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InvisibleAlien
Galactic Shaman

Registered: 11/14/99
Posts: 1,851
Loc: Jupiter's Moon
My Dad
    #3095556 - 09/05/04 05:29 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Well, I had to vent a bit, hate to post bad news but this is a hard time for me.

My dad has liver cancer, and was doing really well till Friday when he had a grand mal seizure. We went to the va home where he is at and had to hold him down till the pharmacy delivered the morphine pump. They are giving him advan and morphine till he passes on at this point.

The hardest part was when the nurse told me today to try to hold his hand, tell him I love him, then tell him to let go. Very much a wakeup call to reality for me.

My dad is a hell of a fighter, he has had this liver cancer for a couple years, but it went into remission. Even now, we have to hold him down at times and he is strong. When someone has liver cancer (or any, I am not sure) it goes to their brains, and he is all disoriented and focuses on getting up and going pee (he has a catheder in), so we have to hold him down and pump the morphine to get him to relax.

One thing I can say is the nursing home, the nurses, have been so great. But seeing my dad like this is really, I mean, really hard.

Hard time for me mang  :sad:


--------------------
-Alien :cool:

Alien Substrate Instructional:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KG82xLzrNg8


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InvisibleMykey
spectraltraveler

Registered: 04/07/04
Posts: 542
Re: My Dad [Re: Alien]
    #3095629 - 09/05/04 06:01 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Alien,

I am so sorry to here about your dad.:( A couple of years ago I went through the same thing with my grandma,who was like a mother to me. I know how hard it is to watch them in so much pain. She had a morphine pump also,as well as supplemental doses that she took orally with a dropper. Towards the end she begged me to give her all of the morphine in the bottle so she could die. So damned hard to deal with it! Like you said it was a major wake up call to the reality of life.
I think that you being there for him means more to him than he could ever put into words. On that note dont worry so much about finding all the right words to say because he knows in his heart how much you love him. I am only saying this because I sort of had some regrets about not having said things to my grandma at the end,but I realize that she knew very well everything I felt for her without my saying a word. I know it sounds so cliche,but stay strong Alien and make sure to take care of yourself too. It is so hard to lose someone so close,but you have to have faith in the fact that there is something beyond death and the next step of life for your dad will be free of pain and his trip there will be made easier thanks to your love.

Mykey


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InvisibleAlien
Galactic Shaman

Registered: 11/14/99
Posts: 1,851
Loc: Jupiter's Moon
Re: My Dad [Re: Mykey]
    #3095670 - 09/05/04 06:26 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Very comforting Mykey, thanks.

Like you said, all regrets come up, I should have done more with him, etc.

He is still there, but like the nurse said, he can hear even though he is out of it.

It's a phase in my life that is hard, I remember my dad playing baseball with me, riding motorcycles, meeting my first girl. It all comes back. To see him like this is like he already died, he is not the dad I am used to.


--------------------
-Alien :cool:

Alien Substrate Instructional:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KG82xLzrNg8


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Invisibleswm
Stranger
Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 236
Loc: Ohio
Re: My Dad [Re: Alien]
    #3096669 - 09/05/04 11:50 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I'm sorry to here that man, just try to stay strong and hang in there.Its a shitty deal, but you being there for your dad is all you can really do.If you feel like crying just cry its good to let it out.
I wish the best for you and your family.


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InvisibleAdden
Sandcastle in the Sun
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 06/04/03
Posts: 37,546
Loc: Amongst the Dunes
Re: My Dad [Re: Alien]
    #3096841 - 09/06/04 12:28 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

My brother shot himself. I ran outside to see him there, dying. I held him and tried to keep the blood out of his lungs so I could tell him how much me and everyone else loved him. How he'd see both Grandpas. Our dog. His old cat. The sorry's and what-if's...

At least you have time to say goodbye to your father. He CAN hear you, get out as much as you can, as you have more time than I did with my brother. The more you talk to him the better the both of you will feel.

Either way, loss is loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. Losing someone close is a very earth shattering experience. Be strong, and hang in there dude. It's 3 months later and I'm still trying to hang in there.. I couldn't imagine if my father died.

Some people never had the joy of having a father. You were blessed for however many years, and blessed again when the cancer went into remission. He and your family need you now. Step up to the plate. It ain't pretty, even with lots, and lots, and lots of benzos or a fancy funeral.

You'll come out stronger from this, rest assured. And may his soul rest in peace in his final passing. He may be on his deathbed, but at least his brave son is at his side reminiscing.

"God" Bless,
s2


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OfflineJust_a_Shadow
Quarterback
Male

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/28/03
Posts: 5,130
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: My Dad [Re: Adden]
    #3097329 - 09/06/04 02:04 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Nicely said mon, sorry for both your loses... it's just the way nature works, we all know that, but its a whole different thing to feel it.


--------------------


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Offlinedeff
lovelightbliss
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/01/04
Posts: 8,414
Loc: all this Flag
Last seen: 13 hours, 33 minutes
Re: My Dad [Re: Alien]
    #3098460 - 09/06/04 11:57 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Best wishes for your Dad, and I hope it's not too hard on you and your family as these things can be. My mom's finishing up her radiation therapy right now for her breast cancer. I know what you're going through, although her cancer is not as severe, and I want you to know you are not alone in your suffering. Have faith that all will work out for the best :smile:


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InvisibleBi0TeK
elephant man

Registered: 11/07/02
Posts: 3,002
Loc: Yorkshire Moors, Great Br...
Re: My Dad [Re: Alien]
    #3099910 - 09/06/04 06:47 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Sorry to hear that Alien. :sad:

I practically lived in the hospital when my dad had cancer of the oesophagus.. luckily he pulled through after major surgery.

My thoughts are with you.


--------------------
PROMOTE BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.


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InvisibleAlien
Galactic Shaman

Registered: 11/14/99
Posts: 1,851
Loc: Jupiter's Moon
Re: My Dad [Re: Bi0TeK]
    #3101923 - 09/07/04 04:07 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks for all the kind replys, my dad has just passed away, about 2 hours ago (it's 4 a.m. here now). We just went and picked his stuff up, contacted the funeral home.

We have a 9 day roadtrip (round trip) for the funeral, thanks again for all the kind replys. I know my dad is in a better place now.

Peace.


--------------------
-Alien :cool:

Alien Substrate Instructional:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KG82xLzrNg8


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InvisibleRoadkill
Retired Shroomery Mod
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/11/01
Posts: 22,598
Loc: Snoqualmie, Wa.
Re: My Dad [Re: Alien]
    #3101982 - 09/07/04 05:11 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Alien my brother,

I am so very sorry bro!
I have no doubt that he is in a much, much better place.
Free from pain and suffering.

I know what your going through...its fricken hard when your parents die.
Lost my Dad 10 years ago.
Lost my Mom 5 years ago.
I almost lost me after my Mom died...it was too fucking hard.
One day (several months after she had died) I called her to share something with her on the phone...and realized that she was gone...I broke down pretty bad that day. It hit me pretty hard knowing that I'd never be sharing a special moment with her again in this world.

I know what Cancer will do...it eats you alive.
Watching my Mother wither away...day by day...for 9 months was unbearable.
Her last week was just plain HELL...and I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy.
The last few days the doctors and nurses came to the house and pumped her full of pain killers that would kill a fucking horse.
One Doctor told me to give her another pill and she might slip away...If I felt like helping her on her way to the other side.
I couldn't do it.
Her last day she slipped into a coma and the nurse told me to tell her that it was ok to go...so I thanked her for all she had done for me and that I loved her so very, very much...but it was time for her to go.
I left the room to get a chair for my Cousin Betty...and by the time I came back she had slipped away.
I truely believe she was waiting for me to say it was ok for her to go.
When she died...it felt like part of me died with her.

My Mom was my best friend...she never judged me...she never looked down on me...I could talk to her about anything...sex, drugs and rock & roll. :smile:
She was a pretty hip old lady for her age.
She lives on in me and my son.

Your Dad will live on in you.

If you need a friendly ear...please call on me.
Anytime...just let me know.
I love you bro!~

My condolences to you and your family,
Jim aka Roadkill


--------------------
Laterz, Road

Who the hell you callin crazy?
You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating froot loops on your front porch!


Brainiac said:
PM the names with on there names, that means they have mushrooms for sale.



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OfflinePhishgrrl
Walking in thetall trees...
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 5,079
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: My Dad [Re: Alien]
    #3103198 - 09/07/04 02:37 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Alien, first of all, a *BIG CYBER HUG* to you for what you are going through. This thread has brought tears to my eyes. I am really sorry for your pain. Know that we are here for you and we care about you. I am sending you lots of love and strength to get through this difficult time in your life. People have given you such good advice. Also, may I recommend that you visit this site http://www.spiritsite.com/writing/thihan/ and scroll down until you get to "Selections from No Death, No Fear:" on the left hand side and read those. The whole website may be of comfort to you.
Here is one of the quotes for you. Much Love!

"The day my mother died, I wrote in my journal, "A serious misfortune of my life has arrived." I suffered for more than one year after the passing away of my mother. But one night, in the highlands of Vietnam, I was sleeping in the hut in my hermitage. I dreamed of my mother. I saw myself sitting with her, and we were having a wonderful talk. She looked young and beautiful, her hair flowing down. It was so pleasant to sit there and talk to her as if she had never died. When I woke up it was about two in the morning, and I felt very strongly that I had never lost my mother. The impression that my mother was still with me was very clear. I understood then that the idea of having lost my mother was just an idea. It was obvious in that moment that my mother is always alive in me." :heart:


--------------------
Once in awhile you can get shown the light

In the strangest of places if you look at it right...



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OfflineUncleMike
Visionary
Male

Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: My Dad [Re: Alien]
    #3107809 - 09/08/04 01:39 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mother in June, so I really know the pain you are going through. He is in a better place now and one day you will be reunited with him. The next 9 days will be a blurrr. The realization will sit in when It's all over. We are here when you need us.

peace


--------------------
Live each day like it will be your last, tomorrow my never come.
SporeSmart


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InvisibleAlien
Galactic Shaman

Registered: 11/14/99
Posts: 1,851
Loc: Jupiter's Moon
Re: My Dad [Re: UncleMike]
    #3128989 - 09/13/04 12:49 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Thank you all for the kind responses, I got to read some on the road at a hotel with net access, it was really nice to see :smile:

We are back now (earlier than planned) and still some things to wrap up with my mother.

Everything went well, nice funeral with the taps thing since he was a WW II vet.

Thanks again, you ppl are great  :heart:


--------------------
-Alien :cool:

Alien Substrate Instructional:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KG82xLzrNg8


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InvisibleFucknuckle
Dog Lover

Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
Re: My Dad [Re: Alien]
    #3129159 - 09/13/04 01:26 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Death can also heal
Be brave
and know he has been released from this pain


--------------------
What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


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InvisibleLorTab
High till I die

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 137
Loc: Texas
Re: My Dad [Re: Alien]
    #3135001 - 09/14/04 05:22 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Damn man :frown:.  I'm really sorry to hear that Alien.  Be strong bro, I know this shit sucks man.  Best of luck to you, and your family..


--------------------
"I used to get high on life until I realized that life was cut with morons"

~www.tokeup.com~


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