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I feel like shit warmed over. I feel like I never have my shit togethr, and never have. I'm trying to change that, I quit smoking weed (probably part of why I'm feeling shitty). But I didn't ever have my shit together before I smoked.
Sorry, just didn't want to be all fuckin emo-whiny under my own name.
Yeah, it sure sucks when you realize that ditching your crutch doesn't solve the problems that motivated you to pick it up in the first place.
Takes effort. Always does.
The irony is, if you'd just put the effort in, you could keep smokin' the weed or whatever else you do for crutches. It's not the weed... it's the belief in your mind that you can use it as a way of avoiding the things you know you need to do. That's what needs changing.
Realize that if you respect the substance instead of abusing it, you can gain the clarity necessary to do what needs to be done to get your shit together.
I think weed helped me keep my shit more together, I quit more for the money than anything. A gram a day doesn't come cheap. I don't blame weed for any of my shortcomings, since it helped me overcome several of them.
I just fucking sucks I just figured out I somehow took the wrong course for one of my graduation requirements, which kinda fucks with my plan of moving and using using my degree to get a decent job. The course I was supposed to take isn't even offered in the fall.
I don't have enough money to stay in town and finish my degree right now either, as I'd arranged to move in up north with my girlfriend, and I have to be contributing my part towards the lease. Fuck fuck fuck.
I guess I just move as planned an get whatever fulltime job I can for a year, then come back next year to get my degree.
I haven't felt this fucked up and depressed since the middle school hormone years. I hate feeling like a goddamn emokid I guess not ever having got my act together is coming back to bite me in the ass
Oh well, you make the best of what you got. I'll manage. A extra year+ before I get my degree isn't the end of the world. My girl still loves me, my cat still loves me. I just feel like such a fuckup right now.