe that, so no one be a jackass and try and tell me atheist shit right now.

Please shroomy vibes and love :hug:



Death is just a hard fact of life. Everyone you know and love will die at some point in time. Whether or not you're there to witness that doesnt really matter. Life is fleeting, witnessing it slip through is the hardest part. Rest easy in the fact that you were a significant influence in eachothers lives and you shared these last few moments together as best as you could. In the end, making the most of your time together is really all that matters. No matter who you are.

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22061461 -

it's unsettling, watching someone go. a very good friend of mine passed from tumor growth due to Neurofibromatosis. first it took his eyesight with golf ball sized tumors in his brain, which he beat!

then it came fore his ability to walk via his spine, which sapped everything he had including his will to push on. i watched him on his death bed as he went. it's weird watching someone go. definitely not in a fun way. sometimes though,  the reality doesn't hit you until you see things change or you are able to fully process the magnitude of the situation. it's rough man. i'm sorry this is happening to you. at this point, you can take solace in that her passing won't be as painful as it could be. i know that seems shallow, it's not meant that way.

be strong bro

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22061497 -

I feel for you, especially knowing she has Alzheimer's. At least now she will no longer be suffering. Best wishes friend.

Edited by Le_Canard (08/08/15 06:43 AM)

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22061518 -

Condolences go out strongly.

I've been thru this with both my grand parents and my Dad who died at 50.

Sadly, dying is a part of life... Yoda, yada, Yoda,,, I've heard most of it.. the shit still hurts.

Once piece of advice.. (and you're already doing it) create good memories and make every moment count.

Hugs to you.


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Macey Howard]
    #22061523 -

It hurts, but it hurts much less when you accept it for what it is.

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22061527 -

Seriously_trippin said:
I have been diving head first into lots of opiates and furthering my addiction but killing some emotion.


Doing opiates will not prevent your grandma from dying.  If you aren't able to handle your emotions and your addiction life will never be any easier for you.


--------------------
https://files.shroomery.org/files/06-17/635734999-earth.jpg

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: California]
    #22061580 -

That's true.  If you're cracking up on the opiates you're going to find it basically impossible to deal with the negativity that usually comes up when you stop them.  It sounds like there is alot of underlying tension and you should probably be talking to a counselor right now.  "Diving into opiates" is just stupid to be honest, and I imagine you are not really doing your gramma and family right by letting yourself slip like that.  There's really no way you can do that without hurting other people.

Are you a chronic pain patient and getting your meds from a legit source OP?

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22061940 -

I went through the same thing man. I took care of her,feel her,changed her, everything. Watching her sick made me really sad, and her death did as well. I had a sense of peace to not see her suffering anymore.


--------------------



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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Delirious Dwemer]
    #22062079 -

Try and cry. Let go and embrace your emotions. There's nothing weak about it. Ignoring your emotions leads to other problems like anxiety.
For some reason, it is extremely cathartic :super:


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Delirious Dwemer]
    #22062099 -

Yeah I had to call 911 for my gramma 2 days ago since she thought she was dying of a heart attack :crazy: She's in treatment for a brain tumor and has had all sorts of health problems.

They've had her on steroids which kinda perked her up a bunch, but my mom calls me to say my gramma thinks she's having a heart attack, so I go over and she's all moaning and clenching her chest, so I call 911 without thinking.  When the paramedics get there though she is pissed, and I have to badger her into going to the hospital.  She's like, "I can't go to the hospital I have radiation in the morning", and the EMT goes, "Well you're not going to make it if you're dead." which was was a but funny at the time and maybe inappropriate but also true.

It's hard to see someone so stubborn and independent go through all that.  I know she feels like she's putting people out, but it's really not a big deal for me to hang out at the hospital and make sure she's ok.  I just feel kinda bad because she'll pressure all of us not to call 911 or get her help, but when shit happens what am I supposed to do :shrug: she hates to ask for help but I'm not going to sit there and watch anyone in such pain not get treatment.

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22062252 -

I just seen a photo of my gran with Alzheimers, for the first time in 3 years. She looks so ill and gaunt. Fucking heart-breaking :makesmecry:


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: daz01]
    #22062281 -

I had a dream involving my dead grandmother
again op, i gave you all th support i can in this thread via words

if you ever need to :pm:
:hug:
:heart:


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
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