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girl advice?
    #6891846 -

hey shroomery, lookin for a little advice on females tonight

it's a bit of a read but i could REALLY use some true advice

a lil background on me:
got out of a 2 year relationship a few months back. never really had a gf before that so after the breakup i'm probably a little rusty on the whole dating thing.

so a few weeks ago i met this absolutely CUTE girl (you know the type) that lives down the hall from me. she goes to my college, i'm a sophomore, she's a freshman. either way i asked her out on a simple lunch date and it seemed like we really hit it off, we talked for literally 4 hours about everything under the sun, i felt totally comfortable around her and it turns out we have much in common.

since then, she's brought brownies over, just stopped by to talk, and invited me and my roomie to play some apples to apples (board game) with her. everything seemed like it was going well so i asked her out on a "real" date.

we went fishing (didn't seem like her thing) and she met my mom (they really got along). for some reason this day i didn't feel like myself and was analyzing EVERYTHING and continued to become nervous and it definitely showed in our conversation. there was a lot of odd silence and she wasn't as touchy feely/interested in me as i'd expected (too soon? i have no fuckin clue). to be honest i guess i was in shock that a girl this cool and beautiful would go on a date with me (in short, i wasn't "proud" of my past gf).

at one point i was even retarded enough to tell her straight up, "i'm nervous as hell around you, I don't know why" to which she obviously replied, "well, i don't really know how to answer that one". in brief, that's kinda how that date ended... awkward. although i did receive a message from her saying, "enjoyed this afternoon! thanks for taking me". maybe she was just being nice.

i'm apologize for the length, i'm a little drunk and talkative. basically, i'm usually good at reading women but this one is a real challenge. i can't tell if i'm getting the friend vibes or i'm judging things too early. my gut is telling me she is PERFECT for me and i'd really like to go on future dates and further this spark but I just don't know. help!

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Re: girl advice? [Re: Zodiak]
    #6891856 -

Sounds like she doesnt know you enough yet to where she will continue to be touchy/feely/interested in you when you start acting odd. But I dont think you fucked up too much, so you had a bad day? So what... Just chill out and act like that akward moment never happened.


--------------------
\m/ Spanksta \m/

"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"

"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"

"tactik said:
respect the can."


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Re: girl advice? [Re: Zodiak]
    #6891863 -

sorry forgot to add this:

my student apartments are filled with asians and arabs (this girl is white). for some reason she seems drawn to these types, no offense, and hangs out with them a lot... goes dancing etc. whether she sees these guys as attractive i have no clue.

she is also planning on transferring schools after this fall semester to maybe tennessee or south carolina (bordering states to georgia, where i live). maybe she doesn't want commitment?

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Re: girl advice? [Re: Zodiak]
    #6891865 -

Girls like guys with confidence, telling one they make you nervous is probably a turnoff. And your gut telling you she is perfect for you is really probably your deep down primal instincts telling you to fuck and impregnate any females possible, you just happen to like her a little. Think about what makes you nervous so you can stop having awkward silence.

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Re: girl advice? [Re: StreetFreak]
    #6891873 -

I'm nervous because she's gorgeous and exactly the type of girl i dream about! maybe it is a confidence thing but i can assume pretty much anyone in my position might feel the same

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Re: girl advice? [Re: Zodiak]
    #6892303 -

eh - im sure the arab and asian guys dont taker her to meet their moms on the 1st date - thats a little weird.:blush:

its way too soon for you to think a cute girl is THE ONE - i would say have more dates - more time to spend together - not in a dark movie or a concert where you cant talk to each other.

dont tell her about your last gf or how nervous and out of practice you may feel.
try to be natural - and just go with it.

dont worry about who she hangs out with, thats not really a factor here.
and if i read correctly, she is moving away - so dont get your hopes up - the long distance relationship is not all its cracked up tp be - because in the end, its just you jerking off on the phone.

hope that helps - not trying to be a jerk, but it is early.

OoD


--------------------


http://dictionary.reference.com/


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Re: girl advice? [Re: Zodiak]
    #6892351 -

Zodiak said:
I'm nervous because she's gorgeous and exactly the type of girl i dream about! maybe it is a confidence thing but i can assume pretty much anyone in my position might feel the same


This is going to sound a little odd, but I hope it helps:

I completely believe you when you say she's really cute. But it's important to remember that she's weak as hell and completely insecure.

This isn't about her, or about girls in general, it's about being human. When she goes out drinking, she's afraid she'll have too much and puke. When she gets sick, she always contemplates taking way too much medicine to get better more quickly, because nothing's better than quick relief. And I can assure you that if you go back far enough (think 7th, 8th, 9th grade) she's got a boy or three in her past that she's especially unproud of. Perhaps someone who was really hot at 13, and then didn't even make it to college. Even if she never went on a formal date before, she probably harbored crushes on such guys.

The point of all of this is that we're all a bunch of little weaklings huddled together on this rock. Ideas about people being too cool for each other, while unfortunately real at younger ages, really don't adequately reflect the reality of the situation. We are none of us invulnerable, and we are none of us immune to the fear of loneliness.

So take heart, she wants to spend time with you! Go and be weak together and forget your fear (real though it is to you). Life's full of hazards, so long as you're genuinely willing to help her deal with them, I'd bet she'd be willing to take your helping hand.

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Re: girl advice? [Re: Economist]
    #6892425 -

Economist said:
The point of all of this is that we're all a bunch of little weaklings huddled together on this rock. 


:yesnod:


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Re: girl advice? [Re: WhiskeyClone]
    #6892747 -

Keep on talking to her and see how things go. Get to know her. If you're only speaking to her because you want sex, you've already wasted way too much time. Assuming you actually want a relationship with her, give it more time. "Sensuality makes love grow too fast while it remains weak at the roots." Seriously though, break her legs with a sledge hammer.


--------------------
Disclaimer: If you have any kind of heart condition, my posts are not for you. You could literally die from reading the first couple of words in any one of them. Scroll down the page, live your life and prosper, but don't read my posts because your heart will probably explode. I am not joking.

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Re: girl advice? [Re: Zodiak]
    #6892820 -

There is no question in my mind that this girl digs you.

a) you went on a date together and felt a connection and talked for a long time
b she brought you brownies
c) she invited you to play apples to apples
d) she brought you brownies
e) after an akward date with you, she left you a message saying "thank you I had a nice time," whereas if she didn't like you she wouldn't have said anything and probably wouldn't have gone on the date anyway
f) she brought you brownies.

I mean cmon, brownies? She might has well have left you a card that said "please fuck me now."

She likes you, and shes nervous around you too for the same reason. So just go in there and seal the deal, you've already done the hard part of attracting her. Spend more time with her, focus on having fun with her, then you will both be having fun, and when the moment is right (not before) just kiss her without thinking about it.

I'm telling you, you're in. Just stop thinking so much!


--------------------
:hst:
Society in every form is a blessing,
but government at its best is but a necessary evil 
- Thomas Paine

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Re: girl advice? [Re: gluke bastid]
    #6893921 -

thanks for the advice all, i won't get my hopes up and take things as they come. i think i'll wait for her to hint toward seeing me next and take it from there

oracle of delphi- ya seeing my mom on the first date wasn't really planned, i had to stop at my house and guess who was there. it might have been a good move though, they got along well and my mom is super friendly and had my back. plus she can actually breath around me, not so with the cologne-drenched arabs.

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Re: girl advice? [Re: Zodiak]
    #6894023 -

She wants your cock, clearly.


--------------------
let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love

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Re: girl advice? [Re: mr_kite]
    #6896176 -

You sound like a great guy! You think...very appreciated by girls. Some silences are NORMAL on dates, let them happen, just smile at her and the talk will slip back in when it's good for it.

If it's REALLY a great "match" so to speak then keep things going with some dates and stay in touch via IM's when she moves on. Could be you'll have a long distance relationship that will blossom again later. It's not just the right one, you need but the right time too.

Telling her you're nervous will only show her that you're honest and flatter her. Now that's it's past you you can be more relaxed and she'll only respect you for being honest. If guys only knew how much a girl is turned on by kindness coupled with honesty (Not "yes you look fat in that" kinda honesty) they'd get a lot more.

Ask her straight out where she'd like to go on a date or ask her friends what she likes to do. Girls will shop b/f they'll fish generally speaking, though it wasn't a terrible idea on your part. I'm a tomboy and will even put a worm on a hook but that's me. You gotta know your "customer". May I suggest bowling? Not too expensive and if you're good at it it can be impressive to a girl. She can check out your behind when it's your turn w/o you noticing and visa versa. Okay, that's my personal preference being put in here. I used to turn around to check out a guy's behind when passing him in the subway going in the opposite direction. :smile:

If she's as beautiful as you say and not just in the eyes of you the beholder then you must be worth her while man! She wants to be seen with you! You make the grade! Go out in public like to a mall and let her see other chicks checking you out. She'll feel "protective" of the guy she's with...you!
Give her small personal gifts that show that you know what her favorite colour is or her favorite character like what does she have on the walls of her dorm room? Snoopy or Rocky Horror or what? (rhetorical question)

When you say good night after your next date reach over and touch her cheek with a gentle stroke like you think you're falling in love but don't refer to it. She'll get chills and think about you when she's in bed.

No big gifts too soon. It scares them off thinking you want a commitment b/f they're ready. Little ones say "I was thinking of you" and you are. Hallmark cards that say that are great. My husband and I exchanged cards like that tons when we were dating.
One showed Garfield pounding one fist into the other saying "Now you're going to get yours" and inside he had a big sweet smile and his arms spread wide. AWWW!
Good luck to both of you! MIC


--------------------

My inner child runs with scissors but plays nicely with others!

Sometimes the light's all shine'in on me,
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me,
What a looong strange trip it's been! ~ Truck'in

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Re: girl advice? [Re: MyInnerChild]
    #6896747 -

You need to make a move on her.  She's probably wondering if you don't like her or something.  You need to make a move soon.  A coward would get drunk first, a smart person would get her drunk first.  :tongue:

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Re: girl advice? [Re: djfrog]
    #6897031 -

Just take her out on a few more dates, or maybe just cute little things like going on a walk or playing games (be yourself) and when the time is right tell her how you feel. you dont want to scare her off by confessing you undying love too soon.


--------------------
Rememer, Elderly abuse IS a crime.

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Re: girl advice? [Re: Toiderz]
    #6897093 -

Tell her you are only interested in a girl that enthusiastically and eagerly swallows.

If she gives you a repugnant look then you just saved yourself countless hours and $$ in chasing this wretch of a woman.

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Re: girl advice? [Re: Zodiak]
    #6897145 -

kidnap the bitch


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Re: girl advice? [Re: Zodiak]
    #6897148 -

Honestly, perhaps you're trying to turn her into a long termer right away instead of just taking it as it is. Why would you introduce her to your mother on your first "date"? Why are you taking her fishing, instead of drinking/dancing? You're 19, she's 18. If she seems flirty with other guys in your dorm, it's because she knows she is young and wants to have fun.

Ignore her a bit, pursue other girls, and stop worrying about her... and next time hold off with the family introductions until at least the second date. Women get freaked out by that shit too.


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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Re: girl advice? [Re: MyInnerChild]
    #6897168 -

MyInnerChild said:
She wants to be seen with you! You make the grade! Go out in public like to a mall and let her see other chicks checking you out. She'll feel "protective" of the guy she's with...you!


Jealousy will only get you so far.  Guys want confidence in a girl too, ya know!




My husband and I exchanged cards like that tons when we were dating.
One showed Garfield pounding one fist into the other saying "Now you're going to get yours" and inside he had a big sweet smile and his arms spread wide. AWWW!



:puke:


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"

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Re: girl advice? [Re: DrCamacho89]
    #6898253 -

To DrC...funny barf icon man.... Yeah, we were young and stuff. I still think Garfield's funny in a sarcastic way.


To everyone: A guy named Shmuely Boteach wrote on his site about sex that jealousy as far as a look, a conversation, can fuel the fire and confirm how you feel about your honey. It's good for when you need to jump start a relationship. He suggested something I thought was daring but kinda cool. He said you should go to a bar. She sits at the bar. He takes a table by the wall but where he can watch guys come on to her. She knows he's watching and doesn't lie to anyone, just talks...the whole while knowing her guy's getting overheated over her like when they first met. Voila! They connect like never before when they get back. It shouldn't be done if there's any lack of trust and not too often but it's an interesting experiment when it can help.

Personally I see no harm done if other girls you'll never meet again check out your butt in the mall while she's fully aware of it. No one was betrayed. It just confirms that you're objectively good looking and she renews her appreciation of that. A healthy relationship can withstand that. Maybe not a third date...I stand corrected if that's what came across from what I wrote last night.
Thanks for the input.

Of course, if all some guy is looking for is a quick service then "all" he needs to do is run for president. :smile:
MIC

Edited by MyInnerChild (05/11/07 01:04 AM)

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