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General Interest > Spirituality & Mysticism
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Reaching out.
    #10375514 -

On April 3rd I lost the only person I have ever been able to connect to. My love for her changed my life and made me a better person.

I was living with her until her passing... And when she died her family and landlord decided to make quick work of turning the paradise I knew living with her, into a vulturous feeding frenzy over her possessions.

I am left with one thing that matters deeply to me, a knife...

She kept this knife as a means of control over her life. With her body ravaged by lupus, she was in constant mild pain, with occasional intensification. She kept the knife to end her life should the suffering become too much to bare.

Her pain was only one of the many sufferings she had to endure in her 26 years of life.

She died of a infection of the throat, which continued to her brain and caused fatal swelling.

The pain the swelling caused was hardly new to her, at the time she believed it was just another migraine and went to the hospital for painkillers. She fell asleep at her mothers house, waiting for a roast that she would never get to taste.

When I was uprooted from the home I had with her, I stayed at a mutual friends house.

That night, her voice was heard, and I saw her...

Although at the time, in darkness and half awake, I assumed I was seeing someone else.

It wasn't until the next morning that the events became clear...


When I was getting baked at the mutual friends house, I was wearing the knife around my neck, in it's case, tied in place by a shoe string... If feels good to keep it close, and under the mild psychadelic effect of marijuana. It felt as if the knife became heavier and lighter.

I have heard that mushrooms and lsd can lead to interaction with the spiritual realm, for many years I have been a devout atheist. I am ready to believe, in what, I know not what is. Perhaps I could make some sort of shamanistic journey out of all this?

http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/380/jxmas001.jpg


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The Mad Shroomer said:
People are always promising the apocalypse. They never deliver. :frown:

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Wasteland]
    #10375637 -

A friend of mine died on her way to church. Age 17.
She had been fighting with her family, and had driven off in a rage.
Something along the road caused her to swerve, and she over-corrected, flipping the vehicle.

A few nights later, the parents heard a noise outside so they went to check. The family vehicle had the interior lights turned on, but the doors were all shut and locked.

I was working with her brother at the time, and he swears that she would come back to visit the house.

I've had my far share of strange occurrences, so I don't write it off. But at the same time, grief can be extremely powerful. If she is truly trying to communicate with you, I think being receptive is enough. There is no need to go chasing.


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Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Kickle]
    #10375663 -

The hard part is, this mutual friend... Really is more of an acquaintance. And we don't have much in common, so my presence there is more awkward than welcome.

I've been considering talking to the current residents of her apartment. Would it be going too far to ask them to contact me if anything out of the ordinary occurs?

If there is a chance of reaching her, I don't want to let it slide by.

I fucked up once, when she had come to me.

When I saw her, she wanted me to follow her upstairs...


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The Mad Shroomer said:
People are always promising the apocalypse. They never deliver. :frown:

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Kickle]
    #10375666 -

sorry to hear that man ! 2 of my friends died a few years back.
one of them drowned at a lake,another was doing coke and dope and died at a rehab clinic in his sleep

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: OogieBoogie]
    #10375694 -

I'm not sure you feel the same way about your friend in rehab, but, I find comfort knowing she passed in her sleep. There are a lot of very unpleasant ways of finding the afterlife, sleeping your way to it probably is one of the best ways to go.


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The Mad Shroomer said:
People are always promising the apocalypse. They never deliver. :frown:

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Wasteland]
    #10375711 -

thats how he died his roomate woke up and found him there so he died in his sleep also,but i agree with you id like to think thats how im going to go.
:goodluck:  sorry to hear about youre loss

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Wasteland]
    #10375760 -

Quote:
If there is a chance of reaching her, I don't want to let it slide by.

I fucked up once, when she had come to me.

When I saw her, she wanted me to follow her upstairs...


I stand by saying that being receptive is all you need. Should she appear again, you'll be ready to receive her.

If she doesn't, maybe this situation deserves another look. Why didn't you follow, and why do you feel like you messed up by not doing so? I'm sure you were only being you, someone that she loved.


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Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Kickle]
    #10375853 -

I didn't recognize her.

At the bottom of a darkened stairway, I thought she was someone else.


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The Mad Shroomer said:
People are always promising the apocalypse. They never deliver. :frown:

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Wasteland]
    #10375909 -

Doesn't sound like you messed up at all, but you're the final judge in the matter.

Sorry I'm not of more mystical help, but I've always found attentive awareness to that which is already provided to be the best source of mystical experience.


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Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Kickle]
    #10375923 -

Hey, just typing about this is helping me.

I'm not looking for some mystic sage who can throw a ouija board or some crystal ball at me.


--------------------
The Mad Shroomer said:
People are always promising the apocalypse. They never deliver. :frown:

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Wasteland]
    #10375939 -

Darn, I had my crystal ball at the ready too.
It's not quite a baseball, but it does throw pretty well :smirk:


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Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Kickle]
    #10375972 -

:lol:

This is damn near therapeutic for me. It's a damn shame my library time is almost up.

Maybe I could get away with posting in the hospitals computer lab...


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The Mad Shroomer said:
People are always promising the apocalypse. They never deliver. :frown:

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Re: Reaching out. [Re: Wasteland]
    #10375990 -

Glad to hear you're getting benefit out of it.
And thanks for the thoughtful post :cheers:


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Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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General Interest > Spirituality & Mysticism
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