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I have a mental question
    #5480035 -

I dont know if this is bad but it sure does feel bad, I been isolated for a long time to stay away from friends to quit meth cold turkey. Lately after doing mescaline I have had this bad anxiety whenever I do drugs or even when im sane but durgs just enhance the scary effects. IIt feels like im going to go insane, as if im on the edge of becoming insane. I feel wierd and very uncomfortable all the time an dmentally off, any suggestions?


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Quote:
I live to learn and learn to live.

forget w/e was here b4 it was meth gibberish.... :meff: :rail2: :rail: ....thats as old as my account...

On that note fart in public and grin. :publicfart:

Hail Shroomery!


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Re: I have a mental question [Re: Muppet69_420]
    #5480105 -

no more drugs dude.

i mean i worry that about when i get stoned except i worry i'll be cast into hell and never be able to get out.....

but i realize its silly.... but there's intense anxiety/fear still in me physically and it's not an issue when i let myself sober out and level out.

i do suppose i can get stoned and not feel it.... it depends.... eating is good, in fact, great... but when i smoke i'll like see freddy krueger in my CEVs or start worrying about hell. I worked it out last night and felt better about all that stuff though....

it feels like I'm going into the bardo while still staying in my body, and it's not something I'm supposed to mess with, it's like the weed wants me desperately to undergo complete ego loss and I just want to play with it.

that's why I eat mainly. and will only really smoke (not that i've had a chance to except one bud i found on the floor yesterday) if I'm set on meditating and going out as far as possible, rather than for having fun.

maybe it's you being pulled towards ego-death? Ever since I had a really tripped out smoke I've had larger than usual anxiety problems and that smoke was NEAR the threshold for me to be able to voluntarily lose the ego but I was in a BAD ENVIRONMENT and freaked and had a terrible time. I made it through though, but since then I've had issues surge up that feel similar to what I felt that night.

I suppose I should sit down and smoke some super dank and go back to that state but in a peaceful environment at some point in my life but sobriety is fine too.

I dunno.

Sober sober sober sober be sober. That's all I can really say, do a little drugs now and then if you want to but really trust your feelings, if you feel any doubt at all, don't do it.

meditation, tai chi, and tea... and exercise.... really have helped me.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

Edited by leery11 (04/04/06 06:31 PM)

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Re: I have a mental question [Re: leery11]
    #5480152 -

I just hope the feeling goes away; I feel so insecure in my mind. I could at one time enjoy a hot bath but now instead when im in the bath ans trying to relax I feel very scared and on edge mentally and almost out of control, its very hard to describe but its scary.

It also feels like my mind is always clouded and im so inconsiderate towards everybody. I think being cooped up for motnhs witout any association with nay of my friends is setting a mental block. I usually had this block with weed when I was on weed but it grew more unique and severe even while I was sober. Usually I could drink baracardi 151 and do drug swithout anxiety or fear of getting liver disease or cardiac arrest, now thats all changed. On any durg including opiates I feel out of place and very alien and very confused and scared. I always feel better when i do drugs recreationally outside my home but never felt like this inside my home even on drugs. I think I just need to associate but im also afraid of doing this because I could easily pick up the habit of doing meth again oOOoo.


--------------------
Quote:
I live to learn and learn to live.

forget w/e was here b4 it was meth gibberish.... :meff: :rail2: :rail: ....thats as old as my account...

On that note fart in public and grin. :publicfart:

Hail Shroomery!


Edited by Muppet69_420 (04/04/06 07:00 PM)

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Re: I have a mental question [Re: Muppet69_420]
    #5480187 -

How long since you have isolated your self?

Long binges on meth can leave your body drained like a used battery.

I have been in that state before. What worked for me, was muti vitains and allot of water. Keep on doing what you are doing!!! You have a desire to quit!!!

Remember, it is always the darkest before the dawn.


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“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

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Re: I have a mental question [Re: SirTripAlot]
    #5480199 -

SirTripAlot said:
How long since you have isolated your self?

Long binges on meth can leave your body drained like a used battery.

I have been in that state before. What worked for me, was muti vitains and allot of water. Keep on doing what you are doing!!! You have a desire to quit!!!

Remember, it is always the darkest before the dawn.


Its been a month and a bit more probably. I always thought these symptoms could be w/d from meth but never looked into it, I always feel drained and somewhat sad and very scared, look at my above post. I appreciate your help alot and thnaks.


--------------------
Quote:
I live to learn and learn to live.

forget w/e was here b4 it was meth gibberish.... :meff: :rail2: :rail: ....thats as old as my account...

On that note fart in public and grin. :publicfart:

Hail Shroomery!


Edited by Muppet69_420 (04/04/06 07:02 PM)

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Re: I have a mental question [Re: Muppet69_420]
    #5480207 -

It goes away very fluidly dude.....

but at the core is an unresolved issue. though my fear subsided (and i felt like i WOULD go insane just like 3 weeks ago for some reason and was having a hard time feeling safe enough to sleep) ..... the issue is still kind of there.

it's a fear of death really, but it's symbolically tied to a few different phobias.....so.....

I feel completely normal in day to day function but I know the fear is there and still needs to be worked on, but holds less power on me.

Seriously, stay sober! It's the only way to work things out.... drugs can wait.

Realize that the you that is feeling fear is not the TRUE you, he is of little consequence and has no permanence, pretty soon he will be gone and it will just be the normal you. Look at it like "oh this is fear... hmmm it's not the best of things" instead of "I'm scared" look at it from the outside like "I am feeling fear in this particular moment in time."

the biggest trick is to free yourself from normal thoughtloops so you can BE HERE NOW.
http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/5370401/an/0/page/2
(read BE HERE NOW!)

If you give that a read, all the way through and think clearly about what it's saying... it may very well set a lot of your grief free..... the trick is. There's only right now. So the fear is kind of just a feedback loop, you aren't resolving something so it just gets bigger and bigger until it becomes a part of you and you don't realize it's in fact... formless... and meaningless.....

I dunno dude. You just have to be here, now. Don't fight it off, all you can do is feel it and keep your wits about you to know that it will settle down when it's ready.... but ... being sober, doing things that make you feel peaceful...... etc... helps so much.

The book says that you sit in front of a candle until you ARE the flame..... you should try something like that. Do one thing. Until you are that one thing, and the process of doing it. It will free you from your baggage tremendously. That one thing could be drawing..... or dancing... or staring at a flame.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

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Re: I have a mental question [Re: leery11]
    #5480299 -

Hey man. More power to you. You must stay away from the friends that are using meth. You can make new friends who don't use it. If you are still having a hell of a time coping I highly recommend checking out some things like Narcotics anonymous. I myself had to attend 1 Alcoholics Anonymous as part of a program to reduce a charge of a DUI to a Probation Before Judgement. You may feel more comfortable with people who have gone through the same struggle. You may feel out of place as I did. Everyone there believed in God. I am agnostic and due to my experience with history I can not believe in a God(but I also can't be an atheist..). I struggled on my own to get through that. I was also using cocaine a lot at that point and I had to cut my link with those friends for a while. They have since cut their use to nil, at least while I'm around, and I can hang out with them on occasion. If you feel anxiety and out of control using any substances then stop using them. Try to get exercise(walking 30 minutes briskly once per day) and eat right. Give yourself positive feedback. You haven't used meth which is great. If you slip and use it DO NOT give up. Slips will occur especially with something that addictive. I don't do coke any more I know I turn into an animal that just keeps hitting that fucking lever for more when I do it. I do drink, but I don't get drunk and I don't drink much. You will find a new phase of life and habits that you will enjoy. Just give it time and do not hesitate to go to a center to get help even if it's just mental support. The grass is greener on the other side man, come and join me.

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Re: I have a mental question [Re: Muppet69_420]
    #5487237 -

Some people say you have to let go and leap into the void, I haven't been able to, I'm stuck on the edge trembling with fear. Nietzche said "If you look too long into the void the void starts looking into you" and Nietzche went crazy. It's a common thought that Syd Barrett of Pink Floyd went crazy from looking into the void.

Trembling with fear could very well be part of the experience in that you don't have to let go because you're already in the void and the void is staring at you. I don't know if anyone gets past that. Nietzche didn't Syd Barrett didn't (as far as I know) and considering the amount of disinformation we can expect to be posted on these sites I don't know if we could trust anything that is communicated on the subject.

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Re: I have a mental question [Re: Booby]
    #5488369 -

Something to consider.

Work out, stay active, meditate, criticize + understand your thoughts. Abstinence is a great releif to me.


--------------------
Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.

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