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so this one time i went insane...
    #10302828 -

and while I was in the nut house with a bad case of the psychosis, in my mind there was a great battle waging on that was beyond the perception of the average man's senses. The battle was weather I should be given a second chance at this reality... would I do great evil or would I recover as an altruist and change the world around me for the better. For months while I was mentally broken, entities continued to debate over my freedom and its possible benefits, I told them with my mind that I'd be changed man, but they knew Id say what needs to be said to get what I want, and therefor I was disregarded. After 3 months of intense neural pathway disorganization, I was given a new form of medication that made me feel real again. Was this the entities' choice or was this just a coincidence? I coudln't tell yeah, but every so often I get some kind of subliminal message from them, weather it be on a tv show or a song on the radio, and sometimes I see their message with the smile of a persons face when i do them a good deed for them.

Insanity... God's way of saying STFU

Don't ever think you know it all...


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: LuNaTiX]
    #10302838 -

So the medication worked?

No more angels and demons?


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If you build it they will shrug.
:shrug:

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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: Swyfty Swyf]
    #10302847 -

No schizo fully recovers, like a sponge expanded with water, it will never go back to its original state.


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: LuNaTiX]
    #10302852 -

I've  had psychosis similar to that before, it sucks :sun:


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: AmericanPsycho]
    #10302865 -

for me insanity was merely high stress training.
Kinda like super cropping a plant, twist the stem, it snaps and for awhile it sucks for that plant, but when it recovers it grows and thrives better then ever... or it dies of an infection. Risky but potentially effective


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: LuNaTiX]
    #10302883 -

i always wish i could better relate to people who've experienced schizophrenia ... like, understand what they really mean when they describe it

... and yet at the same time I don't, if you know what i mean


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Weedmaster P knows the truth.

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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: laserpig]
    #10302907 -

take a moderate dose of mushrooms, thats what its like most the time, take a high dose, thats what its like from time to time.

Best way i can describe it is heaven and hell, fluctuating back and forth over n over day by day, one minute you are Jesus reborn, here to save mankind... the next you are a criminal wanted by some psychic police who work for the government (and everyone is secretly working for them also, so naturally u cant trust even teh nurse giving you your meds :shocked:)


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: LuNaTiX]
    #10302929 -

haha i thought i was the only one that comes down with this condition. Usually it comes during the winter months. Summer I'm always healthy. What givs? like everything in my life will be completely normal then when the time comes for the bs(what I think of it) my mind is like the source of a trigger that is reflected thru everybody and thing. Like I've seen unnatural stuff like liquids and things acting funny. I was dianoised with schizophrenia and I really don't think it is like that. It's something more real. It makes me drop out of school and quit work for the past 2 years of my life. This year I'm going to stick thru it because I realize that these probably just are "images" my brain is making up. And since I really don't affect/effect others things all around me with my thoughts, I can just say hey fuck you I'm not doing shit but thinking thoughts and living my life in private. So I'm hopin I won't have to get on meds again when the time comes...

but thanks. I needed to clear my mind on this.


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: LuNaTiX]
    #10302932 -

They said I had Schizophreniform
LuNaTiX said:
take a moderate dose of mushrooms, thats what its like most the time, take a high dose, thats what its like from time to time.

Best way i can describe it is heaven and hell, fluctuating back and forth over n over day by day, one minute you are Jesus reborn, here to save mankind... the next you are a criminal wanted by some psychic police who work for the government (and everyone is secretly working for them also, so naturally u cant trust even teh nurse giving you your meds :shocked:)


So you have schizophrenia ?  What meds do u take?  Zyprexa ?


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: foodsgoodtoo]
    #10302939 -

without my meds I would be in the same boat as you, simple tasks become too intense to complete, my mind would be focused on things that seem more important then the job at hand (usually there not).


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: foodsgoodtoo]
    #10302940 -

oh and one more thing. It's not as easy as saying oh I'm not doing anything wrong. The feelings and things that happen to me are absolutely overwhelming. If I reveal too much info to a person treating me. I seriously think I'd be considered insane. But I never do due to what power they would have over me depending on the condition I'm in. I'll never hurt or harm anyone so I think its still safe for me not to tell them everything. I really want to tho. But I just can't see myself telling another person after seeing some of my close friends reaction from this. So yeah. I don't expect to be like oh yeah thats how it is. I bet your like I'm nuts. But w/e I use to be atheist and considered myself to be pretty thorough when it comes to outside beings and those sorts.


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: AmericanPsycho]
    #10302945 -

Yessir, 10 mg
started me off at 15, I started taking 7 instead because I was losing my sharpness, so now im on 10 and I feel quite stable for the most part.


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: foodsgoodtoo]
    #10302960 -

As long as you can control it its ok. but if it ever becomes out of control and you notice this, try a low dose of any anti psychotic, noone likes taking them, but for each person there is a medication that will take the additional stress of disorganized thoughts from your mind. Keep in mind that after every episode you have, it becomes harder and harder to come back to reality. Also keep in mind, schizos who do not medicate themselves tend to lose gray matter in their brains over time.



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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: LuNaTiX]
    #10302985 -

ding ding ding!  BINGO!  WE HAVE A WINNER! :tongue2:
LuNaTiX said:
Best way i can describe it is heaven and hell, fluctuating back and forth over n over day by day, one minute you are Jesus reborn, here to save mankind... the next you are a criminal wanted by some psychic police who work for the government (and everyone is secretly working for them also, so naturally u cant trust even teh nurse giving you your meds :shocked:)



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Big Gulps!  Alright!  Well,  See ya later!
And if i claim to be a wise man, well, it surely means that i dont know!

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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: DeadPhan]
    #10302998 -

The feel of being chased, its exhilarating, you don't feel alive until you are running for your what seems to be your life.


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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: LuNaTiX]
    #10303237 -

dude....ive ran scared shitless out of many a cities, towns, houses, nowhereinparticulars!
this one time in san fran psycho i couldnt find a fukin bush to feel safe in.  whereas most places ive been when i had those type of episodes i at least found places i felt at least a little bit safe.  or secluded.  at least able to watch it come up on me which for some reason made me feel better than it coming out of nowhere. 
but i was in san fran, and i had kids on bikes ridin by all like, there he is, that guy we need to take out, lets go get the crew!
crazy....
and then i was like in the middle of nowhere in the city, thought i ditched all the demons and gangstas, mind police, and everything and i came up past this guy that pulled over onto the sidewalk.  out walks this ginourmous big black dude......and as im approaching the car, he opens the trunk, and like looks into it, then looks straight at me, almost to say, yea, ull fit in here just fine!
i started bookin hard, and he did get back in the car almost as to follow me. 
keep in mind i have a backpack with about 60 pounds of gear on it.  holy shit!
thats only one of many stories of me being chased by all kinds of underground shit.
this one time they were shouting out my name and talking to me on cell phones right next to me because they knew i was at too much of a heightened state to be able to handle them coming straight out at me.
they were like, yea, we know u know we know u know, etc.  they were like, how are you feeling, its ok...etc
but other times they were way threatening tellin me how for so long in my life i havent legitly contributed to commerce.  alot of it has always had to do about money.  there are times ive goten messages from them that my job is to realy start movin and pushin psychedelics and get the ball rollin as well as get some money flowing.  weird man
then there are times where i feel like they are just telin me to fuck off
its hard to explain man


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Big Gulps!  Alright!  Well,  See ya later!
And if i claim to be a wise man, well, it surely means that i dont know!

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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: DeadPhan]
    #10303460 -

Damn, schizophrenia sounds pretty exciting.

Major depressive disorder, avoidant personality disorder and anxiety is pretty boring. Except when I have major panic attacks. Those are pretty exciting in the sense that you feel minutes away from taking your last breath.

Whew. :crazy2:


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Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.

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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: WakeboardrB]
    #10303540 -

lol haha gods way of sayin stfu... lol

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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: Mastamike1118]
    #10303556 -

Mastamike1118 said:
lol haha gods way of sayin stfu... lol


haha
fo real
that shit was like woah for me
it was like......i was a lil out there with a lota the shit i was experiencing and at some point shit just got so fucking wierd....and it seemed like everything was just like, "check yoself!"
it was intense but real awesome at the same time.  it was like, this shit is for you, no need to go around shoutin from the rooftops.  altho when shown such shit its hard not to.  for me anyway.


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Big Gulps!  Alright!  Well,  See ya later!
And if i claim to be a wise man, well, it surely means that i dont know!

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Re: so this one time i went insane... [Re: LuNaTiX]
    #10303603 -

One of my friends was on 15mg olanzapine (zyprexa) after being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. He stopped taking it for a couple of days (so that it could sort of clear his system, that shit stays in there for long) and he ate some acid with us.

I wasn't fully aware of his mental situation at this point in time, but whilst I battled through 8 hours of fuzzyness and confusion (my gf of 2.5 years practically broke up with me just as I dropped), he was having the time of his life and it seemed to actually help him on the road to recovery.

He hasn't taken any olanzapine since and seems to being doing fine. He's  had one 'break' since then, when we unknowingly ate an unknown research chemical, which turned out to be some kind of delirious stimulant (see a post I made called 'dealing with insanity') where he was caught in the most savage loops I've ever seen anyone in and he was getting aggressive and looked completely lost.

But yeah, other than that, he says he feels much better in himself, he was nearing the end of his olanzapine cycle anyways (he had 2months left) and it helped him finalize it :shrug:.

Another one of my friends who had psychoses keeps on trying to eat psychedelics, but olanzapine seems to almost completely block their action :shrug:.


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"I only ever hope to reach equilibrium, in Nature's matrix, in line with the meridian" ~ Jehst

:sun: "...and I know that I have to keep breathing, as tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide will bring?" :sun:

Free Spore Ring Europe
Send any spare spore prints you might have and help the distribution :grin:

Open Source. Freedom.  GNU/Linux

Addicting is not a word.

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