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Anonymous #1

My fucking problems (long)
    #14218789 - 04/01/11 02:59 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

So I haven't had the best luck with women/relationships in the past. I will give you a brief (ok it's not brief) history.

I met my ex-girlfriend my sophomore year in high school, and we started dating shortly thereafter. Things started off great, but we quickly encountered some problems. Her parents were extremely religious (Christian) and were incredibly strict. This wasn't really an issue for me (the christian part), and I sort of respected that about her and her family. Things got more serious as time went on, and we went through the normal ups and downs most retarded high school couples do.

I became a very close part of her family, and I would spend most of my time after school over at her place hanging out with her family, or doing things with her family, and I came to really appreciate and love them. I was spending more time with her and at her house than I was with my own family. To be honest, I kind of always wished that I WAS part of their family. They treated their children with much more love and attention than my parents did. That could be because my mom didn't get home until 7pm every night, and my dad didn't get home sometimes til 10pm or later.

Regardless, I started attending church with them on a weekly basis, and I also got more involved with church activities, and volunteering. At first the only reason I did this was so I could spend more time with my girlfriend, but after a while I started to really enjoy it. I even started to believe in the teachings from the Bible, and tried to understand what God was, and what it meant to be a Christian. For a while I was going to THREE church services every weekend (but at this point her and I had gotten into some trouble, and her parents said the ONLY place we could see each other was at church). I would go to the churchs Saturday night service, the early service Sunday morning, and I would stay through the late service on Sundays too. Keep in mind I was hearing THE SAME MESSAGE ALL THREE TIMES. The sacrifices we make, huh?

I got baptized with her, and all was (sort of) well. I had built some very meaningful relationships with the members of the church, and had basically become a part of her family. Her parents LOVED me, and treated me like a son, which I enjoyed very much. We had planned to get married, and were very very much in love.

All the while her and I were sneaking around and having a loooot of sex (quite Christian of us, right?). We were skipping school, sneaking out at night, the whole shebang. We had gotten caught a few times (once the punishment was the "you can only see each other at church" thing), and the trust level between her parents and us had basically been ruined.

About 2 years into the relationship, after I had graduated high school (her senior year) we were skipping class a lot. At least, I was. I didn't know at the time, but she had skipped so much that she was in danger of failing a few classes and not graduating from high school...
We got caught skipping one morning, and her parents decided to send her away to live with a family friend in Spokane so she could finish high school. From Seattle, Spokane is basically ALL the way across the state. We were both wrecked, and we broke up...

About 4 months into her living in Spokane, she messaged me on facebook, basically saying she wanted to get back together.
I planned a camping trip with a friend of mine to drive over to Spokane so I could see her. We got there, reunited, and got back together. All was going well, and we were planning on her moving back after she graduated. Then, the woman she was living with logged into her e-mail (how? idk) and saw she had been messaging me. Her parents blamed me completely for their daughters actions, and when this woman found our e-mails, she kicked her out of the house. Having nowhere to go, she packed up and drove back to Seattle.

Luckily she was able to get a room with her cousin who had recently rented an apartment with her newlywed husband. She lived with them for a couple of months until it became unbearable. Her cousin was a fucking freak, and I'll leave it at that.

During the this time my parents had just divorced, and I was living at home with just my dad and sister. Having nowhere to go, I asked my dad, and he said it would be OK for her to live at our house while she looked for a place to live.
She was living with me, staying in my room :cool:, sleeping in my bed every night for about 2 months.

I was desperately looking for work, trying to get a full-time job so we could move out together...but the job market was grim. I didn't really have much experience, so it wasn't easy locking in a full time position. I was working part time, making like $250/wk, but that wasn't gonna cut it.

Her and I started fighting a lot, particularly because of the fact we were living together (at least that's why I think we started fighting more) and after a while it became unbearable.

I approached her one day and said that I didn't think we should live together anymore, that it was putting a lot of strain on the relationship, and it might be good for us if we just didn't live together. She interpreted this as me saying "I don't want to be with you anymore" and the next day she came by, picked up all of her things, and "officially" broke up with me.

A few days later I found out (thanks to a close friend) that she had been spending a lot of time at this guys house where we would always go to chill & smoke at. I tried calling her to ask her about it, but she wouldn't return my calls. I finally got her to have a conversation with me, and she admitted she was seeing this guy.

It was a major slap in my face, because we had been together for almost 3 years (end of Sophomore year in HS til end of Freshman year in college) and she was already seeing this guy...
We argued for a while, and eventually ended up having sex in her car, which she immediately regretted. She told me to give her a few days to sort out her feelings...

So, a few days later we talked, and she said that she was never coming back...
About two weeks later I found out she was pregnant with HIS baby...

They got married the day before my 20th birthday, and she had the child.

:feelsbadman:

So I was ALL fucked up in the head because of what had happened. All my meaningful relationships that I had spent the past few years building were instantly gone. I felt completely and totally isolated and alone. Not to mention the fact that my parents just split up after 21 years of marriage...I was a fucking wreck. Instead of talking about my problems, and seeking advice and help from others, I receded into heavy drug use. This included a whole lot of weed & booze & ecstacy & shrooms for about 4 months, until I was too burnt out to continue.

About 2 months after I stopped doing drugs every day, I met this girl who I seemed to click with. She made me laugh, and honestly helped me feel better about what had happened. I realize now that I was only using her, and that I didn't have any genuine feelings for her. After a month or so of dating, I decided to end the charade and I broke up with her. She texted me and asked about being friends, and sent me some messages on facebook, all of which I ignored (which I now regret).
About 2 weeks later I found out she was dead. I still don't know what exactly happened, but from the stories I heard it was a (potentially intentional) overdose of alcohol & ecstacy :sad:

I always question if I had just taken the time to reply to her messages, or if I had agreed to stay friends with her if she would still be alive today...but that type of speculating fucks with my mind too much.





ANYWAY (if you're still reading, thank you), I now seem to have absolutely NO desire to get a girlfriend, or even get close with any women. I don't trust women, and I am still affected by both of these relationships. I think about my ex pretty frequently, and I wonder what her life is like, having given birth to a mans child who she barely knew at the time!
It's like, she's living the life that I pictured for ME & her...

It's not that I want a child, or to be married, and I'm actually really thankful that I'm NOT in that situation, but part of me desires it. I know there's a bright future ahead of me, I have a great job, I'm fairly good looking, and women flirt with me, but I just have no desire to even BEGIN a relationship. To be honest, I just don't want to invest that much time, and effort, and energy and love into something that's going to end up having someone elses baby 3 and a half years down the line...
I miss that feeling, of being in love, of having someone you can count on, to talk to in confidence, to..well.. :bananabang:
I just don't believe that it's worth the effort anymore.


AJKASNFP"AiUiajlsdkfi fuck I feel like my brain is scrambled.


tl;dr version: you don't get one.


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OfflineGrok
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Re: My fucking problems (long) [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14224650 - 04/02/11 02:19 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Damn, that's pretty intense. All I can tell you is to be patient and keep your head up. Time can work wonders on your perspective. Things will work out for you, don't sweat it.


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Entropy is increasing.
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OfflineXUL
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Re: My fucking problems (long) [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14225190 - 04/02/11 09:24 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I also am having trust issues like you speak of. I also feel the same way about women. Putting all your eggs into one basket and then BAM she leaves you and your world crumbles. It sucks. I am also seeing another chick when I still love my ex. Its very unsettling.

Well your ex essentially was being a slut, got pregnant, and married because of it. It sounds like she was truly on the losing end. You are single, you are a seemingly nice and honest man, and you have alot to offer. You will find somone.

I think it just takes time for the heart to heal before we can build up another serious relationship. I think sometimes it even takes years. At least that is the case for me.


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OfflineHeffy
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Re: My fucking problems (long) [Re: XUL]
    #14225253 - 04/02/11 09:45 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I've been through something very similar to the first story.

It was very difficult and still affects my relationships with women even several years after.

However I feel much stronger now when it comes to relationships. In fact I find it has helped me have much less dramatic relationships with people, and really appreciate the simple pleasures of being together.


--------------------
I am the king of Rome, and above grammar! - Emperor Sigismund


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InvisibleMicawber
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Re: My fucking problems (long) [Re: Heffy]
    #14225450 - 04/02/11 10:56 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

wow im surprised  i read all that
personaly if i was in your situation i would try to simplify
my life as much as possible cut out all that isnt needed
burn bridges letting the barbarians in so to speak

sounds like you need a break op or a major change of scenery

take a step back and rebuild


--------------------
(mik-kaw'-bur) n. one who is poor but lives in optimistic expectation of better fortune:nyan:


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