Last night i tripped for the first time in over a year. These are my unadulterated thoughts from the higher conciousness. Please read with an open mind. If you are going to read at all, i ask that you read this rather long post fully because in it are some of my deepest thoughts.
Science does much to explain how we live but it does little in explaining why we live. Why do we suffer so much when we are given such an easy way out? There is much more to this than meets the eye. How does one go from the peaceful slumber of a child in a mother's bosom to the longing for the cold embrace of death? We fear the end with all our heart. The blood, guts, kicking and screaming. Yet, deep down, we desperately desire the release of an eternal sleep.
I have often heard the joke, "to a fundamentalist, everything is evil". Now i laugh at the joker because he is the Fool. I also cry a tear because he is the apitomy of my highest aspiration. (it begins to rain)
I have begun to comprehend the true nature of the idea of "God". Its funny how people spend so much time trying to disprove the notion of some guy named God sitting in the sky when all they are doing is disproving the unenlightened. Nothing can come of this. God is a philosophical tool. God is really the idea of perfect perfection. Contemplate this deeply because, from it, all can be explained. "He" represents our unborn selves, he is the one who hates that evil should be wrought in the world, he is the heart girt with a serpent. To put it eloquently, God is a "thought-ray" that exists outside of the sphere of human conciousness. As the thought-ray is allowed to penetrate the conciousness, it changes. This change is analogous to the fall of man. The idea of perfection necessitates both a beginning and end, therein resides the soul of a human being.
I have been thinking much about art lately. Not simply the single artist who bestowes his knowledge of the human soul in an intuitive example of the genious that resides in all of us, but also the subtle art that is of unknown origin and is filtered through the subcouncious of our culture. It can be seen in simple classic sayings such as "a glimmer of hope". The artistic beauty of this saying is beyond words. It can be seen in tales such as sleeping beauty and in nursery rhymes such as old mother hubbard. It can be seen in the music of the truely great musicians such as Igor Stravinsky and Beethoven. Music is the archetypical flow of the ideas that i have been discussing. An enlightened musician lives through his music and experiances death as soon as it ends, when the deafening roar of utter silance consumes him. This can be felt in every heart rending slide of a bow across the strings of the violin. And in between notes, in between beats, exsists the ever fleeting silence. It is that which exists independantly of time and is at once our greatest fear and greatest curiosity. It is that which is known as death and is often referred to as "evil". Not in the sense of good and bad because we know these to be arbitrary, but in the sense of life and death.
If we view sleep as a kind of death, life can be seen as the insomniac who tosses and turns about. He tosses and dreams of the peaceful, rejuvinating slumber. He turns as he thinks about the wasteful idleness that the escape from reality will bring.
Life is the metaphorical dropping of a stone in water. The stone by itself is the archetype of perfection. It is solid and round but it is also stationary and unchanging. The only way that the dynamic aspect of this stone can be experianced is if it is dropped in water and the resulting disturbance or disorder (evil) carries with it the charecteristics of the stone such as the weight, shape, and texture along with the more subtle features. The stone is god and the ripples are the human conciousness. On the surface, we are but "disorganized" waves eminating forth from the divine. Inside, we are much more.
In the reality which we exist, Love is the key. Love must be used wisely, however, because the true nature of love is a most devious deception. We use sex, drugs, and contradictory thinking as an escape to a more peaceful abode. This is necessary because it is the reason why we live. We are all addicts. Love, in its pure form, is the lesser evil and it should be our desire, nay, our duty to give of it freely to the unenlightened. I now see why we shelter our children from things like drugs and sex even though most view these things as a fact of life. We desperately want them to be free of the "snake" that slithers and entwines us, dragging us down to earth with its sweet gravity. We are unaware, however, that the very love that we give will be thier ultimate corruption. Our love forever attaches our mortal selves to thier psyche and brings them down in the end. Yet, the sheer beauty of the perfection of this vicious circle is most admirable for it is the cause of our continued existance.
We are all phantoms of this opera. We hide behind masks, forever dreaming of things just out of reach. We pine away the days immersed in this addiction, patiently awaiting the inevitable.
As i stare upwards, trying to silence the phantoms that dart and flash before my eyes, distracting me from true ego death, i see a purple lattice that envelopes me with an eye staring through every hole. This is the ultimate barrier. It is the doorway to death through which my psyche will not allow me to penetrate. Is this truely the evil that it appears to be, or is it simply God manifested in his creative form or "mode"? Is this why many religious texts are wrought with strife? Is this our nature? I am only 22 and my innocence has been lost. I must now live my life conciously balancing the light and dark. My days as the Fool is over and i must now become the Juggler.
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