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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Registered: 04/20/01
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Female sexual standards
    #3927437 - 03/16/05 09:30 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I had a one night stand with this girl Sunday night on our first and hopefully last date(she's a really nice girl, but I'm just not attracted to her).  She called me tonight to tell me that she felt bad because I might think that she's "trash" and that she doesn't normally do that sort of thing on the first date.

I told her that "girls should be able to do whatever a guy can do"(not as thought out and articulated as I would have liked).  She thinks I'm just saying that to make her feel better.  She feels bad about what happened and now I feel bad because she feels bad.  I want to call her back and say "Look, I really, really don't think you did anything wrong.  We both had fun and nobody got hurt.  How could it be wrong?  I respect you and you should respect yourself just as much or more than before." I can't call and tell her that, though because it would open the door to us talking and/or hanging out again.  I feel bad.  :sad:

Hubvice, please........





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Mp3 of the month: The Loose Enz - The Black Door



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InvisibleDNKYD
Turtle!

Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 12,326
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Learyfan]
    #3927457 - 03/16/05 09:33 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Forget about it.


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Invisibleslowburner
Victrola

Registered: 03/14/05
Posts: 64
Loc: Castlevania
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: DNKYD]
    #3927472 - 03/16/05 09:35 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Call her and tell her, so what if you hang out?

Oh dear lord! A woman I had sex with that could potentially be my friend! ACK!

(In the manner of a Cathy comic strip :wink: )


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Offlinebaraka
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Re: Female sexual standards [Re: DNKYD]
    #3927476 - 03/16/05 09:35 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

DNKYD said:
Forget about it.




She will get over it.

Unless you want to make the attempt to hit it again :smile:.


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This is the only time I really feel alive.


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InvisibleVvellum
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Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 10,920
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Learyfan]
    #3927485 - 03/16/05 09:37 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I would call her casually and subtlety bring the topic up again. Let her know that do not think negatively of her - in fact, you appreciate sexuality and openness of desire. I would avoid the topic of getting together, but if she brings it up just kinda change the topic or say you're busy. Or just hang out with her but dont put your penis into her - nothing physical as well. Eventually things will fade.

Either that or you can just cut it off, cut your losses, and chalk it up in the category of experience.

I am usually one to call and get shit straight, myself.


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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Re: Female sexual standards [Re: slowburner]
    #3927517 - 03/16/05 09:41 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I can't hang out with her. I think she really digs me, and I don't want to lead her on anymore.

Plus, when we talked tonight she said "I think what we did was wrong and we shouldn't do it again." and that "I really like you. I don't know why, because I don't even know you." So now, even if we do hang out again, we won't be having sex. In other words, she just took away the one thing that would make me want to call her again.

Am I a dog and a jerk? I don't want to be that goddamn it. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings, especially someone who has been nothing but nice to me.




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Mp3 of the month: The Loose Enz - The Black Door



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InvisibleDNKYD
Turtle!

Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 12,326
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Learyfan]
    #3927529 - 03/16/05 09:43 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

No, you are both consenting adults that shared a wonderful experience with no strings attached. You should be happy. Just forget about it. She will get over it, you will get over it.


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OfflineToricious
Theblunt-smokinglense-man.

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 688
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Learyfan]
    #3927535 - 03/16/05 09:43 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

why don't you just let her hang-out with you, I mean you'll either be good friends or she'll see she really doesn't like you...anyway I see it it seems like a win/win situation, just be passive and see what happens.


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"There's a guy in my apple!"

"Jerk off on weed man, that's where it's at... " -Anjaba


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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Posts: 29,755
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Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Vvellum]
    #3927538 - 03/16/05 09:43 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

I do want to call and set the record straight, but I know she'd ask me if I wanted to hang out again or something. Then I'd have to reject her......again(kind of).





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Invisibleslowburner
Victrola

Registered: 03/14/05
Posts: 64
Loc: Castlevania
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Learyfan]
    #3927547 - 03/16/05 09:45 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah right, she prolly just has some latent catholic morals you nee dto plow through...  if you do want sex with her, and she already ahd sex, but is saying it is wrong, thats because she thinks you think she is a slut.

let her know you opinion on womans sexual rights and freedoms!  you can still have sex with her if you want, if you were any good.

though based on this trip she has about feeling bad about having sex, id leave this woman alone!  deep seate dissues abound :wink:

:heart:


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Spiral Dancer


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InvisibleVvellum
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Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 10,920
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Learyfan]
    #3927574 - 03/16/05 09:51 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

yeah, that's the dilemma. I think I'd follow the advice of toricious - just be passive. I would not call her, but I would not ignore her. If she calls (and she will), set the record straight - make her feel good. If she asks to get together, say that you have other plans...

if the topic of relationships come up, let her know that you are not interested in being in one at all.

she'll get it.

Even though you are giving her some bullshit, it is alot better than being a dog and flat out ignoring her. that would lower her self-esteem and make her resent you. giving her the bullshit would just make her not interested gradually as she interacts with you.

I personally would rather feel a loss of interest and a resolved regret (letting her know that things are cool about sex) than loss of self-respect and anger.


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OfflineWildRunner
Obey little,Resist much

Registered: 02/13/05
Posts: 286
Loc: Where the wild things are
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Learyfan]
    #3927592 - 03/16/05 09:55 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Communication is key to everything man. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Just tell her strait up dude. Clear and simple, you went into it, expecting no strings, and thats the way its gonna be. Tell her that if you're sounding like a dick, its cause you want to be very clear on what youre trying to get through to her. Wish her happy days, and be on your way.


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If you dont know where you're going, any road will take you there.


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InvisibleVvellum
Stranger

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 10,920
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: WildRunner]
    #3927600 - 03/16/05 09:56 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

yeah, you might be correct.


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OfflineKada
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Registered: 02/15/05
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Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Vvellum]
    #3927621 - 03/16/05 09:59 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Tell her you just wanna be friends.
If you wana hag out with her, hang out with her, if you don't want to don't.
But i bet you guys do it again, but just emphasis you guys are good friends. It sounds like she just wants to sleep with you, and she doesn't wanna feel bad about it.


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~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Registered: 04/20/01
Posts: 29,755
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Last seen: 4 hours, 1 minute
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Vvellum]
    #3927632 - 03/16/05 10:02 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks for all of the replies. I am taking them all into account, weither or not I've responded.

biO: I don't think she'll call. She kind of left the ball in my court when we got off the phone when she said "Well, call me if you ever want to hang out." I said "Ok, well I'll talk to you later. Have a good night." Maybe I will call her sometime just to make her feel better. Women should feel rewarded by having sex with me. They shouldn't feel regret.




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Mp3 of the month: The Loose Enz - The Black Door



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OfflineWildRunner
Obey little,Resist much

Registered: 02/13/05
Posts: 286
Loc: Where the wild things are
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Learyfan]
    #3927656 - 03/16/05 10:05 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Learyfan said:
 

she said "Well, call me if you ever want to hang out." 







That was your out right there! Don't call her.

God I love that photo. :heart:


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If you dont know where you're going, any road will take you there.


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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Posts: 29,755
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Last seen: 4 hours, 1 minute
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: WildRunner]
    #3927678 - 03/16/05 10:09 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

WildRunner said:
Communication is key to everything man. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Just tell her strait up dude. Clear and simple, you went into it, expecting no strings, and thats the way its gonna be. Tell her that if you're sounding like a dick, its cause you want to be very clear on what youre trying to get through to her. Wish her happy days, and be on your way.




I can't tell her the truth, man. She'll feel used and insulted. The truth is that I don't feel attracted to her. I couldn't tell someone that. She's definitely not ugly, but my standards are sky high.




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Mp3 of the month: The Loose Enz - The Black Door



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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Posts: 29,755
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Last seen: 4 hours, 1 minute
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: WildRunner]
    #3927694 - 03/16/05 10:12 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Exactly. I have my out. If I call to clarify and make her feel better, it opens the door again.

I'm cutting off my dick tonight, that's it.





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Mp3 of the month: The Loose Enz - The Black Door



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OfflineWildRunner
Obey little,Resist much

Registered: 02/13/05
Posts: 286
Loc: Where the wild things are
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: Learyfan]
    #3927720 - 03/16/05 10:16 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Learyfan said:


I'm cutting off my dick tonight, that's it. 






Then the next thing you'll know, she's calling you back 'On second thought, lets just have casual sex, but dont actually wanna hangout'
:rolleyes: women... :sun:


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If you dont know where you're going, any road will take you there.


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OfflineLearyfan
It's the psychedelic movement!
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Registered: 04/20/01
Posts: 29,755
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Last seen: 4 hours, 1 minute
Re: Female sexual standards [Re: WildRunner]
    #3927821 - 03/16/05 10:34 PM (11 years, 8 months ago)

Damned if you do, can't live without 'em.





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Mp3 of the month: The Loose Enz - The Black Door



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