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Coping with pressures to conform
    #9083509 -

I live in a dilemma created by my mind.

I notice my cravings to conform, to buy 'cool' things, to be 'cool', and to be accepted.

I am aware of these pressures, and try to not let myself fall under them, but I just end up partly conforming while still suffering from the pressures.

I can recognize these pressures, but I still fall victim to them.  I don't know why, it's tough to step outside these expectations.  Most of my friends would assume I'm my own person and don't fall prey to such pressures but thats only because they are much more 'blind'.

This is probably a problem I have to solve myself, but this forum is a great way to express myself and look for help and guidance so it's worth posting.

"In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep." —Einstein

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: NastyDHL]
    #9083624 -

Where are these pressures coming from?

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: DieCommie]
    #9083668 -

I think my desires to fit in, be admired, be respected and looked up to, but I don't know how accurate that answer is to be honest.

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: NastyDHL]
    #9083848 -

Meh, make yourself happy. Fuck what other people think.

Edited by Le_Canard (10/15/08 09:27 PM)

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: Le_Canard]
    #9083879 -

I know dude, but it is easier said than done...I dunno, I've been trying to confront some issues I need to overcome lately, hopefully some molly and mushrooms helps me out.

Wish I could conquer these problems without drugs but whatever it takes, I guess. :shrug:

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: NastyDHL]
    #9083957 -

NastyDHL said:
I know dude, but it is easier said than done...



not really.  by doing what you want to do, you will naturally attract/detract people. 

do what you want, be prepared to (potentially) lost a friend or few, and be happy


follow duk's advice


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: demiu5]
    #9084002 -

Nah dude, it's alot easier said than done to completely not give a fuck about what other people think.

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: NastyDHL]
    #9084114 -

it really is, all you have to do is what you want, other people be damned

very simple


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: NastyDHL]
    #9084118 -

I think....confidence is the best way to oust fear of rejection, which if you're feeling pressured to conform, you are probably feeling.

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: fazdazzle]
    #9084567 -

I understand your suffering and find myself in a similar situation. When I think about what I want to do in life to make myself happy I realize my dreams are unrealistic because of the pressure of society. I wish I could be like Buddha and spend my whole life meditating and trying to discover the the meaning of life through use of drugs and experiences. However, in our society something like this would be greatly frowned upon and my survival would be jeopardized. I am constantly reminded about what society demands from me: sex, girlfriend, job, school, marriage. To obtain these things (and I must because my brain has been programmed to seek these things out) I must conform to the pressure of society, I must be ``cool`` so I can get laid, etc...

I think we watched to much tv man, these pressures are embedded in our heads :frown:.


--------------------

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: fawhit]
    #9084760 -

fawhit said:
I understand your suffering and find myself in a similar situation. When I think about what I want to do in life to make myself happy I realize my dreams are unrealistic because of the pressure of society. I wish I could be like Buddha and spend my whole life meditating and trying to discover the the meaning of life through use of drugs and experiences. However, in our society something like this would be greatly frowned upon and my survival would be jeopardized. I am constantly reminded about what society demands from me: sex, girlfriend, job, school, marriage. To obtain these things (and I must because my brain has been programmed to seek these things out) I must conform to the pressure of society, I must be ``cool`` so I can get laid, etc...

I think we watched to much tv man, these pressures are embedded in our heads :frown:.



you could [attempt to] reprogram yourself

:idea:


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: NastyDHL]
    #9085020 -

I have been having feelings of conformity since I quit doing good drugs. I am kind of a lonely person so that is probably why I get an urge to conform and do things that everyone else is doing.

I think I hate life...I want drugs back.


--------------------
"If we could sniff or swallow something that would, for five or six hours each day, abolish our solitude as individuals, atone us with our fellows in a glowing exaltation of affection and make life in all its aspects seem not only worth living, but divinely beautiful and significant, and if this heavenly, world-transfiguring drug were of such a kind that we could wake up next morning with a clear head and an undamaged constitution - then, it seems to me, all our problems (and not merely the one small problem of discovering a novel pleasure) would be wholly solved and earth would become paradise." - Aldous Huxley
:drooling:GIVE ME OPIATES OR GIVE ME DEATH:drooling:

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: aDoS]
    #9085230 -

It's a shame.But this is a part of life and how the world works.
If you truly be yourself you will eventually find people you have things in common with and therefore the need to conform won't be as great.
Hopefully not..

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: Alma Mistica]
    #9085258 -

It sounds to me like your biggest pressure, is the pressure to be "non-conformist".

You know: be counterculture, not a "sheep", and be an "individual",.......just like all the other non conformists.  Really, you are just trading one flock for another.


--------------------
...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: badchad]
    #9087719 -

badchad said:
It sounds to me like your biggest pressure, is the pressure to be "non-conformist".

You know: be counterculture, not a "sheep", and be an "individual",.......just like all the other non conformists.  Really, you are just trading one flock for another.


:thumbup:

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: badchad]
    #9088756 -

Ehhhh, that's definitely not the problem...if anything I feel more pressure because I know I'm a non-conformist and I recognize conformities in others and conformational pressures in myself.  It's a burden because I don't seem to have maybe the confidence(?) to just be myself without paying attention to what other people think.  An earlier post in this thread made me more aware of the fact that my confidence has dropped severely.

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: NastyDHL]
    #9088935 -

Always be aware of the urge to seek approval from others.  It used to run my life.  When I really started to examine my 'needs', I found many of them were centered around needing to appear smart/strong/cool/independent in the eyes of others.  This need for approval and admiration affected everything: my posture, my gestures, my clothing, my choice of entertainment... everything I did, I assessed based on how I thought it looked.  I scrounged for little bits of admiration and esteem whenever I could, I just didn't realize it.  I was always looking to impress, to get a laugh, to make others jealous. It's a shitty motivator; it can lead to a really painful level of self-consciousness. 

Decide not to seek out these piddly little scraps of approval, they don't get you anywhere, they just convince you (for the moment) that you are 'ok.'  It can be like a drug.  I used to fiend for it (still do) but now I know how to abstain most of the time.  It's an addiction, it really is.

For me it had just as much to do with avoiding disapproval/looking stupid.  Whenever you feel socially uncomfortable, it's a red flag that you are yearning for approval.  Look at the things you do, and the things you find yourself wanting to do, and identify what exactly what it is that your brain thinks you might stand to gain from that activity.  You might find it's esteem or approval a lot of the time (which is essentially worthless; it just feels good.)


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #9091352 -

Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it as it was pretty accurate and insightful.

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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: NastyDHL]
    #9093936 -

NastyDHL said:
Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it as it was pretty accurate and insightful.


I concur, thanks Whiskey.


--------------------
  Moderation is key 

  "There is no god higher than truth." 


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Re: Coping with pressures to conform [Re: aDoS]
    #9094884 -

aDoS said:
I think I hate life...I want drugs back.


qft


--------------------
Ishmael
http://www.ishmael.org

Ron Paul 2008!
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/

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