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Offlinebarfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
Male

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Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 8,670
Loc: Canoodia
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Why am I like this
    #2807772 - 06/19/04 01:35 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Im tired of it! I don't have any connection with anyone, I feel so detatched. I can't communicate with anyone. It makes me feel really down too. I really want to feel like im really communicating with others and feel a real connection, but I don't think it's ever going to happen. When I drink It's not as too much of a problem, but I can't live my life being drunk all day.

Like tonite I was hanging out with some hot chicks and I just couldn't make any moves on them. I wanted to, but I just can't, like my mind just goes blank. They asked me why I didn't either. Maybe I'm shy, but im not really. I'm pretty open, but I have this huge mental block, and I don't know how to break it. I don't like being social much because it makes me feel like shit. Only because I can't and I really want too.

I used xanax for awhile, but I just ended up abusing them and getting a huge tolerance. I don't want to depend on drugs for this either. Something just seems fucked up. I don't know. I want to fix this, but im stuck.


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"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: Why am I like this [Re: barfightlard]
    #2807860 - 06/19/04 01:58 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Do you have a job or go to school at all? What seems to be the "problem"? Do you keep thinking about what your thinking... instead of just acting?

I found that when your drunk... you just say whatever is on your mind or whatever, you dont let any of your thoughts stop you.

Maybe try practicing letting yourself go once in a while... youll just have to learn how to do it without drugs?


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What?


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Offlinebarfightlard
tales of theinexpressible
Male

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Posts: 8,670
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Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: Zero7a1]
    #2807872 - 06/19/04 02:03 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I'm going to have a job soon and I quit school last semester, but I'm going back next year.  I've been like this for awhile.  But over the past year I've realized it more. 

Alot of the time I do keep thinking about what I already thunk ( :wink:).  I don't know who to explain it, but sometimes I think I'm doing this on purpose?

I know what you mean by letting yourself go, but I just can't.  Most of the time my mind litrally goes blank.  I'm fucking confused!


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"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks


Edited by bellylard (06/19/04 02:05 AM)


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OfflineNorthernsoul
Your Reality

Registered: 11/17/01
Posts: 2,290
Loc: Inner Eye
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: barfightlard]
    #2809218 - 06/19/04 07:02 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

The internet is a great tool for trying to find ways of seeing things. I found that a little Buddhism type stuff really helps...

Just remember that this is just a philosiphy, please dont take it as me pushing a certain religion. Its basicaly just a beleif that is if we can study the way we think as humans, we can figure out a way to be happy, and to cath ourselves being destructive to ourselves by looking at how we think and everything...so this is the basic (below)

After 2000 or so years studying the mind, buddhist have come to this conclusion...and have broken it down like this:

There are four str8 up facts in life:

In laymens terms:"1. There is Suffering, 2) There is a Cause of suffering, 3) Theres an end to suffering, 4)Theres a way to end suffering.....so, 1) We inevitably reach a point in our lives where we'll say "Life Sucks", Why?, From 2) craving after things, or clinging to thaughts, which never truly satisfy born from unrealistic images of life....life being imperminent, and interconected, yet we try to make it out that it isnt. Nevertheless, 3) every human being can free themselves from continual dissatifaction. How?? By recognising the truth we resist facing, and to actualize that truth." In my words: If you learn that life is truely difficult, it can become less dificult. And if you practice Buddhism, some people can get to absolute happiness within a year, some within 5 years. It took the origional Buddha 4-6 years...so...But when you get to that point, you could just sit around being completely happy, but your expected to share your knowledge with others, so they can get there....Im not there yet, but I still share what I know to you and to others becuase that part of it...


And, the 5ths st8 up fact is that 12.99 is a great deal for LOTR, return of the king on DVD!!


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--------------------------------------------------------------

When it comes
I'll know, I know
Just take my clothes and leave
And I'll be gone




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InvisibleLocus
Male

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Registered: 03/11/04
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Re: Why am I like this [Re: barfightlard]
    #2809496 - 06/19/04 09:11 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Hey man, I have the same type of problem. So I guess I'll just sit back and take advice also. I've always been like that too, except it gradually escalated to the point where it was just too much. And it's been that way for a long time now.


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The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. ~ Albert Einstein
"Fear is the great barrier to human growth." ~ Dr. Robert Monroe



~~~*Dosis sola facit venenum*~~~

*Check my profile to listen to my music* :smile:


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OfflineRedo
CTA

Registered: 04/13/04
Posts: 1,296
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: Locus]
    #2809813 - 06/19/04 11:30 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Yes, same here, its like reading the story of my life. All that happens is I try and try and I dig myself into a huge hole and absolutly cannot stand to be around people for long periods of time. Ill work, try to goto school, try to hang out and the more I do it the worse I get. That xanax was great, but same shit happened to me too. Do you feel uncomfortable being out as opposed to staying in? I find if I stay in im much better off, but that is not a good solution (but what else can you do).


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OfflineNorthernsoul
Your Reality

Registered: 11/17/01
Posts: 2,290
Loc: Inner Eye
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: Redo]
    #2811386 - 06/20/04 05:04 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I sort of see it as an expectaion of society to be a certain way to be "normal"

So if you arent as talkative and arent as good as meeting as many people as the next person, so what?
Of course it is the way we see ourselves that cause the most pain, not the way others see us.

Medication can help, not for everything, but just to get rid of some of the nerveousness. I recomend an SSRI. Ive taken Effexor for 7 years, and yes there are cons, but when I look at my life before any sort of anti depressant, I have to admit Id rather have the side effects from effexor than have the side effects of depression (e.g. suicidal thaughts)

Of course, natural things like Meditation and exercise work just as well, maybe even better.

Try jogging each day at night or in the morning.


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--------------------------------------------------------------

When it comes
I'll know, I know
Just take my clothes and leave
And I'll be gone




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Offlinenamesash
Guntotindemonslayer
Registered: 04/07/04
Posts: 43
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: barfightlard]
    #2814768 - 06/21/04 07:18 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

benzos are the key, SRRIs help a lot, so does sex


Edited by namesash (10/12/04 12:19 AM)


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OfflineUncleMike
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Registered: 05/18/03
Posts: 964
Loc: S.W. Virginia
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Re: Why am I like this [Re: barfightlard]
    #2814800 - 06/21/04 07:31 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Just try and be yourself. Don't worry about what others think. you are probably a very serious person and worry about what others think about you. Just be happy.


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OfflineNorthernsoul
Your Reality

Registered: 11/17/01
Posts: 2,290
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Re: Why am I like this [Re: UncleMike]
    #2817419 - 06/22/04 04:19 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah, all of us are the same. Some people are just better at covering it up more than others.


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--------------------------------------------------------------

When it comes
I'll know, I know
Just take my clothes and leave
And I'll be gone




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Offlinefilthysock
puresoul

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 2,080
Loc: Bergen, Norway
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: barfightlard]
    #2818179 - 06/22/04 07:49 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I oppose all this medication using. I think social anxiety is a problem which has been developing over years of social drinking and modern social pressure. Taking medications against anxiety will just make the next generations brains even worse.

In all honesty I would love and need to take xanax because I have the same type of problem... but I rely on meditation instead (and it works like a charm). As a matter of fact I read an article not too long ago that scientifically proves (by brain scans on meditating budhistic (sp?) munks) that the brain actually physically changes through regular meditation. The left brain flap grows in size which means your contemptness, joy, confidence (all that good stuff) improves and grows. The part in your brain that stands for fear and anxiety actually shrinks and softens up somehow. In other words meditation really works and this quality gets passed on to the next generation.

In the same magazine there was an article about "paradoxal medication" which is a new form of medication just recently discovered that actaullay makes the condition worse for a period of time which in result strengthens whatever used to be weak. Patients with low blood pressure for instance will take this medication that lowers their blood pressure even more for a period of weeks... when they stop using the medication their blood pressure will regain normality again... its the same principle as excersice basically.

So... what i'm getting to is if you excersice your social life by putting yourself in (sober) social situations and force yourself to say whatever comes to your mind your anxiety will diminish and eventually disapear... this also worked for me.


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Magic mushrooms are not addictive, the shroomery is!


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Offlinewrong
Stranger
Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 1,219
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: barfightlard]
    #2819925 - 06/23/04 04:43 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

i am like a dysfunctional robot


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OfflineNorthernsoul
Your Reality

Registered: 11/17/01
Posts: 2,290
Loc: Inner Eye
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: filthysock]
    #2821499 - 06/23/04 05:09 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

filthysock said:
I oppose all this medication using. I think social anxiety is a problem which has been developing over years of social drinking and modern social pressure. Taking medications against anxiety will just make the next generations brains even worse.

In all honesty I would love and need to take xanax because I have the same type of problem... but I rely on meditation instead (and it works like a charm). As a matter of fact I read an article not too long ago that scientifically proves (by brain scans on meditating budhistic (sp?) munks) that the brain actually physically changes through regular meditation. The left brain flap grows in size which means your contemptness, joy, confidence (all that good stuff) improves and grows. The part in your brain that stands for fear and anxiety actually shrinks and softens up somehow. In other words meditation really works and this quality gets passed on to the next generation.

In the same magazine there was an article about "paradoxal medication" which is a new form of medication just recently discovered that actaullay makes the condition worse for a period of time which in result strengthens whatever used to be weak. Patients with low blood pressure for instance will take this medication that lowers their blood pressure even more for a period of weeks... when they stop using the medication their blood pressure will regain normality again... its the same principle as excersice basically.

So... what i'm getting to is if you excersice your social life by putting yourself in (sober) social situations and force yourself to say whatever comes to your mind your anxiety will diminish and eventually disapear... this also worked for me.





Yes, I agree with all of that except for the part of liking Xanax so much. What about not using xanax and just exercising your social ability by putting yourself into social situation? (sober, without xanax or alcohol or painkillers, without any dope in your body)
I find that it works wonders. Within a month of having to be around people more, I found myself alot more comfortable with myself. And meditation and exercise is also very very very effective.

Just like anything, practice makes perfect. Humans are very habitual, and the more humans do something, the better they get at it....thats comming from my alien point of view;)

Having to rely on anything material usualy leads to dead ends and more problems down the road, and we never truely get over our fears by numbing ourselves....this goes for me and my anti depressants as well....I do not get high, but I also dont like the fact that I have to rely on a very new drug that might have future consequenses. If it was 100% safe, Id feel better and just enjoy taking it, but there is very little known about it, and we will just learn from our mistakes and improve as the mistakes become evident. I hate to be one of the guinee pigs, but its all we got these days.

I want to eventualy get off the anti depressants, and do it all in the way of the asians, the eastern world, and just do it naturaly with meditation and dicipline.


--------------------


--------------------------------------------------------------

When it comes
I'll know, I know
Just take my clothes and leave
And I'll be gone




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Offlineexclusive58
illegal alien

Registered: 04/16/04
Posts: 2,146
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: barfightlard]
    #2821629 - 06/23/04 05:51 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Same here, I'm pretty much like that too and I've been like that since i was 13 or something, i guess its when i realized people judge you and have opinions about you based on what you do. So ya, its social anxiety, the fear of being thought a "dwoode" of, i guess.
The strange thing is, most people that are dwoods don't really care what other people think about them. I find that the most interesting people i've met in my life are the ones that care a minimum about what others think about them. And the stupidest people are the ones that don't realize or don't care that people might think they're stupid.
I'm totally against using drugs to help this though, meditation is the key.


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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator
Male

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,231
Re: Why am I like this *DELETED* [Re: exclusive58]
    #2822492 - 06/24/04 12:02 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

Reason for deletion: x



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OfflineRedo
CTA

Registered: 04/13/04
Posts: 1,296
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: poke smot!]
    #2822517 - 06/24/04 12:12 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I force myself into the situations, work, anything. It always gradually leads to me snapping. The drug abuse comes from extended periods of time being social in my case. Some people just need more then self correction.


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InvisibleKthxBye
bandito furioso

Registered: 04/03/02
Posts: 1,197
Loc: bottom of the noob barrel
Re: Why am I like this [Re: namesash]
    #2823651 - 06/24/04 12:05 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

namesash said:
but like you, i hate relying on drugs so im lookin for a medicine kick my ass back in gear.




Medicines are drugs are medicines.

Quote:

filthysock said:
In other words meditation really works and this quality gets passed on to the next generation.





Developed traits aren't passed on genetically.



Oh yea, and I have the same problem.


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I know what he wants: a drag of smooth tobbacco blended with the finest Turkish Turkweed. Here, have a toke on me you dumb beast.


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Offlinemusicisgood
student ofexperience

Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 41
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
Re: Why am I like this [Re: KthxBye]
    #2825136 - 06/24/04 08:46 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

i got the phobia thing this winter too man... i guess it was more or less a funky case of depression where i couldnt stand being around people... either way it was horrible. my family has a large history of alchoholism *sips beer*, so I was leary about some sort of genetically passed on depression. but... it may sound wierd... but i took a mushroom trip right as the trees were sprouting leaves and the grass got green, i hung out outside in the green grass and sun... and im almost back to the old me, what with the normalcy and what not.


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im really just curious... i promise as soon as all the secrets of the universe are whispered in my ear by a jewish midget, riding a blue elephant, that i will discontinue my use of drugs. but not a second before the midget.


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OfflineSev
Astropath
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 1,426
Loc: NY
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: Why am I like this [Re: wrong]
    #2826147 - 06/25/04 01:09 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

wrong said:
i am like a dysfunctional robot




Do all the diodes on your left side hurt?


--------------------
"Do we want the stars? We can have them. Can we borrow cups of fire from the sun? We can and must and light the world." --"On the Shoulders of Giants", Ray Bradbury

All of my posts are full of fiction and blatant lies.


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Invisibletak
geo's henchman
Male User Gallery

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Registered: 11/21/00
Posts: 3,758
Loc: nowhereland
Re: Why am I like this [Re: barfightlard]
    #2828074 - 06/25/04 02:44 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I think someone said this, but get a job. I used to have exteme anxiety, and mental blocks like this. Fuck medicine, the only thing that will help you is getting your ass off your computer, and get a job where you are forced to communicate. things will get easier, words will flow better, etc, etc.


--------------------
The DJ's took pills to stay awake and play for seven days.


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