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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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expectations often lead to dissapointment
    #4125899 -

Ever notice how when you're dissapointed about something, more often then not it's because you were expecting to get something other then whatever it was you wound up with? Take birthdays for example: it doesn't really matter what you're wanting - you're not gonna fucken get it...and then, obviously, you're gonna get stuck in that 'bithday rut' where you have to appreciate whatever crap is thrown your way (regardless if it's something that'll ever be used or not) Or if you even look at something simple like expecting a phone call from someone: if they don't make that call - suddenly you're left in a position where you have to wonder why they never fullfilled their end of the deal (especially if it takes more then the alloted day or so of I've-been-busy time)

Expecting anything from anyone will lead to dissapointment (of some extent anyways) cause quite frankly - people will practically never go against what they truely believe in, if they can avoid it...yet, apparently have no problem what-so-ever dishing out these 'promises' of theirs with no intentions of ever even bothering to go through with them (i.e. "I'll say whatever the fuck I gotta say to end this shit, and hopefully he'll forget just as soon as I do") We apparently live in a world where the simple fact of making such a claim is sufficient, and following through with it is commonly accepted to be unimportant (or in the very least - that's certainly how it seems at times)

So I say - fuck expecting shit...nobody owes you a god damn thing.
Expect nothing from anyone and you'll never be dissapointed.







am I wrong in feling this way
(or just downright bitter)


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:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Muppet]
    #4125912 -

:thumbup: You're downright bitter, but you make sense and avert drama by not having any real expectations.


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"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Psychoactive1984]
    #4126066 -

obviously I'm overemphasizing things to make a point...but I still think the general concept of ever expecting anything from anyone will inevitably lead to dissapointment...in some form or another anyways

it just seems to me that more often then not people won't live up to the shit they claim  :tongue:


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:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Muppet]
    #4126107 -

Like most things.

I look at it like this. Trust is earned, and isn't given. If someone has proven to be trustworthy, I notch them up on the trust scale and give them more trust. It's foolish to blindly expect anything from well... anything without it having proved itself.


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Muppet] * 1
    #4126434 -

I agree, at the core of things, you shouldn't expect things from anyone, anytime, anywhere. Because, really, they don't owe you anything, even if they're connected by blood.

However, if they do owe you something because of something you did for them and both you and the other person are clear on what you expect of them, you have a right to ask and eventually expect.

As with all social interaction, it comes down to communicating what you want clearly and unambiguously.


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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Alan Stone]
    #4126490 -

expect experience
experience for its own sake
not to meet internal expectations of it

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: fresh313]
    #4126530 -

expectations are bassed on anticipation of future events, the future itself is an imagination born of the moment. Expectations, then, are an anticipation of something that does not even exist, an anticipation of a manifestation of your imagination. This is bound to lead to disapointment, sure. Expectations are like a powerfull drug, they do a lot to take you out of the curent moment, to prevent you from haveing to live right now, and the dissapointment is simply the inevitable comedown/hangover/withdrawl of the experience.


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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: emptywisdom]
    #4126678 -

emptywisdom said:
expectations are bassed on anticipation of future events, the future itself is an imagination born of the moment. Expectations, then, are an anticipation of something that does not even exist, an anticipation of a manifestation of your imagination. This is bound to lead to disapointment, sure. Expectations are like a powerfull drug, they do a lot to take you out of the curent moment, to prevent you from haveing to live right now, and the dissapointment is simply the inevitable comedown/hangover/withdrawl of the experience.


Definitely.

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: emptywisdom]
    #4126972 -

emptywisdom said:
expectations are bassed on anticipation of future events, the future itself is an imagination born of the moment. Expectations, then, are an anticipation of something that does not even exist, an anticipation of a manifestation of your imagination. This is bound to lead to disapointment, sure. Expectations are like a powerfull drug, they do a lot to take you out of the curent moment, to prevent you from haveing to live right now, and the dissapointment is simply the inevitable comedown/hangover/withdrawl of the experience.


This is really good! :thumbup: Now it seems somewhat inevitable to have an expectation once in awhile. Could there be a way that this doesn't have to lead to disappointment?

How about if you look at your expectations as preference and not as something you are addicted to having. So if you expect the sun to shine because of the weather report and you head off and it pours down rain and sleet, you can still be ok, because you only preferred that you have that sun and you weren't addicted to having it. So you switch over to going to the movies without suffering. :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Icelander] * 1
    #4127011 -

Icelander said:
emptywisdom said:
expectations are bassed on anticipation of future events, the future itself is an imagination born of the moment. Expectations, then, are an anticipation of something that does not even exist, an anticipation of a manifestation of your imagination. This is bound to lead to disapointment, sure. Expectations are like a powerfull drug, they do a lot to take you out of the curent moment, to prevent you from haveing to live right now, and the dissapointment is simply the inevitable comedown/hangover/withdrawl of the experience.


This is really good! :thumbup: Now it seems somewhat inevitable to have an expectation once in awhile. Could there be a way that this doesn't have to lead to disappointment?

How about if you look at your expectations as preference and not as something you are addicted to having. So if you expect the sun to shine because of the weather report and you head off and it pours down rain and sleet, you can still be ok, because you only preferred that you have that sun and you weren't addicted to having it. So you switch over to going to the movies without suffering. :mushroom2:


I think you're better off just trying not to have expectation OR preference. Sure, it will still happen sometimes, but it will happen less and less often the more effort you put into keeping your awareness present enough to keep an eye out for expectations, and even preferences.

You just have to keep a frame of reference that knows it doesn't really matter which way the weather is on a given day as long as you choose how you're going to feel about it.

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #4127028 -

You may be better off but how many humans are capable of that. :heart:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

Edited by Icelander (05/03/05 08:47 AM)

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Icelander]
    #4127037 -

like I said: Sure, it will still happen sometimes, but it will happen less and less often the more effort you put into keeping your awareness present.

It's something to strive for... like so many things, it's the effort you put into the journey that will benefit you, and not necessarily the destination.

It's better to try and fail sometimes than to not try at all... like so many things, it is try and try again that make for improvement.

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #4127051 -

Hey, Right! :smile: :heart: :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Icelander]
    #4127054 -

!  :heart: :thumbup:

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Muppet]
    #4127241 -

We are not necessarily aimless ships without a motor and back up generator here.

There is something we have that we can always count on and that is........ our own selves.

Of course life doesn't always go as planned or expected. It would be boring and unchanging if it did.

We always have creative control over our own attitudes, responses to life and self. I know I can count on my attitude to get me through anything.

Your post is about how we sometimes give our power away and put it in the hands of something we have no control over.

It makes sense to keep it with you because then, you have control of how you use it.

If you turn the power of how your birthday is going to go over to a friend who says, "I'm going to make it the greatest day of your life" you already set yourself up. Who can make it or break besides you and your own attitude really?

That goes with anything in life. People come and go, material possessions come and go, events, jobs, good and bad weather comes and goes but one thing always remains with you and that is YOU.

You may not be able to count on life and others but you can learn to count on yourself to make the best of anything as it comes in and out of your life. When you start to do that, the nature of how you use the power of expectation changes as its put in your own hands. You start to expect yourself to make it all happen for you and that's a really empowering place to be and no one can take you away from you. You always have yourself to count on and that's a powerful thing.

Developing trust in the self is the real issue here. If you keep giving your power away, question why you don't trust yourself with it.

If we leave our lives up to others making it happen for us, our lives will fall short. Others have their own wants, cares, agendas and worries to tend to. You will always be at best, second on somebodies else's list.

The only person you will always come first with without fail, is yourself. That's not written in a selfish, self centered context. It's just the truth that you can't be anywhere else besides in yourself first and not be in a false place. You are your center and that is where your power is. Why would one ever want to give that place up over to anything else to have it's way with it?

If you go out of your center and put someone else there to be first and give them the control and use of your power, chances are they will use it on and for their own benefit.

Your center is your gift in every moment and its a gift that keeps on giving to you and through you to others. There is where you make your life happen. If you give it away through expectations, of course you will feel powerless and helpless under the expectation. It then has control over you and you won't.

Of course we do put "some" trust in life and others because we have to plan life out to a certain extent. We trust our boss will pay us every Friday, we trust our car will start, we trust so and so will be here at 7:00 for dinner and we go about making it.

Keep enough power in reserves to make the best of a situation when it doesn't go as planned. Use your power to create back up plans and to craft your own safety net to fall back on.

There are things we plan where we rely on others and life to do it's part. Whatever "its" part is, I create back ups plans where I can count on myself if need be. It's about learning to be your own best friend and care taker.

Then when "shit happens" I can roll right into plan B or C and keep the party train moving.

Developing a life ethic of making contingency plans for everything, where you can trust yourself to be the one to save the day just rocks. There is no other way to be able to laugh at life.

When you can do that, disappointment will become a stranger.


--------------------
Ahuwale ka nane huna.

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Muppet]
    #4128373 -

Muppet said:
So I say - fuck expecting shit...nobody owes you a god damn thing.
Expect nothing from anyone and you'll never be dissapointed.


.
.
I think the consensus is the same as you have stated here, but I will share my philosophy that is a shade wider....
.
Hope for the best, and expect the worst, that way you can never be disappointed....
.
It is not just expectations in people, it is expectations in anything....
I am VERY guilty of NOT remembering b-days....  :blush: 
But that is because I don't place an importance on my own....  :shrug:
It is just another day in the collective time....!?    :sun:

:heart:


--------------------
Uni-VersALL      MasterPeace
eMotive  :sun: Divinity NowThere Infinity :sun:  eMelody

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: eMotionALLmotion]
    #4134485 -

one must have preferences because that is where passion is derived.

like, wouldn't you prefer to eat every day? because of this preference you get a job, get some money, buy some food.

but if you expect to eat every day at X, Y, and Z time then those days when that is not possible due to circumstances beyond your control, you get disappointed.

that's why it's important not to have a routine for anything. routines breed expectation and ultimately, disappointment.

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Muppet]
    #4134864 -

a very cool post muppet. you may be bitter, but at the same time, I feel you on what you are saying.

The idea here is to not force or impose your will on reality or what happens. Expectations is the part of the ego that really isn't needed, because like you said, reality isn't give you what you want. \

take your birthday example. instead of looking at what the gift is, observe that the gift was given to you. There's isn't enough because there already is plenty. a gift is the icing on the cake.


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Muppet]
    #4134934 -

Funny you mentioned birthdays because just a few days ago I was thinking about all the years of blowing out my birthday candels and wishing for happyness( in my pre-teens and early teens) and the past 2 years have been nothing but depression and all those wonderful negative things.....


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"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks

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Re: expectations often lead to dissapointment [Re: Muppet] * 1
    #4134967 -

I agree, Muppet. And if you make plans with someone, be prepared to have a back-up plan just in case they change their minds. Kind of like being the master of your ship. It's okay to count on people, but not to the extent of being disappointed when they don't come through. Simply adjust your sails.


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

General Interest > Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology
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