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Dealing with guilt, deserved or not.
    #3076614 -

So i was just watching The Girl Next Door.....andit was a good movie.
But the reation i'm having to it is.....atypical.

I'm feeling guilty. Verry, verry guilty, and sad, and pretty much an overall peice of shit. The girl i lost my virginity to, probably the person in the world i was best suited to, is now an amature porn star.

Granted, this may sound like an ideal situation, but somehow i feel responsible. A post from oDin last evening made me start to think about strippers and pron actors that i've known, and he was right, they're overall sad people....
But what can make them sad? is it something that they've been born with? An early life trauma? Or is ruthlessly (if non-purposefully) breaking their heart enough?
I don't know, maybe it's just the pain of losing a person i loved more than any other welling up, or perhaps it's a host of other shit, but something in me feels responsible for my ex's contributions to the world-wide spank bank. I hurt her very badly, and in the process, cut myself to the emotional core...

Did i do this? Am i at all responsible? I'll probably never know. hell, i don't even talk to her anymore, and that's probalby the worst bit out of the entire sucker punch that movie delivered me.

But the pain is back.....or maybe i've just been ignoring it. I'm very good at that. I haven't been happy for so long.

So i end this post, sad, guilty, and demolished....pretty much the same state i started out in.

Liz, if you read this, or my feelings about it even matter anymore....i'm sorry.
you deserved better than the silence i gave you. I hope you're well and happy.


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"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)

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Re: Dealing with guilt, deserved or not. [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #3076680 -

No... I don't think anyone can do that. She is probably an aspiring actress looking for a short cut. Don't be so hard on yourself.  :heart:


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Re: Dealing with guilt, deserved or not. [Re: Zahid]
    #3076694 -

Aspiring actresses don't go to college for physics.

Thanks for trying tho. :heart:


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Dealing with guilt, deserved or not. [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #3076842 -

I don't believe that all porn stars have had some kind of horrible thing happen to them. Some woman enjoy doing that kind of work. I'm am not one, but I can see where someone might enjoy that as a profession. You are being to hard on yourself. I'm not trying to sound like a Bitch, but maybe her choice in career has absolutely nothing to do with you. Not every choice a girl makes has something to do with what a man has done to her. It's ok to be concerned but you shouldn't blame yourself for something you really had no control over(meaning her acting career).


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The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.

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Re: Dealing with guilt, deserved or not. [Re: CaRnAgECaNdY]
    #3076867 -

Yeah, i know it's unlikely...it's mostly i just miss her.

But i'm very inventive with ways of making myself feel worse, and not so many on the better side of things.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Dealing with guilt, deserved or not. [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #3076879 -

Is it her you miss or are you just lonely and miss the comfort of a lover? Sometimes I think of old flames when I'm feeling really lonely.
I can't help it, but I'd never go back....you live and you learn.
I'm sorry your feeling bad though, I hope you feel better soon.


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Dealing with guilt, deserved or not. [Re: CaRnAgECaNdY]
    #3076898 -

Oh no, i'm lonley and need a lover, but this is solely missing her.

I do this from time to time.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Re: Dealing with guilt, deserved or not. [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #3077600 -

Some of my favorite women seem to avoid happiness. They seem to want that kind of life for themselves.. Thats not even just an observation.. they've actually told me this when I asked about it... Something about their personality types..... Help if you can.. but its best not to let them drag you down... you cant just change people

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Re: Dealing with guilt, deserved or not. [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #3078967 -

maybe you miss the spent youth you two shared.


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Live each day like it will be your last, tomorrow my never come.
SporeSmart

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