Ahimsa said:

i'm doing a self-study on the nature of feelings and control strategies.
Here is another summary of my findings... enjoy!

Sex As Denial Of Feelings


As a child we may have had to use masturbation as a tool to release tensions caused by anxiety, fear, stress, emptiness, ...
Rather than dealing with our fears and insecurities, that eventually we cause ourself by our beliefs about ourself, we could be using sex as a means of avoiding to feel.

The pornography industry has revenues close to about USD 60 billion world-wide.
Being such a popular addiction it has become a very rewarding business.

Intense sexual feelings generate by porn momentarily remove fear, anxiety or depression.
And it does this without us having the risk of having to face our deepest fears such as inadequacy, rejection or being overwhelmed.
All the intensity and release without the risk of an actual relationship.
We don't have to run the risk of real intimacy.
We can blot out our fear and pain and momentarily feel good.

We don't have to open our heart. Our core self is totally abandoned.
Our wounded self can feel fulfilment of its needs.
Our core self won't have to deal with issues such as love, connection, caring, emotional intimacy and vulnerability.
We don't risk being hurt.

Sex-addiction is a major way to avoid taking responsibility for our feelings.
If we feel anxious, alone, lonely, depressed, needy, ... why not just masturbate and blot out our feelings?

Yet, it does nothing to address the real problem.
As long as we use addictions, be it substances or processes, we avoid taking responsibility for our feelings and we are stuck in ways that are not good for anyone.

Porn and fears of intimacy are related.
Deep intimacy is so much more rewarding then these addictions.
But we fear getting hurt and avoid intimacy and turn to addictions such as sex and porn.

When a substance or behaviour fills emptiness, takes away loneliness or avoids pain, it can become an addiction.
While it may feel good for the moment, in the long run it lowers our sense of self-worth.
Anything we do to pacify our painful feelings rather than to attend to them, is self-abandonment and causes the pain to continue.

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What would the Buddha have to say about this? Suffering - cause of suffering - path to end suffering?

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