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 Shroomism
Space Travellin
 
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension 
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 depressed 
#3140306 - 09/15/04 06:49 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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man.. things just aren't working out so good in my life right now. It was raining all day, and today I totalled my boss' truck when some guy cut me off.. had to run into a ditch and a street sign to avoid hitting him. So the truck is out of commission.. so I couldn't work today.. then I attempted to go to my friend's house (in my car) to try and take my mind off things and get stoned, but on the way the wipers started slowing down and my lights started dimming.. uh oh.. this has happened before.. many times.. radio cuts off.. fuck.. turn around.. car starts going verrry slow.. have to turn off lights and wipers to conserve driving power.. barely make it home with any juice left.. great, alternator is dead.
as if I wasn't depressed enough from lack of money/food/lifeforce.. I have to kill two vehicles in one day too. everyone is mad at me, can't talk to friends, no girlfriend, no car, no insurance, license getting suspended next week if dont get insurance, hungry, lonely, health is failing, no way to get to work, very sad. fuck man why do I even try, every time things are starting to look up.. ten other things go wrong. I have nothing to look forward to.. man, I'm really sorry for whining to you guys but this just plain sucks, its ocming from every angle and I really don't know what to do. meditation does nothing. focusing on love does nothing. I am just trying to be numb but it isn't working. I don't even have any drugs or alcohol to make the problem worse. not even a dollar. fuck
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 notapillow
I want to be a fisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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sorry to hear that man
i think some one misses there avatar 
cheer up shroomism
and if it makes you feel any better you are one of the smartest people on the shroomery 
 
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funkymonk
Get's down, withthe get-down.
Registered: 11/29/02
Posts: 8,160
Loc: saskatchewan
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life's tough at time's man.
maybe your parents can help you out with abit of cash, if you really need it.
but tough out the tough. and youll be where life meant for you to be. I always tell myself that when times get rough.
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lukeboots
fresh futuristic
Registered: 02/04/04
Posts: 19,728
Loc: Grand Ole Operating Syste...
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i'm sorry to hear that shroomism
you're not alone! everyone here at the shroomery has immense respect for you, and i only wish you the best.
dude its gotta get better.. much man.
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funky ass music: Planet of Dinosaurs // Rich Whiskey
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Shroomism
Space Travellin
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension
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no man I'm really not. I'm actually devoid of any common sense it seems.. totally incapabable of functioning like a normal human being. If I was so smart I wouldn't have such self-destructive tendencies, I'm just a fuckup. I know how to live the right life, but I don't, and seemingly can't. I can talk the talk, but I can't walk . I can't even feel emotion except for major extremes of anger and depression and feeling sorry for myself.. I'm completely cold.
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debianlinux
Myconerd - DBK
Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 8,334
Loc: Over There
Last seen: 9 months, 17 days
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Quote:
Shroomism said:
no man I'm really not. I'm actually devoid of any common sense it seems.. totally incapabable of functioning like a normal human being. If I was so smart I wouldn't have such self-destructive tendencies, I'm just a fuckup. I know how to live the right life, but I don't, and seemingly can't. I can talk the talk, but I can't walk .
well, hey! sit down, grab a cold one and join the club...
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vivid
Stranger
Registered: 12/14/99
Posts: 1,888
Loc: Berkeley, California
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Things get real rough in life from time to time, sometimes it feels like nothing is working out right, usually because it isn't.
But one thing that is perpetual in the world is change, and if you make it through the bad times there are good times waiting for you.
If you feel like letting anything else out at any time, just pm me. I have a pretty good idea of what you're going through.
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Shroomism
Space Travellin
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension
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 Re: depressed [Re: vivid]
#3140480 - 09/15/04 07:07 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Im just crying
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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iv been there shroomism
you are a good person
but if you feel like you need to make some changes then make them
it will all tur around
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blink
eye of horus
Registered: 03/31/02
Posts: 11,349
Loc: Geographic Location (Stat...
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let it out
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notapillow
I want to be a fisherman
Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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youv got a new bass to look forward too and a kick ass band
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vivid
Stranger
Registered: 12/14/99
Posts: 1,888
Loc: Berkeley, California
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Re: depressed [Re: blink]
#3140514 - 09/15/04 07:11 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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Shroomism
Space Travellin
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension
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what is music without joy
ive been saying 'this too shall pass' to myself for 3 years
I know its supposed to get worse before it gets better
but fuck man..it just gets worse. next I'll probably have cancer, and then all my friends and family will die, and then I'll die slowly from some debilitating illneess, alone, in the street.
well at least I will know better
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Krishna
कृष्ण,LOL
Registered: 05/08/03
Posts: 23,285
Loc: oakland
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well, i've definitely been there before... all i can say is life is flux... and i'll keep ya in my thoughts.
hope you feel better
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blink
eye of horus
Registered: 03/31/02
Posts: 11,349
Loc: Geographic Location (Stat...
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Sounds like you need a break.
Plan a vacation and work towards that. as soon as you get your life in order (to the point you feel comfortable leaving it for a bit) just pack your shit up and go.
/edit: or move. I've always found big cities to be poison. Get back in touch with your animal roots
Edited by blinkidiot (09/15/04 07:17 PM)
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Shroomism
Space Travellin
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension
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Re: depressed [Re: blink]
#3140545 - 09/15/04 07:16 PM (19 years, 7 months ago) |
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how am I supposed to afford a break.. I dont even have food
I had a food stamp card for a month.. that was real nice.. but they cancelled it since I get paid under the table and couldnt furnish proof of income
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Scarfmeister
Thrill Seeker
Registered: 10/31/02
Posts: 8,127
Loc: The will to power
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
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Move back to your parents and let them care for you for a while. No shame in that. Might do you good to get your mind of things.
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We're the lowest of the low, the scum of the fucking earth!
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freddurgan
Techgnostic
Registered: 01/11/04
Posts: 3,648
Last seen: 11 years, 10 months
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Quote:
Shroomism said:
no man I'm really not. I'm actually devoid of any common sense it seems.. totally incapabable of functioning like a normal human being. If I was so smart I wouldn't have such self-destructive tendencies, I'm just a fuckup. I know how to live the right life, but I don't, and seemingly can't. I can talk the talk, but I can't walk . I can't even feel emotion except for major extremes of anger and depression and feeling sorry for myself.. I'm completely cold.
Dude, I feel the exact same way man. I just didn't really know how to phrase it well. When you said "I know how to live the right life, but I don't, and seemingly can't. I can talk the talk, but I can't walk . I can't even feel emotion except for major extremes of anger and depression and feeling sorry for myself.. I'm completely cold." it might as well have been me. I fuck up all the time. Everything I do I just make complicated and terrible. I've fucked up my college career so bad so far, I fuck up every hobby I try to start, I have no GF, my friends and I are growing distant, and I seem to be good at absolutely nothing. Also, it seems like what I'm best at is feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know why, but hearing you say that made me feel a little better. I used to think it was just me, but if there are other people out there exactly like me, and you, then maybe there is hope for us. Hopefully this makes you feel a little better too.
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Clean
the lense
Registered: 05/11/03
Posts: 2,374
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you could go around a nice liberal neighborhood and ask for donations. people have cupboards full of food they probably won't use half of... you might meet a new friend or find job opportunites, or at least be able to eat.
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Adamist
ℚṲℰϟ✞ЇѺℵ ℛ∃Åʟḯ†У
Registered: 11/23/01
Posts: 10,211
Loc: Bloomington, IN
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Quote:
but fuck man..it just gets worse. next I'll probably have cancer, and then all my friends and family will die, and then I'll die slowly from some debilitating illneess, alone, in the street.
Dude I have this fear constantly.
I am in a pretty shitty situation myself, although like I said in your other post, probably a year or 2 behind... The thing that's REALLY helping me at this point is my family. They have really been here for me when I've needed them. I dunno what I'd do if I didn't have any family. Probably be on the streets.
You above all people know the power of meditation and willpower. You gotta believe, use your will, to make things better. Sit or lay down in a dark room and think of ways things could be better, then concentrate on them, and really put all your energy into that idea. It may take time, but these things can manifest themselves. I'm sending good vibes your way bro. I still am not sure if I have enough money to make a detour to your neck of Virginia, although I think it would be a great thing for both of us to meet in person...
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 { { { ṧ◎ηḯ¢ αʟ¢ℌ℮мƴ } } }
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