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OfflineAstral_JL
Teonanácatl


Registered: 01/09/08
Posts: 820
Loc: So-Cal
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
My dad died and I can't cry now
    #14508989 - 05/25/11 09:30 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

My dad died Monday morning. I was with him, he died in the car seat next to me outside an urgent care clinic... I'm 90% sure it was sudden death pulmonary embolism.

He was the strongest of my family. He didn't give a fuck what anybody thought, he defended us at any cost, fought for what he thought was right. I had my share of resentments for him as we weren't close when I developed myself in my teen years (im 21), but I'm glad I eventually accepted who he was because in the end he was always there for us. I cried when it happened, I cried at the hospital. I've cried very little now during the past two days. I feel empty, numb, blank, desolate. I'm depressed but I feel like I can't cry. I'm not going to fake it, or force it. I feel some people judging me already.

has anything like this happened to you? how long will this last? I'm still not sure whats going on with me.


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STFU and go eat some mushrooms :greenshroom:


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OfflineOmnerMG
Illusion Weaver
Male


Registered: 02/26/11
Posts: 67
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 7 months, 14 days
Re: My dad died and I can't cry now [Re: Astral_JL]
    #14509173 - 05/25/11 10:37 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

First, Astral_JL, thank you for sharing, very sorry to hear about your father. I'll say a prayer for you and your family today.

I've yet to loose a parent even though I've come close a couple of time now. I did however loose my best friend a few years back and your story seems almost exactly how I felt. I bawled like a baby the night he died, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, didn't know how I was ever going to be able to function again knowing I'd have to go through life without him.

But that was it, the next day I was hurt and sad, in mourning I guess, but couldn't cry. At his viewing I didn't shed a tear, and when I was a Paul bearer at his funeral, again didn't cry. I felt like everyone was looking and judging me, if I claimed to be his best friend why wasn't I crying too but I couldn't do it. I hope this doesn't make me a bad person, I got all my anguish out the first night, I had no more to excrete.

But now years later I'm reading your post and it pains my heart, I thought it was for your loss and a little of it might be, but I know it's mostly cause I miss my friend. And know that when the time comes and I loose a parent I'll have to go through this all over again but with even more pain.

I hope you're doing okay Astral_JL.


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OfflineXUL
OTD Janitor
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: My dad died and I can't cry now [Re: OmnerMG]
    #14510018 - 05/25/11 01:59 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I am sorry to hear your bad news Astral.

I too lost my best friend when I was in college. I didnt even cry at all. I felt like a part of me had been taken but I did not shed a tear. Since he was the first person I was close to who ever died, I decided then that I was not going to get down or feel sad. Instead I was going to celebrate who he was and what he shared with me. And in the long run he made me a stronger person and helped me graduate college.

I think what your experiencing is normal. You dont have to cry to prove anything to anybody. He was your father.

My teacher in college used to tell us about when his mother died. He said he cried for 5 minutes and then never shed another tear.

Everybody has their own way of mourning.

I hope the best for you and your family


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InvisibleLe_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: My dad died and I can't cry now [Re: Astral_JL] * 1
    #14510106 - 05/25/11 02:18 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Aw, jeeze, that's rough. My condolences for your loss. I lost both my parents at a very young age, so I know what you're going through. The numb, empty feeling is typical afterwards, so don't worry about that. And don't feel guilty about having issues with him in the past. No parent/child relationship is perfect, and everybody has issues with their parents growing up. It will take a few months to get over it though. You'll always miss him, but it gets better, trust me. Best of luck. :heart:


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Offlinedarkfrostystorm
Stranger

Registered: 05/24/11
Posts: 21
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
Re: My dad died and I can't cry now [Re: Le_Canard]
    #14510315 - 05/25/11 03:07 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I didn't cry at a family members funeral and a friend of the family called me a "Disrespectful asshole" for not shedding a tear.  My grandfather had passed, but the loss of a family member/friend/etc, as painful as it has been, has never made me cry.

In all reality I came to the understanding of death at a very young age, (my dad taught me with every pet he put a shotgun in my hand to put them down when it was their time, death has always seemed as natural as life to me), so for my entire life I knew there was nothing worth crying over, because those tears would never bring them back.

The best thing you can do is relish in the good times, celebrate their life, and hold on to them in your heart, because through those memories they will live on forever.

Don't worry that you can't cry, just hold on to what you have of your father, and cherish every last good memory you have, and live by his example. Your dad sounded like a good man, and I am really sorry for your loss.


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Invisiblethe human abstract
malaka the werewolf
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/30/09
Posts: 8,817
Re: My dad died and I can't cry now [Re: darkfrostystorm]
    #14510335 - 05/25/11 03:14 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

im sorry for your loss.. my prayers will be with you


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OfflineAstral_JL
Teonanácatl


Registered: 01/09/08
Posts: 820
Loc: So-Cal
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: My dad died and I can't cry now [Re: OmnerMG]
    #14512132 - 05/25/11 09:34 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

OmnerMG said:
First, Astral_JL, thank you for sharing, very sorry to hear about your father. I'll say a prayer for you and your family today.

I've yet to loose a parent even though I've come close a couple of time now. I did however loose my best friend a few years back and your story seems almost exactly how I felt. I bawled like a baby the night he died, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, didn't know how I was ever going to be able to function again knowing I'd have to go through life without him.

But that was it, the next day I was hurt and sad, in mourning I guess, but couldn't cry. At his viewing I didn't shed a tear, and when I was a Paul bearer at his funeral, again didn't cry. I felt like everyone was looking and judging me, if I claimed to be his best friend why wasn't I crying too but I couldn't do it. I hope this doesn't make me a bad person, I got all my anguish out the first night, I had no more to excrete.

But now years later I'm reading your post and it pains my heart, I thought it was for your loss and a little of it might be, but I know it's mostly cause I miss my friend. And know that when the time comes and I loose a parent I'll have to go through this all over again but with even more pain.

I hope you're doing okay Astral_JL.




Thank you so much...


I have a huge extended family and I really don't want to be around anybody. I don't want it to come off the wrong way either. thank you for the prayers :heart:


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STFU and go eat some mushrooms :greenshroom:


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Offlinepmb
12121212
Male


Registered: 08/11/08
Posts: 2,567
Loc: Washington
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
Re: My dad died and I can't cry now [Re: Astral_JL]
    #14520608 - 05/27/11 12:44 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

When my mom died I cried when I found out for a few hours and not since. The only way I can get close is getting drunk and going through picture albums and stuff but it just feels like a forced cry and isn't refreshing.


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Don't smell the flowers, They're an evil drug to make you lose your mind


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OfflineKrizzKaliko
Lurker
Male


Registered: 04/15/11
Posts: 192
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: My dad died and I can't cry now [Re: pmb]
    #14529367 - 05/29/11 03:33 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Im a closed guy myself and most of the time it takes extreme amounts of alcohol and solitude for such emotions to show, and even then they only barely break the surface. My grandfather passed and I didn't blink an eye. Its not that i didn't care for him, its just the way i display my emotion. At quick appearance to most, it is a strength, but over time, those who know me well find it a weakness. Its almost impossible keeping the lady happy when i usually have the emotion of a machine.

Im rambling a bit (still comin down off some boomers) but, it sounds to me like your just dealing with your grief in your own way, and so long as it doesn't become destructive (self or otherwise) then imo your fine. It may be something you never cry over, maybe it will hit you out of nowhere. But imo, physical tears are not the only way grieve.

My condolences to you and yours.


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