Home | Community | Message Board


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Kraken Kratom Kratom Capsules for Sale   Bridgetown Botanicals Bridgetown Botanicals   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4  [ show all ]
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad Update:
    #22045303 - 08/05/15 12:21 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

So I was with her everyday for 6 years now, we r closer then average gma and grandson. Im very grief stricken but at least she won't be suffering from Alzheimer's anymore. I haven't dealt with the fact that she was terminal basically until a few weeks ago when they confirmed she's going to die. Today they gave her 3 days. I devoted all my teenage years and age 20-21 so I'm so close to her it's going to really hurt me. I haven't dealt with this personal a loss yet in life. I have been diving head first into lots of opiates and furthering my addiction but killing some emotion. Wish me and my family luck/pray for us.

She will be in a better place soon, we do believe that, so no one be a jackass and try and tell me atheist shit right now.

Please shroomy vibes and love :hug:


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Edited by Seriously_trippin (08/09/15 05:46 AM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin] * 1
    #22045327 - 08/05/15 12:25 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

my condolences brother

take it easy with the opiates man.. u want to feel the full impact.. i know it's not easy but it really helps..


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: zZZz]
    #22045383 - 08/05/15 12:37 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Thank you man, ive known you a long time on here and your condolences are appriciated.Yeah I'm sure subconsciously that's one of the reasons I mentioned it because its true. I didn't deal with it at all a year ago when she was diagnosed so it shocked me to the core. Now I need to deal with this and I can't in A proper way.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Edited by Seriously_trippin (08/05/15 12:38 AM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleNiffla
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,489
Loc: Texas
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22045410 - 08/05/15 12:46 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

sorry to hear it bud


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisible404
error
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22045421 - 08/05/15 12:48 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i haven't dealt with that personal of a loss either... but my condolances as well. i know these words may fall on deaf ears, but as hard as it is right now, diving into your addictions wont help you... i can't say i wouldn't want to be completely faded in your position though as i've been that way in the past when something serious has happened.

sleep helps me a lot.. and being with people and trying to not focus so much emotional energy on it.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblememes
Blessed


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22045433 - 08/05/15 12:51 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

sorry brother.


i have a similarly strong bond with my only remaining grandparent (paternal grandmother) and i'm going to absolutely be equally wrecked when her time comes.





it's the same story the crow told me
it's the only one he knows
like the morning sun we come
and like the wind we go


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblesaralove
Female User Gallery


Registered: 10/01/13
Posts: 1,068
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin] * 1
    #22045467 - 08/05/15 01:00 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force.





Kind of nerdy but this made me feel a little better after my nana died last year.

Sending you love Seriously_trippin. :heart:

Sara


--------------------
:bliss:
Listening to: emancipator - baralku tour (live)  |  AMU


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineArtnotwar
Chemical Researcher
Male User Gallery

Registered: 04/07/06
Posts: 3,379
Last seen: 8 months, 29 days
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: memes]
    #22045471 - 08/05/15 01:00 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Sorry to hear about your situation.

You should however, consider yourself lucky that you have had the chance to reach adulthood with your grandma still alive. Consider yourself lucky that you have had the time to get to know her as an adult. Grandma's don't live forever, and unfortunately, it's just her time. I know it's easy to say, but try not to let it get you down too much. Death is just as much a part of life as birth. Celebrate her life with your family. She will now move on to the realm of the unknown.

:heart:


--------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Until the 20th century, reality was everything humans could touch, smell, see,
and hear.
Since the initial publication of the charged electromagnetic spectrum, humans
learned that what they can touch, smell, see, and hear... is less than one
millionth of reality.
--------------------------------



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Artnotwar]
    #22045489 - 08/05/15 01:06 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I'm glad you guys understand this, at least I have my amazing shroomery family. Close living family a long with friends that are my family. I really do need to back off the nod though. I know all to well that its a temporary solution. Getting off of opiates in a time like this being surrounded by them it's been impossible.

:hug:

Keep the support coming y'all I really appreciate it :smile:.
Quote:

Artnotwar said:
Sorry to hear about your situation.

You should however, consider yourself lucky that you have had the chance to reach adulthood with your grandma still alive. Consider yourself lucky that you have had the time to get to know her as an adult. Grandma's don't live forever, and unfortunately, it's just her time. I know it's easy to say, but try not to let it get you down too much. Death is just as much a part of life as birth. Celebrate her life with your family. She will now move on to the realm of the unknown.

:heart:



This is for sure part of the bitter sweetness of this whole thing I got to know every story in her life. Got to know her so well and vise versa. It wouldn't be so terribly hard if I hadn't gotten close but it's better that I did. Also I quit my job to take care of her and the family,so I really did all I possibly  I could. Devoted my life to taking care of her so I did everything I could to keep her waited on hand and foot and as comfortable as humanly possible.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineKongo69
Stranger

Registered: 06/25/15
Posts: 28
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22045574 - 08/05/15 01:45 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Love and peace be with you during this difficult time. Losing my grandma was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSoulidarity
With Your Halo Slippin . . .
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 17,617
Loc: Atlantis Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22045620 - 08/05/15 02:19 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Dude it's rough, but as terrible as this sounds: sometimes it's best for them. You gotta consider their quality of life and if they're in suffering. When I was looking after my dad into his passing, the whole time my mentality was, keep him fit, keep him strong, keep him well fed and hydrated, don't let any of the nurses fuck with him.

And one of them approached me towards the end and said that its kind of cruel to prolong their suffering when they're terminal and near the end. And that kind of fucked me up because then I was like, well... Shit! Have I been harming him this whole time? Is it better to just let go? It's a case by case thing but towards the end for dad it was best to let go.

He was bed ridden, brain damaged and paralysed. Shutting himself in a bed unable to communicate. That's no kind of life.

And you have to think as well; It's not about you bro. It's about them. They're the one that's dying. I dunno if that relates to your situation or not. Just my experience

And death is shit man. It's shit. Nothing good comes from it and things will suck for a while. But overtime things will get better. And in time you'll learn to be proud of what you did for your grandma. Most people can't or won't care for them and they throw them in a home or hospital and forget about it.

Like I know I was the last thing my dad ever was conscious of in this world because I was there when he died talking to him and patting his chest. And from the momebt of diagnosis to the day he died we were there looking after him. And that's as good as it gets!

Anyway it'll make you stronger. Shit like this puts your day to day struggles in perspective. You relies the shit that you grappled previously was nothing. You get to keep living.

I hope everything goes smoothly for you and your family Soldier

:hugitout:


--------------------

R.I.P. WoodRuss67, Todcasil, TheMerryIguana, The Rompus, Lord Senate.
[/url]


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 4 hours, 27 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin] * 1
    #22045649 - 08/05/15 02:55 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

If it helps, I was recently in pretty much the exact same boat. Me and my wife have taken care of my grandparents for years. Their only care givers. Neither wanted to go into a retirement home, and the rest of the family refused to do anything about it. So we became their care givers.

I was raised by my grandparents, they had custody of me even. As far as I was concerned, they were my parents. I mean I called them Grandma and Grandpa, but their roles in my life was Mother and Father. Loved both more than words could ever describe. Me and my grandfather had a falling out around my early teens because he became an alcoholic and suddenly getting drunk became priority 1 for him. We never did anything anymore and it hurt deeply. I "hated" him for the rest of his life after that point and only realized after how much I actually cared after he was on his death bed. It tore me the fuck up. I had to type out what I wanted to say to him while he was laying in a hospice bed waiting to die because I just couldn't speak. That throat lump was absolutely choking me.

I say all that to give some perspective. I have ALWAYS loved my Grandma. We had that strong bond that nothing could ever break. No matter what I did to disappoint her, no matter how much of a fuck up I was, there was nothing but love. No matter how much she pissed me off, I would still love her, even while being pissed off. Her death hit me REALLY hard. I broke when she died.

I had known it was coming for years, she had all kinds of medical issues, even walking from the couch to her chair (which is like 5 feet) necessitated heavy breathing and a recuperation period of at least 10 minutes. For the last couple of years, I'd find her slumped over in the chair and would sit there and listen to her breathe, just to make sure she was. I absolutely knew it was coming, I just didn't know when. I dreaded every time I walked in and saw her slumped in her chair and had to check if she was alive. I felt sick to my stomach because every time I "knew" this was the time I was going to find out she was dead.

It never happened that way though. She got sick and I know she got it from me and that guilt still eats me up all the damn time. She got sick and was too weak to recover. Ended up calling 911 at some point because we couldn't get her to the hospital. Not really unusual, it's happened before, they always patched her up and she came home. Only this time they couldn't patch her up. She developed many complications and the doctors could not figure out what the problem was. Eventually she decided she was tired of fighting and refused all medical treatment. She just wanted to be made comfortable and fade away.

Hospice care with a 24/7 nurse was set up in our house, and she came home to die. Few days after she came home, she did. I fucking lost it. I knew it was a waiting game from the time she came home, but you can never really prepare for something like that no matter how much time you have. I got over it mostly. Didn't seem like I would in those first few weeks, but I did eventually. I still miss her, and I still expect to walk into the living room and see her sitting in her chair. I find myself constantly looking at her chair to see if she's there or looking for her oxygen hose to make sure I'm not tripping over it. I'm reminded almost daily of what I lost, but emotionally, I'm through it.

You'll get through it too.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinedaz01
Learning
I'm a teapot

Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 9 hours, 59 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22045979 - 08/05/15 07:21 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

One of my grans has Alzheimer. It's a horrible fucking disease. I've not seen her for two years, since she got really ill. She doesn't recognise her own children, never mind her grandchildren :feelsbadman:
Though I do feel slightly conflicted and sad that I don't visit her, I want to remember the good memories with her, especially when I was young. It will be traumatizing seeing her now. She was a great gran and person.

Take care OP. Her suffering has come an eventual end :hug:


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22046241 - 08/05/15 08:51 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

i had a gma who i was close.to
die of Alzheimer's


Loved that women..
:heart:


when she actually died, it didnt make me sad
cause.i had slowly grieved for years while she went insane
and when she finally went

it made me happy.that shewas freed


:hug: to you OP


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22048274 - 08/05/15 04:14 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

AddyZomeD said:
i had a gma who i was close.to
die of Alzheimer's


Loved that women..
:heart:


when she actually died, it didnt make me sad
cause.i had slowly grieved for years while she went insane
and when she finally went

it made me happy.that shewas freed


:hug: to you OP



I'm a little pleasantly surprised about the amount of people that really do understand this situation
All the posts here are big words of encouragement. Because yes a big part of me is extremely relieved ,happy for her and I understand that I can get a job now,have a social life etc.

So on one hand I'm extremely relieved she will be rid of violent horrid hallucinations,constant wondering why she can't walk or get out of her bed,she can barely receive water from a dropper. With Alzheimer she can't remember most everything of course(including my mom and I) except every once in a while she will remember us but it is very rare. She is suffering and it totures me to watch this sharp decline over the past year and a half.

All this being said yes I'm am glad she won't be suffering and that's #1

However I am still just sad about not hearing her voice anymore or seeing her face when I come home or answer her calls. There is just so incredibly much I will miss and like I said she is a part of me ,so even though this is a good thing and will rid her of suffering,I'm still sad about losing her PERIOD. It just is very hard having someone you spent day and night for 7 years with pass.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22048352 - 08/05/15 04:25 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

AddyZomeD said:

when she actually died, it didnt make me sad
cause.i had slowly grieved for years while she went insane




When she started "going crazy" and she was diagnosed with terminal Alzheimers I ignored the shit ot of the fact that she was going to die from this. I just focused on treating her the same and keeping her "stable". So when they told me 3 days, it was a shock. That may sound stupid,you're probably thinking well you did know she was terminal? Thing is I knew about it but I put it waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the back of my mind and I kept telling myself"Well we are keeping her stable atm and she isn't suffering too much,maybe she won't pass when the docs say she will. That was the lie I told myself UNTIL they said she has 3 days left.

Something I take solace in is until the past 2 weeks we told each other we loved each other everday no fail or 7 years and even now in between lucid moments I've been able to exchange I love yous. So that's not something a lot of people get to do.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22049067 - 08/05/15 06:10 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Eventually it destroys the brain function to the point of death


its a sad disease..
:heart:


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22049405 - 08/05/15 06:52 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Yes it is and yes it does. Looks like absolute hell on earth :sad:

:hug:

Can I ask you was your gma in pain when she died? because I'm imagining her brain telling her lungs not to work and that being painful. I'd like to think that's not going to be the case.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Edited by Seriously_trippin (08/05/15 07:03 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22049573 - 08/05/15 07:15 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

She was on life support for last year.. :sad:

i think at that point
they should be let go..


Its like a computer virus
only biological.form


so sad


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22049626 - 08/05/15 07:24 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Oh yeah that's tough man, we have actually been able to keep her sustaining her own breathing ,eating etc for these 1-2 years or so when it started to get bad. Until now,her eating and drinking abilities have been fine, breathing will be the last thing to go and we won't be trying to prolong anything. She's suffering so we will just let her go when that time comes. Probably in the next 2 days or so.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22049663 - 08/05/15 07:28 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

A few weeks ago my great grand father died of dementia too
:sad:

i truly hope there is a cure for this disease in my lifetime


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblecApTaInCrAp
Delightfullyexcellent
 User Gallery


Registered: 03/19/04
Posts: 2,613
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22050527 - 08/05/15 09:56 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Best wishes towards you and yer grammy.

I would suggest staying away from any drugs.  When my mother got really sick a year ago I stopped my pot intake (smoke(d) alittle bit everyday) not because I felt I needed/wanted to stop..but just for some reason I did not want it any more.  I feel it masks true feelings that should be felt and "suffered" through.  *shrugs*


--------------------
"...Terrific, im glad we've had this time to discuss..im outro, call me if you wanna blaze one up.."



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: cApTaInCrAp]
    #22060466 - 08/07/15 08:30 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I'm coming to terms a bit more about her passing, they said to expect her circulatory system to shut down and her limbs and such to turn purple :sad:She was the best gma i could ever ever ask for.This disease is horrid,we are giving her 5mg Morphine every hour,4mg of diluadid every 4 hours and hallucination medication The hospice service said were doing everything right. I hope she passes soon because she doesn't deserve to suffer like this. Ive come to terms that it will be best for her to go.She hasn't eaten solid food in over a week,she can't swallow anything including chicken broth.

The nurses and docs equate this to a comatose state. I've basically been saying my goodbyes telling her how much she means to me. I've told her before so if she didn't understand now I used to tell her fairly often. And every day that I loved her. This is causing a lot of misplaced Unreasonable anger,I feel super apathetic and broken. Just devoid of good emotions right :frown:.

Also on top of all the grieving for her, I have to worry about getting a job quick and it will be really hard because my particular area in California has the worst job employment in Cali. I've only had one job and as I said had to quit it and take care of her constantly. I have to move out to my own place soon and I want to also go to a trade school. Funds are a huge issue. It's going to be a huge change in careers unless I go into health care.

I have 100s of $ worth of medication that even with insurance costs about 50-70$ per month. I'm still addicted to opiates makes it tough getting into the workforce and I'm already not clean because 5 if my meds were replaced by medical cannabis and that disqualifies me a lot.

Those are just some things I've been able to have my parents cover as payment for taking care of nana. I would've done it even if they didn't pay me but they payed for my meds and a place in the house. Now they don't have to do any of that, they still probably will for a while but right now I'm grieving for her AND a little worried about what to do in life. Until now I have my aspirations and dreams all on hold,now I need to figure out what I want in life.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22060515 - 08/07/15 08:41 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I understand your frustrations


not everything in this life is forever, perfect or guaranteed
You have to embrace everything current in your life, you never know when youlle lose it.. :hug:

the disease is sick..
and very fucking dark and evil

and i may have it one day..
and my dad is 57
he isnt showing signs, yet..
but im very similar to my ol man and i loom 95% like him
If it happens to him i know it will make me cry a thousand crys
as of now im tearing up a  bit thinking about the thought




Best  thing you can do is cry as much as you need to,
let it all out as hard as you can. crying is very, very beneficial when it comes to getting over things
its also.is such a beautiful and freeing emotion
not always
but usually i can feel all my negative emotion fly right out my eyes



You will come to peace
and youwill find a job and kick your drug habit if you just embrac  life and try
:heart: :hug:



:pm: if you ever need to talk and support


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleNiffla
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,489
Loc: Texas
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22060710 - 08/07/15 09:39 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
I'm coming to terms a bit more about her passing, they said to expect her circulatory system to shut down and her limbs and such to turn purple :sad:She was the best gma i could ever ever ask for.This disease is horrid,we are giving her 5mg Morphine every hour,4mg of diluadid every 4 hours and hallucination medication The hospice service said were doing everything right. I hope she passes soon because she doesn't deserve to suffer like this. Ive come to terms that it will be best for her to go.She hasn't eaten solid food in over a week,she can't swallow anything including chicken broth.

The nurses and docs equate this to a comatose state. I've basically been saying my goodbyes telling her how much she means to me. I've told her before so if she didn't understand now I used to tell her fairly often. And every day that I loved her. This is causing a lot of misplaced Unreasonable anger,I feel super apathetic and broken. Just devoid of good emotions right :frown:.

Also on top of all the grieving for her, I have to worry about getting a job quick and it will be really hard because my particular area in California has the worst job employment in Cali. I've only had one job and as I said had to quit it and take care of her constantly. I have to move out to my own place soon and I want to also go to a trade school. Funds are a huge issue. It's going to be a huge change in careers unless I go into health care.

I have 100s of $ worth of medication that even with insurance costs about 50-70$ per month. I'm still addicted to opiates makes it tough getting into the workforce and I'm already not clean because 5 if my meds were replaced by medical cannabis and that disqualifies me a lot.

Those are just some things I've been able to have my parents cover as payment for taking care of nana. I would've done it even if they didn't pay me but they payed for my meds and a place in the house. Now they don't have to do any of that, they still probably will for a while but right now I'm grieving for her AND a little worried about what to do in life. Until now I have my aspirations and dreams all on hold,now I need to figure out what I want in life.




Man I don't even know what to say. It hurts seeing you go through this, bud. You're a really, REALLY tremendous dude. I know it's incredibly difficult right now, but rest assured your Grandmother knows 100% exactly how much she meant to your heart & how much you loved her -- and vice versa. I know it's such a cliché, but it's the truth...she's going to be at peace now. No more suffering like she has been during this ordeal.

Don't worry about all the other stuff right now (the job stuff). There will be a time & place for that down the line. Let this situation resolve itself, take some time to gather yourself after it's over and return to some level of normalcy -- and then go from there.


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


Edited by Niffla (08/07/15 09:41 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Niffla]
    #22060774 - 08/07/15 09:56 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

:hug:  Thank you  Addy :heart: I feel love for sure and talking on here is a big support to me and I appreciate it. I know I need to cry and unfortunately I haven't been able to. Idk why, I just emotionally stonewalled. I developed this out of need when my dad almost died, had to put on an optimistic,strong face. Now I'm having trouble crying which I know will help. I've had a couple of times since this happened where I just haven't been able to cry so everything is still bottled up. I feel like crying right now actually.
Quote:

Niffla said:
Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
I'm coming to terms a bit more about her passing, they said to expect her circulatory system to shut down and her limbs and such to turn purple :sad:She was the best gma i could ever ever ask for.This disease is horrid,we are giving her 5mg Morphine every hour,4mg of diluadid every 4 hours and hallucination medication The hospice service said were doing everything right. I hope she passes soon because she doesn't deserve to suffer like this. Ive come to terms that it will be best for her to go.She hasn't eaten solid food in over a week,she can't swallow anything including chicken broth.

The nurses and docs equate this to a comatose state. I've basically been saying my goodbyes telling her how much she means to me. I've told her before so if she didn't understand now I used to tell her fairly often. And every day that I loved her. This is causing a lot of misplaced Unreasonable anger,I feel super apathetic and broken. Just devoid of good emotions right :frown:.

Also on top of all the grieving for her, I have to worry about getting a job quick and it will be really hard because my particular area in California has the worst job employment in Cali. I've only had one job and as I said had to quit it and take care of her constantly. I have to move out to my own place soon and I want to also go to a trade school. Funds are a huge issue. It's going to be a huge change in careers unless I go into health care.

I have 100s of $ worth of medication that even with insurance costs about 50-70$ per month. I'm still addicted to opiates makes it tough getting into the workforce and I'm already not clean because 5 if my meds were replaced by medical cannabis and that disqualifies me a lot.

Those are just some things I've been able to have my parents cover as payment for taking care of nana. I would've done it even if they didn't pay me but they payed for my meds and a place in the house. Now they don't have to do any of that, they still probably will for a while but right now I'm grieving for her AND a little worried about what to do in life. Until now I have my aspirations and dreams all on hold,now I need to figure out what I want in life.




Man I don't even know what to say. It hurts seeing you go through this, bud. You're a really, REALLY tremendous dude. I know it's incredibly difficult right now, but rest assured your Grandmother knows 100% exactly how much she meant to your heart & how much you loved her -- and vice versa. I know it's such a cliché, but it's the truth...she's going to be at peace now. No more suffering like she has been during this ordeal.

Don't worry about all the other stuff right now (the job stuff). There will be a time & place for that down the line. Let this situation resolve itself, take some time to gather yourself after it's over and return to some level of normalcy -- and then go from there.



Thanks Niffla :') :heart: you're a pretty great person too and just reassuring me helps more then you can imagine. You are most definitely right she will be at peace and my family believes she is going to heaven to be with my grandpa who died in 2000 from Cancer,so that helps my mom. For me it helps but I'm not sure how much because in the past few years I've been really questioning religion.

You are also correct about the job thing,as much as it freaks me out I have to deal with this and supporting the family


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Edited by Seriously_trippin (08/07/15 09:57 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22060832 - 08/07/15 10:17 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Be alone if you need too
Also dont go hard into the drugs

just dont.

you need to keep a clear head during times like this

addiction will just make you handle it alot worse


Give it a few weeks man :hug:
be alone, and reminisce, look at photos, or any physical matter that reminds you of her
That should have tears flying out like niagra falls nigga! :`)


I promise you crying is like a purge of powerful emotion.
It will help so much.

bottling up emotions is unhealthy ime


You will come to peace, but for now think, feel and remember her for who she was and your connection with her
I feel the universe is one
she still lives on within you


:hug:
:rose:

You have my deepest love and condolences

but i have  lost 2 grandparent thee past 2 years from dementia
My grandma and me were really really close.. :`)
i will always cherish every bit of love she ever gave me,and every memorie i had with her, and i know she did too :crying:
she was my only real friend growing up in a house of a failing marriage, physical abuse from my mother when i was a young toddler, on several instances.
And a lack of any close friends or relationships with my siblings


I love her so much, but im sad and mainly happy she doesnt have to be a living zombie no longer


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22061356 - 08/08/15 01:36 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

She stopped breathing earlier . I thought that was it, it visibly and mentally shook me to the core in a way I've never known. Then her breathing started again, she is probably getting closer to death,in my earlier post I was composed about it said I'd come to terms yet when she stopped breathing everything got much to real and I freaked the fuck out. It was horrible and she's not gone yet so I'm guessing shell go into cardiac arrest.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other

Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin] * 1
    #22061361 - 08/08/15 01:41 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
So I was with her everyday for 6 years now, we r closer then average gma and grandson. Im very grief stricken but at least she won't be suffering from Alzheimer's anymore. I haven't dealt with the fact that she was terminal basically until a few weeks ago when they confirmed she's going to die. Today they gave her 3 days. I devoted all my teenage years and age 20-21 so I'm so close to her it's going to really hurt me. I haven't dealt with this personal a loss yet in life. I have been diving head first into lots of opiates and furthering my addiction but killing some emotion. Wish me and my family luck/pray for us.

She will be in a better place soon, we do believe that, so no one be a jackass and try and tell me atheist shit right now.

Please shroomy vibes and love :hug:





Death is just a hard fact of life. Everyone you know and love will die at some point in time. Whether or not you're there to witness that doesnt really matter. Life is fleeting, witnessing it slip through is the hardest part. Rest easy in the fact that you were a significant influence in eachothers lives and you shared these last few moments together as best as you could. In the end, making the most of your time together is really all that matters. No matter who you are.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisible404
error
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22061461 - 08/08/15 03:14 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

it's unsettling, watching someone go. a very good friend of mine passed from tumor growth due to Neurofibromatosis. first it took his eyesight with golf ball sized tumors in his brain, which he beat!

then it came fore his ability to walk via his spine, which sapped everything he had including his will to push on. i watched him on his death bed as he went. it's weird watching someone go. definitely not in a fun way. sometimes though,  the reality doesn't hit you until you see things change or you are able to fully process the magnitude of the situation. it's rough man. i'm sorry this is happening to you. at this point, you can take solace in that her passing won't be as painful as it could be. i know that seems shallow, it's not meant that way.

be strong bro


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22061497 - 08/08/15 03:55 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I feel for you, especially knowing she has Alzheimer's. At least now she will no longer be suffering. Best wishes friend.


Edited by Le_Canard (08/08/15 04:43 AM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMacey Howard
Formally MOE HOWARD
Female


Registered: 07/02/99
Posts: 14,165
Loc: Georgia Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22061518 - 08/08/15 04:17 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Condolences go out strongly.

I've been thru this with both my grand parents and my Dad who died at 50.

Sadly, dying is a part of life... Yoda, yada, Yoda,,, I've heard most of it.. the shit still hurts.

Once piece of advice.. (and you're already doing it) create good memories and make every moment count.

Hugs to you.


--------------------
Hugs and Kisses!


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other

Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Macey Howard]
    #22061523 - 08/08/15 04:26 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

It hurts, but it hurts much less when you accept it for what it is.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleCalifornia
A E S T H E T I C S A T A N
 User Gallery

Registered: 12/27/04
Posts: 72,118
Loc: H A U N T E D H O U S E Flag
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22061527 - 08/08/15 04:36 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
I have been diving head first into lots of opiates and furthering my addiction but killing some emotion.



Doing opiates will not prevent your grandma from dying.  If you aren't able to handle your emotions and your addiction life will never be any easier for you.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblemoonrockmushy
High on Spite
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: California]
    #22061580 - 08/08/15 05:34 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

That's true.  If you're cracking up on the opiates you're going to find it basically impossible to deal with the negativity that usually comes up when you stop them.  It sounds like there is alot of underlying tension and you should probably be talking to a counselor right now.  "Diving into opiates" is just stupid to be honest, and I imagine you are not really doing your gramma and family right by letting yourself slip like that.  There's really no way you can do that without hurting other people.

Are you a chronic pain patient and getting your meds from a legit source OP?


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDelirious Dwemer
ol bastard witch doctor
 User Gallery


Registered: 05/09/14
Posts: 627
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22061940 - 08/08/15 09:16 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I went through the same thing man. I took care of her,feel her,changed her, everything. Watching her sick made me really sad, and her death did as well. I had a sense of peace to not see her suffering anymore.


--------------------




Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinedaz01
Learning
I'm a teapot

Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 9 hours, 59 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Delirious Dwemer]
    #22062079 - 08/08/15 09:53 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Try and cry. Let go and embrace your emotions. There's nothing weak about it. Ignoring your emotions leads to other problems like anxiety.
For some reason, it is extremely cathartic :super:


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblemoonrockmushy
High on Spite
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Delirious Dwemer]
    #22062099 - 08/08/15 09:59 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah I had to call 911 for my gramma 2 days ago since she thought she was dying of a heart attack :crazy: She's in treatment for a brain tumor and has had all sorts of health problems.

They've had her on steroids which kinda perked her up a bunch, but my mom calls me to say my gramma thinks she's having a heart attack, so I go over and she's all moaning and clenching her chest, so I call 911 without thinking.  When the paramedics get there though she is pissed, and I have to badger her into going to the hospital.  She's like, "I can't go to the hospital I have radiation in the morning", and the EMT goes, "Well you're not going to make it if you're dead." which was was a but funny at the time and maybe inappropriate but also true.

It's hard to see someone so stubborn and independent go through all that.  I know she feels like she's putting people out, but it's really not a big deal for me to hang out at the hospital and make sure she's ok.  I just feel kinda bad because she'll pressure all of us not to call 911 or get her help, but when shit happens what am I supposed to do :shrug: she hates to ask for help but I'm not going to sit there and watch anyone in such pain not get treatment.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinedaz01
Learning
I'm a teapot

Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 9 hours, 59 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22062252 - 08/08/15 11:06 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I just seen a photo of my gran with Alzheimers, for the first time in 3 years. She looks so ill and gaunt. Fucking heart-breaking :makesmecry:


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: daz01]
    #22062281 - 08/08/15 11:20 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I had a dream involving my dead grandmother
again op, i gave you all th support i can in this thread via words

if you ever need to :pm:
:hug:
:heart:


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22063783 - 08/08/15 05:41 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Bodhi of Ankou said:
It hurts, but it hurts much less when you accept it for what it is.



Very very true,like I said it didn't hit home the gravity and reality of the situation until I saw her stop breathing. I freaked out, prepared to do c.p.r. because I am c.p.r. certified but before I did anything I realized the best thing is just to come to real terms that she will be gone soon and there's not a goddamn thing I can do about it. Even harder to realize is that it really is best for her to pass as soon as possible .

Now that I have been shaken and cried a lot I'm starting to except it for what it is but it's still very hard just waiting for the end


I wish I could quote everyone that has posted in this thread because each of you has really truly comforted me,makes me feel not so alone or that my gma wasn't specifically struck with Alzheimer's(sounds silly but idk anyone irl that had it in the family)
Also Alzheimers runs in the family my grandpa had it,2 uncles had it,1 aunt and now Nana.

This makes me want to start some sort of charity or foundation to raise awareness or maybe raise money for research.Do something positive ya know.

Also I know all to well that this is a horrible time to be a dope addict because it's hugely gotten in the way of grieving properly. That's one of the things about addiction though it doesn't stop for family tragedies.

Honestly I wish I were clean right now but I have a feeling that it is something I will have to work on seriously after this. I've been battling opiate addiction for years really and I want out.
Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
Yeah I had to call 911 for my gramma 2 days ago since she thought she was dying of a heart attack :crazy: She's in treatment for a brain tumor and has had all sorts of health problems.

They've had her on steroids which kinda perked her up a bunch, but my mom calls me to say my gramma thinks she's having a heart attack, so I go over and she's all moaning and clenching her chest, so I call 911 without thinking.  When the paramedics get there though she is pissed, and I have to badger her into going to the hospital.  She's like, "I can't go to the hospital I have radiation in the morning", and the EMT goes, "Well you're not going to make it if you're dead." which was was a but funny at the time and maybe inappropriate but also true.

It's hard to see someone so stubborn and independent go through all that.  I know she feels like she's putting people out, but it's really not a big deal for me to hang out at the hospital and make sure she's ok.  I just feel kinda bad because she'll pressure all of us not to call 911 or get her help, but when shit happens what am I supposed to do :shrug: she hates to ask for help but I'm not going to sit there and watch anyone in such pain not get treatment.



Damn that is tough man, something similar happened to my dad a few years ago, he had some chest pains,we tried to get him to the hospital and he didn't 2 days later he was on life support and being 17 at the time I had to sign all the papers regarding when to pull the plug,whether or not to move him away to a board and care and other terrible decisions. He ended up recovering but it's maddening when you want to help your elders/family and they dont take the help and end up in bad situations because of it. At the same time you have to respect their stubborness. Much love moon :hug: :heart:


My nanas circulatory system is starting to shut down,she's emaciated,gaunt,weak,breathing uncomfortably,her limbs and feet are turning a wierd purply color. It's hell to watch. Luckily she doesn't know whats going on except we found out hearing is the last thing to go,so periodically my mom and I will tell her she is in her room, at her house,surrounded by the people she loves and everything is okay. I sure hope this has helped. Really though who knows :shrug:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin] * 4
    #22064017 - 08/08/15 06:39 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

She just passed, isn't suffering anymore but life won't be the same without her :cry:

At least she isn't suffering anymore, I'm at a complete loss for words. Relieved that she isn't suffering but I'm traumatized that she isn't part of my daily life anymore. In spirit and in memory she will though


R.I.P Beverly Twomey  "Nana" I will love you forever more then you will ever know.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other

Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22064040 - 08/08/15 06:46 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

:hug:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 4 hours, 27 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22064048 - 08/08/15 06:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Will be rough, try to avoid the tendency to self destruct. Try not to make any decision based on emotion but by using the logic filter you had before her loss. Will be very easy to slip into a self destructive pit of despair, but try to hang on. In a few months you'll look back on this day and realize you always had it in you to get through it, and you will get through it. I've been there so I know how hard it's going to seem.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22064050 - 08/08/15 06:48 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Rip :peace::heart:

she went on a beautiful day


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSunnyD
WiZarD oF LoVe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/29/13
Posts: 25,236
Loc: Planet earth
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22064491 - 08/08/15 08:50 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
She just passed, isn't suffering anymore but life won't be the same without her :cry:

At least she isn't suffering anymore, I'm at a complete loss for words. Relieved that she isn't suffering but I'm traumatized that she isn't part of my daily life anymore. In spirit and in memory she will though


R.I.P Beverly Twomey  "Nana" I will love you forever more then you will ever know.



Shes free :rose:


My deepest love :heart:
:hug:

youlle come to peace..
i know i did with my best friend of a grandmother
tearing up thinking about, happy tears though


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblemoonrockmushy
High on Spite
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22064581 - 08/08/15 09:14 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah it's rough man but make sure you're taking care of yourself :hug: She was one of the lucky ones really, as ugly as death is, because it sounds like she had a great family who loved her.  That is the most any of us can do, so make sure you do right by the ones you still got.  Love is the only thing to make up for the pains of this world in the end. :peace:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22065843 - 08/09/15 05:44 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah,she really was treated like royalty in our house and we gave her everything humanly possible that we could,I have a very close very loving family.I'm super fortunate to have this. I will always keep her alive in memory and hopefully in a month or 2 I can remember the good times better by seeing pictures and remembering stories from when I was a kid through now. She has been in my life since age 3 so I also grew up with her taking care of me and my best friend who I considered a brother so she always called him grandson. He called me when he found out and was bawling,I needed to talk to him because she really did raise both of us and called him her grandson until he moved to texas.

It hit home that she had affected so many lives and my grief is shared. 14 individual friends of mine took the time to personally tell me how  much she affected their lives and how almost everyone I know is loving and supporting me right now. The outpouring of love in a group a friends that have moved,married,had kids,separated over time etc My uncle and my cousin(his son) have been estranged for a long time and they got together and had quality time,in the wake of this big impact in our lives.

Something I'm going to try and do in her honor is getting off of opiates and getting healthier.For the longest time I dodn't walk outside because I didn't want to leave her for more then a few minutes and so I never really did unless I made a plan to go out.

I want to give Christianity another try but unfortunately I have grown far away from the church and any faith in general. It's just one of Nana biggest wishes is that I get baptized because my family believes you can't get into heaven unless you're baptized. I gotta do whats right for me.


Anyway it's about 5am it's been a very long day night /morning. I'm going to try and get some sleep


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleBurke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22065855 - 08/09/15 05:55 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Very sorry for your loss.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22065933 - 08/09/15 07:11 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Damn dude. This hits home for me. My grandma treated me better than my mother ever did, I like to think about her as my mom to be honest. All the kindest aspects of me comes from her, which came from my father. Though she has been gone a lone time I still think about her, my heart is always open for her as it is for you. My deepest condolences and regrets, she sounds like a wonderful lady. Be glad you had someone like her in your life, not all of us get that. I hope all the best for you.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinedaz01
Learning
I'm a teapot

Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 9 hours, 59 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22065941 - 08/09/15 07:16 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
She just passed, isn't suffering anymore but life won't be the same without her :cry:

At least she isn't suffering anymore, I'm at a complete loss for words. Relieved that she isn't suffering but I'm traumatized that she isn't part of my daily life anymore. In spirit and in memory she will though


R.I.P Beverly Twomey  "Nana" I will love you forever more then you will ever know.




:hug: Stay strong.


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleOhMrJohnson
Ashes Against The Grain

Registered: 01/12/14
Posts: 17,544
Loc: Terra Incognita Flag
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: daz01]
    #22066006 - 08/09/15 07:52 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Requiescat in pace


--------------------

Diminish the sub-principle and leave its toxic trace..
Once and for all!


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: OhMrJohnson]
    #22079767 - 08/12/15 02:28 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks guys, I'm having a really tough time with this. I haven't been sleeping, every night I have nightmares,I haven't had an appetite, before today I haven't showered since then. I got blackout drunk the other night with some homies and chicks. I had a lot if fun but next morning I still had debilitating grief and shock. I have chest pains all the time.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisible404
error
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/20/10
Posts: 14,539
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22079779 - 08/12/15 02:35 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

you are greiving man, it's normal. just don't go too hard, ok?

you know i've been pretty anxious lately. sometimes when i clear my head, close my eyes and focus all my thoughts and energy on my breathing it helps me calm down. maybe this can help you take a step back from the pain you are experiencing right now. everything will be ok brother :hug:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineShroomslip
Architekt
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 4 hours, 27 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22079812 - 08/12/15 03:04 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
Thanks guys, I'm having a really tough time with this. I haven't been sleeping, every night I have nightmares,I haven't had an appetite, before today I haven't showered since then. I got blackout drunk the other night with some homies and chicks. I had a lot if fun but next morning I still had debilitating grief and shock. I have chest pains all the time.



I hate to the bearer of bad news, but I've been plagued by nightmares since my brother was murdered. Was well over 10 years now. The only good news is after a certain point they just become normal and the fear factor fades away drastically. Sooner or later they become equal with just the normal dreams you had before it. This isn't guaranteed to happen, but just thought I'd give you a heads up.

As for getting black out drunk, believe me I understand. I was an alcoholic before my grandma died, but it went into overdrive when she did. I was going through 12 + beers a night and those were only used as chasers for the 750ml of whiskey I'd drink in one or two days (usually 1). All it did was make a bad situation far worse. Me telling you not to do it, isn't going to stop you from doing it, but if you can somehow avoid it now, I can almost guarantee it will be better for you in the long run. No good will come of it. That's pretty much specifically why I told you to try and hold on rather than fall into a pit of despair.

People use drugs to numb the pain, but no one in that mind state is ever thinking clearly. The longer you use into total oblivion, the longer it will take you to heal. You are not facing the problem when you're getting too fucked up to really care. You're only delaying your pain. You won't get over it until you can allow yourself to fully feel it and work through it.

Just hang in there. I know shit is rough. The sooner you allow yourself to deal with it without some crutch to take the pain away, the sooner you will get through it.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline


Edited by Shroomslip (08/12/15 03:05 AM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblemoonrockmushy
High on Spite
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22080980 - 08/12/15 11:37 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
Thanks guys, I'm having a really tough time with this. I haven't been sleeping, every night I have nightmares,I haven't had an appetite, before today I haven't showered since then. I got blackout drunk the other night with some homies and chicks. I had a lot if fun but next morning I still had debilitating grief and shock. I have chest pains all the time.




Have you talked to anyone offline about this?


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22082771 - 08/12/15 06:33 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Barely, I've talked to my mom and dad since she passed and got drunk  with a best friend of mine. However ATM I just wanna be with my parents and not talk much to any friends or anything. It's going to take a while for sure. I'm going back to my psychologist on Tuesday.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleNiffla
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,489
Loc: Texas
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22082849 - 08/12/15 06:50 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomslip said:
I hate to the bearer of bad news, but I've been plagued by nightmares since my brother was murdered. Was well over 10 years now.




Damn man, I'm really sorry to hear that regarding your brother.

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:It's going to take a while for sure.




Yeah hang in there, bud. Time won't ever heal the wound completely -- but it will help. The wound is just really fresh right now. As time goes on though things will slowly gravitate their way to being normal again. Well, more normal anyway.


--------------------


HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleSalomon
ಠ︵ಠ balance ಠ_ಠ weaver ಠ‿ಠ
Male
Registered: 01/17/09
Posts: 25,128
Loc: America, FUCK YEAH Flag
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22082971 - 08/12/15 07:21 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

:bunnyhug:


when i lost my grandmother in '06 it really messed with my brains, was my first close experience with a truly close loved one passing.


i know the feels


--------------------
EVERYTHING EVENTUALLY BECOMES A DESERT



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Niffla]
    #22089933 - 08/14/15 03:15 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Niffla said:
Quote:

Shroomslip said:
I hate to the bearer of bad news, but I've been plagued by nightmares since my brother was murdered. Was well over 10 years now.




Damn man, I'm really sorry to hear that regarding your brother.

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:It's going to take a while for sure.




Yeah hang in there, bud. Time won't ever heal the wound completely -- but it will help. The wound is just really fresh right now. As time goes on though things will slowly gravitate their way to being normal again. Well, more normal anyway.



God I hope so things are just getting worse it seems,been angry and explosive today when I shouldn't have been.Worse it was with my mom who is also grieving. I thoroughly apologized and told her how I felt and how broken I am from this and really talked to her about how profoundly this is affecting me. She understood but I really need to learn how to move past this and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to because things just seem to be getting worse and worse.

I'm seeing my therapist Tuesday. I haven't seen since my mental breakdown in 10th grade. I went crazy at that point and right now that sounds like a cake walk compared to this. So I'm trying to do things to get me through one day without deep deep emotional pain. I hope time will heal this because I don't know if anything else can.

As I mentioned I will be trying hard to get over this opiate addiction which is making everything worse but when I try to stop, the grieving and withdraws together makes me want to go over the edge.

I feel so goddamn hopeless and I can't find any happiness right now,it's hard to explain.

Shroomslip: Condolences about your brother seriously.My step brother committed suicide when I was 17 and my brothers and sisters were devastated,I can sympathize :hug:


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblemoonrockmushy
High on Spite
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22090535 - 08/14/15 09:59 AM (8 years, 5 months ago)

If you're not already you should make sure to open up and be honest with your therapist about your opiate addiction and listen to his advice, as hard as that may be.  If you live a double life there's really no point in going.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSeriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 1 hour, 4 minutes
Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #22091712 - 08/14/15 03:32 PM (8 years, 5 months ago)

I lie ALL the time to my psychiatrist but never to my therapist because you're right there's no point in going if I don't tell him the whole truth.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4  [ show all ]

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Kraken Kratom Kratom Capsules for Sale   Bridgetown Botanicals Bridgetown Botanicals   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Grandma Gladys has passed away clam_dude 912 7 10/13/03 12:01 PM
by clam_dude
* Ken must die! Larrythescaryrex 1,192 9 12/26/02 02:17 AM
by Larrythescaryrex
* I'm tripping right now: Naked Gun vs. Die Hard?!? TonyMontana 1,102 2 11/14/02 03:30 AM
by TonyMontana
* Places you've NEVER made whoopee but want to
( 1 2 all )
Morphrying 5,296 34 03/14/03 07:08 PM
by psyphon
* What's the coolest animal you've caught with your bare hands?
( 1 2 3 4 all )
OakTree 2,993 71 03/06/18 08:04 AM
by Amanita86
* flower pot container things TrippeeChik 2,497 6 10/14/02 07:38 PM
by Morphrying
* Neurosoup / Krystle Cole and Brandon Green torture - why is Krystle not in jail?
( 1 2 3 4 ... 48 49 )
SteethDurvey 287,119 966 04/02/22 12:44 PM
by theRealrollforever
* What's something cool about where you live?
( 1 2 3 4 5 all )
EXDIM 2,784 85 03/03/18 07:10 AM
by Plain

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Entire Staff
3,772 topic views. 3 members, 44 guests and 63 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.052 seconds spending 0.011 seconds on 14 queries.