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OfflineGrav
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Registered: 02/06/02
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Dealing with friendship
    #1347843 - 03/03/03 02:05 AM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Say you have this best friend that you've been close with for years, but his attitude is driving you absolutely fucking crazy. He seems so insecure with himself that he feels the need to lash out at everyone else, he projects negativity. Just about everyone he meets he judges them in some way or another, and always has some pessimistic remark to insert in any situation.

I can't continue to hang out with this person if he keeps acting so completely negative like this, cuz it's simply driving me crazy. I feel like I am encouraging it by not saying anything, but I feel like if I say something it will just piss him off because he's so defensive.

I feel like by not saying anything I'm saying it's okay to act this way around me, essentially it's like I'm lying. I always just shut my mouth when I should be trying to help him out of this slump, even if it means sacrificing our friendship, I feel like it will be helping both of us as humans.

And what good is a friendship if it's not completely honest...


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OfflineDemon
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Re: Dealing with friendship [Re: Grav]
    #1347851 - 03/03/03 02:16 AM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Tell your friend what you feel. You're friend may need to hear it.


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OfflineFliquid
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Re: Dealing with friendship [Re: Demon]
    #1347864 - 03/03/03 02:36 AM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Maybe a big bag of weed and some beers first before telling him would take the edge of things.


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OfflineFlusH
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Re: Dealing with friendship [Re: Grav]
    #1348535 - 03/03/03 07:30 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

I was just going to post almost an identical thread. I just came back from my buddies and all he did was sleep. He invited me over at 7:00am and when I got there he did nothing but sleep (until 12:00am). I tried to initiate conversation, I even asked strait out what was bothering him so much, that he seemed obviously depressed and if there was anything I could do to help, but he shrugged his shoulders and continued to be halfway in sleep / watching his cartoon collection. Total escapism. I myself am just being able to see the light at the end of a 8 year long tunnel. I do know what depression feels like, and I do think my friend is suicidal. I am not gonna sit by and watch this happen to him but he is not willing to accept help from anybody. When out in public, which is very rare he act's just like what you described your friend to be like Grav, I know how you feel as well. before posting this I talked to another friend of mine and we are gonna go to his place tomorrow and try to figure this out. I don't know what to do or how to start though, can anybody throw out some ideas as how to approach him without making it worse? I know he will get very defensive when he find's out that we will be there for that reason which makes it even harder to help. Maybe I should just bake a bunch of brownies spiked with mushrooms... depression really sucks.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Dealing with friendship [Re: FlusH]
    #1348704 - 03/03/03 09:05 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

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Offlineenotake2
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Re: Dealing with friendship [Re: ]
    #1348761 - 03/03/03 09:52 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Mr mush. Hi, I agree with you that there are different reasons why people get depressed and that some people have it better than they think they do. Although from the outside looking in, it can be easy to see that they have a lot going for them, I don't think they deserve less compassion. Reason being, in depression the mind and the brain are doing things that may prevent a more rational viewpoint. For example, a robust finding of depression research is that people with depression have a bias in cognition for memory for negative events. Past negative events are better recalled and the negative elements of past events. For current events, even if they have  neutral events with equal parts positve to negative experiences, they have a better memory for the negative parts, the event gets coded in memory as more negative so when it is recalled later it is seen as more negative. Thoughts about the future are also likely to be more negative based on the perceived probability of their success, which is based on (prob negative) memories of similar experiences. Self judgements are also more negative.  Actually cognition is pretty negative in general. negative (!). Other problems occur possibly because of changes in brain function in depression. Blood flow to the left frontal lobe and hippocampus is reduced and both of these parts have been found to atrophy with depression. Blood flow to the amygdala (associated with conditioned emotion) is increased. Frontal lobe function is associated with effective goal setting, planned action, motivation, social behaviour, problem solving and flexible thinking, all of which are decreased in people with depression. Depressed people may be tunnel vissioned and may not be able to see the good things in their life. Once the negative thoughts set in, the brain activity and chemical processing changes which lead to more negative thoughts and decreased ability to do anything about them. The bloke in the shack is doing pretty well compared to many people in other countries - it's all relative isn't it? From my learning, it is the way people explain events to themselves that affect how well they get over problematic situations that inevitably occur in everyone's life.

Flush, let this guy know that you care, you don't like to see him down and just be honest. Tell him what you observe. Maybe mention treatments are effective. People with depression benefit from social interaction and doing things they usually enjoy, so maybe you could make an effort to invite him to do things to keep him active  :smile:....

One more time - negative.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Offlineenotake2
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Re: Dealing with friendship [Re: enotake2]
    #1348891 - 03/03/03 11:29 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

By the way - anyone who is reading this who has had depression - the brain regenerates itself when you're happy again.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Dealing with friendship [Re: enotake2]
    #1348916 - 03/03/03 11:45 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

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Offlineenotake2
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Re: Dealing with friendship [Re: ]
    #1349885 - 03/04/03 01:15 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Deleted by me - double post.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


Edited by enotake2 (03/04/03 01:17 PM)


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Offlineenotake2
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Re: Dealing with friendship [Re: ]
    #1349888 - 03/04/03 01:16 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

It's true that kids who receive more love are less likely to get depressed later. But lots of different negative stresses can lead to depression (losses, abuse by another party, etc) and so its only one factor. Also, generally external and internal factors (eg coping skills , self esteem, etc) interact, so if the internal is good then the external can be bad and a person still may not get depressed, or vice versa. Family history/genetics play a bigger or smaller role for people as well.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


Edited by enotake2 (03/04/03 01:47 PM)


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