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old grudges die hard
    #3142577 -

How do you guys deal with bitterness/grudges? I tend to be the type to maintain a grudge for a long while, years really. This has led me to disconnect myself from a lot of my old friends in the past few years. I really miss some of them, and have talked to a couple of friends I used to hang out with a long time ago. Things seem good, but theres that underlying tension that kinda spoils the air. I might be sitting around smoking with them, then remember something from like a year and a half ago and my mind goes red.
I guess I'm wondering how you all deal with grudges, because outside of discussing the problem, which doesn't always help (especially with old drug buddies that you dont have that dialog open with), I dont have any way to release that pent up frustration. I could always challenge them to box me, that was how we used to settle pretty much all our disputes, but I dont think that would be constructive at this point... or in general with future bitterness, heh.
Is it really as easy as saying "let by-gones be by-gones" for some of you?

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3142593 -

I guess it depends what the grudge is. If it's a silly thing, like some argument or disagreement, let it go. Look objectively at the other person's side, and it's bound to be a case of six of one and half a dozen of the other.
But if that person did something to really hurt you, you can either confront them, or if that's not practical, move on to new friends that you trust and can be honest with.
I have a friend who had a circle of friends who were really nasty and hurtful to him. It screwed him up for years, until he just let them go as friends, moved on. He's letting go of the grudge now.
Lots of happy thoughts to you.


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LURK

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Loosifa]
    #3142737 -

I'm a very forgiving person. It's bitten me in the ass a couple times and probably will a few more before I'm dead, but overall I don't mind it because it helps me to keep friends I might otherwise lose...........I have a grudge or two though


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"America: Fuck yeah!" -- Alexthegreat

“Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle. The real extent of this state of misinformation is known only to those who are in situations to confront facts within their knowledge with the lies of the day.”  -- Thomas Jefferson

The greatest sin of mankind is ignorance.

The press takes [Trump] literally, but not seriously; his supporters take him seriously, but not literally. --Salena Zeto (9/23/16)

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3142842 -

I am the kind of person who has a really hard time holding a grudge. I can't stand feeling bad about someone. It eats me up. I DO however, have a hard time feeling positive about certain people, but I usually can chalk it up to THEM having a problem that I don't necessarily want to be around. I still love them for who they are, but don't want to hang out with them and their energy, ya know? I think if you want to be friends again with someone you hold a grudge against, you should first forgive them by doing some mental imagery/energy work. That is great you are wanting to do this, it is a really wonderful way to get rid of some of YOUR karma and make you a happier person. :laugh:


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Once in awhile you can get shown the light

In the strangest of places if you look at it right...

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3142867 -

So very true Phishy

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3142868 -

Perfect timely revenge. Anybody that fucks me over i get them back. Not physically harming or anything, but i get them fuckers back. DONT FUCK WITH ME haha.


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This is the only time I really feel alive.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: baraka]
    #3142908 -

baraka said:
Perfect timely revenge. Anybody that fucks me over i get them back. Not physically harming or anything, but i get them fuckers back. DONT FUCK WITH ME haha.


I couldn't have said it better myself.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3143081 -

hm.. I dunno man. I don't think I've ever really been one to hold a grudge except against myself.. heh. I tend to forgive people pretty easily unless they do some atrocious thing. I'd imagine holding grudges for years can't be very healthy.. (no I don't imagine I know) if it's something that is really bothering you, I'd at least try and talk to the person about it.. without insulting/cornering/intimidating them.. you know just be open and honest and friendly with the goal of resolution. Communication is usually the best route, or so I hear. If that doesn't work then I'd just try and remember that people can and do change, all the time, and just "live and let live", or "let bygones be bygones"..  think to yourself is what they did worth you holding a grudge for so long, and if it is.. is there no way to resolve it? Maybe they are a different person now than they were before, and aren't even aware that you may still feel resentment towards them for something that happened a long time ago. If it's still bothering you, I'd say duke it out  :evil: 
Friends should be friends.. not secret enemies
that's about all I can think of, sorry I'm no grudge master.


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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Shroomism]
    #3143502 -

:\, yeh.. I'll try bringing it up next time. I'm done with blanket forgiveness, all that does is give stupid people another chance to piss me off, and it usually happens that way.
I don't really know much of anything about energy work phishgrrl, but I do some yoga and meditate and it helps.

Baraka, I hear that... I've always been one for well-timed revenge. Physical violence depends on the situation. That is one of the most satisfying feelings in the world.

Thank you guys for your 2 cents and advice btw :smile: :heart:

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3143542 -

I usually forgive the first time depending on how serious the issue is, and if they fuck me over again I walk away and wipe my hands clean.

For me it all depends on the severity of an issue.  A good friend flaking out a few times for something isnt that big of a deal. 

A good friend fucking my girl is punishable by death. :smile:

Dont give up on good friends, but also dont let them walk all over you.  Sometimes its best to cut free and clean up the slag to better yourself as a person.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3143773 -

Like most have said here, it just depends upon how they fucked you over.

But mostly, I just kinda get over it, but always kinda remember what they did in the past to try to keep them from doing it in the future, as soon as I sense a hint of them starting to fuck me over, I try to nip it in the bud.

Or you could just go for the revenge thing......


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Re-Defeat Bush in '04

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Skikid16]
    #3143920 -

nah, this energy is definately the kind to be settled with discussion, any revenge would be out of place really. Other cases, involving $$, are destined to be resolved involving paramedics though. (cough)

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Skikid16]
    #3144185 -

This thread really got me thinking, I wondered if I'd ever held a grudge and I dont think I have (yet). If a friend annoys me or does something that I dont like I'll usually be able to talk to them about it (eventually) and tell them how annoyed I was at the time
I think the better the friend the less likey it should be that they do something to piss you off and then, the more pain you feel when they do it.

Messing around with girlfriends is a big no,no. As is lying against you or any backstabbery. Im quite a mellow person really and it'd have to be a pretty screwed situation for me to get physical on anyone (possibly doing anything with girlfriend would push me over the edge but then there's always 2 to blame!).

Shroomism is right! Communication is key!


In my limited experience most feelings mellow with time, the great experiences become, simply, good and the bad ones dont feel so awful after the passage of days/months/years. I dont think its healthy to hold grudges indefinately. But then I dont think anyones done anything horrific enough to me, for me to really know. Touch wood they wont!

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Chardimus]
    #3144683 -

i have a grudge againt my cousn, she CONSTINTLY lied to me, was never there when i needed her, just generaly a shitty friend/cousin, and every-time i tryed to talk to her about it, she acted like noting was wrong, and whenever we would get into a fight, i was the one appologizing, whemn it wasnt my fault, (she does that shit to her friends to)

i would elaborate on the on this, but i get rather pissed off thinking about

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3144688 -

I don't have much trouble with it. I'm pretty laid back, and find that life's too short to hold grudges. Kind of like what Shroomism said, I have the hardest time forgiving myself.


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"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3144817 -

I hold terrible grudges.  Forgive and forget do not make sense to me.
I will never forgive, nor will I ever forget.  Sorry but that's just how I am. :crazy: :cheers:

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3145055 -

bitterness just kills you slowly, you have to let go ....life is too short to hate!


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The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!


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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: chinadoll]
    #3145075 -

most shit i can forgive, but not with my cousin, and it really bothers me, we were (once) close, but she just completely destroyed our relationship

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3145166 -

I never hold a grudge. Its honestly not worth it. I only bear grudges to people who arent as willing to forgive as i am.

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Re: old grudges die hard [Re: The_Red_Crayon]
    #3145488 -

ya, im more then willing to "forgive and forget" but ONLY if the other pewrson is also

its 2 way street

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