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InvisibleVeritas
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Intimacy
    #5111147 - 12/27/05 12:12 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

According to Howard and Charlotte Clinebell, (as quoted in Game Free by Tom Oden) there are at least twelve different types of intimacy that can apply to relationships: 

1.  Sexual intimacy (erotic or orgasmic closeness).

2.  Emotional intimacy (being tuned to each other's wavelength).

3.  Intellectual intimacy (closeness in the world of ideas).

4.  Aesthetic intimacy (sharing experiences of beauty).

5.  Creative intimacy (sharing in acts of creating together).

6.  Recreational intimacy (relating in experiences of fun and play).

7.  Work intimacy (the closeness of sharing common tasks).

8.  Crisis intimacy (closeness in coping with problems and pain).

9.  Conflict intimacy (facing/struggling with differences).

10. Commitment intimacy (mutuality derived from common self-investment).

11. Spiritual intimacy (the we-ness in sharing ultimate concerns).

12. Communication intimacy (the source of all types of true intimacy).

13. Sharing space intimacy (living together on a daily basis). 





Quote:

So what does intimate (or intimacy) mean? It tracks back to the Latin word intimus, directed at that which is most "inmost" about our very being. According to the Barnhart Concise Dictionary of Etymology, intimacy is that which is "deep seated, most inward" about us.





I see intimacy as a continuum, traversing from the beginning point of total anonymity to the end point of deepest, broadest inner knowledge of another.

Most of our relationships will be spent in the "shallow end" of the intimacy pool, somewhere between anonymity and friendship.  A few, special people may be allowed into the depths between friendship and life partnership.  Perhaps we will find one or two precious loves whom we allow into the mysterious zone between life partnership and soul mates.

The question that comes to mind for me is: where does the real risk to self lie; in being more unknown or more known?

Our fears seem centered on the depths.  Our self-doubt whispers that intimacy will mean rejection.  No one can accept the shadowy secrets we have hidden away there.  Only in the sunny shallows can we maintain relationships to those we love, those we cannot do without.

The problem with being loved for the aspects of self which we have already accepted is that it does not penetrate to the core.  The beautiful feeling of affection and affinity seems to slip away quickly, leaving only the longing for more.

But when I have allowed love into the depths, when I have "dared" to show the shadows, the longing subsides.  :heart:


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: Intimacy [Re: Veritas]
    #5111193 - 12/27/05 12:26 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

This would apply to some extent or other to every relationship in one's life would it not? Even to strangers in some senses.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Intimacy [Re: Huehuecoyotl]
    #5111199 - 12/27/05 12:28 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Yes, anyone we meet progresses on the continuum away from anonymity towards intimacy. Even a moment of eye contact with a stranger removes their anonymity, and brings them into contact with your unique humanity.


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: Intimacy [Re: Veritas] * 1
    #5111224 - 12/27/05 12:35 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

The vast numbers of people in our world often causes us to depersonalize or dehumanize the vast bulk of humanity. For every human to acknowledge such intimacy would definitely make our planet a more peaceful place.


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Intimacy [Re: Huehuecoyotl] * 1
    #5111251 - 12/27/05 12:41 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Yes, I call it "elevator syndrome," after the way people avoid eye contact or any type of acknowledgement of the presence of the others pressed against them in a crowded elevator.

Perhaps it is unrealistic to think that we could manage the flood of humanity involved in city life if we allowed a measure of intimacy with everyone?  It might be overwhelming without some effort to moderate the input.

This is why I like living in a smallish town (20,000 people), which is far from anything resembling a metropolitan area.  I can easily manage the amount of human interaction I encounter on a daily basis.  I open myself more every day, and have begun experiencing rushes of love and affinity during sustained eye contact with strangers.  So blissful and connected, to share humanity in an open way!  :heart:


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Intimacy [Re: Veritas] * 1
    #5111290 - 12/27/05 12:52 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

the structure of the self is in its boundaries, its rules: they move, they change, they are reconstructed.
intimacy is a relaxation of those boundaries, the structure is invited to collapse and be transformed into spirit.
the rules fogotten.
a rebirth follows


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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InvisibleHuehuecoyotl
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Re: Intimacy [Re: redgreenvines]
    #5111829 - 12/27/05 04:07 PM (18 years, 1 month ago)

Boundaries are one of our society's problems. More open people express themselves and interact more naturally. Just because one can open up does not mean that person would knowingly put themselves in danger. Boundaries are the reason that people uncaringly walk by other people in need of help day after day. "It's not my problem" is usually the mindset. This dehumanizes and depersonalizes our fellow humans. I follow the philosophy of the "tribe" in dealing with my familly and friends. I try to with others. Once more the past is a gift that can save our future. Maybe one day humanity will realize that it is one tribe only.

"All alone, or in two's,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall." --PF


--------------------
"A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda


Edited by Huehuecoyotl (12/27/05 04:39 PM)


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