Home | Community | Message Board


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | Next >  [ show all ]
Invisiblevivid
Stranger
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/14/99
Posts: 1,888
Loc: Berkeley, California
old grudges die hard
    #3142577 - 09/16/04 04:45 AM (19 years, 6 months ago)

How do you guys deal with bitterness/grudges? I tend to be the type to maintain a grudge for a long while, years really. This has led me to disconnect myself from a lot of my old friends in the past few years. I really miss some of them, and have talked to a couple of friends I used to hang out with a long time ago. Things seem good, but theres that underlying tension that kinda spoils the air. I might be sitting around smoking with them, then remember something from like a year and a half ago and my mind goes red.
I guess I'm wondering how you all deal with grudges, because outside of discussing the problem, which doesn't always help (especially with old drug buddies that you dont have that dialog open with), I dont have any way to release that pent up frustration. I could always challenge them to box me, that was how we used to settle pretty much all our disputes, but I dont think that would be constructive at this point... or in general with future bitterness, heh.
Is it really as easy as saying "let by-gones be by-gones" for some of you?

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleLoosifa
none
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/26/04
Posts: 506
Loc: England (South) Flag
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3142593 - 09/16/04 05:08 AM (19 years, 6 months ago)

I guess it depends what the grudge is. If it's a silly thing, like some argument or disagreement, let it go. Look objectively at the other person's side, and it's bound to be a case of six of one and half a dozen of the other.
But if that person did something to really hurt you, you can either confront them, or if that's not practical, move on to new friends that you trust and can be honest with.
I have a friend who had a circle of friends who were really nasty and hurtful to him. It screwed him up for years, until he just let them go as friends, moved on. He's letting go of the grudge now.
Lots of happy thoughts to you.


--------------------
LURK

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleSenor_Doobie
Snake Pit Champion
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/11/99
Posts: 22,678
Loc: Trump Train
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Loosifa]
    #3142737 - 09/16/04 08:07 AM (19 years, 6 months ago)

I'm a very forgiving person. It's bitten me in the ass a couple times and probably will a few more before I'm dead, but overall I don't mind it because it helps me to keep friends I might otherwise lose...........I have a grudge or two though


--------------------
"America: Fuck yeah!" -- Alexthegreat

“Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle. The real extent of this state of misinformation is known only to those who are in situations to confront facts within their knowledge with the lies of the day.”  -- Thomas Jefferson

The greatest sin of mankind is ignorance.

The press takes [Trump] literally, but not seriously; his supporters take him seriously, but not literally. --Salena Zeto (9/23/16)

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinePhishgrrl
Walking in thetall trees...
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/03/04
Posts: 5,079
Last seen: 18 years, 9 months
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3142842 - 09/16/04 09:04 AM (19 years, 6 months ago)

I am the kind of person who has a really hard time holding a grudge. I can't stand feeling bad about someone. It eats me up. I DO however, have a hard time feeling positive about certain people, but I usually can chalk it up to THEM having a problem that I don't necessarily want to be around. I still love them for who they are, but don't want to hang out with them and their energy, ya know? I think if you want to be friends again with someone you hold a grudge against, you should first forgive them by doing some mental imagery/energy work. That is great you are wanting to do this, it is a really wonderful way to get rid of some of YOUR karma and make you a happier person. :laugh:


--------------------
Once in awhile you can get shown the light

In the strangest of places if you look at it right...


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Phishgrrl]
    #3142867 - 09/16/04 09:10 AM (19 years, 6 months ago)

So very true Phishy

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinebaraka
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/15/00
Posts: 10,768
Loc: hyperspace Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3142868 - 09/16/04 09:10 AM (19 years, 6 months ago)

Perfect timely revenge. Anybody that fucks me over i get them back. Not physically harming or anything, but i get them fuckers back. DONT FUCK WITH ME haha.


--------------------
This is the only time I really feel alive.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleHeavyToilet
The Heaviest OfThem All
Male

Registered: 08/06/03
Posts: 9,458
Loc: British Columbia
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: baraka]
    #3142908 - 09/16/04 09:27 AM (19 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

baraka said:
Perfect timely revenge. Anybody that fucks me over i get them back. Not physically harming or anything, but i get them fuckers back. DONT FUCK WITH ME haha.




I couldn't have said it better myself.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleShroomismM
Space Travellin
Male User Gallery
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension Flag
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3143081 - 09/16/04 10:24 AM (19 years, 6 months ago)

hm.. I dunno man. I don't think I've ever really been one to hold a grudge except against myself.. heh. I tend to forgive people pretty easily unless they do some atrocious thing. I'd imagine holding grudges for years can't be very healthy.. (no I don't imagine I know) if it's something that is really bothering you, I'd at least try and talk to the person about it.. without insulting/cornering/intimidating them.. you know just be open and honest and friendly with the goal of resolution. Communication is usually the best route, or so I hear. If that doesn't work then I'd just try and remember that people can and do change, all the time, and just "live and let live", or "let bygones be bygones"..  think to yourself is what they did worth you holding a grudge for so long, and if it is.. is there no way to resolve it? Maybe they are a different person now than they were before, and aren't even aware that you may still feel resentment towards them for something that happened a long time ago. If it's still bothering you, I'd say duke it out  :evil: 
Friends should be friends.. not secret enemies
that's about all I can think of, sorry I'm no grudge master.


--------------------

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblevivid
Stranger
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/14/99
Posts: 1,888
Loc: Berkeley, California
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Shroomism]
    #3143502 - 09/16/04 12:41 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

:\, yeh.. I'll try bringing it up next time. I'm done with blanket forgiveness, all that does is give stupid people another chance to piss me off, and it usually happens that way.
I don't really know much of anything about energy work phishgrrl, but I do some yoga and meditate and it helps.

Baraka, I hear that... I've always been one for well-timed revenge. Physical violence depends on the situation. That is one of the most satisfying feelings in the world.

Thank you guys for your 2 cents and advice btw :smile: :heart:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineBarbi
Plastic Person

Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 12,976
Last seen: 19 years, 4 months
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3143542 - 09/16/04 12:52 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

I usually forgive the first time depending on how serious the issue is, and if they fuck me over again I walk away and wipe my hands clean.

For me it all depends on the severity of an issue.  A good friend flaking out a few times for something isnt that big of a deal. 

A good friend fucking my girl is punishable by death. :smile:

Dont give up on good friends, but also dont let them walk all over you.  Sometimes its best to cut free and clean up the slag to better yourself as a person.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSkikid16
fungus fan

Registered: 06/27/02
Posts: 5,666
Loc: In the middle of the nort...
Last seen: 18 years, 11 months
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3143773 - 09/16/04 01:42 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

Like most have said here, it just depends upon how they fucked you over.

But mostly, I just kinda get over it, but always kinda remember what they did in the past to try to keep them from doing it in the future, as soon as I sense a hint of them starting to fuck me over, I try to nip it in the bud.

Or you could just go for the revenge thing......


--------------------
Re-Defeat Bush in '04

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblevivid
Stranger
Male User Gallery

Registered: 12/14/99
Posts: 1,888
Loc: Berkeley, California
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Skikid16]
    #3143920 - 09/16/04 02:02 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

nah, this energy is definately the kind to be settled with discussion, any revenge would be out of place really. Other cases, involving $$, are destined to be resolved involving paramedics though. (cough)

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineChardimus
Stranger
Registered: 09/13/04
Posts: 5
Last seen: 19 years, 4 months
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Skikid16]
    #3144185 - 09/16/04 03:00 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

This thread really got me thinking, I wondered if I'd ever held a grudge and I dont think I have (yet). If a friend annoys me or does something that I dont like I'll usually be able to talk to them about it (eventually) and tell them how annoyed I was at the time
I think the better the friend the less likey it should be that they do something to piss you off and then, the more pain you feel when they do it.

Messing around with girlfriends is a big no,no. As is lying against you or any backstabbery. Im quite a mellow person really and it'd have to be a pretty screwed situation for me to get physical on anyone (possibly doing anything with girlfriend would push me over the edge but then there's always 2 to blame!).

Shroomism is right! Communication is key!


In my limited experience most feelings mellow with time, the great experiences become, simply, good and the bad ones dont feel so awful after the passage of days/months/years. I dont think its healthy to hold grudges indefinately. But then I dont think anyones done anything horrific enough to me, for me to really know. Touch wood they wont!

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDF2K
Me.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 5,826
Loc: The land before time
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: Chardimus]
    #3144683 - 09/16/04 05:04 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

i have a grudge againt my cousn, she CONSTINTLY lied to me, was never there when i needed her, just generaly a shitty friend/cousin, and every-time i tryed to talk to her about it, she acted like noting was wrong, and whenever we would get into a fight, i was the one appologizing, whemn it wasnt my fault, (she does that shit to her friends to)

i would elaborate on the on this, but i get rather pissed off thinking about

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblesilversoul7
Chill the FuckOut!
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/10/02
Posts: 27,301
Loc: mndfreeze's puppet army
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3144688 - 09/16/04 05:06 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

I don't have much trouble with it. I'm pretty laid back, and find that life's too short to hold grudges. Kind of like what Shroomism said, I have the hardest time forgiving myself.


--------------------


"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."--Voltaire

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblechinadoll
there
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/05/02
Posts: 1,118
Loc: dark side of terrapin
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3144817 - 09/16/04 05:44 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

I hold terrible grudges.  Forgive and forget do not make sense to me.
I will never forgive, nor will I ever forget.  Sorry but that's just how I am. :crazy: :cheers:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleRipple
Ripple
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/16/02
Posts: 21,014
Loc: the timbers of Fennario
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3145055 - 09/16/04 06:53 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

bitterness just kills you slowly, you have to let go ....life is too short to hate!


--------------------
The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDF2K
Me.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 5,826
Loc: The land before time
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: chinadoll]
    #3145075 - 09/16/04 06:57 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

most shit i can forgive, but not with my cousin, and it really bothers me, we were (once) close, but she just completely destroyed our relationship

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineThe_Red_Crayon
Exposer of Truth
Male User Gallery

Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 13,673
Loc: Smokey Mtns. TN Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: vivid]
    #3145166 - 09/16/04 07:12 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

I never hold a grudge. Its honestly not worth it. I only bear grudges to people who arent as willing to forgive as i am.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDF2K
Me.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 5,826
Loc: The land before time
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: old grudges die hard [Re: The_Red_Crayon]
    #3145488 - 09/16/04 08:30 PM (19 years, 6 months ago)

ya, im more then willing to "forgive and forget" but ONLY if the other pewrson is also

its 2 way street

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | Next >  [ show all ]


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Someone needs to die!
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Silversoul 10,830 74 05/14/05 11:56 AM
by Autonomous
* i just saw The Grudge on DVD shirley knott 1,031 17 01/07/06 07:29 PM
by JacquesCousteau
* personally I didn't care when the pope died
( 1 2 3 4 all )
ShroomismM 5,808 76 04/08/05 12:15 AM
by blissedout
* my friend died tonight.
( 1 2 3 all )
MOTH 3,971 42 02/03/05 06:19 PM
by Silversoul
* My baby mice died..... I am sad. quarkyquasar 1,516 7 12/18/04 04:24 AM
by quarkyquasar
* Last widow of a Civil War veteran dies KingOftheThing 874 4 06/07/19 02:39 PM
by Konyap
* what do you think happens when you die???
( 1 2 3 all )
KingOftheThing 3,340 42 03/31/12 11:56 PM
by wtffuck
* How would you like to die?
( 1 2 all )
Shroom_Herder 1,664 39 12/14/04 03:03 AM
by Fliquid

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Entire Staff
4,159 topic views. 8 members, 26 guests and 111 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.024 seconds spending 0.006 seconds on 16 queries.