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mulege
Stranger

Registered: 10/25/07
Posts: 7
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
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Depression - at a loss
#7560058 - 10/25/07 05:30 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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So I started school at university last year in Commerce (biznazz), and dropped out after the first semester. Might have been the crappy roommate, might have been the strain on the long distance relationship with my girlfriend, might have been the fact that I have no idea in hell what to do. All I know is I decided that I wanted to get into 3D animation, something I'd had somewhat of an interest in for years.
Started the art fundamentals program at a different college that leads to 3D animation, realized it wasn't for me, and dropped out, deciding to work for the rest of the year and return to university.
Now I'm back at the original university, finishing the second semester that I would have done last year, and I still feel depressed. Long distance relationship pains again, feel no sense of direction in the program I'm in, my 3 roommates are all good buddies and I'm just kind of living here, and I dunno. Like it says in the title of the thread - at a loss. Dunno what to do, cause as much as I can half-ass this year, I won't be able to get through the next one in this state of mind.
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shroower



Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 518
Loc: Europe
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: mulege]
#7560096 - 10/25/07 05:44 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Don't worry, think about me. I dropped out after 3 years in my mathematics course finding out that wasn't for me and now I'll probably back in 2009 (because I can't join 2008 anymore) for another course. I'm double fucked.
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate



Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 3 days, 20 hours
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: mulege]
#7560106 - 10/25/07 05:48 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Spend time by yourself and get to know yourself a bit better. Spend time sitting in a chair with your computer and iPod and cell phone off, doing absolutely nothing; keep your back straight, just feel yourself breathe, bring awareness into your aliveness.
I don't know much about long distances relationships, but I doubt I would be any good at handling one. Program yourself with positive thoughts, realize that you are not dependent on your partner's presence for fulfilment.
I'm in sort of a similar situation as you. I'm in a weird living situation at a school where I'm majoring in something I have very little interest in. I flunked out my first semester of college, worked for a semester, did two semesters of community college, then transferred. There were some very trying times along the way, but through the experience I learned to trust my ability a bit more, and develop a sense that failure is not negative, it is a huge opportunity for becoming more humble, more sincere, more hard-working, more patient.
What I try to work on is getting exercise and eating healthy, because this alone drastically reduces negativity. Eating slowly, savoring every bite, chewing well; eating organic foods, raw foods - these things make more of a difference than I would ever have imagined on my mental wellbeing. Admittedly it's hard to eat a great diet in college, but try your best. Having an exercise regimen that will not have any negative impact on your body and will balance you and make you work up a big sweat is very beneficial.
Practice tonglen. This is a simple Buddhist practice of meditating daily on the fact that you are not alone in your struggle. All the negative thoughts, anxiety about the future, uncertainty about your current path, emotional and physical pain, everything... It's called being human. You could be in a lot worse situation than you're in. You're in a relationship, you're in college in a country where you have choices about the kind of person you want to develop into.
Let go of your selective memory of the past. Let go of your mind-created future - an illusion. Let go of that which is beyond your control. Let go of your self-created drama. Let go of any sense of victimhood or resentment that you come upon. Let go!
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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shroower



Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 518
Loc: Europe
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: Lion]
#7560121 - 10/25/07 05:52 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'll get that tips too.
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mulege
Stranger

Registered: 10/25/07
Posts: 7
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: Lion]
#7560131 - 10/25/07 05:55 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Great advice bug. It's weird though, I don't feel like this is a conventional depression. It all seems to come down to the fact that I feel no real purpose in what I'm doing, and little else. My outlook isn't even completely negative; I'm holing an 80% (or 10 in our points system) average, working and almost have a job lined up for the summer that'll make crazy good money. The thing is, no matter what I do, until I realize what it is I have a passion for in life, I can't be happy or satisfied with my situation. I need to feel like I'm actually working towards something, not just walking along a random path because my family doesn't want me to end up working for low wage with no post-secondary education.
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Booby
Agent Mulder

Registered: 09/14/05
Posts: 3,781
Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: mulege]
#7560160 - 10/25/07 06:06 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Don't you people have councilors that see right thru you to your problems? Don't all universities have wizards and shamans that know just by looking at you where you best fit in? Do you own a ouija board?
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate



Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 3 days, 20 hours
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: mulege]
#7560170 - 10/25/07 06:09 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Well, as someone told me before when my mind was wandering to my purpose in life... 'You could always try being here now.' Meaning to say, you don't need to find some higher calling, discover some fiery passion that will totally absorb your intellect. It's better to learn to accept what it and find happiness in the experience of being alive and the moments you share with the people around you... all of whom are as complex as you and doing their best to discover contentment in themselves.
I definitely think it is good to have something you're working toward. I'm working toward developing my meditation practice and earning my first belt in martial arts. And I'm working on being more loving and accepting, and identifying anger and jealousy and greed when they arise. And I'm planning to study abroad next year. Have you thought about that option? I think a lot of people who have no idea what they want to do study abroad, because it provides a new experience and with it shifts in perspective about the human condition and the beauty of the world. I want to go to South Africa for a semester, then travel north through the continent and arrive in Ghana for my second semester. It's something to work towards that, if I actually do decide to follow through and go to a foreign continent for an entire year, will be exciting and life-affirming.
College can feel like a random path indeed. I mean, I'm a Govt. & Politics major, and I am about the least likely person in the world to have a role in the no-nonsense world of politics.
This can be especially burdensome if your parents are supporting you, cause then you feel like, 'I need to put my degree to good use or I'll have wasted my parents' hard-earned money'. I haven't found the answer to that yet. I've tried my best to find alternatives to college, and I haven't found any that I think are worth pursuing at this point, so I'm doing my best to work with what I've been given. That's all we can do.
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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mulege
Stranger

Registered: 10/25/07
Posts: 7
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: Lion]
#7560457 - 10/25/07 07:36 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Yeah, I don't have the option of switching out of my program. And why would I switch out of it? Any program I could switch to would be equally if not probably less something I want to do than the program I'm in now. And I still can and do work on other non-school things, but school comprises so much of what I do and has such an effect on my life, and I know that if I don't figure out what it is that I really want to do soon, I won't have the drive to make it through the next year.
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vaportrail
upandaway



Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 121
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: Lion]
#7560516 - 10/25/07 07:56 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
It all seems to come down to the fact that I feel no real purpose in what I'm doing, and little else
Do you need a purpose to go swimming? Stop standing at the end of the dock thinking and jump in. Throw away your expectations.. go crazy, be silly, just play.
-------------------- and the hippos were boiled in their tanks
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mulege
Stranger

Registered: 10/25/07
Posts: 7
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: vaportrail]
#7560586 - 10/25/07 08:16 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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I AM swimming, I've been crazy, I've been silly, I've been happy, I've been sad. I'm just depressed because I know I'm heading towards a probable failure (school-wise) next year if I don't figure this out. I can only bring myself to work so hard and study so much when I don't feel purpose or motivation for what I'm in.
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Lion
Decadent Flower Magnate



Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 3 days, 20 hours
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: mulege]
#7560588 - 10/25/07 08:17 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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What's the worst that could happen?
-------------------- “Strengthened by contemplation and study, I will not fear my passions like a coward. My body I will give to pleasures, to diversions that I’ve dreamed of, to the most daring erotic desires, to the lustful impulses of my blood, without any fear at all, for whenever I will— and I will have the will, strengthened as I’ll be with contemplation and study— at the crucial moments I’ll recover my spirit as was before: ascetic.”
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mulege
Stranger

Registered: 10/25/07
Posts: 7
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
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Re: Depression - at a loss [Re: Lion]
#7560598 - 10/25/07 08:19 PM (16 years, 3 months ago) |
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The worst that could happen is failing out of university, killing my transcript and having to settle for college. **shudders**
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