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i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared
    #6433662 -

i'm experiencing some extreme social anxiety.  it mainly happens around people i don't know well and women.

i exist in a constant battle with my mind - i'm always telling myself to relax and it feels like i'm fighting so that i don't explode.  it wears me right down until i'm completely knackered then have to leave the social situation.

Often i will burn up completely.  i have to fight to not get a red blotchy face.  if i don't fight it then it comes and does not go until i return to the safety of my bedroom at home.

its been ruining my life for years now, but everynow and again (like now) i tell people about it and try to work out what to do about it.  i explained to several of my close friends, the problems i have.  i felt relieved but my symptons still persist.

What really gets to me is not being able to get any female contact.  i'm littereally shit scared of them.  i have to make myself talk to them, i know i have too to try and break this loop im in.  i'm not bad at talking too them its just that once we are talking my fear goes to the next thing which is them asking me why i look so hot (red faced) and when they mention it - it gets even worse.

i sat at a friends for hours last night waiting for the anxiety to subside enough so i could talk to this lovely female that was sat there with nobody to talk to.  She kept glancing at me and i really wanted to talk to her but i was just to nervous.  i sat there for about 3 hours without saying a word and my symptons were as bad as ever.  Then i made myself talk to her - so i introduced myself, we had a nice conversation and then after we finished talking my anxiety came back with full force and i felt completely tired of fighting it.  The red face rapidly got me and after this i made my excuses and left.

This is how sad i am.  i am such a pussy.  i exist in a constant battle just to relax.  Will i ever be free again?

i must change, so this is my plan so far;

1.  Give up illegal drugs and alcohol
2. Take xanax??
3. Take hypnotherapy
:sad:


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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: Ego Death]
    #6433743 -

First of all, you're not a pussy. A lot of people are having problems with some kind of anxiety and that does not make them a pussy.

Cognitive behavioral therapy has been used successfully for many years to treat it, so you might want to look at that. You don’t have to spend big bucks on a therapist if you can’t afford it, since there are a lot of very useful books out there on the subject and doing exercises described in them might be enough to get you going.  If you’re symptoms are extremely severe a help from a therapist or short-term medication might be in order. You might want to stay off Xanax and related medications for a while. Try Kava Kava, Valerian, GABA or L-tryptophan for similar effects if the going gets rough.

Also, might I suggest you stop fighting the symptoms of your anxiety? I know it’s hard since I’ve had some very bad anxiety myself, but it truly works. If you allow yourself to feel whatever anxiety comes up and allow others to notice it, it will subdue in short time all by itself. For a while it might be hard, because you might imagine others will think less of you if they would know you’re such a ‘nervous wreck’, but the opposite is the truth. Letting your anxiety show will make you more human and that makes you more not less attractive.

Social and other forms of anxiety are treatable and the success rates are high!  :thumbup: If you’re willing to work hard for a while, you have every reason to be optimistic. You can heal and learn to develop relationships with significant others. It might take a while, but ease that perfectionist attitude and take one step at a time.

All the best.  :heart:


Recommended reading for startes:

The Shy Single: A Bold Guide to Dating for the Less-than-Bold Dater
http://www.amazon.com/Shy-Single-Guide-Dating-Less-than-Bold/dp/1579548695/

Overcoming Anxiety: From Short-Time Fixes to Long-Term Recovery
http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Anxiety-Short-Time-Long-Term-Recovery/dp/0805047891/


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"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: redtailedhawk]
    #6433750 -

don't say that about yourself, please!  :uptosomething:


:hug:  :hug:  :hug:

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: marybell]
    #6433771 -

first off, if you smoke weed regularly - stop!


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:sleepingcow:  :penguinmonkey: :blah:

JOIN MAPS -> www.MAPS.ORG

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: Ego Death]
    #6433975 -

When's the last time you got laid?


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #6434104 -

Yeah, I highly suggest that you quit taking drugs for awhile. See if maybe that helps. And the person who told you to quit fighting your anxiety has the right idea also. Anxiety is just that: worry. If you're worried about being worried, you're just going to make yourself crazy. Take deep breaths and try not to care about what other people are thinking.

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #6434124 -

when's the last time you got your brain checked?  :uptosomething:

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: Ego Death]
    #6434171 -

i suffer a similar anxiety and i am largely drug free

though not the blotches, that is unfortunate for you, regarding the social context

i too bully myself with words like pussy

and it does seem this constant cycle of anxiety and fight or flight

my only solution seems to be fight! i spent a long time flighting and eventually got sick and lonely of it, so know i meditate as best i can on fight, enjoy the fight, it is life. life knows you are strong and capable and wants to give you a challenge. its just it forgets that the mind is a capracious motherfucker that conspires to mire itself in an irrelevant nonsense of anxiety.

if you smoke weed lots, stop. do it occasionally. the real thing to do is catalyse a profound change in your life, just reach for your goals more? innovate your life in a way you will enjoy. i dont know what to suggest there with me it is a matter of properly pursuing my interest in writing, and a little guitar.

then in these social situations, the principle of change from the mire you have long suffered may at last be implicit, and though you may not be free of the mental bonds you may feel fundamentally better equipped to deal with them, to rise spontaneously above them.

maybe, perhaps this is just the conjecture of an optimist. but give yourself room to grow, make an invigorated effort in your life at large and maybe new understanding will seek to blossom more readily

i hope this makes sense, this is very much my own work on the matter. i have always been shy, is that still anxiety? i think this is my way, growth. i hope there may be some workable grains of truth for you.


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read books

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: Ego Death]
    #6434207 -

also, the grass (!) isnt often greener on the other side  :wink:

ppl intend to suck.  :lol:

Edited by marybell (01/07/07 12:02 PM)

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: marybell]
    #6434326 -

I'm not surprised someone on here would take my question the wrong way. Physical contact helps people chill and the lack of it can make people neurotic. I think a few days just a humpin' and pumpin' with a woman who digs him for who he is may be just what the doctor ordered.


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[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #6434418 -

I know, just chill  :lol:

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: marybell]
    #6434532 -

>>>If you're worried about being worried,

Yeah thats the crazy thing!! Thats what I do!

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #6434535 -

I agree i do need some contact to break me out of the cycle.

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: redtailedhawk]
    #6434540 -

Thanks,
you've been good at putting this into perspect for me.

i think weed is definately a big factor in this too. Quitting is dam hard tho because all my friends do it constantly.


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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #6434565 -

Hmmm, i was looking up neurorotic and i found this under hysteria. it seems to be what i have...

Hysteria is a diagnostic label applied to a state of mind, one of unmanageable fear or emotional excesses. The fear is often centered on a body part, most often on an imagined problem with that body part (disease is a common complaint).

Sometimes i can't stop worrying about my face going red and it feels like i can't stop concentrating on the tempature of my cheeks.
This makes it happen anyway which is the crazy thing. if i didn't think of it, it wouldn't happen.

Somehow i've become stuck, at somepoint i realised it could happen. Now it puts me into a state of worry that makes it happen!

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: Ego Death]
    #6434591 -

For the face thing, I find it help to imagine plunging your face in a basin of icy water, or imagine you are in the antarctic and getting frostbite or something..


--------------------
:sleepingcow:  :penguinmonkey: :blah:

JOIN MAPS -> www.MAPS.ORG

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: MetaShroom]
    #6434625 -

I was the same way for junior and senior year of high school. I was also addicted to valium for about a year at my senior year. Then I decided to get off drugs, which deffinately was hard, and would be nearly impossible without re-evaluating my friends and my contacts. Don't spend time with someone if they are going to keep pressuring you into doing them. Once you go a couple months without it it will be smooth sailing from there. I have been off drugs for about a year now and i feel great! I was finally able to snag a girl and now we have a place together. The first step is quitting drugs, especially weed and pills. Then find something constructive to do that can help take your mind off of whatever you've been stressing out over. Realize that things will get better soon, all you need is time. Whatever you do, dont take any prescription drugs, it will really slow down the recovery process.


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"Fear makes the wolf look bigger"

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: jenns_hot]
    #6434633 -

By the way, what you're feeling is often described by bonzo addicts (xanax, valium, ativan, etc...) and subsides after a few months if thats what it is.


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"Fear makes the wolf look bigger"

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: Ego Death]
    #6434774 -

I think you should quit drugs and make it a point to ask a woman out on a date at least once a week.


--------------------
[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]

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Re: i'm a pussy - i'm lost it and i'm scared [Re: TheFakeSunRa]
    #6436939 -

no, just go for the girl you like the most, given she is single. it might be easier to get to know her on something like AIM first, but a girl would deffinately help chill you out.

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