Home | Community | Message Board
You are not signed in.
Sign In New Account
Forum Index Search Posts Trusted Vendors Highlights Galleries FAQ User List Chat Store Random Growery

MagicBag Grow Bags
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.

Community > Shroomerites Anonymous
Threaded Mode Threaded  Previous topic Previous  View all topics Index  Next topic Next 

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Original Sensible Seeds Bulk Cannabis Seeds   Sporeworks.EU Spores for European Microscopy

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
Self analyzing
    #16418734 -

So I think I figured my problem out...


I will never be happy, I just default to miserable. That's the way it's been forever. I'm very self loathing, I keep making the same mistakes over and over. I'm two months shy of 23 and I think I have the mentality of a 16 year old. I have no drive to accomplish anything and I don't understand it.
    I have a couple theories as to why this is. It could be because I was raped almost everyday for about a year when I was 4-5 and I can't get over it or it could be because I've been abusing any drugs I can get my hands on since I was thirteen. It could be a combination of the two.
    I thought moving around would help, you know, a new start somewhere else. I started in Massachusetts, spent some time in North Carolina, and now I'm in Florida. The thing that sucks though is no matter how many new places I go I'm still the same flawed me, I just get a little better at hiding it the worse I get.
    I have a constant feeling of depression, well that's a lie it's not CONSTANT. I sometimes have moments where I see my life not a complete loss but the only realistic future I see for myself is continuing my downward spiral until I snap and eventually kill myself.
  That's not what I want to happen but it just seems realistic. I'm not sure why I'm posting this up here I guess I just feel like I need to vent. I spent too much time bottling up everything. That's another thing, trust issues. I don't trust anyone, maybe because I can't be trusted. I'm sick of betraying the people who love and try to help me but everytime I tell myself never again I turn around and fuck up.
    I've considered the possibility that I have a mental disorder or a character flaw but in the end those are just excuses. That's all I'm good at is making excuses, but the only person I make them to is myself. I don't expect anyone to read all of this or to reply at all but if you feel so inclined feel free.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #16419110 -

Having a mental disorder isn't an excuse, it's a pretty legit reason.  It's also a treatable reason.  I'm no therapist, but Among other things, I'd say you most like have PTSD based upon your childhood trauma.  That's not an easy nut to crack by yourself and can lead to self destructive behavior for sure.  Chalking it up as an excuse makes me really sad.

Find a therapist.  Keep going to the therapist even when it's really difficult.  Get out of Florida.  Things will get better.  Maybe get out of Florida first.  Terrible Place.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #16419117 -

Have you tried antidepressants? I take celexa and it makes all the difference.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #16420527 -

Talking to a therapist could do you a world of good.  You need a real life person to share this with, seems crazy, but if you could tell someone everything and then they give you a hug and tell you it will be ok, well, it could help you a lot.

You could try a priest or any member of the clergy at a church as well, florida has a shit ton of churches everywhere, maybe you could talk it out with someone there.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #16420614 -

I used to feel the same way as you, horrible ups and downs with a constant depression always underlying regardless of how happy I was at the time. I was also raped as a child. I have horrible ptsd from the events and still have horrible night terrors now 28 yrs old. Often waking up trying to escape the situation but often the dreams take other forms like Im stuck in a box. I only recently started to remember these horrible events from my childhood and talking about it is the only way to get over the shame. You didnt do or deserve  those horrible things to happen to you.
   
I've considered the possibility that I have a mental disorder or a character flaw but in the end those are just excuses.
That's all I'm good at is making excuses, but the only person I make them to is myself.

   

I often had the same feelings

The only way to grow and get out of the funk you are in is to surrender and release what you have been through. Talking about it. And anyone that truly cares about you will except that and help you anyway they can.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #16421187 -

I think that drug therapy is good when done in conjunction with seeing a therapist.  Just being on meds doesn't treat any of the problems, it just makes the symptoms bearable.  Therapy will get to the core of the problems and allow you to make peace with them down the road.  Then you may not have to be on meds or see a therapist at all.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #16427382 -

I felt the same way for a decade after you... takes alot of self patience to change

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #16443526 -

Funny thing is, probably 80%+ of the U.S. population feels the same way, they are just better at masking it / more heavily medicated than you.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #16443546 -

You were raped as a kid. That would fuck anybody up.

The fact that you're not more fucked up than you are, and that you have the ability to move places and find employment that's good enough to pay for rent and things means you aren't doing too bad.

You probably could use some professional help though. Sorry If I'm not much help, I'm pretty depressed too, but for different reasons.

Anyway, good luck on your journey.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #16444142 -

Thank you number 8 bud I am sad to say I live with my family and I am also employed by them.

Thank you everyone for your advice, I've been thinking about going to therapy but I feel strangly at talking to someone I don't know about myself without anonymity. I feel paranoid and have trust issues.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #16445053 -

I felt the same way about therapy for years, like why would I want to dump my problems on some fucking quack who's just gonna nod knowingly and ask me how it makes me feel?  But actually doing it has made quite a bit of difference, its extremely cathartic and satisfying to get that kind of shit off your shoulders in front of a real live person.  It might take a few visits before you trust them enough, but it'll happen, and knowing they're sworn to confidentiality helps too (Unless you tell them you're gonna kill yourself/others).

If you don't know already, MDMA has shown incredible potential in treating PTSD/anxiety/depression in conjunction with talk therapy.  Unfortunately, very few therapists would be willing to do that unless they were already friends, but perhaps consider a low dose before a session to help you open up?

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Self analyzing [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #16445159 -

I feel so much better when I'm driving home from therapy.  It's worth a shot.  Give it a couple months before you decide if it's for you or not.  A lot of people think therapy is way different than it really is because of how everything is portrayed in movies.  It's driven by you.  the therapist is just there to guide you.  I went yesterday and I wish I had another session today!

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Original Sensible Seeds Bulk Cannabis Seeds   Sporeworks.EU Spores for European Microscopy

Community > Shroomerites Anonymous
Threaded Mode Threaded  Previous topic Previous  View all topics Index  Next topic Next 

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* What if I confess to my psychologist/therapist that I am a drug dealer?
( 1 2 all )		 Anonymous 2,640 28 08/20/12 09:58 AM
by Anonymous
* How to find an 'open minded' therapist. Anonymous 461 13 09/16/12 06:04 AM
by Anonymous
* Having a girlfriend that is a massage therapist
( 1 2 3 all )		 Anonymous 3,237 41 11/06/09 03:58 PM
by Anonymous
* I want to be a New Age therapist. Anonymous 344 11 01/02/08 07:54 AM
by Anonymous
* Well, I got myself a therapist. Anonymous 265 9 09/14/12 08:09 PM
by Anonymous
* Can't Relax Anonymous 199 3 05/04/12 05:51 AM
by Anonymous
* Should i seek help? Quite the read.. Anonymous 282 4 04/14/12 06:40 PM
by Anonymous
* Were you ever "the poor kid" growing up? (long) Anonymous 684 15 10/18/11 11:07 AM
by Anonymous

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: trendal, Shroomism, george castanza, Alan Rockefeller, yogabunny
455 topic views. 0 members, 14 guests and 3 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2026 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.026 seconds spending 0.007 seconds on 16 queries.