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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Perhaps you can help, or relate
    #1804487 - 08/12/03 04:49 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Now, this particular issue isnt especially troubling me (although it does sound troubling) but rather...i dont understand why it is happening. "It" being a particular method of thinking. Lately ive been experiencing very vivid pictotorials of my own death and other gruesome image's, i dont normally think in picture's but these come across in striking detail...with my eye's closed. Ill share a few examples:

First - a boiling pot of water on a stove, with polkadot linoleum in the background and a chubby, child-like hand dangling a terrified man from his sweater and then dropping him.

Next - i was in a major acid deal with some scummy guy, he pulled a gun and told us to give him the money, and i went off...just talking calmly "man, what the fuck are you thinking, if you shoot us your going down, you'll have money for a couple days and be jailed for a good portion of your life for distribution and assault..." *BOOM* I viewed a bullet rip through my left theigh, and i crouch covering my wound. "Man, are you fucking stupid? Give us the acid now, and we'll pretend that never happened, everyone goes home happy." *boom* Through my right leg, im now laying in the corner pooling in my own blood, and continue to go on *boom, boom boom boom, boom* He rattle's off the rest of his round's into my torso, as my body swagger's in motion to the split second landing points of each bullet.

Finally - a pretty young blonde pin up girl...pink skirt worn high, tucked in white blouse, and a pink bow in her hair...leaning against a cement wall, then there was a jagged shadow, and next was a hand clenched around her throat strangling her, screaming her tongue was out, the man lacked distinction, a grey 3 piece business suit, and a grey hat covering the eye's....the rest of the face had a mysterious shadow, revealing nothing.

and lastly - I viewed myself jumping infront of a transport train, and immediately...frame by frame watched my skull collapse as my fluid's and organ's exploded into a spray of red, and then my body peeled off, and rolled under sparking train tearing the limb's from my body and throwing them wildly.

Why Why Why? What relevance do these have psychologically. While im sure a text book wont satisfy my curiosity, i must know...Is this a negative indiction of my mental state? Why have i started thinking in picture's, and especially in such a graphic, negative, and uncharacteristically "me" like ways. What the hell is happening in my head? And am i the only one?


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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: PDU]
    #1804810 - 08/12/03 08:37 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Oh, and well i was just trying to get asleep i washed my face get crushed by a cinder block. What the hell?


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Offlineenotake2
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: PDU]
    #1804845 - 08/12/03 09:16 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Curious! I was just wondering if you are feeling particulary anxious lately. I mean it seems like you are uncharacteristically occupied with threats to your self, which is a characteristic of anxiety. If so, it may be transient with a passing stressful period.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: enotake2]
    #1804852 - 08/12/03 09:23 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I havent been especially anxious compared with normal, but i do have social anxiety (so i dont really participate in social activities...altho im wanting to try and start trying...) Perhaps ive been beating myself up about some thing's.

However, i noticed someone said earlier in another thread, that when they started smoking less marijuana they had more vivid dreams, well ive majorly cut back (so yes, that increases my anxiety slightly) Perhaps my imagination is just running ammock.

Im not even especially bothered by these image's, but rather humoured/enlightened by them.


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InvisibleLazerouth
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: PDU]
    #1806267 - 08/12/03 05:21 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

scizophrenia?


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Offlineenotake2
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: Lazerouth]
    #1806786 - 08/12/03 07:47 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

LOL. Nah. He'd have to think the visions were real to have that. I reckon coming off the pot explains it pretty well.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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OfflinePDU
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: enotake2]
    #1806957 - 08/12/03 08:37 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Guess im gonna have to start tokin' daily again. *shucks:P*


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OfflineFlipmcneil
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: enotake2]
    #1806965 - 08/12/03 08:39 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

You just have a vivid imagination. Do you smoke pot alot? I do and I have spells where I have weird thoughts. Nothing serious, just weird shit that pops in my head for no reason.


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"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man"
Dr. Johnson


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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: Flipmcneil]
    #1807206 - 08/12/03 09:47 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Im a regular pot smoker, yeah...generally probably at least 5 small bowls a day. Ive been going 2 or 3 days without a toke lately though.

I dont watch violent movie's or look at website's like rotten.com and am just in general not exposed to such graphic thing's...Im not sure the reasoning behind such vivid self destruction.

A couple other's ive had...

I had a dream where I peeled my leg and ate the skin, very realistic with fat and blood splatter's, and leeching blood out of the exposed muscle and all that.

And also being trapped in a giant net full of dead bodies and being dropped in the middle of the ocean.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: PDU]
    #1810935 - 08/13/03 09:08 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

i can relate in a way.

some time ago i had an intense level 5 trip that was filled with some gruesome things. i saw the worst things anyone could possibly imagine.... bodies being torn apart at the cross... human limbs and organs flowing in a sea of biomass....

i was initially disturbed by these images during the trip.... then... i wasn't.... i let go of the "this is bad" concept of the scenes and accepted them with no judgement.

as humans beings, we are told to supress the savage nature of our existence. we are animals....deep inside we all have a hint of bloodlust running through our veins. ways to release that comes in different ways, but altogether people are afraid to release them because they feel its "evil".... it is part of us, and your imagination is running wild with this desire for darkness, and i bet that you get some level of pleasure entertaining yourself with them. your ego is keeping you from fulling enjoying them, but your subconsious is allowing them to continue.



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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: ]
    #1812392 - 08/14/03 05:26 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah, i find them highly....entertaining/humerous/thought provoking. Its not disturbing to me...but i over analyze my own psyche way too much anyways, Im just kind of...over anxious to figure out what in my psyche is producing these, but thats just curiosity.
Ill post the new one's i experience....

Thanks everyone.


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OfflinePDU
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: PDU]
    #1819994 - 08/16/03 04:10 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Well i would say it was a pretty good indication of impending doom because the negative thought loop's have been taking me down, and "realizations" perhaps that i neglected to pay attention to are kicking my ass. Thing's arnt good.


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InvisibleEgo Death
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: PDU]
    #1820040 - 08/16/03 04:32 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Hey man, I have social anxiety maybe we should talk?

I've spent my entire life experiencing/understanding/coping with anxiety. I started to smoke erbs at 14 and thought it made the anxiety go away, which it did, for a while.

Now, I'm 21. Looking back I would say the anxiety has slowly developed and altered through my MJ use, but, I still enjoy the effects and cane daily.

I have been hampered from jobs/women/friends and have experienced a state of agoraphobia, which, I still occasionally lapse into. I have had the shakes, the sweats, flushing, heart/breathing/stomach problems, for me it is a debilitating physical problem.

I'm at the point now where this summer, I've been working a new mindset. I am striving to remove any anxiety/negative thoughts and replace them with positive/confident thoughts no matter how silly it seems to my logical side, it is working! I currently have more friends than ever, go out more than ever and am having regular contact with women. I've slowly broken my social boundaries down more and more, refusing to listen to anxiety anymore. If I feel I can't say something, I make my self say it. If I'm scared to do something I make myself do it.

Sorry I've started rambaling, I hope you can relate?


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InvisibleEgo Death
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: Ego Death]
    #1820055 - 08/16/03 04:37 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Back to where this thread all started from...

I've had dreams of my head being chopped off with an axe and I felt it until my head hit the ground. It wasn't as gory as yours admitedly but it is probably a result of the way your thinking. What is it in particular that bothers you with your anxiety? (don't avoid!)


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InvisibleEgo Death
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: Ego Death]
    #1820074 - 08/16/03 04:45 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

If you look under my name you will see
'dan da fuckin man'
one may assume i'm big headed but in fact I am the complete opposite, it is simply a result of my new mindset.

It was the shrooms that told me to try having an ego after experincing ego loss. I was questioning myself on how to achieve where I want to go and it answered by showing me ego-loss and then showing me I need an ego. So i tried it and here I am travelling the middle line.


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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: Ego Death]
    #1820090 - 08/16/03 04:50 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Well, i used to be a social butterfly i suppose...I was always weird in Jr High, and "that kid" but i mingled well with all the groups from goth to hockey player, then i started getting more into drug's and more into punk and my friend's slowly deterierate'd...eventually getting removed from school i had gone from hundreds of friend's to about 10.
So a couple year's like that, i have myself convinced that most people arnt worth knowing and that i hate most people. Time's like last night, I said to myself i was going to go to this party...The girl i really like was begging me to go and offering me liquor, and then at the door...i said i couldnt go. Why? There's no real reason i cant go, just this fucking nagging little bitch in my brain that pull's the Halt button anytime oppurtunity arrises.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: PDU]
    #1820142 - 08/16/03 05:06 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

n/a


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OfflinePDU
travel kid vs.amerika
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: ]
    #1820233 - 08/16/03 05:31 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

actually im kinda lucky...She always ask's me to comeout, i think were doing a roadtrip on monday, and she's comming over tonite for a mushroom party. I gotta stop thinkin about her...things will happen if they happen when they happen i guess.
Im probably going to have a study done on me about my tourette's and pot (tourettes symptoms include; anxiety, ocd, and insomnia..) and will..possibly be getting med pot in the future. Id really like to try anxiety medication, but considering the circumstance's i think ill just keep toking high.
I actually got all down after not smoking for nearly a week.


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InvisibleZippoZM
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: PDU]
    #1823169 - 08/17/03 05:04 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

i also have visions of my death. there is only one thing that sacres me in this world and that, my friend, is the existence of nuclear weapons. every loud rumble and bright flash of light sends my pulse sky high, and my paranioa through the roof. i see the city of chicago being nuked almost every say, multiple times a day. and it sacres the shit out of me. luckily if im still there 2 seconds later i can tell myself its all bs. but sometimes when im driving ill have to flip to the news channel to see if "it" has happened, and if i need to run. i just learn to live with it.


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PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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InvisibleEgo Death
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Re: Perhaps you can help, or relate [Re: ZippoZ]
    #1823354 - 08/17/03 06:02 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

>>>I was always weird in Jr High, and "that kid" but i mingled well with all the groups from goth to hockey player, then i started getting more into drug's and more into punk and my friend's slowly deterierate'd...eventually getting removed from school i had gone from hundreds of friend's to about 10.
So a couple year's like that, i have myself convinced that most people arnt worth knowing and that i hate most people<<<

I do understand i've been there for a long time. But you can break free. Firstly you are not wierd, if you are then so is everybody else. You must realise that even the most social and happiest of people have excactly the same fears and anxieties as you deep down, they have just become better at masking it. I know this because i have made many people open up to me, both introvert and extrovert.

You feel people arn't worth knowing because you haven't met the right people, until you join the ladder you won't meet them. You have one shot at this life, nothing universally matters, I want you to just go to the party, ignore any thoughts of what 'might' happen and go for it. When you get there be as open as you can. Talk to anyone thats willing, if you don't get along don't worry, you will naturally fall into conversation with someone else. I've experienced being silent in a room or alone at a party and now I realise its because I blocked anyone that tried to talk to me with blunt answers and always looked miserable and unconfident.

Try telling a close friend your problems and have them come along as an aid.


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