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lonely and losing hope...
    #7471593 -

I can't really describe why I feel so lonely lately. I moved away from all my family and friends to a small christian town for school and work. I thought I could handle moving away from everything and that I'd manage the transition just fine - but it's been a few months now and I've only hung out with a handful of people from school - but I don't know these people. We're friends on the surface but we only talk about really topical shit - and the only reason we hang out is we smoke bud and I haven't got any connections. I'm sliding into depression [or maybe I'm already there] and find myself dwelling on suicide a few times a day now. Everyday feels like exactly the same routine and I'm the only one who can't wait for the weekend to be over. Yesterday I went to this kids birthday party with some of my family and never said a word to anyone for an hour, I felt like a fucking statue - I knew none of them and didn't feel like approaching people talking about football and babies and middle aged shit - I felt completely alone in a completely crammed room. Now I have it in my head to move back home for spring semester but am not really sure why I should, I had a lot of "friends" and only a few true friends. If I moved back most of my "friends" have already let it be known they don't want to move out of their parents house because they're too pathetic to put down for rent, or are already in some other arrangement - basically I know I'll end up more alone than I already am by just renting a single apartment and smoking myself to sleep everynight. Many of my best friends I almost never see anymore even when I'm home. I haven't even had a fucking girlfriend, I've been intimate [briefly] with a few girls [all of them sober, except once] but came to realize later that I was being used as some instrument of jealousy for the dickhead they were seeing. Worse for me is that the only girl I want moved away a year ago and I still haven't let it drop. I can either stay here and be alone for a year with the likelihood of suicide or complete breakdown growing everyday, or go home and try to reestablish some network of friends and family. I don't know how to deal with this anymore..I've been entirely too sad for too long. I turn to drugs [especially pot] just to numb it so I can get through each day. I feel like no one cares about me and that if I slammed into a median no one would even notice...:sad::sad::sad:

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: blkjkrabbit]
    #7471609 -

the one thing i would tell you is if the thoughts of suicide are really in your head i would go home and try to go to a school closer to home


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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: blkjkrabbit]
    #7471618 -

Hey I made a post like this a few days ago. I feel you. It takes great amounts of time to create true friends. And it is a lot easier when you are younger I think. All my "friends" here I just get fucked up with and never really have in depth convos. Just keep on truckin' things will get better. I am still in the midst of a depression. I just quit smokin cigs which honestly may of helped a bit.


School is worth sticking to if you can. I am still lookin for those few people I can really connect with because honestly, i do not want to live with the 3 guys I am living with now.

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: ajdaak]
    #7471620 -

ajdaak said:
the one thing i would tell you is if the thoughts of suicide are really in your head i would go home and try to go to a school closer to home


that's what I was planning on doing but I figured my situation would only change on the surface. I'd have a lot of familiar faces nearby but a lot of my friends are getting married and being the only bachelor left is getting really discouraging. I think I'm gonna go home I just don't if it will help :confused:

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: blkjkrabbit]
    #7471621 -

LIft up your face. Keep it up, take a nice shower and smile, come back out and look into the mirror, you are okay.

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: ajdaak]
    #7471623 -

Dude, suicide is definatly not your answer. If its that bad go back to where your happy. Im sure your family would understand.


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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: TruuBeeezzy]
    #7471632 -

Yea man its like a brand new start moving somewhere else. Many people do it and come out great. so can you.

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: Tangerines]
    #7471638 -

Find a new hobbie or two.

Thats always the way I've see fun happen.

If not, start a new routine. Find some girlies...put yourself out there.

Find something to hold on to, dont let it be drugs.

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: Tangerines]
    #7471642 -

Tangerines said:
Hey I made a post like this a few days ago. I feel you. It takes great amounts of time to create true friends. And it is a lot easier when you are younger I think. All my "friends" here I just get fucked up with and never really have in depth convos. Just keep on truckin' things will get better. I am still in the midst of a depression. I just quit smokin cigs which honestly may of helped a bit.


School is worth sticking to if you can. I am still lookin for those few people I can really connect with because honestly, i do not want to live with the 3 guys I am living with now.


That's exactly how I feel. I have those situational friends that seem to be nothing more than familiar faces with no stories behind them. The only real friends I have I can count on less than one hand I think - but even they aren't really there for you. I quit smoking a week ago too that definitely helped but sometimes I get these anxiety attacks and get huge cravings to get a pack and take off the edge. I know that patience is important in things like this but honestly I've just felt so alone for so long now I'm not sure when I'll get out of this ugly rut

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: blkjkrabbit]
    #7471650 -

whaa whaaa and triple whaaa.. I have been lonely for so long too so what? Atleast you are not in prison or jail like some of my friends are...:lol:

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: Alion]
    #7471662 -

Sounds harsh but the best advice, I think, (because the same thing happened to me, minus suicide thoughts) is:

Dont be a victim and feel sorry for yourself b/c it gets nothing accomplished

You have the power to change your life

You're the only one who can change your life

If it's that bad, move to somewhere where you'll be happy.

You have to do whatever you can to make yourself happy, whatever matters to you and you alone

And in my opinion suicide is a waste. Life is too fun and has too much potential to throw it away over some bad period in your life. Like I said, you have the power to make it better, no one else.

Good luck


--------------------
Life is one big road with lots of signs,
So when you're ridin' through the ruts,
Don't you complicate your mind.

Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy
Don't bury your thoughts,
Put your vision to reality, yeah!

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: Skunk420]
    #7471663 -

Skunk420 said:
whaa whaaa and triple whaaa.. I have been lonely for so long too so what? Atleast you are not in prison or jail like some of my friends are...:lol:


I don't think that is the right way to talk to someone with honest thoughts of suicide.

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: Alion]
    #7471669 -

the words of encouragement mean mountains to me right now guys thank you all. i haven't really got anyone i can talk to about this. i think the hardest thing is trying to keep up this image of having everything together, like i'm productive and a good person and shit but deep down i couldn't feel less happy with my life. this might sound kind of corny but i think the only reason i keep on with life is for my mom. if i knew that taking my life wouldn't kill her spirit i'd have done it already - but i love her more than anything and wouldn't hurt her no matter how much i hurt - it's just too selfish. anyways - this has been good venting with you all and it's amazing what a little reassurance can do. thanks everyone

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: blkjkrabbit]
    #7471672 -

but i know its hard being away from everyone you care about i would say try to stay in school and try different ways to meet new people but if you do get to the point that you are really planning on offing yourself school is not worth your life and even if your friends are all getting hitched they will still be there for you


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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: blkjkrabbit]
    #7471673 -

Man im sorry but thats pretty emo. Man up dude. Get some porn and jerk it or something if your lonely what you need other people for anyways screw em I say! Quit your pity party.


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-QuantumMeltdown

Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.
  -Mark Twain

"The time has come the walrus said, little oysters  hide their heads, my Twain of thought is loosely bound I guess its time to Mark this down, Be good and you will be lonesome
Be lonesome and you will be free
Live a lie and you will live to regret it
That's what livin' is to me
That's what livin' is to me"
Jimmy Buffett

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: Alion]
    #7471675 -

Alion said:
Find something to hold on to, dont let it be drugs.


I think that's my problem right there. Thank you alion!

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: blkjkrabbit]
    #7471676 -

Get a glass of water, and sit with us for a while.

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: blkjkrabbit]
    #7471681 -

blkjkrabbit said:
i haven't really got anyone i can talk to about this. i think the hardest thing is trying to keep up this image of having everything together, like i'm productive and a good person and shit but deep down i couldn't feel less happy with my life.


Same, many of my friends here just coast through life with a blind eye. I don't. And If I try to talk to some of them about shit like this it just does not work and they do not understand. I would get sarcastic answers that are no help so yea that is why I too used the shroomery as a entity to bounce my thoughts off of and get feedback.

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: Alion]
    #7471683 -

Alion said:
Get a glass of water, and sit with us for a while.


can do. i've got nothing else to do haha :rolleyes:

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Re: lonely and losing hope... [Re: blkjkrabbit]
    #7471698 -

blkjkrabbit said:
the words of encouragement mean mountains to me right now guys thank you all. i haven't really got anyone i can talk to about this. i think the hardest thing is trying to keep up this image of having everything together, like i'm productive and a good person and shit but deep down i couldn't feel less happy with my life. this might sound kind of corny but i think the only reason i keep on with life is for my mom. if i knew that taking my life wouldn't kill her spirit i'd have done it already - but i love her more than anything and wouldn't hurt her no matter how much i hurt - it's just too selfish. anyways - this has been good venting with you all and it's amazing what a little reassurance can do. thanks everyone


answer me this: what are you unhappy about in your life? like, specifically.

answer that, THEN, figure out what it would take to remedy those specific bouts of unhappiness. if it seems like too much work to you, then fine, take your life, you'll never get out of this rut. but if you can ball up, take a second or two to really put some perspective into things (like the fact that you are in school, you HAVE a family, and the possibilities of a social life) then you'd understand that you should not be thinking the way you are. Some people don't even a tenth of the things you got going for you, and somehow, they manage to keep chugging along day after day.

stop making yourself the victim, stop being lazy about changing things around. go out there and make things happen, don't be part of this victim hood society that we live in today.


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https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!

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