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Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends
    #7954782 -

I don't like to lie to people about anything, but I'm thinking in this case lying by omission of fact might be a better idea. The current girlfriend knows about all my exgirlfriends, all of whom I am still good friends with. Every time I mention that I talked to one of them or their name comes up, I'm met with some kind of muted hostility.

I'm thinking in the future I'm going only going to explicitly say it's an ex if I'm asked.

What's your policy on this?

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: Gumby]
    #7954785 -

My policy would be to not hang out with girls who act dumb like that.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: Gumby]
    #7954791 -

She sounds insecure.

You could just not mention it. But later if she finds out, you're going to have to explain and it could get worse: "Why didn't you tell me?"

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: MOTH]
    #7954803 -

Dear fucking God I can relate dude.

But, I'd have to say get out now... because if she's acting like that it doesn't really sa much good about her security.

I've been through this more than once and it always winds up ugly.

But, for the record, I'm usually pretty open with my girlfriend of the time.


--------------------
Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.
Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7954811 -

OneLessForeskin said:
My policy would be to not hang out with girls who act dumb like that.


sounds like you need a new girlfriend! 

She is very insecure.  I had a gf just like that once, I kicked her down the long road.  :bye:  My current gf is awesome.  I can talk to her about anything.  She doesn't get mad over stupid ass shit like that.

But for real man, dump that bitch.  There is 6 billion other people on this planet.  I'm sure there is a better match than you've selected.


--------------------
better living through chemistry

OVERGROW the government!!

it's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom, ok, thats what it is.

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: BurningBeard]
    #7954812 -

Yellow Flag.

I would bring it up with her. Say, "Hey how come every time I mention an ex-girlfriend you give me this weird muted hostility?" Don't let her back down and play dumb. I know exactly what you're going through man and you've gotta nip that shit in the bud or it will only get worse.


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, federal, or fashion police laws. All posts are works of fiction.

For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Under closer inspection I realised it was a funky ball of tits from outer space.


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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: Gumby]
    #7954817 -

Gumby said:
I'm thinking in the future I'm going only going to explicitly say it's an ex if I'm asked.



Nothing wrong with that.


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: MOTH]
    #7954967 -

Well, it's not true hostility, but when a name comes up she'll ask "your ex, right?"

Perhaps shes saying this for the sake of clarity but I interpret it otherwise.

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: Gumby]
    #7954970 -

Well it's all in the body language, and when you think of it that way, what do you think she's really saying?


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7954977 -

I tend to get a sense of jealousy from tone and/or body language. It was really bad at first but it's gotten better the longer we've been together. Perhaps it was an issue of trust that is gradually diminishing.

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: Gumby]
    #7954994 -

I have to wonder about the general response of "dump her ass". No human is perfect, and if it happens to be insecurity, that might very well be one of the faults in this individual. In contrast, they might be extremely uplifting of others as a result, and that may very well be what you need.

It seems insane to break up with someone over the first sign of an imperfection, because we all have 'em. That isn't to say that everyone on this thread who did so is insane, as the importance you place on a trait makes all the difference in the world. But, in my experience, people too quickly assume that because a women is "clingy" or "insecure" they are no good, as it has been embedded in us by these very kinds of threads and situations. And that just perpetuates that person's insecurity IMO.

My advice? Try talking with her about it, have her divulge why she reacts the way she does. Communicate with her to find out more about it, and then decide if it's something you can live with or not. If it isn't, you can ask her if she's willing to change. If she doesn't change over a period of time that you determine suitable, then be done with it. People are very capable of change, but if they don't start when they say they will, don't count on it.

edit: This advice also applied to future relationships. Don't put communication aside because you're afraid of finding something out about a person you don't want to. I think being up front and honest is the way to go.


--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

Edited by Kickle (01/30/08 12:31 PM)

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: Gumby]
    #7955023 -

hey man, its like this.

i live my life the way i want to live it, girls come and go. i figure a certain woman will learn to live with it, and thats the one ill fall in love with.

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: Kickle]
    #7955672 -

Kickle said:
I have to wonder about the general response of "dump her ass". No human is perfect, and if it happens to be insecurity, that might very well be one of the faults in this individual. In contrast, they might be extremely uplifting of others as a result, and that may very well be what you need.

It seems insane to break up with someone over the first sign of an imperfection, because we all have 'em. That isn't to say that everyone on this thread who did so is insane, as the importance you place on a trait makes all the difference in the world. But, in my experience, people too quickly assume that because a women is "clingy" or "insecure" they are no good, as it has been embedded in us by these very kinds of threads and situations. And that just perpetuates that person's insecurity IMO.

My advice? Try talking with her about it, have her divulge why she reacts the way she does. Communicate with her to find out more about it, and then decide if it's something you can live with or not. If it isn't, you can ask her if she's willing to change. If she doesn't change over a period of time that you determine suitable, then be done with it. People are very capable of change, but if they don't start when they say they will, don't count on it.

edit: This advice also applied to future relationships. Don't put communication aside because you're afraid of finding something out about a person you don't want to. I think being up front and honest is the way to go.


Well said.

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: Kickle]
    #7955706 -

i disagree with you

feeling secure in who you are is an absolute necessity for a beneficial relationship

i remember a time when i was really insecure and with a really great person. although i wouldn't have enjoyed her breaking up with me, further down the line i would have appreciated it greatly(she moved across the country for college anyway, i baaaaaawwww'ed of course but now i'm amazingly grateful it turned out like that)

it seems to me that security/independence can only be cultivated when alone

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: ravin0fff]
    #7955721 -

For some that may be true, for others it may not be. Maybe this girl had a bad experience when a past boyfriend cheated on her with one of his exes. You never know what reasons people have for reacting certain ways, and I would try to find out these reasons before I decided to kick a girl to the curb.

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: Gumby]
    #7955733 -

I don't want to know about her past and I'm not telling her about mine.

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Re: Telling current girlfriends about exgirlfriends [Re: Kamin]
    #7955798 -

good point

so yea, communication never hurts. besides, her feeling insecure doesn't have much of an impact on you unless she starts to treat you poorly because of it.

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