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Wednesday, February 15, 2006
no destiny.

i usually feel like there is something im suposed to be doing. i feel like there is something i dont know yet, something i dont have yet. im always trying to figure it out. im working on a task and i dont even know why im working on it. im starting to think its not really a task. there may be nothing else. i cant conceive of anything else to learn. i cant imagine what the finish line looks like. im starting to think im already there. it could be all a trick. maybe its not only the journey that is more important than the destination, but, maybe there really is no destination. no destiny. why would i think there is meaning? where did that idea come from? its meaningless. no destination.

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When I get in that line of thought which is rare, I've sort of been in it myself lately, I feel like I am taking everything that has accumulated within me and have lifted it up and out unto to the lawn to objectively examine.

Where did all of this stuff come from that makes me who I am today? (Where I have been) Where is all of this stuff going to take me? (Where I am going with it)

Talk with your average person and half seem to say its about the destination and the other will say its about the journey.

Is there a difference beyond external destinations we arrive at and internal ones? What comes from out of a journey itself brings us personally to a new place of being internally, a destination point of self.

Either way, it's interesting that when we reach destinations, we are overcome with a sense of comfort security, ei "I've arrived here. I've made it. Ahhhhh and relaxation settles in". It's during the journeys, that sort of security comfort feels left to the winds of fate, (what we don't have control over) and or to the hands of what oneself has mastered (what we do have control over). Often the second requires trust that others will fulfill their roles and parts that will help to take us there.

Where the scuba gear and wings come into play is in the realization that, it's not for long we feel the security comfort and relaxation of having arrived, before it grows pale and a new journey begins.

Thats where I am now, getting here and there so I can take my shoes off and relax, only to find myself, putting them right back on again to embark further only to get the feeling of relaxing with shoes off again.

WTF? Is right! Sure I have long phases of being content right where I am and all is well with the universe just as it is. Then, there is that stirring he discussed of "should I be doing something else, something more?" Things begin to feel as if they stagnate if we don't stay on the proverbial move.

What causes this stirring> Is it destiny calling us to go further? Is there such a thing?

Is it just the product of a never ending journey of self discovery via being on the move?

I touched on this in another thread recently. So many believe in final destinations and..........experience says, "there is no such thing NOW GROK THAT!

Is the trick to get us to feel that way so peaceful contentment and relaxation never sets in or to believe in final destinations here or in the after life to get us to become content with stagnation so we rot along with it and never fulfill destinies?

No one can answer this with 100% assuredness. Which ever one chooses is just that which brings them more personal comfort with their lives.

Maybe it has nothing to do with tricks nor a trick master. Does  that idea just stem from moments of either feeling self doubts OR from liking a tricky challenge. Either way its a subjective objectification of something greater, the proverbial cosmic joker.

I laughed at the part where he said he wonders to himself at times, "Why am I doing this task?"

It's the tasks that take you back to square one that make me wonder about all this shit myself.

Weed the garden just so it has room to grow new weeds to be pulled again. Wash the laundry just so it is clean to be worn and dirtied again. Make the bed just so it is inviting to be used and messed up again. Trim or cut your hair just to have it grow out again.

I think all we do to get something to a permanent place is just in vain. I just see resting stops along a never ending journey. Those moments are sweet, to be able to say, "ahhhhhhh I am finally here" or " ahhhhhhhhh it's finally finished." and kick back with shoes off and relax.

Whats so final about anything? It seems thing repeat or can be taken elsewhere further and there is no end to that.

It seems things loop back to the starting point and a repeat occurs OR at Zero point, a window opens into a new dimension and we can escape repeat cycles through it and move unto new territory.

I know I have no desire for a FINAL stop or an eternal rest of my soul. I enjoy relaxation and rest to be sure, its when the stagnation and entrophy begin that, I begin to stir myself up again.

How fresh can any last before it begins to deteriorate, degenerate, spoil and rot? Is ANYTHING immune to that, including soul or spirit?

Either way, I feel like the repeat cycle of "refresh/renew -relax, refresh/renew-relax" will always be.

Refreshing and renewing gets tiring and yet, relaxing for too long gets tiring as well.

Hahahaha a funny image just came to me. It's as if the angel on one shoulder says, "here is a pillow to lay your weary head on and some food and drink" and you indulge. Then the other angel soon lights a fire under your ass and says, "get the fuck up you lazy bum there's work to be done."

Ahhhhhh now I know why some refer to the proverbial devil as The Task Master.

But I don't see it as being a bad thing, nor is rest when needed. I see what is left to deteriorate, degenerate and rot as being a bad thing.

Yin and Yang.

I think I just reworded what the cosmic joke is all about. I had been serious about it lately and I think its time to starting laughing about it again.

Well, I think I just discovered a new destination to embark on. I want to find the place that is immune to rest rot or I should say, if its possible and how it would work.

I appreciate the time anyone took to read this mornings rambling of mine. I would enjoy reading through anyones take off thoughts on this-ESPECIALLY any ideas on developing immunity to rest rot. I feel some ideas pouring in and they are the sort that are just to high for me to fully grasp right now. They have to do with value shifting. Off to explore.......................

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Active, fiery Mars rules Aries and indeed, Aries people are high-spirited, energetic individuals ready to try anything at least once. Courageous, optimistic, and friendly, they are lively participants in the everyday bustle of life, maintaining a frantic pace others find difficult to match. Constant physical activity works off excess energy, and its vitalizing influence is important to their intellectual and creative endeavors. It is usually the energetic Aries who is willing to start projects others would be afraid to tackle. However, it is also Aries who often fails to finish things when too many details demand attention or they simply lose interest. In spite of the physical energy associated with Aries, they are not above using the inability of others to keep up with them as an excuse for their own idleness. If they expect others to provide them with constant stimulation and are unwilling to find their own diversions, they become lazy. Cut off from physical activity, they become depressed, unproductive, and overweight.

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The real concern I think, is finding an environment or path in life that will allow you these changes in attitude suddenly and at your own accord. One must be able to relax and strive when he or she so desires.

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The real concern I think, is finding an environment or path in life that will allow you these changes in attitude suddenly and at your own accord. One must be able to relax and strive when he or she so desires.

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I'm going to sit on that one for a while too and look for more keys.

Thanks again Micheal! This convo is sooooo refreshing for me. I feel like I am getting re-synched up after being askew for a spell.

michael_lifshitz said:

So are you suggesting that there is actually a state of constant fulfillment? Without ever feeling like you need more?

I feel like that simply can't be, as long as we have any desires at all, our minds and bodies will always bore and feel different at different times. I don't see any sense in not allowing this natural progression to occur, from energized to tired to relaxed to stale and then back to energized, over and over, enjoying every step of it, and trying to keep the stale and tired parts to a minimum.

I would love to hear what you have to say about a state where this would not be necessary. I simply can't fathom how it would work.

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You got that in while I was typing my last reply to you. I have always pretty much seen it in the way you described above, except for times like this when i re-examine it out loud seeing iof others are feeling it, working on it. I suppose I am suggesting such a possibility though I too have no fully comprehensible idea of how it would work. I have bits and pieces though. Thats why I go in phases of thinking on it and then giving up on it. What a puzzle.

Something long ago teased me with the notion that it is possible and it is our destiny. And I wonder why I would come to think on this every so often if it weren't. This would be akin to a "mission destiny" like you mentioned or a calling of sorts.

I have to collect new thoughts on it for while and try some things out. The closest I have come is that appreciating every new moment for simply being and your being cognizant of it within it is a key. Every new moment is a window of new opportunity to love anew, breath anew, feel anew, think anew, sense anew. How can that ever get stale if we work it as such?

I'm off to bed now. Thanks again. Getting the how put together bit by bit is one thing. Getting it into practice is another story. Whatever it is will take a lot of extra energy to sustain and so figuring out how to keep it renewable moment to moment is key.