I started seeing this girl about about a month ago. I had known her a few years back, but we weren't really friends, and it all kind of faded into obscurity. It wasn't until we met up one night a few weeks ago that things suddenly clicked.
Well, she has some body issues. She was a bigger girl when I first met her a long time ago, but she at least was working on getting herself in shape. Well, one night she and a personal trainer got drunk... they fucked. Mostly anyways, because about half way through the guy stands up, tells her she's too fat and it's making him sick having sex with her, and leaves her there spread out on the bed. She stops eating for a week, and starts exercising like a madwoman.
Fast forward to now: the girl runs about 6-7 miles every day, takes spin classes, kick boxes, lifts, and has basically transformed herself into a 10. She eats just fine, and is all around an amazing girl. I consider myself damn lucky. The catch is, she has a lot of hangups about sex thanks to that night. At first she was terrified to let me see her topless. I said it was ok for us to go slow, I was in no rush. A lot of things physically I've let her initiate, or else have taken very tiny steps. She finally got past the topless thing, and has started to trust me to explore a little more. Then last night, my hand went south, and after a few minutes she got upset and started apologizing because every time she would get close the image of him leaving her there would flash through her head and the pleasure would disappear. I calmed her down, and she offered to return the favor for me, but I told her no, the night was all about her. And we went back to it... for me its a challenge because getting a girl off is one of the few things in this world i'm genuinely good at. Gspot didn't work. Clit didn't work. The same result each time. She keeps telling me she's so lucky to have someone who understands and is patient and willing to go slow and accommodate her hangups. She tells me I'm a saint, and I'm the first guy she's been with who makes her feel like her body is special, and worth exploring.
I have been reassuring her over and over that she's beautiful, and that I'm proud of her for taking something so devastating and turning it into something constructive. I've been pointing out ways to her that her body is beautiful. She's making huge strides. We slept naked together last night which is a big step considering she wouldn't let me see her topless. I'm just trying to let her know that she is really beautiful, and that I'm not going to hurt her like that.
Has anyone else been in a fucked up situation like this? Any advice? I mean, unconditional positive regard has helped thus far, but if there's anything else... maybe just time?
I don't think she's beyond repair, I think she's just been hurt really bad, and I've got a lot of walls to knock down. Its sad, she's a great girl.
Thoughts?
Edited by Anonymous (04/26/10 04:44 PM)
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