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Anonymous #1

On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out
    #7802931 - 12/27/07 04:29 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

So, I'm kind of starting to come down from a bad mushroom trip, and really wanted to get some stuff out.

-I am a selfish person
-I am lonely
-I try too hard
-I feel too unique, but suspect that I'm going through the same shit that a lot of other people are
-I am a very anxious person
-I am socially awkward and lack in many good true friendships (as well as relationships with girls), though I have a couple people that are really close to me
-Sometimes I crave attention
-I hate the fact that I am making this thread
-I'm too serious, I really need to figure out how to lighten up in general.
-I think and analyze way too much
-Being an introverted person can suck
-I have low self esteem
-I feel like I have more issues than everyone else
-I could use someone to talk to..someone who can just fucking relate with me so I feel more grounded, normal, and like everyone else.
-I don't know how to go about fixing all these personality traits.

The mushrooms are definitely pointing all these issues out to me. While I would like to say they are an exaggerated result of me tripping, I actually think they are pretty accurate.

My brain needs to chill the fuck out right now. > <


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7803062 - 12/27/07 07:12 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

I'm too serious, I really need to figure out how to lighten up in general.




I would start there.  Don't take yourself so seriously.  :smile:  We're all fools and it's okay.  All of us have a ton of personality traits that we hide and like to keep in the dark.  Psychedelics just shine the light around and bring them to the surface for us to examine.  Nothing bad or good about it; it just is.  Don't think of those traits as something to "fix" or do away with.  Trust me; you don't want to get into battle with yourself.  All you need to do is ACCEPT who you are, even the shadowy not-so-nice parts.  Accept that you're fine the way you are, flaws and all, and love yourself.  It's hard to love parts of yourself that seem monstrous and dark, I know.  But it's really just as easy as saying, "fuck it" and deciding to.  :shrug: 

So fuck it...you're a wonderful person and I feel your light coming through even if you don't... :hug:

Laugh at yourself dude...it'll feel so fucking good.  Be a flawed fool like the rest of us.  :grin:


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7803797 - 12/27/07 12:16 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
-I could use someone to talk to..someone who can just fucking relate with me so I feel more grounded, normal, and like everyone else.




trust me, everybody else is not normal, even those who seem to be completely grounded - or normal.

we are all human, we all have faults and frailties. i think those who you consider to be "normal" may be better able to hide their wierdness to the world. or, maybe with your anxiety issues, you are too focused on how your un-normalness appears to others to notice the un-normalness of everyone around you?


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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Anonymous #1

Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7803808 - 12/27/07 12:18 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Thanks a ton for the nice words MOTH.  You and some people in the Anon forum really helped put things into perspective for me. :smile:

I think I have a little work to do, really accepting myself for who I am.  But I'm totally up for the challenge!

:hug:


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Anonymous #1

Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: MrBump]
    #7803846 - 12/27/07 12:29 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

thecornking said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
-I could use someone to talk to..someone who can just fucking relate with me so I feel more grounded, normal, and like everyone else.




trust me, everybody else is not normal, even those who seem to be completely grounded - or normal.

we are all human, we all have faults and frailties. i think those who you consider to be "normal" may be better able to hide their wierdness to the world. or, maybe with your anxiety issues, you are too focused on how your un-normalness appears to others to notice the un-normalness of everyone around you?




I definitely see what you mean. I can look at all the individuals in my life and find traits that they have that definitely don't make them "normal people".


I think perhaps as I begin to accept myself more and more I can start working on being less socially awkward, however. It's not like I'm totally incompetent socially, I just have trouble holding an interesting/meaningful/everyday convo. I'm shy and just can't find things to say to connect with people to the extent that I would like.

That's the one thing I really would like to change rather than accept.


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Invisiblelukeboots
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7803955 - 12/27/07 01:09 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

You seem like a nice, genuine person. thecornking was definitely right that no one is normal. in my experience, normal isn't something to be strived for anyway. everyone is an individual, and trying to fit a mold is only going to rob you of the things that only you can offer to the world, to your peers, to your family, to anyone that's willing to listen! and as far as not being the best conversationalist, do not worry. the best advice i can give you in that area is to remember that conversation is mostly about listening. focus on who you're talking to instead of yourself. it can be hard, but you'll learn with practice. it's working for me.

if you ever want to talk to somebody that'll listen and converse, you can send me a pm. i'm not around every day, but i'll get back to you. =]


--------------------

funky ass music: Planet of Dinosaurs // Rich Whiskey


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Invisibletak
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: lukeboots]
    #7805245 - 12/27/07 07:53 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Hey man, I posted a couple times in your other thread. IMO you are 19 years old, and probably just coming out of your shell, finding out who you are.

Trust your first instinct. You are a good person, and do whats right for YOU, ALWAYS. Fuck the rules, or what you think is normal. Do what you want, when you want with good judgement of course.

You are 19. These are going to be some of the funnest, and most confusing years of your life, so just remember everyones been through it, and it gets worse, and much much better. Just strap on your seat belt, and realize that the world is yours for the taking, and no one is going to give it to you. Not to be a dick, but that is how it is. You are a tiny fish in a huge fucking sea, except in this sea...anything is possible.

I am excited for you, because honestly it sounds like you are asking the right questions.

Hope you dont mind my posts, as they are somewhat irrelevant to your original post, but if im correct I feel you 100%.

I wish you the best of luck, and keep a good outlook man. No one else is you, so use that to your advantage.

Peace always


--------------------
The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.


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InvisibleGGreatOne234
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7805311 - 12/27/07 08:03 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
So, I'm kind of starting to come down from a bad mushroom trip, and really wanted to get some stuff out.

-I am a selfish person
-I am lonely
-I try too hard
-I feel too unique, but suspect that I'm going through the same shit that a lot of other people are
-I am a very anxious person
-I am socially awkward and lack in many good true friendships (as well as relationships with girls), though I have a couple people that are really close to me
-Sometimes I crave attention
-I hate the fact that I am making this thread
-I'm too serious, I really need to figure out how to lighten up in general.
-I think and analyze way too much
-Being an introverted person can suck
-I have low self esteem
-I feel like I have more issues than everyone else
-I could use someone to talk to..someone who can just fucking relate with me so I feel more grounded, normal, and like everyone else.
-I don't know how to go about fixing all these personality traits.

The mushrooms are definitely pointing all these issues out to me. While I would like to say they are an exaggerated result of me tripping, I actually think they are pretty accurate.

My brain needs to chill the fuck out right now. > <




well... this is a pretty good, thing

now you have a clearer understanding of things you need to work on

start tackleing them one by one and eventually all the others will fall like dominos

and as far as the mushrooms go

nothing that the mushrooms show should be feared -maria sabina

there really is no such thing as a bad trip, in my book at least


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Offlineorigami.octopus
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: GGreatOne234]
    #7806141 - 12/27/07 11:43 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

i feel the exact same way at times.

had one of those days today actually.

it can be real tough to face the world, and it can seem so callous and dark. its hard to keep the light inside alive. i've always had problems with depression, and i really dont want to be taking all sorts of medicine for it. Staying medicated seems like denying your feelings, and numbing yourself emotionally.

Being judged by the world seems really hard to face too. Trying to act "normal" to feel less judged isnt the answer, but i dont know anything else to do.



i dont mean to hijack the thread or monger for sympathy, but i feel like i can relate.


--------------------
I like to look at mushrooms the way most people like to look at flowers.

this is an amazing game
http://www.kongregate.com/games/customlogic/sprout


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Anonymous #1

Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: origami.octopus]
    #7806503 - 12/28/07 02:40 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

origami.octopus said:
i feel the exact same way at times.

had one of those days today actually.

it can be real tough to face the world, and it can seem so callous and dark. its hard to keep the light inside alive. i've always had problems with depression, and i really dont want to be taking all sorts of medicine for it. Staying medicated seems like denying your feelings, and numbing yourself emotionally.

Being judged by the world seems really hard to face too. Trying to act "normal" to feel less judged isnt the answer, but i dont know anything else to do.



i dont mean to hijack the thread or monger for sympathy, but i feel like i can relate.




OP here,

I think we are definitely on a similar page origami.octopus.

I really understand what everyone is saying about how everyone has a lot of problems, everyone is different, and that the key is accepting oneself, but it seems like a lot of work to be able to live out those ideals.

I have always felt like I have issues coping with the world/life in general...a lot of the time it just all feels very confusing, pointless, and heavy.  I guess this weight could be a result of depression ((depression caused by not living out said ideals?)).  And I agree with you about not taking meds.  I would rather suffer through it than cover it up and add a degree of falseness to my life and personality.



So, my plan:

I am just going to start trying my hardest to do the things everyone has taught me today...lighten up, stop being so emotionally driven, accept myself and others for the flawed humans we are, and not caring what other people think of me so much.  I think this could be difficult. There are still significant parts of me that completely reject all of these good ideas, no matter how much I agree with them.

As for the social awkwardness, I am hoping that I can manage improving that by simply applying more effort, as well as living my life without anxiety about what other people will think of me as a person.  I also need new friends...the ones I have now really just aren't the right crowd for me.  I really really need to connect with some people that are like me.  I haven't done that in a long, long time.

Oh, and of course, more mushrooms sometime in the future.  I see them in a completely different light now.  They can be very, very helpful in bringing about awareness and change in people.  I very much agree now that there is no such thing as a bad trip.

Alright, I'm done with my stoned rambling. :smile:  Thanks again everyone, you are all very awesome people for taking the time to help out.  I feel like there are good things to come.  I learned more about myself and life in the past 24 hours than I have in the past year.

By the way, I would still very gratefully accept any commentary and opinions if anyone else has them.  I am finally getting some guidance and direction in my life, and I will take all I can get. :sun:


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7806507 - 12/28/07 02:44 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I feel like there are good things to come.  I learned more about myself and life in the past 24 hours than I have in the past year.

By the way, I would still very gratefully accept any commentary and opinions if anyone else has them.  I am finally getting some guidance and direction in my life, and I will take all I can get. :sun:




Hey Anon...glad to see people are helping you out. Been reading your post and don't really know what to say except wanted to reach out and say I go through the same shit and right now am going through a period of being really hard on myself, berating myself internally at times for not living up to what I could be, for habits I don't like, etc...we can't be so hard on ourselves, not just because it's not fair but also because it's not productive...sometimes lately I get so sick of my own inner whining, I dunno about you..

I quoted that part of your post because I think that's a great feeling to come away with...when I trip and the substance I'm on does a 180, becomes a mirror, and forces me to look at myself and travel into myself, yeah, lots of times that can be a bummer. But no matter how far it brings me down I always see it as a great opportunity, to learn about myself, and to learn how to make myself happier and how to be happier with life.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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Anonymous #1

Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7806531 - 12/28/07 03:01 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

:hug:  It's really nice to know there are others in the boat with me.

Quote:

sometimes lately I get so sick of my own inner whining, I dunno about you..




Sooo much.  I completely understand.  I've really really just been craving some stability and peace of mind.  My brain is pretty much nonstop jabbering negative shit.

By the way, you still tripping on that wash?  How's that goin?


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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7806537 - 12/28/07 03:04 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

Ha. WHO ARE JOO?! No, don't spoil the fun. It's weird. I am tripping, but it's all completely in my head...not one of my five senses was really altered at all, just my mind. I keep thinking it's done but then I realize I can't go to sleep and my mind is running around like a madman.

Are you a person with creative inclinations? I mean, I find I just have to find the time to get that shit done...whether it's just scribbling meaningless shit down just to go through the motions or making myself write a certain amount...I'm coming to terms with the fact that my happiness is tied inexorably with what i DO. And I DON'T mean my job!

I was talking about all this stuff with my friend Larry tonight, and I mentioned to thim I was thinking of taking a pot break. Well he agreed it was a good idea and as soon as this stash runs out (NYE), I am going to take a break. I find in these times when I am so hard on myself, being stoned is way too comfortable for me to ever do something to get out of the funk. It's just too easy and it leaves me clouded...so I'd suggest a break from things for a while..


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7806546 - 12/28/07 03:12 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

I hear you!  Breakskies is always an excellant idea with pot!  You get off of it, recover from long use and gain revitalized clarity and energy, live at a high pace for awhile, developing new hobbies, cleaning habits, and refreshed methods of managing your time, and then after you do that for awhile, you get kinda low, kinda b o r e d with the same old...routine...that you've arranged for yourself.  And you resist...and you resist.....and resist...until finally you GET HIGH again and it kicks your ass and you're kinda afraid of pot for awhile but you keep smoking it and it kicks your ass and you keep complaining until your tolerance builds and you like it, you're totally into the stoner lifestyle again and you keep enjoying it more every night until you're stoned all the time and suddenly it's b o r i n g and you wanna take a break again...

wow, I just described my entire marijuana drug attachment cycle... :tongue:

It just came out...but yeah... I hear ya. 

Creative outlet no matter what = key.


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Anonymous #1

Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7806550 - 12/28/07 03:24 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

That's very interesting that the trip turned out like that!  Must have been interesting to have nothing to distract you from the mental aspect of the trip.  I can't wait to get my hands on some good clean LSD...I'm pretty sure I found some...now I just need to get my hands on it.

Quote:

Are you a person with creative inclinations? ...




Oh most definitely.  I find that I often have trouble expressing the creativity, but it's definitely there trying to get out.  I've been becoming more and more fond of writing as my primary means of expression and release.  Sometimes I will sit down at a keyboard and just let things flow.  I've come up with some crazy, beautiful, and random poetry/prose mix by doing this.



Quote:

I'm coming to terms with the fact that my happiness is tied inexorably with what i DO. And I DON'T mean my job!




Once again, I can relate.  Since moving out of my parent's house and into the world, I've discovered that the sole thing in life that keeps me happy is change and experience.  Right now I am stuck in a year long lease, and midway through pointless ass college.  I feel like if I got out and started doing all the traveling and stuff I want to do, my life would be happier.

Taking a weed break seems like a good idea.  I've been pondering the idea of it lately but haven't made an effort.  Maybe this bowl can be my last...until the time is right again.  :jointsmile:


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Invisibledemiu5
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7806866 - 12/28/07 09:20 AM (16 years, 1 month ago)

that is how i was about 10 months ago, and had been for a while, and still am to some extent

1) you fear your death; to the best of your ability realize that you can't hold on to any of this.  trying will only make things worse

2) start talking to people (as hard as it may seem at first).  you're definitely going to have some conversations that crash and burn, and that's okay :smile:.  but after talking to enough people, you'll either stumble upon someone who shares interests as you, or you'll find someone who hates the bs small talk and you'll have a connection


3) you're completely different from anyone but also just like everyone else.  embrace it.  if you feel like standing out and grabbing attention then do so, if you don't at the time, then don't.


4) we are all selfish to some extent.  i'm working on this one


5)  i doubt it's a matter of trying too hard; more like not knowing when is the right time to stop trying anymore.  sometimes you just can't win or make something do what you want it to (which is another problem altogether)


Quote:

-I'm too serious, I really need to figure out how to lighten up in general.
-I think and analyze way too much
-Being an introverted person can suck




6)  i'm still working on these as well, but this goes back somewhat to accepting your and everything else's death



stop thinking that you need to 'fix' yourself, as that would imply something is wrong.  accept that most change is slow-coming, and work towards what you want to be.  accept and love yourself, then you can begin the work.


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7807404 - 12/28/07 01:17 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

You sound perfectly normally crazy to me. Carry on.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleCracka_X
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Re: On mushrooms and need to get some stuff out [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #7812123 - 12/29/07 11:40 PM (16 years, 1 month ago)

psh, you sound pretty normal to me and that trip doesn't sound bad at all. Not until you realize where you are can you then build from that. You saved a bunch of money tripping rather than going to a shrink too!

...My first trip was somewhat similar, but you shouldn't fix anything. But at a point in the trip where everything just seemed to be boggling down on me, I just stopped fighting it and accepted it. It's who I am.

Bottom line, don't go on trying to pretend to be someone else to fit in. Ya just need to expose yourself to more people/situations and I'm sure you'll fall into place.


--------------------
The best way to live
is to be like water
For water benefits all things
and goes against none of them
It provides for all people
and even cleanses those places
a man is loath to go
In this way it is just like Tao        ~Daodejing


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