Quote:

According to Howard and Charlotte Clinebell, (as quoted in Game Free by Tom Oden) there are at least twelve different types of intimacy that can apply to relationships: 

1.  Sexual intimacy (erotic or orgasmic closeness).

2.  Emotional intimacy (being tuned to each other's wavelength).

3.  Intellectual intimacy (closeness in the world of ideas).

4.  Aesthetic intimacy (sharing experiences of beauty).

5.  Creative intimacy (sharing in acts of creating together).

6.  Recreational intimacy (relating in experiences of fun and play).

7.  Work intimacy (the closeness of sharing common tasks).

8.  Crisis intimacy (closeness in coping with problems and pain).

9.  Conflict intimacy (facing/struggling with differences).

10. Commitment intimacy (mutuality derived from common self-investment).

11. Spiritual intimacy (the we-ness in sharing ultimate concerns).

12. Communication intimacy (the source of all types of true intimacy).

13. Sharing space intimacy (living together on a daily basis). 

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Quote:

So what does intimate (or intimacy) mean? It tracks back to the Latin word intimus, directed at that which is most "inmost" about our very being. According to the Barnhart Concise Dictionary of Etymology, intimacy is that which is "deep seated, most inward" about us.

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I see intimacy as a continuum, traversing from the beginning point of total anonymity to the end point of deepest, broadest inner knowledge of another.

Most of our relationships will be spent in the "shallow end" of the intimacy pool, somewhere between anonymity and friendship.  A few, special people may be allowed into the depths between friendship and life partnership.  Perhaps we will find one or two precious loves whom we allow into the mysterious zone between life partnership and soul mates.

The question that comes to mind for me is: where does the real risk to self lie; in being more unknown or more known?

Our fears seem centered on the depths.  Our self-doubt whispers that intimacy will mean rejection.  No one can accept the shadowy secrets we have hidden away there.  Only in the sunny shallows can we maintain relationships to those we love, those we cannot do without.

The problem with being loved for the aspects of self which we have already accepted is that it does not penetrate to the core.  The beautiful feeling of affection and affinity seems to slip away quickly, leaving only the longing for more.

But when I have allowed love into the depths, when I have "dared" to show the shadows, the longing subsides.