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Offlinephishytrip
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Registered: 10/08/02
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i found some of stuff from when i was locked up...
    #1432823 - 04/06/03 03:43 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

its my "journel" i guess you can call it....no one has ever read it...im bored and not tired so im going print it here.....


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Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1432825 - 04/06/03 03:44 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

april 20th 2002 11:00pm

as i sit here at my little desk writing by the outside lights, i say to my self, why am i here? what did i do that was so bad to get me in this place? the answers are all there though. i even gave my signature in court. i commited crimes and about six people of higher authority thought i should spend some time in the wonderful rhode island training school. do i agree with this? well i didnt at first and thought i know what was best for me. after being here for 5 weeks my heads cleared up alitle and ive begun to realize what ive done. the consequenses of my actions have settled in. now i must try to make teh best out of my paid vacation to the RITS (rhode island training school). i dont really know who or what im writing this for. i just dont want anyone to end up like me and have to waste a part of our most important years. tonight i wanted to start this i dont even know what to call it, journel, diary, book, something like that, and get some things off my chest. i wanted to confess to all the things ive done in the past and want to look behond them. leave them back there. i made poor decisions and choises and then got me here. hopefully if someone reads this maybe they wont go the route i went and turn back before its too late. tomarrow ill tell you more about myself and what i did. even if no one gets to read my "prison journel" its still is, and is going to feel good to get some fo stuff out of my head and off my chest.


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Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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Offlinephishytrip
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Registered: 10/08/02
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1432874 - 04/06/03 04:12 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

April 21st 2002 11:00am

the staff just decided to pick on me because i didnt shut my door so i could trade a magazine with my nieghbor. his door was also open, so why do i get yelled at? i dont know and it makes me very angry. now ill probably be stuck in my room for the rest of the day. plenty of time to write.
about myself, well, im a somewhat wealthy kid from a nice nieghborhood kind of the opposite you would expect to be in here. i live with my mother. my parents are divorced and my father lives about 20 miles away. ive lived in the same house all me life. coming here and being away from home was a big change for me.
i think my spiral downward started in the 5th grade. i changed schools becuase my parents thought it woulf be best. so this meeant a new change of friends. i am a very socicable person, so making new friend for me wasnt hard at all. i quickly became friends with one kid in-particular. he seemed "differant" from the rest of the kids. he seemed rebellious. i started hanging out with him after school and on the weekends. he had three older brothers, and we looked up to them like they were gods. they smoked ciggerated so of course we did to. if we couldnt sneak a few out of thier packs we rode our bikes to the store and stole them. i was 12 years old. stealing and smoking ciggerates. hiw parents were very wealthy and had big adult parties all teh time. which meant tons of liquer. we used to steal bottles of alcohol and beers from the coolers. i can remember the first time i ever got drunk. we were spending the night on his parents boat. you know about boaters and liquer right? well, we waited until his parents went to sleep and stole about 12 beers. after we gathered te beer and migrated to thier other boat. that first night i drank 6 beers. for a 12 year old that not bad considering im 17 now and some of my friends still get wasted off 6 beers. after that night drinking was something id do whenever it was available. which wasnt often but whenever one of my friend would get to steal some of their parents liquer, well we were getting drunk. this leads me into the summer before junior high. still being 12 yeras old this was a very big summer. my friends and i drank. i got my first kiss from a girl, well maybe more than a kiss, and the time i smoked i smoket pot. the junior high i was going to was very differant from my friends from 5th and 6th grade, i still remained friends with that one kid who we shared all those " wonderful" expierances with. but i was going back to school with the kids from my nieghborhood so i became better friends with them again. one of them also had an older brother we looked up to he smoked weed. so naturally we wanted to also. we gave my friends brother ten dollars and like three weeks later we finally got out stuff. his brother made is a tin-foil pipe to smoke out of and we went to the playground to smoke. i didnt get high that time i smoked and actually i didnt even like the whole expierance. that was the 1st time i smoked. the funny thing is, i dont remember when i got high for the 1st time or smoked for the second time. to me it feels like i skipped over some time and just became a pot head because all i can remeber is smoking pot with lots of differant poeple lots of times. this is how i made most of my friends in junior high through my first monthes in high school. it seemed like everyone smoked and it was cool. i made alot of friends and got many girl girlfriends. i was very popular. that all continued through out 7th and 8th grade. from ages 12-14
the next big thing that contributed to my spiral downfall was entering high school. since i was alreday influenced by older kids going to a place where 100 older kids were, seems like a bad thing. and it was. i quicky became firends with all the older kid and bean smoking and drinking with them. this one kid from my nieghborhood my age stuck with me and became friend with the older kids also. we tried new drugs and did new things. for about the 1st half of 9th grade me and my friend we have a blast. with the drugs, friends, girls and money. but then he noticed his grades wre falling off and his parents were always mad at him. we grew away from the kids our age. he deided to make a change. not a huge one but to calm down alittle. so he did but i kept going. a fw monthes later i got caught with drugs in school and they kicked me out. i finshed the 9th grade at home with toturs. i didnt care. this meant i didnt have to goto school anymoe. as monthes past i grew further and further away from my old friend and were always with the older kids. i dont know what the were to me, they werent really friends, just people tyo get high with.i know for a fact they didnt consider me as a real friend. alot of time they were getting high off my money. i didnt care. i was gettign high.


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Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1432904 - 04/06/03 04:28 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

april 21st 2002 11:00pm

the lights just got shut off for me so reading my book as come to an abrupt end. i have just enough to light to write. i think i left off at age 15. when school started again for 10trh grade all of my friends went back to school. and alot of the older kids went away to college. so i made friends again withe the kids in my nieghborhood. my friend who had calmed down started using again with me and began hanging out again for about a month. then i met tyhis younger kid who looked up to me for a change. he was 14 and i was now 16. his mom was cool with us smoking and drinking so i made my self at home. we quickly became good friends. and hung out all the time getting high.
on new years of that year we had a party at his house. while we were drinking we got a crazy idea to steal a car. well, i think it was we watched "gone in 60 seconds" and the thought of stealing cars was cool. me and this kid i met for the first time that night went off to look for a car in the neighborhood with keys in it. ten minutes later into our search i jumped into a 95 bmw with keys dangling from the ignition. we were off. that kid and i picked up, dropped people off for about an hour. on out final mission to get some ciggerated at the store i sped down an ice hill and lost control. i smacked into a tree and smpletely totalled the car. wrecked wasnt even the word to describe it. what iwas left was amdd of metalwithe no windows and no wheels. when i came to, i had no idea what happened. didnt even know i crashed, i actually tried starting the car. i thought i killed that kid i was with until he finally woke up. he was covered in blood. both of us, pumped with adreline, we walked, actaully ran away from the tangles mess that the cops wre certain whoever was in the car died.


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Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1432914 - 04/06/03 04:42 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

april 22nd 2002 11:00pm

well tonight is one of the better nghts for me. i had a friend sneak me a walkman and some tapes. this is the first time ive goteen to listen to music by my self. well we ended up getting away that night. my joy rider partner had to goto the hospital to get sitches. i had a fractured skull but didnt goto the hospital till we got caught a week later. cops came to my house and said they knew it was me and for me turn my self in. so i did. the arrested me with grand theft auto. i only got a year probation. which wasnt really much since all i ad to do was see some guy once a week to make sure i had a job and was behaving. this was MAy of my 16th year. when they finally got my in court. so i spent the rest of my 16th year dodging the cops making sure i wasnt get arrested. i made is to my 17th birthday. for the stuff i was doing i made it pretty far before i got arrested again. one month into my 17th year i got pulled over with 4 empty coke vials in my car. i thought they were hidden well in my car. the cops found tem and the residue that was in thier was enough to charge me with possesion. i violated my probation and they almost locked me up. they gave me a 10 oclock curfew and told my i ad to pass drug tests 2 times a week. i was cheating them and it worked about 75% of them time. i was walkinga very thin line. two monthes after the coke inceident i made the most stupid decision in my life. two friends and i went out to rob things off boats that were on shore. we got into one and got a few things out. five minutes later cops showed up and we ran. my self and one of my friends got away. the other one got caught and snitched us out. we got charged with breaking and entering, conspiracy to commit larceny and possesion of burglary tools. this time i went to court and the judge locked me up. six monthes. i am not a happy person. but i am goinf to take this time to my adavnatage.....


--------------------
Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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Offlineliftedoff420
i need drugs

Registered: 01/17/03
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1441265 - 04/09/03 01:13 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

thats a cool think to read

ive been fairly lucky with the cops....only been detained once during my 2-3 year career with graffiti writing, drugs and drug dealing, shoplifting, all that good teenage shit ahah

thats crazy how the cops just show up sometimes....you gotta watch your back for that shit....the only reason they are there is becuase you guys fucked up somehow and someone seen you


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Offlineenotake2
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: liftedoff420]
    #1441614 - 04/09/03 03:38 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

That was pretty interesting reading. You remind me of my old boss. I used to work for this guy doing his accounts while I was at Uni. He had an adolescence doing all that sort of stuff. Now he is a computer programmer (self taught) and owns his own business and is doing well. So it is not necessarily 'too late' as you say.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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OfflineDrGonzo
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Registered: 01/30/03
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: enotake2]
    #1444695 - 04/09/03 11:22 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

If you have anymore I'm sure a lot of us would like to read it.


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InvisibleinfidelGOD
illusion

Registered: 04/18/02
Posts: 3,040
Loc: there
Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1445891 - 04/10/03 09:28 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

yeah, that was a good read. it sounds like you got off pretty easy dude, couple of slaps on the wrist and then a 6 month sentence after all the shit you did...

I hope you know how lucky you are. if you were some inner-city kid, they would have thrown the book at you a long time ago.


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Anonymous #1

Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: infidelGOD]
    #1452430 - 04/12/03 02:33 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

i am like u except i got out of jail and stayed clean for about 1-2 years, i am now on probation for an un related incedent :frown:


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Offlineganjahead
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Registered: 02/24/03
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: ]
    #1465251 - 04/16/03 10:43 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

great journal man...

well, what happened next?


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OfflineDreamer987
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Registered: 04/15/03
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1471751 - 04/18/03 11:41 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

I went through a similar experience as a youth. I learned my lesson and am much more mellowed out these days.


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Offlinef8L
Triumph

Registered: 09/07/02
Posts: 397
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: Dreamer987]
    #1472453 - 04/19/03 03:59 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

good post.. it is interesting to hear the progression throughout the years.. seems like you really want to make a change in your life - good for you.


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1477062 - 04/20/03 07:32 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

wow....i totally thought this thread would go un-read....i will continue to post of the rest of my journal....there are about 5 or 6 more entries....i will continue it tonight....thanks alot everyone for reading my post


--------------------
Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1479783 - 04/21/03 07:43 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

May 13th, 2002 10:00pm

Why I took so long to write again? I dont know. I was cleaning my cell, and I found the pages I already written and started writing again. So taking this to my advantage. Thinking...about what i should have done these past 5 years. I get plenty of time to think so I do. Other things I do when im in my cell is read books and study a 800 page textbook about computers. I plan on taking a test to get myself microsoft a+ certified. something that will look well on any job appliication. i was in school for computers but I was forced to drop out because I came here to the RITS. Im taking some business classes during the instead of going to school becuase I got my GED. Our unit also has counseling for an hour everyday. We learn anger managment, information about drugs and how to make the right choices. So my time here might be able to help me out. Ive been here for about 3 monthes now and I already feel a big differance. I feel like the things I did in the past were huge mistakes. I feel sorry for my mother and other people I hurt along the way. I plan to change drastically when I get out.


--------------------
Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


Edited by phishytrip (04/21/03 07:43 PM)


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1479802 - 04/21/03 07:48 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

May 14th, 2002 10:30pm

Another day goes by, another day I dont have to ne here. It semms like I am either in a real good mood or completely miserable. some days I feel like this place isnt so bad and that it can actually be tolerable at some times. The rest of the time I feel like this place is absolute hell and no matter I do It just gets to me. when it gets to me I want to punch the walls or start screaming but i use those awesome tools from the program and resovle my problems....yea....As you can probobly tell, today was one of my worse days. I hate some of the kids here and most definatly the staff. Well in a week i get my walkman so time will pass by alot quicker.


--------------------
Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1479812 - 04/21/03 07:51 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

May 16th, 2002 11:00pm

Its lights out now and my mind runs like the adrealine of a althlete, never stops. Today was actually allright. Some of the kids I know well in here now treat me nice and they make it so its not so bad. Actually my eyes are so blood shot its hard to see in the dark...im going to sleep.


--------------------
Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1479852 - 04/21/03 08:06 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

May 18th, 2002 7:00pm

I got locked in my fucking room tonight becuase I gave one the staff attidude. He told me not to lean in my chair so I sat up and then slouched back down and he pulled me up and told him to fuck himself....oh well fuck the staff. Well...I never really got into the fucked up girlfriends I went out with and shit. My first real girlfriend when I was 14 was really cool. She was with me when I stole the BMW and stuck with me throughout the entire situation and everything. We never really had any problems. It was really just puppy love and making out piss drunk on my couch while we watched movies. To be honest, I dont remember why we broke up....I guess thats kinda fucked up seeing that she was my first real girlfriend and we went out for about 6 monthes. Then my next girlfriend was alot older than me...I was 15 and she was almost 18. This was nice, well, what can I say, Im a pimp. But, I had stolen the girl from my best good friend at the time. He wasnt treating her right and she would always call me and want to hang out, then she eventaully broke up with him and we started going out. This put my best friends and I relationship to a hault real quickly. So me and this girl had a lot of fun. WE fucked all the time, which was basically all I wanted to do anyway. All I did was smoke and drink and get high all the time. MY memories are kinda fucked and spastic and missing. But I do remember I keep screwing over my girlfriend to hang out with friends and get high...then she left me for my best friend again. That was kinda fucked up. Life was all weirded out again.
Now during this whole time I have been in love with this other girl, who i have been in love with since i was 7th grade, 12 years old or so and Im still in love with her now. Not a day goes by without me thinking of her. Its really fucked up. I dated her alittle bit last summer and we hooked up but never officailly went out or anything. She would tell me to not get high, but I did anyway and I think thats why i Lost my chance...and lost I did....she wants nothing to do with as a boyfriend anymore. Just a friend. She wrote me a letter last week and it hurts to even read it. Ive written her love letters, poems and everything. Im completely in love with this girl. And I used to tell it to her, but she would just say, why? I dont even treat you good as a friend, and I always say, I dont care what you would do with me, as long as you were mine. But this whole love thing Ive learned to just smile about. It hurts yea, but, what the fuck I am supposed to do. Anyway...my hand hurts from writing...this is for you lisa.

All I ever see
Are memories of you and me
When we used to kiss
In the summer nights mist
How we walked down the beach
In just an arms reach
Talking on the phone so long,
Saying goodnight at the crack of dawn

I remember when you?d get mad
When I used to lie
Make you so sad
You wanted to cry
In the end I got mad
And my heart would just die

I could see I lost all you trust
Getting it back is a must
I would never act the same
Because I hate the person I became

I have tons of memories of you and me
Like I said they?re all I ever see
I hope to change the bad ones good
So I can treat you like I should.


--------------------
Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1479858 - 04/21/03 08:09 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

May 19th, 2002 3:00pm

Damn I could go on forever about that girl. But I wont. Well I got a few minutes before I goto group and learn about life. But I forgot to mention all the girls I turned down when i was 16. During that time I was just all about drugs and nothing else mattered. I could care less about a grirlfriend and what not, I was too busy selling and doing drugs and some girls were repulsed by that. But It didnt bother me. Ahh shit, I think im going to lay down and rest.


--------------------
Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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Offlinephishytrip
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Re: i found some of stuff from when i was locked up... [Re: phishytrip]
    #1479872 - 04/21/03 08:13 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

And then the journel ended there. Which was wierd. After that I was moved onto the floor. Meaning I didnt have to be in a cell anymore. There was a over flow of kids in the place so they put up bunkbeds in the hallway where the cells were. Now becuase I had been there for alitte while and was behaving I could sleep in the hall with a bunch of other kids and we could goof around all night and stuff.

WEll Its a year later now....and Ive fucked up again.

I did change my life around alot when I got out. I was really relaxed anfd evertything, but then from about Febuary of this year I got carried away with the drugs again and Im going to fix that now.

Ive also got about 10 pages I wrote right before and alittle bit after that car accidnet....Dec 2000 to Jan 2001....I just read over those....damn I was a fucked up kid. Ill post those also, but Im dont for now.

Thanks for reading this and feedback is cool too....thanks.


--------------------
Remember: First you pillage, then you burn.


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