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xanax od and 1 year sober
    #6227078 -

Well I did the classic stupid thing. I od'd on benzo's. I had 1g of xanax powder and od'd at my parents house. They found me passed out and were unable to wake me up. Anyway to make a long story short I agreed to stay sober for one year. But I am running into a problem. Drugs are the only way I have ever felt right. It's like there is a hole. Since I discovered psychedelics a year or so ago I have been able to fill that hole. One trip every week to every other week makes me content. But now that I have promised a bunch of people I will stay sober I have an overwhelming sensation of being empty and alone. Nothing quiets my brain and it just runs constantly like someone reving an engine. This is mostly to vent but I also would like to know if this sounds familer to anyone. Now that I am sober I am thinking that my use of psychedelics was self medication for something although I hate many forms of psychology.


Edit:
Forgot another emotion that goes along with all these. Longing, certain things trigger it really strongly. When reading cyberpunk or fantasy (robert jorden), or when listioning to some techno I have an overwhelming sensation of longing for something I can't name. You know in the matrix when trinity says I know why you sit on your computer all night... (something like that). It's just like that. Something feels wrong.

Sorry this is so rambly but I can't seem to put anything together.

Edited by ranke (10/30/06 05:33 PM)

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Re: xanax od and 1 year sober [Re: ranke]
    #6227166 -

You need to take up meditation, reign your brain in. You don't need drugs to feel alright, and you can stop your racing thoughts simply by focusing. It is possible to be happy and healthy without drugs, drugs are usually a hindrance (I'm pretty sure they are for me).
Check out the following: http://www.saigon.com/~anson/ebud/mfneng/mind0.htm
www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/mindocean.pdf


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Re: xanax od and 1 year sober [Re: DadeMurphy]
    #6229718 -

DadeMurphy said:
You need to take up meditation, reign your brain in. You don't need drugs to feel alright, and you can stop your racing thoughts simply by focusing. It is possible to be happy and healthy without drugs, drugs are usually a hindrance (I'm pretty sure they are for me).
Check out the following: http://www.saigon.com/~anson/ebud/mfneng/mind0.htm
www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/mindocean.pdf


Sry, but I'm tired of hearing the ol "meditation dude" mantra. You cant meditate when your so anxious to get high that you cant enjoy the subtleties of sacred silence. You need to be open about your problems to those around you that really love and care for you. Your right, the drugs ARE filling a hole in your life, but thats the quest you need to take. You need to figure out what that "hole" is... What do you lack in life as a human, what scars are part of you. You are going to need OUTSIDE help, not meditation per say at this point. Is it that you are running from consequences of responsibility? Is it a social must you crave when being high with others? Do you feel it "empowers" you to be high? And so on... This isn't something that can be answered and fixed in days, or maybe even years. But, you have to start somewhere....

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Re: xanax od and 1 year sober [Re: FungusMan]
    #6230450 -

Quote:
You cant meditate when your so anxious to get high that you cant enjoy the subtleties of sacred silence


that's probably the best time to meditate...'enjoying the silence' isn't really what it's about. at least to me.


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"Outside of a dog a book is a man's friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read"
-Groucho Marx

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Re: xanax od and 1 year sober [Re: bobjones]
    #6238003 -

FungusMan has a point about meditation. Sometimes you have to question the effectiveness of what you're doing. I know that sitting in a cross legged position is no simple thing to do, let alone being postured, breathing deeply, and being aware while in that position.

You need to get healthy, bro. You need to eat right and be active. Learn how to balance and posture yourself and breath right. That stuff does not happen all on its own. You make it happen.

Say.. you go swimming. You'd probably want to stretch out before you got into the water - get the circulation going and be prepared to move in the way that is necessary. Then you go and swim and have fun and do a good amount of work. Then you could go and meditate because you would be ready to do so. Now that could all take a good 2 or 3 hours. 2 or 3 hours where you will certainly learn a little bit about yourself and, hopefully, find some peace of mind.


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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.

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Re: xanax od and 1 year sober [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #6238553 -

Sound advice from everyone, thank you.

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