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Social Interaction Ignorance
    #6511632 -

I don't really understand my social relationship with others.

Let me say that I don't have social anxiety and I don't feel inferior to others in any way, but I guess I am a little 'down' that talking with people around me is not more pleasurable, at home, at work, at school, etc. I frequently find I have nothing I want to say to people, even friends and family. I am glad everyone around me is healthy and generally happy, but what the hell do I have to say... I find when I talk it is more of a body reaction of wanting to make noise, laugh, joke, and less to actually converse.

I am selfish. I interact with people when I think they have something for me. (metaphysically speaking) And at the moment I don't feel curious about my surroundings. Am I bored, depressed, arrogant? I don't know.

Thoughts?

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Grav]
    #6511961 -

i don't want to talk to people when i'm down either!

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Ego Death]
    #6514452 -

its weird i felt like that for a while. at times i kind of still feel that way. but you know my problem is different because I just got out from a violent relationship and that was the main problem. but ya know I think it has to do a lot in finding yourself. A lot of times I felt like I had nothing to say and felt like whatever I would say itll be not so interesting or may b I will feel kind of out of place when I would say something. Now I kind of not care much and just say whatever popps out of my mind and its very interesting the reaction I get from people. for some reason everyone thinks Im on E and I dont even do it lol

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Grav]
    #6514568 -

Sounds like me. I also get little pleasure from interacting with people most of the time. I believe it's called "shizoid personality disorder", if you want to go into the psychology of it.

That's probably just naturally how you are. Supposedly drugs like Welbutrin can change your dopamine response to everyday activities and make social interactions more pleasurable to people with shizoid personalities, but I wouldn't know because I see my personality type as more of a benefit than anything else. Most of my time spent with other people has been wasted time, when I can accomplish much more setting my mind to reading and writing.

Personally, I recommend you find something you love and devote all your time to that. You'll feel a true sense of accomplishment doing it instead of wasting your time trying to relate to people who can't offer you very much.


--------------------
So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Ravus]
    #6515270 -

or better yet, make a plan to learn 5 new interesting facts every day. After a few weeks, you will have some cool things to say and talk about, because it sounds like you just have a problem with small talk - me too. But for me it's hard, because I don't really care about talking to others most of the time, and I am comfortable with silence...

but as a social skill, and for social value (aka higher self esteem via self perception) smalltalk can do wonders. Also, most of the time people just want to talk - if you don't want to, it makes it even easier for you. Just never ask close-ended questions that can result in "yes, no, etc." Instead of asking someone if they saw the movie Gremlins, say "You seem like you would love the movie Gremlins." (or at least you get the idea). That type of thing will let them start talking about something for quite a while.. then just listen to a few key phrases and feed it right back to them, which will get them on their next rant.

rinse, repeat. along with displaying facial expressions to portray genuine interest, this is called the gift of gab.


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Grav]
    #6515381 -

Grav said:
I frequently find I have nothing I want to say to people, even friends and family.  I am glad everyone around me is healthy and generally happy, but what the hell do I have to say...  I find when I talk it is more of a body reaction of wanting to make noise, laugh, joke, and less to actually converse.



:smile:


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Grav]
    #6515703 -

Grav said:
I don't really understand my social relationship with others.




its talking to others when you feel like it
you dont understand cause most people probably dont talk when they feel it, or exaggerate everything socially..

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Grav]
    #6515830 -

you actually can learn alot about people by just listening and going small on responses just so they know you're actually listening.

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Majawala]
    #6519987 -

You've kinda answered your own question. You're not interested in other people. Does nothing interest you at all? I cant believe that. I think you're stuck in a rut with your thinking patterns. Find something that interests you, meet others with similar interests: you have something in common, something that will interest you to talk about. You will learn communication skills; if you start enjoying talking to people you're well on your way.

Noone gets on with everyone else; some more so or less than others. Maybe you're in the wrong social group. But you are a human being, a naturally social animal, maybe (as above) you have a certain personality trait, or maybe in some way youve programmed yourself to think this way. Do you smoke a lot of weed? Or even a little bit? Weed can be great but it's dangerous if it leads you astray.

I like your honesty. You say you are selfish; dont you want to change? Ultimately you have to find the reason for change from within yourself. Peace.


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let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: mr_kite]
    #6522613 -

thanks for the replies

mr_kite, no i do not do any drugs or drink hardly ever... and I really dont feel 'trapped' or in a 'rut'. i feel very much healthy, strong, active and excited to be alive! I am in my last semester at college, i work out at the gym with friends many days of the week, and am heavily into martials arts which makes me incredibly happy. i feel like i am living the Good Life.. though the disconnection remains and I feel it in myself when amidst society.

maybe i am trapped in a rut and i dont knoww it

thanks

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: kotik]
    #6526159 -

kotik said:
or better yet, make a plan to learn 5 new interesting facts every day. After a few weeks, you will have some cool things to say and talk about, because it sounds like you just have a problem with small talk - me too. But for me it's hard, because I don't really care about talking to others most of the time, and I am comfortable with silence...


Exactly. It's not that introspective people don't have a lot to talk about, but simply the fact that most people you talk to don't actually listen to you or consider what you say anyway. What's the point in talking to people if it doesn't bring you pleasure?

Quote:
but as a social skill, and for social value (aka higher self esteem via self perception) smalltalk can do wonders. Also, most of the time people just want to talk - if you don't want to, it makes it even easier for you. Just never ask close-ended questions that can result in "yes, no, etc." Instead of asking someone if they saw the movie Gremlins, say "You seem like you would love the movie Gremlins." (or at least you get the idea). That type of thing will let them start talking about something for quite a while.. then just listen to a few key phrases and feed it right back to them, which will get them on their next rant.

rinse, repeat. along with displaying facial expressions to portray genuine interest, this is called the gift of gab.


It's a very short-lived self-esteem boost, however, and most people who are truly introverted won't continue it indefinitely. A much more permanent solution is to find something you love and then devote yourself to that, and though you may have less social contact, the social contact you do have will more involve the goals you've set for yourself, actually bringing more of a point to your day-to-day behavior than simple socialization.


--------------------
So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Ravus]
    #6529100 -

I mean this in the most non-arrogant way, but I have a problem talking to some people because I'm worried that they're too simple and if I let them in on my world they'll go crazy or at least become depressed with confusion. I get seriously worried about their welfare, and try and end the conversation ASAP.

Does anyone else sometimes feel this way? Or often feel this way?

*shruggs*


--------------------
"Misery only doth exist, none miserable,

No doer is there; naught save the deed is found.

Nirvana is, but not the man who seeks it.

The Path exists, but not the traveler on it."

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Grav]
    #6530281 -

I feel similar, quite often. Ever since hitting puberty (oh what a wonderful time) I've gotten more and more introverted. In my case, it's because my speech isn't too great so I'm extremely self conscious about speaking and I'm also VERY quiet (volume wise). Eventually it becomes a natural habit to just NOT say anything if it's really not that important. So nowadays, socialising with new people that I'm not very comfortable with is quite difficult. Even with my best friends, sometimes there's simply nothing to say.
However, I don't think that's always a bad thing. Sometimes it's nice to sit in quietness and enjoy someone's company. There are things that you can do that don't involve constant conversation (like playing cards, watching a DVD, listening to music, or whatever else). It actually grates my nerves sometimes when some of my friends talk constantly! Once you get a group of people who begin to talk constantly it's nearly impossible to have your say as a quiet person without getting interrupted.
Besides, I enjoy LISTENING to people's conversations with very minimal input. Perhaps just feel comfortable in listening to people's conversations and only talk when you really feel like you have something to say.

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Sheepish]
    #6532487 -

that seems like the easy way out.  I am a true introvert, and I almost always feel awkward in social settings where the ratio of strangers:friends is more than 1:1.

However, I've come to accept that feeling, and just setting it aside because it started getting in the way of me progressing.  The fact of the matter is, most people (I hope! :lol: ) realize how trivial small talk is, yet if you utter idle chat with others, at least it shows you appreciate their company enough to engage in a social interaction.  Besides, after you talk to someone for a couple of minutes, something more interesting usually pops up, or if it doesn't, you could be just the guy to make the while conversation interesting by injecting some random shit into it.

About thinking other people are too simple, and worrying about depressing them - it's pretty universal that if someone was in a good mood when they met you, and left in a bad mood, then chances are they will avoid conversing with you in the future, or maybe they will just think you are a cynic.  Just start them of slow.. haha.


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: kotik]
    #6534516 -

I agree. The only satisfaction I get from social discourse is when I stop giving a shit about what anyone thinks of me and just start injecting the weirdest conversation pieces into small talk. Some people get freaked out, but for others (usually the people who actually matter) it leads to a worthwhile conversation rather than a waste of time.

Next time you're talking to someone and you get that uncomfortable silence, try saying a good joke to get them back into the conversation. One that always works for me is:

What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
You don't masturbate on an apple before you eat it!

Say it very straight-faced and seriously, then move onto talking about nuclear warfare. Trust me, it always works.


--------------------
So long as you are praised think only that you are not yet on your own path but on that of another.

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Ravus]
    #6536004 -

haha, dead baby jokes may not be the best icebreaker, but i'd be lying if I said I never broke the silence with one.

how do you make a dead baby shake? 2 scoops ice cream, 1 scoop dead baby...

but i digress


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Ravus]
    #6536871 -

Ravus said:
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
You don't masturbate on an apple before you eat it!




I want to read more of your jokes!

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Re: Social Interaction Ignorance [Re: Grav]
    #6543841 -

Personally, I feel like a lot of it has to do with habit.

I had really horrible social anxiety when I was younger- as in buying things in stores would cause a panic attack- so I spent a few years of my life pretty much not speaking to anyone except my family and two very close friends.

Now that I've overcome all that and don't really feel scared of speaking, I still find myself silent most of the time around people I don't know very well. That's what feels natural to me.

People who have grown up being very social and surrounded by large groups of friends probably just find it natual to converse, to make the small talk...that's what they grew up doing, that's what's normal to them, and that's what their habits are.

Maybe you just find it natural to be silent. Maybe you're not around people who make you curious about them, that make you want to know all the little ins and outs of their life and personality. Maybe it takes more to interest you...not necessarily a bad thing.

Maybe you need to meet someone who will stimulate your urge to interact...and perhaps push yourself a little to try and a meaningful conversation with one of your friends, if only to find out if you're missing out on something.


--------------------

"I can't be told by anyone how to live. If I said to the minister 'Move from your home' he would think I was mad." Bushman : Botswana

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