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InvisibleKackleDude
transmundaneother

Registered: 06/11/02
Posts: 863
Loc: Close to the Edge, Down b...
Coping with loss impedeing gain
    #3511422 - 12/17/04 12:25 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Anyone with experience with the aforementioned have advice to share? any words at all would be appreciated. I'll add my words as soon as I find them. thank you


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yeeeahh, it's gonna be well wicked


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InvisibleLe_Canard
Danger Man
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 93,260
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Coping with loss impedeing gain [Re: KackleDude]
    #3511582 - 12/17/04 01:12 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

No offense, but I'm really not sure what you're asking. Please explain...


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InvisibleKackleDude
transmundaneother

Registered: 06/11/02
Posts: 863
Loc: Close to the Edge, Down b...
Re: Coping with loss impedeing gain [Re: Le_Canard]
    #3512091 - 12/17/04 03:09 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I was hoping to leave it open-ended for a moment, but I'll detail
I recently lost my father to cancer and while I feel relatively at peace with this fact and have come to terms with it, I can't help but feel this huge hole in my life. The most influential man in my life is now absent from earth; I've always looked to him for advice or inspiration. One of the finest human beings i've ever known.
I've sort of walled off a piece of me for whatever reason, I think it's to avoid experiencing loss on such a scale again. I feel that I'm not at my full potential as a human and I'm having trouble unlocking that side of me. Socialization I think took its toll on me and I've become introverted and reserved. I want nothing more than to share my thoughts and feelings with certain people I love but I'm having trouble vocalizing those thoughts. I'm not sure why.
I'm sorry if this seems disjointed, my thought patterns rarely revolve around words and they make it hard to quantify what goes on in the mind.

Thanks for asking for elaboration


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yeeeahh, it's gonna be well wicked


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OfflineTinTree
thread killer(semi pro)
Male User Gallery

Registered: 02/15/04
Posts: 1,456
Loc: Mu
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
Re: Coping with loss impedeing gain [Re: KackleDude]
    #3512304 - 12/17/04 05:50 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Out of curiosity, do you do any kind of art, writing, or performing music? Concepts that can be difficult to relate verbally, such as emotion, can be evoked through the arts much more effectively. Draw, paint, or write about what you feel. Share your art with those close to you, friends, family, and you share your mind in a way that is not possible through conversation. Further, art can be therapeutic, cathartic, and plainly enjoyable.
Maybe I'm way off track, but you're saying you feel a huge hole in your life... you are clearly missing something. Art for me is both recreation and therapy in one. :shrug:


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"I'm afraid of losing my obscurity. Genuineness only thrives in the dark. Like celery."
- Aldous Huxley


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InvisibleDirtMcgirt
in a pinch
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Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 2,213
Loc: city of angels
Re: Coping with loss impedeing gain [Re: KackleDude]
    #3512332 - 12/17/04 06:17 AM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Talking with people helps but you got to come to terms within first and that is gradual. You may feel you've completely accepted it but you haven't. Especially when losing somebody that close to you.

I lost by best friend 2 years ago. Seriously he was the brother I never had and one day a friend of mine came into my work out of the blue and said "Mikey drowned". Even worse than that another real good friend of mine was killed 6 months later. I too became introverted and that I think is natural. Even when their death wasn't on my mind socialization /meeting people/enjoying my hobbies or interests didn't seem as easy as before. I didn't even realize I was being introverted lots of the time. Its shock, dude. It sounds like you've accepted you dad's death but your still not over it. The thing is you can't force it. It won't happen in 3 weeks kinda time either. I would say I'm still not over it but I'm myself again. Before you know it you'll wake up and realize you haven't thought about your dad in a month and your thoughts won't be met with sadness but joy from your memories and feel lucky for having experienced his presence. Sounds corny but its true.

Some days your gonna feel more sad than others, and life is gonna suck sometimes.

In the end Mikey & Noah's death made me appreciate my friends and family more and I'm a better person for it. Of course I wish they were still here and a piece of me went with their souls but this has stopped effecting me. This doesn't happen in a couple weeks and its not supposed to.

I have no advice for you but reading your post hit home and all I can say is I feel ya and you'll learn to cope with this. It can't be taught. No words will make it better; only you will. There is nothing you can really do but wait it out. After all I assume you feel better now than you did right after his death and later you will feel better than now.


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"And we, inhabitants of the great coral of the Cosmos, believe the atom (which still we cannot see) to be full matter, whereas, it too, like everything else, is but an embroidery of voids in the Void, and we give the name of being, dense and even eternal, to that dance of inconsistencies, that infinite extension that is identified with absolute Nothingness and that spins from its own non-being the illusion of everything."


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InvisibleFucknuckle
Dog Lover

Registered: 04/24/04
Posts: 6,762
Re: Coping with loss impedeing gain [Re: KackleDude]
    #3513253 - 12/17/04 01:09 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

You have not lost everything. All that you ever learned and absorb from your father is still with in your grasp. You have the ability to take any situation in your life and apply it to your father and his lead,wisdom and love of you. It is your heart where he now lives. You have your father with you at all times.

That big hole you feel is a lie, Oh don't get me wrong it feels at it should. But you are going to learn to understand it better as time goes on. Be strong.............. How would your father handle this ?

See you can still talk to him and be guided by his love.


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What it is, is what it is my Brother.
It is as it is, so suffer thru it.


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InvisibleKackleDude
transmundaneother

Registered: 06/11/02
Posts: 863
Loc: Close to the Edge, Down b...
Re: Coping with loss impedeing gain [Re: Fucknuckle]
    #3518141 - 12/18/04 09:46 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

Thank you all for your thoughts
I do draw and create music fairly well, I've been attempting to encapsulate a feeling into these mediums but It's hard to capture more than a very broad emotion. I distanced myself from a girl, a very good friend who keeps prompting me to elaborate on our relationship and I find it very difficult to find the text that she wishes to hear, that I wish to say. After our 'relationship' petered out music has been my greatest release of energy. By peterd out I mean... Friend with benefits became simply friends. Her friendship's been invaluable, I made sure she knows this as she's been one of the shining lights in my days spent in holes of despondancy. I wish to pick up where we left off; I think she feels the same although she now is back with her old boyfriend. Not out of blind love mind you, but out of a sense of obligation; she's the type that feels that she must go somewhere when a relationship falls apart. She finds him very unattractive yet stays with him out of comfort & predictability. This causes me to stay distanced when I want nothing more than to sweep her off her feet which is what I think she's waiting for. We won't see each other until next quarter (two weeks) so I'm taking this as an oppurtunity to refresh my thoughts to gain a different perspective on the issue.
Regarding my dad;
There was no other time he could've died. The weeks leading to his death hurt more than the week afterwards. Seeing such a strong man in such a weak state confirmed that part of him was already dead.
I had a dream a couple weeks ago. He was alive and kickin with his huge trademark grin, in full health and all.. I had an inner conflict, knowing he was simultaneously dead and alive perplexed me no end. If I'd realized the impossible reality at the moment I would've known it was a dream and became lucid to talk to him. In reflecting on it, the dream signified that he is in fact very alive in a sense. While he's no longer here in person, he's here in all the persons' lives he touched. Looking around me now, I see him everywhere. He built this house I sit in; That's his unfinished dream yacht (mine now) sitting in the driveway. I look in the mirror and feel him gazing back at me, I smile and feel his grin lines on my face.

hmm this is one of the more concise manifestations of my thoughts in recent times and it's to an audiance of strangers, how interesting. Thank you for being there to read them


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yeeeahh, it's gonna be well wicked


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InvisibleLe_Canard
Danger Man
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Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 93,260
Loc: Earthfarm 1 Flag
Re: Coping with loss impedeing gain [Re: KackleDude]
    #3518301 - 12/18/04 10:27 PM (11 years, 11 months ago)

I feel for you. I lost both my parents when I was quite young. All I can say is that while you'll feel better in time, you'll also never forget them. The best thing you can do now is not to let grief consume you and soldier on. Easier said than done, I know. My condolences to you and your family...


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