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Living Life/Carpe diem
    #1698855 -

I dont even really need support, just an unbias place to stream out some thoughts, and what place is better than the shroomery?

I care about the world, and i want to change it....but basically have reached the realization its too far gone for a boy to do shit, even make people think about their actions anymore.

I always wanted to live outside the system, and give up on money and material wealth, even glorified homelessness.

But all of a sudden a sort of identity crisis has struck. I know who i am, what im about, and what my long term goals are, Im smart...and have always wanted to simply make people think in a positive manner and perhaps leave a legacy...(dont we all? haha)

I find myself putting much less focus on distancing myself from the rest of society, although i disagree with most of them heavily...i found that when i was more "out there" looking my "message" was misinterperted...as is what i wanted to do with my life.

I find myself with all the time in the world and a great big post secondary education fund, and all the creativity in the world. Ive found for the last couple years i really havent challenged myself intellectually...or even physically, and am lacking purpose.

The decision has come...while im surrendering some of my beliefs, i think i want to be the best i can...and university is obviously the best route for me to take. It will give me purpose, it will challenge me, it will satisfy me and it will allow me to live my less than conventional dream.

Chemistry, psychology, psychiatry, cooking, arts, music, and drugs are the prevailing area's of interest for me, throughout my life...Yet i have no direction for post secondary (perhaps because i ignored all that was offered to me in secondary school...because i was too damn stubborn and farsighted to recognize my own mistakes)



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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: Living Life/Carpe diem [Re: PDU]
    #1731636 -

I'm at the same point man. I'm thinking of starting a farm somewhere and living off of that. Life is odd. If you don't go for your dreams then you'll aways wonder "What if" i did this and this. But you won't have the opportunity when your 65 and sitting in a trailer.

Go ahead go live on the streets for a few weeks even, try all this shit out. Who knows what the fuck life is all about you know? Maybe thats the path to happiness, maybe its another dead end.


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I was pessimistic in my youth. Now I can just follow the Toronto Raptors.

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Re: Living Life/Carpe diem [Re: Ole Field Trashe]
    #1732384 -

The other day i commented on something and my mom said i was growing up. It was a horrifying moment.
Before i knew what i wanted, but not how i wanted to get it, i wanted a self sufficent acreage/farm, i want isolation, i wanted to travel and meet people.
I still want the same thing, but its like im giving humanity a second chance. Being out of highschool and not being surrounded by moron's is real nice, "adults" approach me, and we have real conversations. I see that these "normal" people are just as dissatisfied with the world as me, and share familiar hate, yet they make the best of it...they're just doing what they have to do, and realizing that i can do that too.
I find myself craving new knowledge, being able to learn something, and truly understand something you struggled with, is like the greatest high in the world. Second to helping people, being able to actually positively affect someone's life feel's so good. If i can have money, and smarts, and means and a way ill make alot more difference in the system being in it, than dropping out of it.
Ah, life fucking sucks, but enjoying ever moment in a new found light is so great. Im like a fucking leadership girl from highschool, all stoked to be living now, i never thought i would see the day...
I think "all the power to me" but i should probably be receiting "sellout". Growing up is a fucked up thing.


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GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: Living Life/Carpe diem [Re: PDU]
    #1734030 -

man, i know how you feel. if not completely... ive been starting to feel it. i just graduated high school. knowing that im getting out of there... out of here. i feel so damn good. ive been trapped in this place for so long. this limited realm of thought. ive just been really starting to come out of a long waste. i realize that sometimes i dont think about the day, i try to block it out of my head. to not enjoy anything, to not care, to try and not to feel. Feeling is how i sustain... my ability to love my life. But lately ive only been surrounded with bad feelings, perpetuated by bad thoughts. And its just till recently ive decided to say "FUCK THIS". and move on. but i totally agree with you... seeing that you can do more damage in the system than outside of it. that brings me hope that i can really start to change things.


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What?

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Re: Living Life/Carpe diem [Re: Zero7a1]
    #1735781 -

I dropped out/was kicked out of highschool in grade 11 and finished through a "storefront" program...which was basically like corespondence. Dropping out of highschool, out of the social circles, out of the clique's, out of the fashion, the gossip the cars and the girls...it really hit me. HOLY FUCK, the real world is nothing like highschool, people dont put every emphasis on their image, people DO have minds of their own, people are friendly and non judgemental sometimes, People are willing to give me a chance and listen to what i have to say.
Now...ive fulfilled my legal obligation of schooling, ive fulfilled my mothers demand...my promise, to get that diploma. Im just overwhelmed (in a great way!) that now, i REALLY CAN DO ANYTHING i want to. I have every means in the world to form my life..exactly how i want to. In the next 10 years the next 50 years of my life will be basically getting defined and i can go anywhere....drug kingpin or Science researcher, artist or author, vegabond or suit and tie, its MY option now. Im not scared of the future anymore, i have open arm's and cant wait to spend the next 18 months of my life figuring things out...getting employed, upgrading, getting a drivers liscense, meeting new people, learning new instrument's, maybe racing my bike again...It all just seem's so welcoming, not scary.
I look at my "punk as fuck" friends who are panning and getting drunk and ranting about how the government is raping us up the ass...I certainly still have the same mentality...but a different approach to it...and now, dare i say, i feel my new found, more conventional, normalized approach seem's like the only acceptable option.
To "submit" to this lifestyle seem's so ungratifying, "id rather die than become part of the world' well what the fuck happened to that mentality? I wonder.. I was always saying, ALWAYS, about how jealous i was, envious of people who could ignore the crap and enjoy life, and now i am...but im still troubled, just about 500% less than before. When i talk to people now, they often remark on my enthusiasm...what happened to the lazy stoner me? Its an answer id like to know, but im not overly concerned with, ive found my balance and i hope ever so badly i dont lose it... *ramble ramble ramble*


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GO OUTSIDE.

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