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saturday september third, in the afternoon my close friend alex died cliff jumping. he jumped a 90 foot cliff and landed on rocks. I wasnt with him but i should have been. My entire group of friends had all planned on going to the new spot with the huge cliff that noone had ever done. We were all too hungover or too stoned to get up the effort to drive out to the place, but alex was so excited about going someplace new he couldnt refuse. I should have been standing next to him on that cliff. we all should have been.
everyone is completly shut down mentally, nobody can even talk. I am having a very hard time dealing with this. I am still expecting him to walk through my door, wanting to play poker and smoke bongs, or go swimming in the river here.
i have never been this sad in my entire life. i cant believe that he is gone. 21 years old is too young. i dont know how to deal with these feelings.
around the same time that he died (before i knew it happend) i was walking out behind my apartment with my roommates and i took this picture of a full double rainbow. it was so bright, so powerful. its alexs rainbow now.
Man, I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds to me like you take some responsibility in not being there.
I'm really sorry about your friend.
-------------------- Absense of evidence is not evidence of absense...
"Religion is a defense against a religious experience"
Carl G. Jung
"So really, ordinary reality is a kind of chemical habit, sanctioned by culture, which says it's okay to use certain drugs, eat certain foods, and have certain sexual behaviors. However, when you transcend all this pre-conditioning by returning to the original wisdom of the animal body, then you discover this immense dimension of opportunity. For some people, it is a frightening risk. To me, that's the psychedelic experience."
Wow. I can't say I understand because I havn't lost anyone that close to me yet like that. Talking about it helps and it's good you posted on it. Putting your feelings out in front of you helps to keep them from being stuffed to explode later and helps you to sort through them.
If you have a tough time expressing your feelings or thoughts on it to others, start a journal. be there for your other friends and talk with them about it as they can relate and thats important.
Rainbows are powerful. The remind us that the sun does come out again after dark stormy times and weather and it will for you too. Nature shows us the nature of our own lives.
Allow yourself to go through all the phases of dealing with such a loss and know they are normal and a part of the healing process.
They are shock and denial, anger, grief and sadness then finally peace and acceptance. They may not flow in that order either and get jumbled up sometimes, but going through all of them is normal , healthy and important.
Your friend is still with you, just in a different way now. Talk to him, he can hear you in spirit. He can see you still.
If it happened to you and you were watching over your friends in spirit form now, what would you wish to see in regards to how they are handeling it. Would you want them to blame themselves. Would it bring you back if they did?