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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: DF2K]
    #3145909 -

DF2K said:
ya, im more then willing to "forgive and forget" but ONLY if the other pewrson is also

its 2 way street


That's unhealthy. You forgive someone for your own good, not for theirs.


--------------------


"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3145936 -

depends on what its over, but yeah, I can hold grudges for awhile. moreso on emotional shit than material shit. Repeated thievery/bummery has caused me to write people off in the past though...

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Ripple]
    #3145979 -

Ripple said:
bitterness just kills you slowly, you have to let go ....life is too short to hate!


That's why you're the ying to my yang :shrug:

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3145982 -

Like Ripple said, you hold on to grudges long enough, it'll turn into bitterness, and life's too short for that...

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3146007 -

i can forgive to a point, if that point is crossed i cut that person out of my life...usually forever

i have done this with several relatives including a brother that i have not spoken to in anout 8 years so far...no plans on reconciling here....life is too short to let vampires suck you dry....i dont know if it eats me up or not...i just eliminate that person from my thoughts as completely as possible....one cousin i have done it with was my best friend other than annie....that one eats at me....perhaps ill talk to him again after his puritanical mother that he cant so no to dies, not before then. feel the hate...although i cant say its bad...sometimes its just your subcon protecting yourself....

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: silversoul7]
    #3146321 -

silversoul7 said:
DF2K said:
ya, im more then willing to "forgive and forget" but ONLY if the other pewrson is also

its 2 way street


That's unhealthy. You forgive someone for your own good, not for theirs.


im not forgivering her for her own good, im just saying im not ready to forgive gher, until she atleast acknowledge(sp?) that she did wrong, this chick thinks shes perfect and does no wrong, its prefectly alright for her to treat somebody like shit, but try to do the same to her, and she flips out

shes self absorbed

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: oDin]
    #3146711 -

oDin said:
i can forgive to a point, if that point is crossed i cut that person out of my life...usually forever

i have done this with several relatives including a brother that i have not spoken to in anout 8 years so far...no plans on reconciling here....life is too short to let vampires suck you dry....i dont know if it eats me up or not...i just eliminate that person from my thoughts as completely as possible....one cousin i have done it with was my best friend other than annie....that one eats at me....perhaps ill talk to him again after his puritanical mother that he cant so no to dies, not before then. feel the hate...although i cant say its bad...sometimes its just your subcon protecting yourself....


it does make a difference what lines were crossed. I have cut people out of my life before, but I dont think that is necessary with these friends. i stopped hanging out with them because they started getting into stuff that i wasn't cool with and they didnt like that, i guess. Things went down from there.
A few lines were crossed, but nothing too major. Other relationships have had worse problems. Sometimes feeling that anger feels right, or natural I guess, so I shouldn't try to set it aside and play nice if thats not what feels right to me. But with this I think its about time to bury the hatchet.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3146738 -

well cool then

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3146882 -

i still have this problem sometimes, and I find the best thing to do is to wait until you can forgive them as people and just accept them for their mistakes, as well as your own.

most of the time it is our self righteous ego that keeps us distant from others, though I don't know your entire situation :wink:

as far as pissing yourself off, no need to do that to yourself.  do you think you could disagree with a person, but still not get yourself angry?  I mean, why interrupt your peace of mind?


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: kaiowas]
    #3146911 -

good point but piece of mind doesnt do you much good when your getting reamed in the ass.....again

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: oDin]
    #3146918 -

but of course...take care of yourself.. that's why I said I don't know his situation :wink:


on the other hand though, you can still keep yourself from being reemed in the ass and still keep the negative thoughts from flowing.

learning how not to get mad at situations, even when they don't go your way to me is the most effective way of appraoching life.  sure you can get mad at the person, but what good does that do?  letting go on the other hand makes sure that the other person isn't affecting you on a mental level.


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: kaiowas]
    #3146925 -

so your saying basically just forget about it and thus them also?

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: kaiowas]
    #3146938 -

I dont look at anger as an unhealthy thing. I see it as an emotion that is valid and needs to be understood and managed just like every other emotion. Anger is pretty reactionary, so its not like I make a conscious effort to feel anger; some situations just warrent it.
I'm not saying I'm pissing myself off(?), but if i'm holding a grudge and try to force myself to pretend like things are alright, it doesn't feel right and I can't stay that way for very long.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: oDin]
    #3146944 -

no

do what you feel you need to do.

I'm jsut saying that for good or bad, keep your peace of mind, it'll allow you to make better decisions

if your mind is constantly chattering away and judging the other person (despite what they have done) you might not make the same decision that you'd make while in a positive mindset.

you can still disagree and not get mad.

learning how to forgive another person involves first or you to have peace with the person in yourself. to do that it might help to have peace within yourself. it all starts with you if you want to make a change.

use common sense though, if they are constantly taking advantage of you, and they don't care, confront them about it. if they brush you off, what else could you do?

but for beter or worse...why feel negative about it jsut because reality didnt go your way?


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3146951 -

never said it's an unhealthy thing at all. any kind of negative emotion (be it frustration, anger, resentment, sorrow, etc) stems from your ego. it's you forcing your will on reality when we all know reality isn't going to go our way half of the time. you still hold a grudge and are still thinking about "what happened" a negative emotion is like an alert that shows how you can better yourself as a person so when a situation like this happens again, you might respond in a less negative manner.

you noted that anger is a reaction, well why not have a lot of control over how you react to reality? instead of having a robot like response.

if you feel angry when bad thing happen to you, you are doubling the negative efect. you can' control what happens externally, but you sure can control what happens internally.

I'm not saying to pretend like everything is alright either, but unless your health is threatened, I don't see how a negative emotion can help you better the situation.


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: kaiowas]
    #3146953 -

its sounds all nice and tao or something.....and it makes sense to keep a clear mind to be at your best.....however i dont see how one can not feel negative about being wronged....reality is reality....why would a person need to forgive themselves for being wronged by another?

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: kaiowas]
    #3146956 -

Yeah I get all that. I'm not incapable of forgiveness, lol. You're right when the mind is overstressed/angry you make decisions you wouldn't do if you were feeling more level-headed... lol learned that lesson a few times. At the same time, you shouldn't ignore a deep feeling of anger/betrayal etc. and pretend you're ok with something your gut isn't, because that isn't healthy either.

Keeping peace of mind is key, especially when considering actions. I just think its easier to have a peace of mind if you recognize and understand your anger than if you try to dismiss it.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3146957 -

/me passes the fatty

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: oDin]
    #3146958 -

/puff puff pass. :smile:

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: oDin]
    #3146966 -

if you depend on what happens for happiness (even if it's the tiniest emotional irk), then you are going to be left disappointed

most of the time when reality doesn't go our way, we repond in a negative manner.

And yet it is not these things in and of themselves that create an unhappy life, it is the internal mental feeling about the desires for them that minute by minute keeps one from enjoying life 95% of the time. Emotional backed demands stemming from the ego bring fear of non-fullfillment; jealousy that someone may steal our source of fullfillment, anger when someone twarts us; cynicism if constantly undersupplied; paranoia if constantly threatened; boredom if we're making no progress towards statisfying our addictions (emotional backed demands); worry if we can't see the steady supply; anxiety if we;re worried about being worried; and unhappiness when the outside world does not supply is with whatever we are addicted to. since commons sense tells us that the way things go in life is that you win some and you lose some, an addicted person has no chance of living a happy life over 90% of the time( ie being loving, peaceful, wise and effective.)

we can be ready for a constant supply of happiness when you realize the utter futility of trying to live a beautiful life by your efforts to rearrange or change the world of people and things outside of you to fit your emotional backed demands. we will find time and again, that you have to rearrange your own personal responses to life situations...things that we learned in our childhood that was nessary so we survive in our younger years.

as we start growing, we will find that we have always had enough to be happy. it is the patterns in our heads that make us unhappy, although we tend to blame the world and conditions outside of us for our unhappiness .

think of all the energy we put now into the up and down hour by hour coping with our feelings will contiually trying to rearrange the people and situations in our lives so that we can be loving, effective, and happy. and yet year by year our quest may be as elusive as ever. since almost everyone around us has trouble in boming happy 95% of the time, we may have lowered our standards and decided that continuous happiness is probably not realistic.

our negative emotions are a misleading result of an extensive pattern of scars we have experienced. we haven't had the chance yet to understand and love on a continuous basis..so we think it's not possible. it is how we have dealt with emotions that lead us to percieve differences that make us uptight, instead of similarities that enable us to understand and love. we percieve other people and situations as threats when we rely on the external world and situations for our happiness. we respond with adrenaline, faster heartbeat, increase in blood sugar, and other jungle survival responses that prepare us for fight or flight.

think about some of the threatening situations you have felt in the last day or two. are you going to lose your job? is the person for whom you feel the most love paying attention to somone else than you? do you have unpaid bills that you cannot take care of?

now these problems euther have solutions or they don't. either you can do something about them now, or you can't.

if you can do something about it, then do it, even if it's jsut a first step. don't dwell on the situation, yes think about it, but not dwell, this doesn't lead to getting th problem fixed.

if you are in the process of fixing it, but it'll take some time, stop dwelling while you're doing it. if you are doing what you can, then feeling negative about it doesn't help, it just hurts your mind, the body, and possibly the situation.

you energy will be drained when you are worried or axious about a problem. do what you can do, but don't be addicted to the results or else you will creat more worry. if you can't do anything about it right now, then why make yourself uncomfartable about it, save that energy for when you CAN do something about it. these negative emotions in non life threatening situations jsut lowers insight and effectiveness of our actions.

if you do not hassel yourself emotionally when the outside world doesn't fit your demads (as it often does) you will be much more joyous, and really appreciate each moment of you life. we need to learn to flow with the people and things around us, because after all, we are all different, and no one is going to conform just for you.


--------------------
Annnnnnd I had a light saber and my friend was there and I said "you look like an indian" and he said "you look like satan" and he found a stick and a rock and he named the rock ooga booga and he named the stick Stick and we both thought that was pretty funny. We got eaten alive by mosquitos but didn't notice til the next day. I stepped on some glass while wading in the swamp and cut my foot open, didn't bother me til the next day either....yeah it was a good time, ended the night by buying some liquor for minors and drinking nips and going to he diner and eating chicken fingers, and then I went home and went to bed.

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