here are my death experiences.... first as a kid i nearly died of pnemonia twice, i've nearly drowned atleast twice, nearly been hit by several cars(missed by inches), i was in a truck wreck, as a kid i used to walk on top of the monkey bars in my socks at a day care, nearly fell a couple times, saw my whole life flash before me at age 5. Been in a few other situations that could have went bad in a heart beat too. And on my first shroom trip i thought i might be dead, then eventually became sure of it, and that the after life was me and my 2 friends driving down country roads Forever. In all those experiences and probably some more i've forgotton, i had to face the possibility of death, except maybe the pnemonia because i was to young to really know what was going on. The shroom trip was the most intense because it was the only time i actually thought i was dead. I had to confront forever and really face what that word means. The experience was as real as anything i've ever experienced. I'd say it also set the bar a lil higher in regards to what can get to me now too. I've always been pretty laid back and unaffected by things, and i've never seemed to have the fear of death that many people do, maybe because it almost happened several times when i was young, and everytime it has almost happened i always remember thinking, hmmm that wasn't that bad. I mean it wasn't fun, but it wasn't unbearable either. Also a few years ago i was sitting on the couch watching tv and it suddenly occured to me i was going to die. Now we all know this...but we dont all really KNOW this. Unlike usual and most people this time i didnt' let myself ignore it or not think about it. I intentionally tried to face it that time. And after felt like i had even less fear of death then before. NOw the trip where i thought i died was the hardest to cope with, earlier i thought i might be going insain, then thought i might be dead, then believed we were dead. That was the hardest thing to cope with, but i did. I sat there for almost an hour alternating every few seconds between a state of horrible anxiety and fear and a state of acceptance and contentment. Back and forth, back and forth, every couple of seconds. My friends could tell i was agitated but however much they thought i might be freaking out, i promise that i was indeed 100 times more freaked. like i said before that experience permantely set the bar higher, from there on it has taken even more to begin to bother me then ever. Also having survived it without loosing my mind, which i sincerely thought was going to happen at the time, has kinda given me a lil confidence boost. I simply cant imagine experiencing anything worse then i did, and i survived it, and stayed sain. Go me! Anyways after that first trip and in part because of it, i eventually became motivated to start meditating regularly. Very soon i experienced a moment that i can only describe to be like the accounts i have read of satori or kensho. i'm not saying it was that, i dont know. But what i am sure of even more then the thinking i was dead experience, it was the most profound experience of my life. in literally a few seconds my entire perception of reality changed. Everything around me literally looked different. The lighting in the room changed, and i felt like i was seeing everything for the first time, as it really was. A feeling washed over me unlike anything i even knew was possible, and in that instant i just knew that everything was exactly as it should be(and it was good), and that there was never any reason to fear anything ever. For two weeks i walked around in a state of after glow and near complete fearlessness. Eventually the experience began to fade, even though i still meditated, but that has pretty much leveled off and i've kept a good deal of the fearlessness, increased confidence, peace of mind, and everything still literally looks different, occasionally it seems to go back to the way it was before, but as soon as i notice that, it all comes right back. Watching a movie in a theater is especially surreal now. Before the experience, through most of my life i felt like i was about to wake up at any moment and that none of this was real, ironically after.. everything was hyper real, but still somehow easier to cope with. Anyways i'm mentioning this experience because it was kinda like dying, or being born, its hard to say, maybe they are the same, i dont know, i just know that my life before that moment seems like the memory of a dream, and my memories after seem like memories of real life. there was more to the experience then all that but that was the stuff most impressed upon me. I changed as much in those few seconds as a person then i had in the last 10 years probably. The point is that experiece took even more of my fear of death away.(and everything else too). The most recent experience i can remember right off hand relating to death was a dream i had awhile back where i was in a car wreck in the dream and the car caught on fire and i was being burned alive inside of it. Atfirst i was a lil scared but then noticed that the fire stopped hurting, and that even though it was still all around me i was ok, and it occured to me that i was dead...but i was still there and everything was the same and ok, and then i woke up. Just kind of an intresting experience. Anyways now the only fears related to death that i seem to have left is the fear of any pain associated with how i die, and how my death will affect others. other then that i'm kind of curious about it, and though this may sound strange to some, i'm almost looking forward to it. but i'm not in any hurry just yet to die. Sincerely, That which is, and has no choice but to be
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