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Offlinejarby
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Registered: 03/08/03
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I hate being gay
    #2021480 - 10/18/03 11:31 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Ahh I don't know where to start. I'm (an in the closet) homosexual and it sucks. I don't really know why I'm making this post, just really to vent off some frustration and hope that maybe there's someone here who can somehow relate to me or give me advice. If you can't, well then I want you to know what it's like living as the person you all hate. I've come to the point now where I've pretty much acknowledged my homosexuality; it was always one of those things that I would just brush off and assume meant nothing. But now that I realize I am, I can see what a setback this is.

I hate seeing all my best friends pair off with their new girlfriends. It was always hard before trying to 'pretend' to be straight and make up comments on hot girls, and call things that suck "gay", but now it feels hard to hang out with them, as they often bring their girlfriends wherever we go or spend time obsessing over hot women whom they don't have a shot with. Its so hard to feel understood. I hate having to make up reasons why not to go out with girls that have 'crushes' on me... I've had two I've had to brush off in the past year and to my friends it probably seems weird. I just tell them that they're not hot enough for me, even though they are such nice people. I also hate having 'crushes' I guess you could say, on other people whom I know could never possibly feel the same way. I hate having to always feel like I'm hiding something, and be careful what I say so as not to throw out any hints that I'm gay.

I don't mind personally being gay but I mind the fact that I have to be gay in our society, where it isn't normal and I'm in a minority. A small, disliked minority. Being gay means I have to be looked down upon by so many people including my own family (that is, when I come out). It means my life just can't be the way I've always thought and assumed it was gonna be. I don't want to be a flaming homosexual with a lisp walking around in Hawaiian t-shirts.

This will sound conflicting, but I always think of myself as growing up and live a relaxing life with a wife and kids, in which I go on family vacations and have a cottage and go snowboarding and do all the things I see happy families doing (and what I did as a kid). However, because I'm gay I just can't do that.

I love music; sometimes I'll be playing my guitar and thinking I'm cool and have ambitions of being an awesome admired rockstar or at least in a nice band, but then I think, no... that can't happen. I'm gay, you can't be cool if you're gay.

I have lost so much motivation to do work in school because I don't see what I'm working for, because I can't live the life I wish I could. I would be straight if I could, but I can't pretend to be. I can't express how lucky you guys are to have been born straight. Why me?

I think I've vented enough. I want to know if there's anyone here who can relate. Is anyone going/gone through what I am, have friends that have gone through what I am, or have any advice for me to help me from going insane? If so can you please post some experiences you've had and tell me how they worked out? It'll make me feel better, I think.

Thanks for reading/posting.


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OfflineRoseM
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: jarby]
    #2021773 - 10/19/03 02:25 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

It sounds like you are more concerned about others than you are concerned for yourself.

How on earth do you expect to find someone if you aren't open?

Closeted men can slip under even the most discerning gay man's gaydar.

Like it or not, hiding your true nature can lead you down a path of lies and depression. You owe it to yourself, and the ones you love, to come out. Think of the alternative.

Out of curiosity, what is your reason for staying closeted?


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Fiddlesticks.



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OfflineDankBluntZ
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Registered: 01/29/03
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: Rose]
    #2021991 - 10/19/03 05:23 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Dude dont live your life in a fucking closet because your afraid of what society thinks. be who the fuck you are , just because your a minority doesn't make you a lesser of a person. Everyone can relate to being in a minority in some form or another. you have 2 choices: come out of the closet and get it over with. or, stay in the closet and slowly self destruct yourself, just because of society. Be true to yourself fuck the rest.


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InvisibleRipple
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: DankBluntZ]
    #2022463 - 10/19/03 12:23 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I for one agree, you can't assume that all straight people hate gays and you can't continue to live in the closet.


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The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!



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InvisibleEffedS
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Registered: 05/15/02
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: jarby]
    #2022514 - 10/19/03 01:19 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I have no problem with gay people.

I like (most) humans.  :smile:


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InvisiblePapaverS
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Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 26,880
Loc: Radio Free Tibet!
Re: I hate being gay [Re: jarby]
    #2022564 - 10/19/03 02:06 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah, it's always best just to be yourself! :smile:


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Offlinejarby
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: Papaver]
    #2022926 - 10/19/03 05:11 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Why do I choose not to come out? Well because I would loose most of my friends. I'm sure they'd say they're cool with it, but still end up spending less time with me or make fun of me whenever they got the chance. Besides, all the other gay people my age (I know there are others out there) are in the same situation as me, but like me won't come out.

If I found someone I liked (there are plenty) that actually was gay, I'd tell him, but only if I were sure about it. I know people too well; if they aren't sure, or are insecure about it, they'd probably deny it and tell everyone and I'd become a joke. So its pretty risky.

Also I don't know what my family would think. It would feel so awkward living in my household with my parents knowing this, because I'm sure I'd get questions like, "you're just confused, you'll probably find a nice girl one day," or something like that.

And I know not all straight people hate gays, but I know that most of them who are my age do, or think they do, since it's cool to hate them.

Anyway thanks for you're advise... Talking helps.


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OfflinePaid
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: jarby]
    #2022970 - 10/19/03 05:31 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

It might be time to make a new set of friends mate,
Your family will except you in time, they have to,your
family :]


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InvisibleTODAY
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: Paid]
    #2023000 - 10/19/03 05:41 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

i don't have a problem with gays at all. personally, i don't like when gays do that lisp stuff and blatantly advertise they are gay. i don't know the reason for changing the way you dress and talk because you are gay. but then again, it isn't me so i doesn't really matter to me at all.

just be you...it would be tough to tell your friends and family because not everyone is open-minded. you will lose some friends if you come out but would you rather pretend to be something all your life that you aren't? its tough but you will make the right decisions in time and be happy in end.
keep your head up. (i was just listening to that Tupac song and it seemed appropriate to say, lol)


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ca'rouse (k-rouz)
intr.v.
To engage in boisterous, drunken merrymaking.


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OfflineRoseM
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: jarby]
    #2023006 - 10/19/03 05:44 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

*Why do I choose not to come out? Well because I would loose most of my friends.

That is a self fulfilling prophecy. If you feel that way about your friends, you will be right. Have faith than in your friends. If they don't like you for who you are, they aren't your friends. Better to know now.

*Also I don't know what my family would think.

Of course you don't. You haven't told them.

*And I know not all straight people hate gays, but I know that most of them who are my age do, or think they do, since it's cool to hate them.

You'd be surprised. Most anti gay talk comes from people who aren't exactly comfortable with their own sexuality.

*Anyway thanks for you're advise... Talking helps.

Yes it does. Now that you're out at The Shroomery, have you noticed any difference in how people treat you?

My advice, use this forum to become a bit more sure of yourself. Realize people don't realy care if you are gay.

Again, what good will come of staying in the closet? Gay men don't want to be with closited men.

You know you're gay. You know it is not a choice.

This is the scariest and biggest thing you may ever do for yourself. It is a big decision. Don't rush it but next time you get depressed, ask yourself if it has to do with your closet.

Anytime you ask for advice, and everybody gives you the same advice, take it to heart.

Don't your friends deserve to know you are gay?

I promise, you will make more friends than you will lose, if you just come out.

Try telling one of your girlfriends... so there's no sexual tension. Ask any gay friends you may have how they came out. Visit a school counsoler.

The sooner you learn homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, the better off you and your fiends will be.


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.



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OfflinetrendalM
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: jarby]
    #2023634 - 10/19/03 09:45 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I know what it's like to be "different". To be disliked by people who don't even know you just because you have some trait that sticks out like a sore thumb in a sea of similarities.

Though I'm not gay, so I don't understand exactly how you feel, I do think I understand enough.

I can understand you not wanting to tell anyone. You sound as if you've managed to make it pretty far in life so far without letting on. I wasn't so lucky. I learned at a very early age about the "human" dislike for difference. Most people fear what they don't understand.

After I realized what it was that made people dislike me, I tried to change it. For a long time I tried to be someone I wasn't, at least towards the outside world and all my "friends". I know what it's like to be in a conversation and have to guard your every word. I know what it's like to have friens who think you are someone you aren't.

Being "different" isn't a bad thing. I've embraced it. What I learned along the way was that it was the people I chose to surround myself with who had the biggest impact on how I live my life. You need to chose friends who will be supportive of who you are.

It took me a long time, but I found friends who I could relate to and who have accepted me for who I am even though I am different then they are. Having these people in my life has allowed me to grow in leaps and bounds that I would have once thought impossible. Not having to hide who I am is a great feeling.

Hrm...hopefully that can help a little.

Remember - it's the people you surround yourself with.


--------------------
The story book's been read
And every line believed
Curriculum's been set
Logic is a threat
Reason searched and seized


BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


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OfflineCleverName
the cloudsshould know meby now...

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 1,121
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: trendal]
    #2023659 - 10/19/03 09:53 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

whats "different" about you? just curious now from your post...


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if you can't find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?

this is the purpose


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OfflinetrendalM
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: CleverName]
    #2023663 - 10/19/03 09:54 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Not that it matters...but I'm one of those "gifted" folk. In the noggin, you know :wink:


--------------------
The story book's been read
And every line believed
Curriculum's been set
Logic is a threat
Reason searched and seized


BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


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OfflineRoseM
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: trendal]
    #2023666 - 10/19/03 09:55 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

We hate you.

:smile:



--------------------
Fiddlesticks.



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OfflinetrendalM
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: Rose]
    #2023670 - 10/19/03 09:56 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Lol, thanks man. I appreciate it  :wink: :tongue:


--------------------
The story book's been read
And every line believed
Curriculum's been set
Logic is a threat
Reason searched and seized


BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


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OfflineCleverName
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: trendal]
    #2023674 - 10/19/03 09:58 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

oh, i didnt mean to pry, cool


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if you can't find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?

this is the purpose


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: trendal]
    #2023741 - 10/19/03 10:30 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

No worries, I'm "different" too. :laugh:
Fuck everyone that talks shit. They don't matter. 


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OfflinetrendalM
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: Shroomism]
    #2023770 - 10/19/03 10:38 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Exactly man :smile:

"Immerse your soul in love..." - Thom Yorke


--------------------
The story book's been read
And every line believed
Curriculum's been set
Logic is a threat
Reason searched and seized


BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


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Offlinejarby
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: Shroomism]
    #2023775 - 10/19/03 10:40 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Shroomism said:
No worries, I'm "different" too. :laugh:
Fuck everyone that talks shit. They don't matter.   




In what way?

BTW thanks to everyone who's replied so far. 


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OfflineRoseM
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Re: I hate being gay [Re: jarby]
    #2023797 - 10/19/03 10:50 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Show me a "Normal" person and I'll run away screaming.


--------------------
Fiddlesticks.



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