Gilmour Hendrix said:

I don't know what's wrong with me, man. Anyone ever have that looming feeling that shit is gonna go south at any moment? It's been too good for so long that I expect that thing to happen where "ah fuck. This is it! The jig is up!" Could be Imposter Syndrome. I dunno. It has a lot to do with my past. Growing up poor then getting off the needle over 10 years ago to what I am today makes me feel like my life is a sadistic game of jenga. Masochistic, actually. Since I'm doing it to myself.

For those of you who have been following along, I nailed down the "life-changing" career opportunity today. The interview and assessment were a booming success. I'm getting everything I asked for, as well. I should be happy, but I have that fucking feeling looming over me that will not let me enjoy success. For very long, anyway. I'm already thinking how I can do better when, just this morning, I was sick to my stomach over this interview. It's like a dream where you have dry mouth but you drink and drink but still have the urgency for hydration. I'd be the healthiest, fittest, richest, wittiest, most adored person in history and still think I need to do better.

Any idea why that is? Does anyone else have this thirst?

---

Can't tell you what is is, but I can definitely relate bud. In so many aspects of life, from simple things like, I got a canopy, so surely my letter will get caught at customs, to thinking my kids is going to get an awful sickness because I'm having a great week..

Some fucked up thoughts for sure and things like that have no correlation, still have them all the time, I agree with RG, and it is still a fight, but I am slowly learning to just appreciate every moment that ain't a full blown crisis.

Happiness is something that needs to be chased every waking moment, while doom will come all by itself with absolute no effort needed from me. We have no idea when something devastating will occur, but it is certain. It's hard though and I can still get "German kid mad" over small things that shouldn't even matter. You know, like getting my shirt stuck on the door handle when I'm walking past it

Quote:

Happiness is something that needs to be chased every waking moment, while doom will come all by itself with absolute no effort needed from me.

---

Too true. Although doom can serve a purpose I think.
Like I'd rather be fucking miserable & know honesty, than never have a taste & go about feeling fake happiness or expectation towards a way of being that until now never amounts to more than fleeting then grasping, clinging and craving. When I deny the doom/misery, there is a power transfer wherein I award it strength over my bare perception, the fear makes it more constricting. No thanks... We can use hope to self harm just as we can use doom as a teacher, motivator or a resting place. Transmutation. Internal alchemy.
Not to say true happiness doesn't exist, but happiness, like love, is thrown around by wishful thinkers and blinkered automatons.

So I thank the doom for keeping my eyes open and my heart raw. I don't know I've ever had a better teacher.


"So go, go on and love
Go on and love
Go on and love what you are"

Quote:

Ride the ocean waves
The rising surge
The rush of waning surprise
It's time
To call the gods
Sinking in the waves
And undulate in the arms

So go, go on and love
Go on and love
Go on and love what you are

Come on Satan, surround me
All your love's like a fire burning on and
All white like an oasis
All your loves like a fire burning on and on

---

R.I.P a wonderful cat, a true friend, a reliable tripbuddy, an unusually wise oracle, an absolutely fucking beautiful lil soul who brought a love to me I never knew was real.
Being with her just made me feel at home.
We let her go nearly a week ago, she nearly 20 years old and just the time came, we didn't have her suffer a second. But I keep smelling her on the air and I am missing her this morning.

I am lucky to be where I am, and have other feline companions, a human partner in crime, a life I- all crosses bore, all avenues cnsidered- do love.
But there is doom here too, this time bitch owes me dues and is my butler because I will not let sadness ovetake the feeling of grace, of celebrating my cats life for what it was. A gift.

No sympathy poast intended, rather, a vent with included micro celebration/acceptance of life in its wide entirety.
Hug your pets, love your peeps, imbibe your funny fungi, plants and whatever, cull hope like the invasive species it so often is and try to grow into a place where you can trust & cultivate FAITH.

Lithop said:

Dropping truth bombs.

---

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you wrote Lithop, so sorry to hear about your loss, but glad you had a lot of time together

By reading your post it seems you're in that beautiful balanced state of mind, and with the loss I'm sure you're aware of every breath right now.

And duuuude your taste in music is excellent, haven't listened to Windhand in a minute, which is a shame, because they are one of those bands that no matter the album, start to finish is an epic ride, thanks for reminding me, got to update my Spotify list right this instant

RealityGlitch said:

OLDDAD is your eczema severe?

---

Gilmour Hendrix said:

I don't know what's wrong with me, man. Anyone ever have that looming feeling that shit is gonna go south at any moment? It's been too good for so long that I expect that thing to happen where "ah fuck. This is it! The jig is up!" Could be Imposter Syndrome. I dunno. It has a lot to do with my past. Growing up poor then getting off the needle over 10 years ago to what I am today makes me feel like my life is a sadistic game of jenga. Masochistic, actually. Since I'm doing it to myself.

For those of you who have been following along, I nailed down the "life-changing" career opportunity today. The interview and assessment were a booming success. I'm getting everything I asked for, as well. I should be happy, but I have that fucking feeling looming over me that will not let me enjoy success. For very long, anyway. I'm already thinking how I can do better when, just this morning, I was sick to my stomach over this interview. It's like a dream where you have dry mouth but you drink and drink but still have the urgency for hydration. I'd be the healthiest, fittest, richest, wittiest, most adored person in history and still think I need to do better.

Any idea why that is? Does anyone else have this thirst?

---

@Churpee Choozle, much obliged there, I appreciate that.  As for the feline superiority, yes and don't they know it lol


Wholeheartedly relate with your additional info- where-  just by being yourself without elaboration, you provided exactly what was needed.

Quote:

But I was really awe-struck with the idea life finds a way and I was able to add something positive to a very negative situation.

---

QFT.
I'm delighted you've found this connection to your nephew among that, keep rockin the fuck on mate.


@Kloakk
Whoah I had missed that one! I just only skimmed it now before deciding, wow I'm gonna have to pack up the arizer and dig into having a real good read through/ appreciation of your prides photos while I listen to that jam. Thanks!
:edit: dude, that post lit me right up.

Thanks so, so much (in retrosepct) for that, it proper hit the spot.
What a damn fine cat custodian you must be bro, massive respect to you. Plus it was written exquisitely:

Quote:

He would wake me up or find me whenever the litterbox, waterbowl or food reserves was low, you know the deal, whenever there is a small hole in the center of the overflowing bowl of food.

---

Right?!
IT'S RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!!!!! IN FRONT OF YOU!!!!!!!!
I mean, I know their FOV might be fuckin with them but it feels like theyre fuckin with ME.
Cracked me right up!
I'm gonna go get some fish and hand feed it to my cats

I'll start getting some musical morsels gathered, then my friend, we shall feast!

Im only seeing on the periphery things others are dealing with right now but rather than try to contribute I would like to add it's just awesome how often the shroomery community have each others backs. Even when seeing a post and can feel obligated to chime in, often times somone else has said it better, quicker.
Cool as fuck, this place.

flapping_bird said:

tryptkaloids said:

I get paid to snowboard. kinda need snow for that

---

that’s a very fuckin cool job!

---

OLDDAD77 said:

BeefSupremeJr said:

i confess i havent felt like posting in a while but i lurk constantly.  been sick doggies.  my imune system bonked and i got pneumonia.  i finally thew in the towell and went to urgent care and got xrays and they gave me steroid injections ans sent me home with prednazone and an inhaler etc.  feeling way better and ill try to reopen the endless giveaway in the coming weeks.  its almost noty time too.  ill be on my A game.

---

Dude you’re not alone! Two weeks ago I was hanging Christmas lights and had a severe allergic reaction to something. Turns out my months of heavy workouts along with a mild virus all while using a hand cream for eczema (that coincidentally lowers white blood cells) caused me to swell up like a balloon! Allergic reaction to the environment! Covered in hives eyes swollen shut and my lips looked like I was smoking crack for 3 days straight out of a glass stem! Ended up progressing through bronchitis and then walking pneumonia! Fucking crazy how fast my body turned on me! Almost two weeks and I’m still having zero energy days! I think I’m over the hump though!

---

BeefSupremeJr said:

same here man.  i always thought id be a good teacher.  i may  still chase that down someday.

---

Lithop said:

Im only seeing on the periphery things others are dealing with right now but rather than try to contribute I would like to add it's just awesome how often the shroomery community have each others backs. Even when seeing a post and can feel obligated to chime in, often times somone else has said it better, quicker.
Cool as fuck, this place.

---

tryptkaloids said:

Have you ever had a lesson? I spent 10 years on a snowboard throwing myself downhill learning only through trial and error.

Now that I work for a ski corporation I get free lessons.  I took ONE lesson last year and the whole sport changed for me. I was using my whole body to whip that board around. Left me with little control and had me flailing around.

---

Gilmour Hendrix said:

I don't know what's wrong with me, man. Anyone ever have that looming feeling that shit is gonna go south at any moment? It's been too good for so long that I expect that thing to happen where "ah fuck. This is it! The jig is up!" Could be Imposter Syndrome. I dunno. It has a lot to do with my past. Growing up poor then getting off the needle over 10 years ago to what I am today makes me feel like my life is a sadistic game of jenga. Masochistic, actually. Since I'm doing it to myself.

For those of you who have been following along, I nailed down the "life-changing" career opportunity today. The interview and assessment were a booming success. I'm getting everything I asked for, as well. I should be happy, but I have that fucking feeling looming over me that will not let me enjoy success. For very long, anyway. I'm already thinking how I can do better when, just this morning, I was sick to my stomach over this interview. It's like a dream where you have dry mouth but you drink and drink but still have the urgency for hydration. I'd be the healthiest, fittest, richest, wittiest, most adored person in history and still think I need to do better.

Any idea why that is? Does anyone else have this thirst?

---

Lithop said:

Quote:

Happiness is something that needs to be chased every waking moment, while doom will come all by itself with absolute no effort needed from me.

---

Attitude is a small thing thay makes a big difference. Chasing happiness is simply telling your body you are lacking happiness.

The way we define things in insanely powerful. 

I was told once that happiness is the baseline. Everything else is tied to experience. When you strip away power from all the things that make you angry, sad, anxious, fearful, etc, where are you left?

"There is no path to happiness, happiness is the path" - bhudda

He taught that desire is the source of suffering. Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience, accepting a negative experience is a positive experience.

You tell your body how to feel. Not the other way around.

Lithop said:

"So go, go on and love
Go on and love
Go on and love what you are"

Quote:

Ride the ocean waves
The rising surge
The rush of waning surprise
It's time
To call the gods
Sinking in the waves
And undulate in the arms

So go, go on and love
Go on and love
Go on and love what you are

Come on Satan, surround me
All your love's like a fire burning on and
All white like an oasis
All your loves like a fire burning on and on

---

R.I.P a wonderful cat, a true friend, a reliable tripbuddy, an unusually wise oracle, an absolutely fucking beautiful lil soul who brought a love to me I never knew was real.
Being with her just made me feel at home.
We let her go nearly a week ago, she nearly 20 years old and just the time came, we didn't have her suffer a second. But I keep smelling her on the air and I am missing her this morning.

I am lucky to be where I am, and have other feline companions, a human partner in crime, a life I- all crosses bore, all avenues cnsidered- do love.
But there is doom here too, this time bitch owes me dues and is my butler because I will not let sadness ovetake the feeling of grace, of celebrating my cats life for what it was. A gift.

No sympathy poast intended, rather, a vent with included micro celebration/acceptance of life in its wide entirety.
Hug your pets, love your peeps, imbibe your funny fungi, plants and whatever, cull hope like the invasive species it so often is and try to grow into a place where you can trust & cultivate FAITH.

---

Sorry to hear about your friend. Grief is never easy. Even if I convince myself all those ive lost are having a blast together, I think the sea of consciousness is even more interwoven than we can comprehend. Like trying to think exponentially just isn't possible for our brains.  I dont think we spend time together at the end, I think we become one.

RealityGlitch said:

I'm super glad to hear that you found something that works for you that isn't a steroid cream. My eczema started when I was 9. It's so severe that when it breaks out, I can't function normally. Mine is full-body - fissures on hands and bottoms of entire feet and patches all over legs and arms. Sometimes it would get infected and I'd have pustules on top of fissures. And because of my job, I have to alcohol my hands frequently and that shit stings like a motherfucker.

I discovered the miracle injections in my late 30s and it has been a lifesaver. I can't believe it took me that long to find a treatment that worked (although I have already gone through 3 different injection brands to find one that works long-term).

Anytime I find out someone has eczema, I ask about it because I know how debilitating it is, and I want to make sure they know about these injections if they have a severe case. I noticed a few years ago that a coworker had it all over her hands, so I told her about Dupixent (the first brand I tried) and when she finally bit the bullet and got it, she couldn't be more appreciative. That's pretty much when I decided I would always spread the word.

Ironic how these drugs are all so expensive and there is a real need for them. Eczema affects your mental health so much. The injections are about $3,500 cash per, and they need to be injected every 2 weeks. Ridiculous.

---

Gilmour Hendrix said:

I don't know what's wrong with me, man. Anyone ever have that looming feeling that shit is gonna go south at any moment? It's been too good for so long that I expect that thing to happen where "ah fuck. This is it! The jig is up!" Could be Imposter Syndrome. I dunno. It has a lot to do with my past. Growing up poor then getting off the needle over 10 years ago to what I am today makes me feel like my life is a sadistic game of jenga. Masochistic, actually. Since I'm doing it to myself.

For those of you who have been following along, I nailed down the "life-changing" career opportunity today. The interview and assessment were a booming success. I'm getting everything I asked for, as well. I should be happy, but I have that fucking feeling looming over me that will not let me enjoy success. For very long, anyway. I'm already thinking how I can do better when, just this morning, I was sick to my stomach over this interview. It's like a dream where you have dry mouth but you drink and drink but still have the urgency for hydration. I'd be the healthiest, fittest, richest, wittiest, most adored person in history and still think I need to do better.

Any idea why that is? Does anyone else have this thirst?

---