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Invisiblemoog
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Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
I hate you (a message to the human race)
    #4030998 - 04/08/05 03:45 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Hi, my name is Tom. If I've never met you before, there's a 100% chance that I don't like you. If I have met you, there's still a 99% chance that I don't like you. See, I have this problem. I don't really like people. In all probability, this includes you... but don't take it personally, because the problem is mine. People have hurt me all my life, so I've built up a solid wall between the world and myself. I'm distrustful of everyone. I won't even talk to anyone unless they show interest in me first. Sometimes I won't even talk to people who show interest. Sometimes I won't even look at them. I don't know why. Some days I forget to be distrustful, and someone flashes me a smile on the street and strikes up a conversation. That makes me happy. Only then I learn that they want something from me. 'Can you tell me how to get to Park Street?' 'Care to donate to our charity?' 'Interested in taking a survey for a free t-shirt?' Fuck you. Every day I'm pissed off at people. If someone looks at me the wrong way, I get pissed. If they don't look at me, I get angry for being ignored. If they they give they me too much attention, I get angry for making me nervous. As a matter of fact, the only way you could probably not piss me off is if I never ever see you or hear you.

I don't know why I'm so angry at the world. I wish I knew. Maybe it's because I skipped my teenage angst years and I'm living them out now. But even angst-ridden teens don't hate every human being they see like I do. Or maybe it's because I'm in my early 20s and never been in a romantic relationship. Still a virgin too. Guys tell me if they looked like me they'd be out fucking girls left and right. Girls show interest in me all the time, tell me I'm hot, cute, whatever. It's an ego boost. It sure is, but I don't care about them. A couple have told me flat-out they want to have sex with me. But I turn them down. I don't know why. Probably because some day, even if it's months later, they'll hurt me, just like everyone else. And I don't want that. It used to be when people hurt me that I'd just be sad. These days I get angry first, then sad later on.

I got picked on in school, as a kid, especially in high school. That probably has something to do with this. I was shy, never popular. That really fucked me up for a long time after. College has been different, though. I'm confident and I'm not shy anymore. I went through a few different circles of friends while at college. Now I no longer have any friends, just acquaintances here and there. The friends I used to have either abandoned me or stabbed me in the back. There's a handful of people I like to be with though, that I guess I could call friends. I do mean handful because I can count them on one hand. These are the people that understand me, and I understand them. They'd give me the shirt off their back if I needed it and I'd do the same for them. They never hurt me, not even once.

Am I bitter? Hell yes. Am I hate-filled? Fuck yeah. But I wasn't always like this. A year ago I was at the top of the world. My life felt almost "perfect." Then it all came down. Things just got worse and worse for me. I gave up hope in other people a few months ago, and haven't liked them since. Lately I'm jealous, too, of the happy people I see around me. The genuinely happy people. I don't get it, I don't understand them. That pisses me off, too. I wish I could be like them, but I probably never will. They laugh and enjoy life. I can't remember the last time I laughed with another human being.

I don't want pity, I don't want sympathy, I don't want a fuck-you right back at me. These things just piss me off even more. I don't know what I need. If I did know I wouldn't be in this situation. I just want to understand people. I want to learn how to like people and trust them, because right now, I don't care about anyone.

And that's how I feel. Pretty fucked up, eh? Thanks for reading this egocentric rant if you did. Also, don't feel obliged to respond, especially since I probably hate you.


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OfflineShagshow
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: moog]
    #4031007 - 04/08/05 03:51 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Any chance you live in Boston?


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: moog]
    #4031010 - 04/08/05 03:51 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Hope you feel better for writing it out.  :heart:


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OfflineDrink_Punk_Soda
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: moog]
    #4031016 - 04/08/05 03:55 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

It's possible that you're suffering from an anxiety or (manic/)depressive disorder, maybe even a borderline personality disorder. Since you probably already hate me, I won't try to apologize if that offends you, which it isn't meant to. Have you considered going to a doctor? These disorders are biological, and AREN'T YOUR FAULT if, in fact, they exist. And they can be helped.


Actually, if you want my honest opinion, and I'm sure you don't, it sounds like you're suffering severly from depression, biological or otherwise. And that can be helped too, over time.


--------------------

Kumbayah my lord, Kumbayah...


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InvisiblePsychoactive1984 Happy Birthday
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: moog]
    #4031053 - 04/08/05 04:09 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

:shrug: You might as well go talk to yourself.

If you really hated us, you'd ignore us and not tell us how much you hate us... your contempt %'s are a bit off. You shouldn't even dignify us with your subsequent hatred for us, proving that indeed you like us more then you're willing to admit :tongue:.

Get a life, get over your own issues, before you can handle other's issues. The only reason you hate others is because you must fail to understand them, or perhaps you just don't understand yourself.


--------------------
"Their is one overriding question that concerns us all: How can we get out of the fatal groove we are in, the one that is leading towards the brink?" Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
"We may not be capable of eradicating the corruption of reason, but we must nevertheless counter it at every instance and with every means." Dan Agin
"Politics is the best religion and politicians are the worst followers."
-It's ok to trip as long as you don't fall.
-Substance over Style.
-Common sense is uncommon.


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: Shagshow]
    #4031121 - 04/08/05 04:31 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Shagshow said:
Any chance you live in Boston?




ROFL... I hear that... I live near boston, not in it... but even so, I know what you mean.


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InvisibleHolydiver
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: Psychoactive1984]
    #4031146 - 04/08/05 04:36 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Just like yourself, I have many reasons to be bitter. Occurrences from my youth, life circumstances, you name it. But I'm not bitter, and in general I treat people with warmth, because it's really the only path. Closing yourself off from the world and putting up walls is a fast route to a grey, lonely existence. I hope you don't choose this, but whatever.

As adults, we are responsible for our actions, and not blaming our past.


--------------------
To find a place to live between the negatives and positives.


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: Holydiver]
    #4031510 - 04/08/05 05:59 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Excellent post, Diver... I agree wholly.


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OfflinekronnyQ
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: Holydiver]
    #4031533 - 04/08/05 06:05 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Moog me and you are very much the same. I like to blame most of my anti-social behavior on chemical imbalances, but I think it comes from more than that.

Being a first child growing up in the boonies I had very over-protective parents and was kind of isolated from reality, I think this has highly contributed to my hate people attitude. I spent a lot of my childhood days by myself, keeping myself occupied.

I think there are two types of people in this world, ones that live inside their own head and ones that lives outside their mind.

While the self minded person may live a lonely life (and not get laid a lot :thumbdown:) it may be the life for them. My father is the same way, he much rather prefers to be out in the woods hunting or fishing and not having to deal with people.

I do think the city/ place you live in has a lot to do with it also, small towns really suck ass cuz everybody knows everyone, and theres a lot of large citys filled with stupid people (like the one I live in).

Moog I recommend you move, or just say fuck it and just sit in your house and deal with ppl on the internet where it's a lot easier!


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Offlinealsey
meet me in thedreamtimewater...

Registered: 02/17/05
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: moog]
    #4031535 - 04/08/05 06:05 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

meditate.


--------------------
"Gently return to the simple physical sensation of the breath. Then do it again, and again, and again. Somewhere in this process, you will come face-to-face with the sudden and shocking realization that you are completely crazy. Your mind is a shrieking, gibbering madhouse on wheels." - ven. henepola gunaratana


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InvisibleWorld Spirit
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: moog]
    #4031658 - 04/08/05 06:31 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

bible.gospelcom.net



Open your Bible and quote the passsage that your eyes peer into.


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OfflineSWEDEN
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Registered: 10/25/04
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: World Spirit]
    #4031806 - 04/08/05 07:02 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

^worst solution ever.

The Bible is mostly just legends and fairy tales. Find the answers within yourself, not some musty old tome that a bunch of monks and kings editted several times. Besides, since the Bible is all parables/ metaphors/ poetry anyways, you can come up with almost any interpretation you want. Just look at some of the crazies who have warped it so far from its original meaning that keeping a brain-dead body alive seems like a good plan; even more important than stemming the tide of AIDs with condoms, or worrying about all the people who AREN'T completely useless and brain-dead.

Just think things through, think about what would be best for you. If being nice to other people and creating bonds and social ties seems like the best idea, do it. For the most part humanity is a social race that relies on eachother for help; you scrath my back and I'll scratch yours. If you do something nice for someone maybe they will return the favor instead of taking advantage of you. If sticking to yourself and remaining isolated from your fellow humans seems more comfortable, do that. But don't go crazy and start gunning people down. No one likes a sociopath, not even other sociopaths!

Now I'm going to donate money to the church, so the new pope can buy more bling bling and live like a king.


--------------------


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Invisiblequestion_for_joo
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: moog]
    #4032574 - 04/08/05 11:28 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

if girls are asking you for sex and you're turning them down don't go whining about being a virgin you stupid asshole


--------------------
youi was a pig informatnt so you can go fuckyoruselfs


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OfflineCaptain Loafy McPoopdick
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: question_for_joo]
    #4032629 - 04/08/05 11:46 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Not cool, man. This guy is in need of some good words right now. Even though he hates me, I don't hate him. And losing your virginity is important to some people.
anyways, that's all I know how to do is hate also. I've had friends abandon me, stab me in the back, people use me for food and shit like that. I'm slowly getting over my anger I can feel it. Just hang in there and your hatred will subside. If it doesn't or you don't think it will, then get professional help. Good luck


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Offlinecb9fl
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: question_for_joo]
    #4032787 - 04/09/05 12:50 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

question_for_joo said:
if girls are asking you for sex and you're turning them down don't go whining about being a virgin you stupid asshole




:rotfl:


--------------------
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. -Andre Gide

"Generosity is nothing else than a craze to possess. All which I abandon, all which I give, I enjoy in a higher manner through the fact that I give it away. To give is to enjoy possessively the object which one gives."


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OfflineMrBump
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: moog]
    #4033046 - 04/09/05 02:41 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

man...you spend WAY too much time caring about how you think total strangers precieve your actions...like you said, quite egocentric.

it sounds to me like you have a paraniod personality disorder, i have had this problem too, mostly for many of the same reasons you described.

the reason i call your view point egocentric is that you have to understand MOST aquantences/strangers dont give a shit about you, dam dude...its a fact of life that many people just use others for their own gain, however, all people arent all out to scam you, they arent out to sit around and have a jam session behind your back to talk about how lame you are...

i got over it tho, not thru therapy or drugs, but mostly thru realizing that my problems are not unique at all, and never will be. almost everyone feels the way you do at some point...its how you react that makes the diffence, so go on and act like a cold, callous prick toward hot girls, authority and strangers you meet on the street....these people will still continue to approach you... the problem is on your end, you have to make a concious effort to realize that thru the basic course of human interaction, some situations will occur that are out of your control, and you will just have to learn how to roll with the changes.

good luck.


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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Offlinetomk
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: MrBump]
    #4033181 - 04/09/05 04:10 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

I'm pretty sure I'm schizotypal.  Whenever I am around other people, even close family and friends, I get really really anxious and it just doesn't go away.  Anyhow, the unusual thinking and perception of reality are, if not nice, at least conductive to being more creative, and make a fair trade for it.

But, for you man, I think you got to realize that your thoughts are not real.  You don't hate everyone.  Rather, you hate the representation of other people that your mind makes so that it can have a model of reality in which you can interact.  You need to learn that your models of other people are not really who those people are. 

Also, if you hate everyone, you probably project things you hate about yourself onto those people.  Once you realize this, you can use it to gain insight into yourself.  For example, I realized I had problems with anxiety in social situations when I was listening to a friend talk about her thing and projected my problem onto her.  So, next time you are around someone you hate, try and ask yourself what are you projecting of yourself onto that person.

Really, it sounds like your problem is the egocentricity.  As long as you consider yourself seperate from those around you, you will hate them.  As long as you think of things in terms of subject-verb thinking, you will be unhappy.  At the root of all the problems you talk about is the "I".  "I" want to be happy, "I" am unhappy and hate all these people.  "I" want to change.  On and fucking on.  The root of all this problem is the "I".  Let go of it.  Your ego is just a result of all the shit you have acquired in your memory throughout your life.  By focusing so much on your ego, you are living in the past, and you cannot appreciate the beauty present in life if you are living in the past.  Meditation is the fastest way to do this.  Listen to the Alan Watts Teaches Meditation and do it.  But don't meditate because there is an "I" that desires a change.  Meditate just to be in the moment, with no goal or desire for change. 

Everything is interrelated.  The lines we draw are illusory projects onto what is real.  Reality isn't grouped into things like computers and people, reality just is.  We only see things because we are conditioned to.  Let go of that conditioning, and just sit back and observe.  When you really learn to let go of your sense of self, change will happen naturally, without there being an "I" around which to anchor that change.  As long as you think of things in terms of there being an "I" which is seperate and desires change, nothing will ever change. 

Good luck, man :thumbup:


--------------------
"I am eternally free"


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OfflineMobius_Strip
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: tomk]
    #4033288 - 04/09/05 05:07 AM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Are you looking for comradery? You've come to the right place. I've seen this demon before in myself. Fuckin' A, get over yourself man. I hate people too but go do something about it. Play guitar, write poetry, see a shrink, try to suck your own dick, fuck yourself. Do whatever it takes to be happy as long as it's not about fucking over other people. You choose to see the world in a way that reinforces your negativity. This is a coping mechanism. You give too much and you feel hurt. You surround yourself with poeple who want something from you. Do something about it. Put out a personal ad, love yourself, jerk off, see a shrink, take personal responsibillity for how you feel. Ask the universe for an alternative, whatever... You have ultimate control over how you feel if you want it. You're giving too much power to other people and you feel hurt. Don't give that power away if it hurts you. You just have to be open and really wanting to see a way, any way...as long as you don't intentionally harm others through direct action/contact. This only breeds more negativity and pain for yourself and others. Understand that you have the power to make things better. If you want things to be better then open your mind to the solution. Accept the solution. If it feels right, then act on it. Contemplate being open and be willing to accept the answer. Don't put limits on it. Don't stop for anyone and don't worry about what others think or how they feel. They'll get over it because they ultimately have control over how they feel too. Most importantly, take time to relax and wipe your mind clear of everything. I mean everything. Think about nothing and be in the moment...remember to breath and nurture yourself. Just try not to be so serious. If you're a nerd then be ok with that and seek other nerds (so on and so forth) open your MIND to the solution, not your eyes.


--------------------
The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum - even encourage the more critical and dissident views. That gives people the sense that there's free thinking going on, while all the time the presuppositions of the system are being reinforced by the limits put on the range of the debate
-Noam Chomsky


Edited by Mobius_Strip (04/09/05 05:13 AM)


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Invisiblemoog
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Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: Mobius_Strip]
    #4034378 - 04/09/05 03:33 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

Thanks for the mental ass-kicking, guys. I needed that. Feeling a lot better today... was smoking up last night and did a lot of thinking. Things are about to change for the better. :heart:


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Invisiblemoog
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Re: I hate you (a message to the human race) [Re: MrBump]
    #4034415 - 04/09/05 03:40 PM (12 years, 1 month ago)

"it sounds to me like you have a paraniod personality disorder, i have had this problem too, mostly for many of the same reasons you described."

I am paranoid, and tend to think in very extreme terms. I think either someone has to love me or hate me, with no shades of gray in between. So if someone does something to hurt me, I hold it against them forever ("if they hate me then I'll hate them"). For years I thought everyone loved me. Then I realized I was wrong. I get hurt when people don't like me and I don't know the reason. I take it very personally. Lately I've been so paranoid that I thought everyone around me hated me, so I just hated them back. Why bother making friends with someone if they don't like me to begin with? I need to learn how to avoid this, and just not care. But yes, I'm paranoid. What should I do about this?


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