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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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lack of self-confidence hurting me socially...
    #1914359 -

where to start...

i've always been a pretty shy guy. i don't do well around people for awhile until i get to know them and feel comfortable around them. i always feel like i don't know what to say or how to say it to people...guys or girls (but especially girls). i always feel awkward. my posture, what i'm doing with my hands, where i'm looking, the tone of my voice, etc...all of these things bug me. i don't know if i'm doing the right thing, what kinds of signs i'm sending, etc. i guess i just overanalyze things and don't let myself just go and be comfortable in social situations. i know it should be easy-just relax-but i often find that i can't. i'm always being dragged down by a lack of self confidence and a feeling of awkwardness.

like i mentioned above, the situation with the womenfolk is even worse. i honestly don't know how to go about meeting a girl. i see quite a few attractive young ladies around the college but i'd have not the first idea of how to approach any of them. or, if i do start talking to a pretty girl i seem to end up in the friend rut. this isn't necessarily a bad thing but sometimes i'd like to see if i could go further. i guess i just kind of feel lost socially. i have a pretty good number of good friends, sure...but i just feel like something's missing. i've only had one g/f in my life and i was set up with her through a mutual friend; i didn't initiate contact myself. once i got to know her things were smooth sailing but like i said earlier i'd have no idea as to how to initiate something like that on my own.

i don't really know where the rest of this post is going...sorry. i just had a really disappointing saturday night...in retrospect i almost with i hadn't gone out at all. it was just that bad. and now i'm venting about it to my only real audience at the moment.

i'm thinking i might have some form of social anxiety...anyone else concur? i'm sure someone else here has been in a similar situation at one poitn or another in their life...anything that's helped? i'm getting pretty desperate. i just want to get out of my social rut and start feeling better about myself.

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: ichbinkiffer]
    #1914556 -

I know how it is...but after MDMA showed me what it was like to be TOTALLY CONFIDENT and and talkitive...i knew it was in me, and have been following that lead. Whats the worst that can happen...it take's balls to talk to girl's...but nothing too bad can happen, especially if you dont take yourself too seriously. I dont really have much to offer other than to say i know how it is to be extremely awkward around certain peoples, and to speak to girls to only have them become friends rather than something more...

SAeems to be my specialty.


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: PDU]
    #1914877 -

I know how ya feel man. I don't have the slightest idea how to approach girls on my own. I get real uneasy about myself. I feel like I can't get too personal because I don't think its going to go anywhere. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't feel as bad as everyone around me makes me out to be. Back in HS I tried some euphoria you can buy in a pill, but when thats gone what do you have? You'll probably feel even shitty than you did before.

My advice is try working out. Working out can make you feel good about yourself.


--------------------
"Goodnight my friend" Bill

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: ichbinkiffer]
    #1914908 -

do some athletics.(NOT FOOTBALL) do something like kickboxing or running. That'll boost your self-esteem.


--------------------
The best way to live
is to be like water
For water benefits all things
and goes against none of them
It provides for all people
and even cleanses those places
a man is loath to go
In this way it is just like Tao        ~Daodejing

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: ichbinkiffer]
    #1914991 -

It's really your choice to be akward socially or not. Just remember that most people have that same anxiety to some extent. On girls: Show them you have testosterone, use your instincts.


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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: ArmFromTheAbyss]
    #1915052 -

ichbinkiffer I know how you feel. I know I have anxiety, normally when i go out anywhere there are people i dont know i feel really unwell, it normally starts around an hour before i leave and can go on to when i get there or longer. All of the things you describe I experience, there must be some way to sort it out because one of my friends was really fragile a few years back when i met him but now hes bloody well known by everyone for his outlandish behaviour. Dunno how that works but...

self confidence is a bitch

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: ichbinkiffer] * 1
    #1915630 -

You are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy...

By thinking "shit I shouldn't say anything because I'm not cool," you're not saying anything and that's not cool.... heh its like by thinking that people aren't going to enjoy your company, you're forgetting to LET people enjoy your company because you're sitting there trying to figure out how to be enjoyable instead of just being you, which is more enjoyable than somebody who looks like they're trying not to look interesting.. heh i don't know if this makes sense but basically you're right - its confidence, and its not hard to fix; just takes some time and experimentation.

Try saying "hi!" to ten random people today. You might be amazed when you see them smile and reply instead of screaming and running away horrified, an outcome that one's mind can easily concieve yet rarely happens so should not be feared.

Look towards the positives instead of the negatives - I know this seems obvious but it took ages for me to realize this.... If you're looking at a girl thinking "boy I'd like to >insert desired activity here< THAT girl," but then start thinking "hmm if i walked up and said something, though, she could reject me, she could hit me, she could introduce me to her boyfriend I didn't realize was right next to her" and things like that, then you're going to get yourself very very nervous and you most likely won't even go TRY!! If you approach the situation a bit differently, imagining "I could walk up to her and she might actually like what I have to say; wow I could probably even get her phone number if we chatted for a few minutes about basic stuff and hmm maybe I could even take her home" or whatever, you'll be suprized at what that can do to produce the outcome you're looking for.. If you're expecting to be successful, it will be easier to be successful in many social situations.. of course, rejection can be a bit harder if you were expecting otherwise, but hey "at least I tried" heh tell her to have a fun night and that you're gunna get back to your friends or whatever and then go try somebody else :wink: practice will be your best friend.

wow what a rant!


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

Edited by Strumpling (09/14/03 02:11 PM)

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: Strumpling]
    #1915653 -

strumpling, all you have written is so true. my problems are indeed self-inflicted and i just need to break out of them by being myself and realize that i am who i am and that's just as good as anyone else out there. i've resolved to go by way of experience and experimentation to bust out of my shell and i'm confident that it'll work if i want it to.

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: ichbinkiffer]
    #1915680 -

When its quiet, think "what would so-and-so say right now?" My friends are my inspiration when I'm totally out of material at some moment.

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: HarveyWalbanger]
    #1915771 -

Strumpling is right of course. I went solo a couple days ago, tripping on 5 meo amt...and ive talked to more people than ive talked to in along time...no doubt because i was sporting a shit eaters grin, and just giving off a happy aura around me. People are willing to do the work for you, they'll come to you if your inviting. Do say hellow to 10 random people...and see how many conversations you can strike up, inform yourself of the news and current events...think of things you can talk at length about...


--------------------
GO OUTSIDE.

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: ichbinkiffer]
    #1920313 -

Good luck, you smooth operator - don't forget how ABSURDLY KICK-ASS you are :smile:


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: Strumpling]
    #5469692 -

I've been in the same boat as you are. I fixed my issue by going to the gym and tanning every other day to get my physical and mental well being in order. I feel once you feel good about your self it's all up hill from there. Also, you could try and get a job where it requires customer assistance.

-PEACE


--------------------
AFOAF's current multi-grow log

"In the privince of the mind, what is believed to be true is true or becomes true, within limits to be found experientially and experimentally.  These limits are further beliefs to be transcended.  In the province of the mind, there are no limits." -John C. Lilly

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: Cracka_X]
    #5469941 -

Cracka_X said:
do some athletics.(NOT FOOTBALL) do something like kickboxing or running. That'll boost your self-esteem.


Exactly.


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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.

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Re: lack of self-confidence hurting me socially... [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #5470781 -

hey man ive also been in some what of a rut and i have found that meditation is great, opening your chakras and beeing more confotable from within.
seriously starting a day with a positive mind and when approaching people not even thinking about what to say, but saying it, has really helped as well. I wish resolution to your anxiety and luck in your quest
DrIaNo
check this site out http://www.eclecticenergies.com/chakras/open.php


--------------------
...................................................................Smile. Its not that hard. Just squeeze ur But cheecks. SEE!!! :smile:...................................................

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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