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poke smot!
floccinocci floofinator


Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
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lots of stuff
#1941178 - 09/22/03 02:48 PM (20 years, 4 months ago) |
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let me think where to begin... well, sleep's been difficult here and there, not sure why. but then again, last saturday night / sunday morning i fell asleep from about 2am till 10am. then i fell asleep again from 12pm till about 6pm.
i was awake again some, but then i fell asleep from 8pm till this morning at 5am. but this morning i felt nauseous and didnt go to my first class, really messed up.
i think sleeping all this much has messed with my head. for the first hour of me being awake today i could see some kinda overlay pattern over my visual field. it became very apparent when opening my eyes.
wierd thing is i havent ingested any substances since last saturday. i'm not sure what is up. i've been pretty depressed lately too, i'm not sure what the hell is wrong but i think it has something to do with how fucking lonely i am.
sometimes i feel like getting in my car and taking all my cash, and just driving... where to? i don't know. what will i do? i don't know. will i make it? i don't know. will i return? i don't know. shit's been bugging the hell out of me lately.
i feel sorry for my parents, i can't think of how they would feel if i just disappeared, but ive just been getting overwhelmed with life. i haven't been hungry either, wtf is with that... i had a bag of doritos today (usually i eat breakfast lunch and dinner) but its nearing dinner and i don't feel hungry... i feel like puking if anything.
i'm not sure what to do with myself... shit's fucked up, i wish i had a good relationship with a girl, i feel like thats what ive really needed, someone that i can be really close to. but feelings of ackwardness, all this shit... just keeps making me more depressed, pissed off, angry, sad, hopeless, all at the same time.
i don't know why but i must give off wierd-person vibes. when around people i don't know, i certainly don't shoot the shit. i'm mostly pounded with uneasy ackwardness and oddball vibes. it doesn't take much to build lots of tension between me and someone i don't know, makes me wonder how i got the friends i have.
i've been depressed before.. and came out of it... but this is difficult. i've been misdiagnosed with depression before, also bipolar, also a bunch of other things that are meaningless now that they have been disproven. i think i'm in a whole different category, it doesn't make sense to me but i don't think anyone understands the shit that goes on.
anyone know what the hell i'm talking about? and how the hell did you start feeling better?
Edited by poke smot! (09/07/20 01:36 PM)
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barfightlard
tales of theinexpressible



Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
Last seen: 14 years, 2 months
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I think I know what you mean. Im going through almost the same thing right now. I always feel wierd sometimes when I talk to people, like somethings not right. Like i can't converse like everyone else doe, like i used to. Im depressed too, all I do is sit around and play games and stuff. I don't feel like being social anymore I just don't really care now, but I kind of want too.
I almost did just take all my cash(which isn't enough at all) and just bike out to my cousins other side of the country then move on from there and see where I go. I decided against this because I didn't have enough cash, woulda got too cold, bike is kinda shitty, parents thing, ad I thought maybe I should just get through this last year of high school and see how things are.
I don't know what the hell is going on, I just feel like everyhting is fucked. Im hopefully getitng into a psych soon and see what he has to say, don't want medication though. Maybe I have a chemical inbalance? Hopefully things will work out for us both.
good luck dude
peace
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"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks
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ArmFromTheAbyss
Old Hand

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 1,368
Loc: Down here in Babylon
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Wow. I know exactly what you're going through. I'm willing to bet your Glucocorticoid levels are way too high in your brain. My suggestion: do things that make you feel good. For example... watch Family Guy, that shit's hilarious. Or have casual sex.. .whatever makes you feel good. Do it. Hopefully this will alter the chemicals in your brain and you can escape the depression.
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poke smot!
floccinocci floofinator


Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,248
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Re: lots of stuff *DELETED* [Re: barfightlard]
#1942779 - 09/22/03 10:19 PM (20 years, 4 months ago) |
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Post deleted by poke smot!Reason for deletion: x
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eric_the_red


Registered: 02/28/03
Posts: 14,015
Loc: happy land
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put the mouse and keyboard down. put the video games away. excercise a lot and eat only healthy food for three weeks. you need to get yourself on a regular sleep schedule to. drink a glass of milk at night. if you wake up late, run a mile or two at around 6:30 pm to wear yourself out and get to sleep early. no matter what the problem is, you should feel a lot better at the end of three weeks if you do this.
-------------------- Anno cock? is that some kind of Greek liqueur? -Geo's All Knowing Sex Slave
Edited by eric_the_red (09/22/03 10:39 PM)
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Lazerouth
Drunkard

Registered: 10/15/00
Posts: 1,091
Loc: England
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hey mate. i cant help with the other stuff but hte sleep thing... ive been an insomniac my entire life. when i sleep its crazy hours and sometimes for days. sometimes its like i sleep for 2 days but havent gotten any rest. hallucinations happen alot from sleep depravation and to much sleep. i would recomend seeing a doctor about it so you can get sorted with some meds.
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