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Registered: 05/06/04
Posts: 278
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
Funniest 'Hunting/ Cultivation' Posts Ever !!!
    #2726705 - 05/25/04 09:18 AM (13 years, 11 months ago)

Hi all, this is not strictly speaking a 'shroom hunting' thread, but hunting is my favourite forum so I'll post it here... it is a little summary of some of the funniest threads I've read since joining, not long ago... feel free to add transcripts if you know of funny threads, in below format please, leaving out irrelevant/ unfunny posts... above all, DON'T BE embarrassed if your thread appears here, hey we were all newbies once, and a big part of the reason I like coming here is the funnier posts !!!  I'm posting this for fun, not to ridicule anyone... If any admins think this thread is innappropriate or needs moving, feel free to remove or move it...OK I'll add more when I findem'/ have time...


TITLE: What the hell is this? (please help me ID!) <CPT InSaNo>

<CPT InSaNo>: "Ok, so a friend of mine just got a FAT sack (oz) of shrooms, and there is one shroom in the whole bag that is about 1.5 inches long, resembles the outer shell of a walnut, and is GREEN. It has little orange root things on top of it, and on the inside it looks like a walnut shell with orange seed looking things going down each line. PLEASE help me ID this ASAP!"

<djd586>: "A picture would help"

<baraka>: "If they are wild picked mushrooms from maybe like FL or somewhere them green lepiota(no clue on the spelling) got mixed it."

<CPT InSaNo>: "after looking over it for several minutes, i have come to the conclusion that it is most likely a button of peyote. The outer shell is extremely rigid, squeezing it very hard only results in cracking the little veins on the inside. Is peyote hollow? I know it has to be some kind of rare drug, because it has been cut in half to show all of the insides. (several orange seed looking things going down little ridges on the inside) what do you guys think?"

<DrMambo>: "How do you know it has to be some kind of rare drug?"

<wrong>: "http://www.erowid.org/plants/peyote/peyote_images.shtml
there are some images of peyote.
this isnt the "random object in my bag of drugs" forum so i wouldnt expect too many answers."

<Baton Rouge Voodoo> "Maybe you made the guy mad and he pinched off a rainbow loaf in your bag."

<TheHateCamel>: "That is a ridiculous conclusion."

<suboriginal>: "Heheh... this thread cracked me up... maybe they scraped out the flesh of the button and lobbed you the husk CPTN, but did you find it before or after you ate some of the shrooms... (assuming they were shrooms ?!? sounds like a wierd bag of tricks to me)... I think the vendor might have 'laid a quick log'/ 'released a little brown trout' in the bag, especially if you pissed him off by haggling mercilessly about the price or sommat... hope you didn't eat it..."

<CPT InSaNo>: "for fucks sake people, i said i thought it might be peyote, its definately some kind of cactus, but im not going to fuck around with eating it. Its trippy as hell to look at though. And the person it came from is an old hippie who lives way the fuck out in the middle of nowhere, i honestly doubt he would try to kill someone. the shrooms are active as hell, so its not a bunk bag."

<mjshroomer> "Well if you really wanted to know what it was you could have gone to kinkos and placed it on a scanner and then posted it here at the shroomery."
:wink: :crazy: :laugh: :grin:

Peace, love and organic brown rice...

Edited by suboriginal (05/25/04 10:37 AM)

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Registered: 05/06/04
Posts: 278
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
Re: Funniest Posts Ever !!! [Re: suboriginal]
    #2726759 - 05/25/04 09:52 AM (13 years, 11 months ago)

TITLE: "how do you eat mycelia??" <vuvu1>

<vuvu1>: "how do you eat mycelia?? do you mix it or eat it strait. I dont have a lot a small handfull. I read that you could trip off the mycelia is that reall true or am I wasting me time?"

<Doc34>: "Open mouth
insert mycelia
close mouth
easy as pie!"

<vuvu1>: "Ok sounds good to me actually grouse but hear it goes."

<phenethyl>: "ha. you ate mycelia? i hope it wasn't with verm...
probably not gonna do much if anything."

<vuvu1>: "To late its already down I put it in a half slice of bread with peanut butter lol I feel sick but I will get over it. Check in for updates I will report if I trip or anything else."

<Cervantes>: "... er... good luck... I hope the verm was tasty!
Next time... extract with cranberry juice... it'll taste better... I hear the effects are usually mild unless the myc is pretty old."

<thatbig>: "You guys are crazy! I'm waiting to see his posts ! I wonder if he'll trip or not.. humm..."

<vuvu1> "Well Guys after the long day that I had I can now post the update.
Unfortunately I did not trip But I only had a small amout and that was 10x nastier than mushrooms, maybe it was the verm. lol I would never do that again unless someone proved to me that the taste was the verm and the mycelia taste fine. No trip was worth the taste of that shit. Well I glad that I did this at least as a learning experience"

<Alounacara> "You actually ate that shit??"

<FallenShroom> "ick!!"

<Baby Hitler> "THe times I did it, It was on cracked corn, and I busted up about a half pint, misted it, and let it sit for 48 hours till it was all fuzzy. Then I dried it, and swallowed it without chewing washing it down with Dr. Pepper.
I tripped just dandy. Ps. azurescens was a better trip than the cubensis was."

<phenethyl> "eating vermiculite (rock) cannot be good for ones intenstines.
check yer poop it'll glitter
watch for blood"

<LoverOfMana> "Yeah, no one is recommeding eating a colonized with verm in it..bleh.
Sorry you ate that, heh.
You can also make cakes without verm."

<TripleB> "just think of it this way people... HE TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM! LMMFAO"

<Alouncara> "Guys Baby H is a kuckoo mod so dont eat mycellia unless you know what your doing...."

<ButterNut> "Dont eat your cakes,that's gross,but try this substance out,it gets you so high your shorts will spin: {link to a site reccomending cat-piss as a PA drug}

<Alouncara> "Yeah that stuff is way to potent for me...be careful with this stuff"

<BabyHitler> "Also part of it was a kind of grayish green and the right side of my body was paralized for 3 days afterwards.  Seriously though, the risk with eating mycelium is it is hard to really know exactly what it is that you are eating. There could be unseen contams in the colonized substrate. You may even just be stuffing your face with cobweb mold."

<GrOwer> "wow are they serious with the catpis? It seems its for real."

<GrOwer> "omg i just read the instruction show to collect the CP and its sickining!"

<ButterNut> "its amazing stuff though.You can also buy it at clubs sometimes."

<ButterNut> "I wasnt Bullshitting,its wild stuff."

<Alouncara> "Best visuals ive ever had"

<Grower> "here kitty, kitty... come here kitty, kity..."

<toadlytoad> "did you actuly stick your finger up your cats ass to get some pee?? I got seven cats and know them all very well and I don't think no matter how nice I am to them THEY ARE NOT GOING TO LET ME STICK MY FINGER UP THIER ASS. I have taken some pretty far streches to get my mind blown away and I would be willing to drink cat piss! But how in the fuck do you get a cat to piss where and when you want? Fuck they are so damn independent?"

<suboriginal> "What you do, is wait until they're asleep in their favourite spot, and get an eye-dropper and a wine-glass of water... place the glass (vewy, vewy quietly) next to the cats ear, and use the eye-dropper to drop drops of water into it, from a height of about 2 feet (be careful not to splash the pussy, or the game will be up)... soon your cat will piss itself. Collect the urine and ingest...
There is another method too... wait until your cat hits 'REM' sleep (is dreaming), and then whisper soft barking type sounds into it's ear, for about 10 minutes... the cat should start dreaming of scary dogs, and piss itself...
PS. whomever started the cat-piss tangent is a good old fashioned stirrer !!
"Catpiss-ROCKS" ( ;-P ) but be aware of Campylobacter, a nasty little bacteria harboured by cats that causes extreme food poisening that can last for weeks, in humans ;-)"

<toadlytoad> "cAT pISS You people are for real? I'm going to check into this more and if you guy are fucking with us You'll be the first to know. I'm stalking my cat as I speak"

<Iluan> "ROFLMFAO.... Hell nooooooo! My cat just read this and halled balls outa here, he was'nt waiting to see if i would even consider it. Personally, i think i'll pass"

<thatbig> "I am completely blown away... what started with eating cakes has evolved to drinking cat piss.  I've taken a look at the links provided above, and I just don't believe it. This has got to be a joke right? It was mentioned earlier about the difficulty in getting said piss would seem to be insurmountable! I've owned cats before and none would even THINK about the "dripping water", or wispering "barking" dog sounds...
Please someone help me sort out the facts from the bull shit... What kinda trip do you get? Wow... I'lll NEVER take one for the team if I have to do that!!!:)))))))"

<suboriginal> "Alright alright alright, it's total BS... my last message was intended to be so rediculous as to give that away... seems some people just 'want to believe'....! The only serious/ true line in my last message is the one about campylobacter, a nasty bacteria harboured by some cats that can cause severe food poisening in humans.
Don't try it anyone, you will get no effect, and may likely get ill.
Sorry I've spoiled the gag..."

<doc34> "Yeah this joke has gone on long enough-Don't want to give the newbies a bad taste in their mouth!"

<toadlytoad> "Oh no my poor kitty gonna have have hemmorids for nothing!! do you guy know how long I had to chase my cat around?? And do you know how hard it is to stick a finger up his ass. Thanks dudes! Good thing I was waiting to get high until today. Guess I'll have coffe this morning. Anybody need a cup of CP? I'll trade it"

<doc34> "So which is better the cake or the CP?"

<toadlytoad> "Well I just tried to give the cp to my dog, He said FUCK YOU. So I don't have that answer for you. For me the cake was the shit"

<toadlytoad> "Have you ever experienced mind connection with another person while on shrooms??? Well last night while expermenting with cake consumption my cats talked with me! THEY SAID " DON"T EVEN TRY TO GET OUR PISS FROM US YOU BASTARDS OR WE WILL TAKE OVER THE PLANET AND FORCE EVERY HUMAN TO BE OUR OWN PERSONAL LITTER BOX AND SEE HOW MUCH YOU REALLY LIKE CP" Wow that was a bump in a good trip!"

<toadlytoad> "I haven't laugh so fuckin much in a 24 hour period since the days of micro dots. Fuck this has been great."

<doc34> "DITTO"

<doc34> "Goddamned Cat!Hold still dam nit!!!
Set out the pee you puss!!!!"
:ooo: :smile: :laugh: :crazy:

Peace, love and organic brown rice...

Edited by suboriginal (05/25/04 10:01 AM)

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Registered: 01/28/02
Posts: 3,649
Re: Funniest Posts Ever !!! [Re: suboriginal]
    #2726782 - 05/25/04 10:01 AM (13 years, 11 months ago)

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Registered: 05/06/04
Posts: 278
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
Re: Funniest Posts Ever !!! [Re: matts]
    #2726830 - 05/25/04 10:19 AM (13 years, 11 months ago)

(Soz if this is a bit beneath you ('inane') matts... far be it from me to argue with a dude with 4 billion+ posts! chuckle...)

TITLE: "Field Obstacles" <Distrancia>

<Distrancia> "hEY HOW'S EVERYONE DOING ? dO ANY OF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS OR TIPS ON GETTING INTO A FIELD? i TRIED TO GO HUNTING FOR THE FIRST TIME TONIGHT HERE in sOUTH LOUISIANA. wHEN I GOT THE THE EDGE OF THE FIELD I WANTED TO EXPLORE I FOUND THAT THERE WAS A HUGE GAP (not huge but there's no ground between the fence and the 5/6ft ditch) sepreating me from the field of dreams that i've waited so long to see. So any ideas to help me get over this mout of who knows what? Say Cheeeeeeese!!!"

<the notorious> "What the f**k? You sound like your trippin your ass off at the moment man. Whats with the caps, mispelling? Please rephrase whatever it was you were trying to say."

<Distrancia> "LOL that's funny , i started typin fast and by time alll the words showed up they were caps, so i said f__k it im not retyping all that s--t.  lol"

<suboriginal> "I don't think you need to find any shrooms Distrancia... you're whacked enough already !!!"

<the notorious> "Agree'd sub :P"

<Distrancia> "If only it where true, i more lazy than whacked about typing"

<Merkaba> "houston too close to new orleans?"

<Distrancia> "huh? ok whatever that means. Never mind, I went back out and found a spot that i can just jump over then get through the fence. Hopefully i'll find something beside the 2 ton brown cows and mosquitoes."

<Merkaba> "are you sure it's not a vortex in the ground??? beware!!! hehehe"

<McKennaFan200> "Watch out for those holes that open up in the ground and then vanish, they're tricky!"

<SketchyKris> "if u see a string dont pull it, a giant mushroom will crush u."

<GaNjAShRooM> "usually if i come to a ditch i find a way to cross it"

<Distrancia> "Damn your some dumb ass fuckers, i've already crossed it and found what i want without your dumbass answers, Stupid fucks can't even give a suggestion. :rolls eyes right the fuck back with a 1 finger peace sign: Peace"

<back2growing> "what kinda answer were you looking for?
"take an airplane"
"take a blimp"
just cross the fucking ditch. if its impossible to cross, how are we gonna help you over the internet?
you want an answe? heres the only one im giving you. the farmer HAS to get into the field with a tractor. scout the field in the daytime and find a bridge or some other way he gets a tractor into it. then find out what route he takes to get his tractor to it."

<mjshroomer> "Get a plank. I did once.
If you have a plank then maybe you might have more thanon plank than build a fucking bridge if you have any US Army Corps of Engineering training."

<Transplant> "This post had me crying I laughed so hard!" (me too trans, ED)

<Distrancia> "lol funny story mj. here's what I found, I didn't really look to hard I just wanted to see if the field was pushin anything up. Anyone have an idea what these are? They where growing directly out of the shit pie. Hey who knew i could jump so far
I know they're not cubies but what?"
:laugh: :wink: :smirk: :crazy:

Peace, love and organic brown rice...

Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator

Registered: 05/06/04
Posts: 278
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
Re: Funniest Posts Ever !!! [Re: suboriginal]
    #2726923 - 05/25/04 11:00 AM (13 years, 11 months ago)

Doc34 reckons this is a true story, but I reckon it's too funny to be true... a bunch of HORSE SHITE I suspect...

TITLE: "Hunting Problem" <doc34>

<JoeyBond> "damn how often have you asked for permission from people and what excuses do you use, are you a fellow mycologist? do you ask bluntly what kind of mood should you be in like a church boy lol? its funny thou cause i used to tresspass alot when i was a teenager but now since im 24 or so i think not 2 times but 3 times is it really worth it lol, any how hey i posted some stuff on this forum, but no one has answered it, would be nice to meet people on here that are smart and that could give me encouragement for this might be what i want to study in college"

<doc34> "...As for the horse pasture?It's a trail riding outfit that has free range horses(running loose),they have a sign out front(advertisement),with a phone number on it that say's "call for an appointment".So I called and was greeted by a very nice lady.I was very well mannered in my approach(lol).I asked her,since I have a small garden behind my house,Would you be so kind to sell me some manure for fertilizer? She said they didnt sell their manure because the horses are free range and they dont make compost piles of the manure like most places do,but I was more than welcome to come on over and pick(Magic word)up all I needed.So I said thanks and made arrangements for me to get up there before she changed her mind,and I was in my truck(yes truck)and gone.When I got there we met,a rough looking woman but attractive none-the-less,cowboy boots,hat,and a big ol'chaw of "REDMAN" stuck off in her left cheek!lol!!
She showed me where they set the bails of hay and said that I could take all of this I wanted.THEN I moved in!!!I kinda looked stupified at her and scratched my head and said"well,Ma'am,if you don't mind,I reckon I could just pick up some of them fresh droppings,if'ins ya don't mind and all,I surely can use them much better in my garden as I makes my own compost to keeps out all them nasty critters ya see crawlin around on their(horse)droppings.lol
Then,my magic hit her hard,as she looked at me stupified and scratched her head and spit some kind of ungodly looking crap out of her mouth(it was jet black and thick)say's"To be a 'Country boy' you sure are cute.Help yourself,watch out for that electric fence on the south end,it'll nab ya,and make sure you close all the gates you open and hell close the ones you didn't,I might have forgotten one."she giggles a childish giggle,and say's "nice ta meet cha,and come on bak if'in ya needen anymore!"and she kicks that off with a wink and a tip of the hat and out comes that ungodly shit she has stored in her cheeks!Putooui!
That was my cue to get out of her 'spraying range' so I grabbed a bucket and went to pickin!I didn't pick any shrooms,I picked up fresh piles of manure to be used at a later date, but,I left all of the old manure,especially the ones that had some mycelia showing inside and under them.Remembered those spots with my photographic memory along with two frightening pictures of a farm womans projectile spewing rituals!Loaded up my freshly picked manure,got in my truck,backed up.closed my eyes and smiled and said "Thanks again Ma'am,I'll come back if'in ya don't mind,from time to time,and pick up another bucket or two,I appriciate your hospitality" She winked,and outcome that ungodly shit again!!!I just about exploded with laughter at this point,as she said"Have a goodern!" then she tossed up her hand and tipped her hat and out come that ungodly shit again,I waved and I was Gone!!!
I just had to share that.I'm going back after it rains,and if she asked how come I use so much,hehehehe,I'll tell her, "Yes'em Ma'am it works alot better if you get it after it rains."
She chewed REDMAN,was around early 30's,long black hair,awesome butt,legs,chest,face----omg outcomes that ungodly substance and as it hits the ground it takes the beauty with it-Splat!
I love this Hobby!
I wouldnt consider myself a mycologist,though."

<Iluan> "Wow, you met my mom, cool.
/runs away cackling like a madman"

<suboriginal> "Awwww carn doc, surely you made that up, paaardner ?!?!? lmao"

{subsequently added to the original thread...}:

<doc34> "I have no way of proven that story except that I give you my word that its 100% true,I might not have quoted it word for word,but,that's the way it happened and that's what was said(basically).I still laugh when I tell people too!
Hey if there was a 'spittin' contest,that Lady would win by a long shot!!!lol
I am originally from tennessee(28 years of it) so my accent played right in to the scenario.I think that's what made her act like that too! Ya reckon? lol
She was a very attractive woman, until she opened her mouth and out come that ungodly black funk!lmao What a man has to go through just to get permission!
p.s. I just wonder,most people smoke after sex right(if you smoke),but man I don't think I could handle a woman reaching for a pouch of RedMan and a spit cup after having sex!"

Peace, love and organic brown rice...

Edited by suboriginal (05/25/04 11:34 AM)

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