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Offlinebeatlebangboy
Absinthe-ian
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Registered: 07/31/03
Posts: 2,354
Loc: Bum Fuck Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Funniest Joke
    #2832821 - 06/27/04 08:46 AM (19 years, 9 months ago)

With all the troubles in the world today, I think we need a good laugh. Put down one or two of the funniest jokes you know. Racial and religious jokes aren't funny, so don't post'em.
Here are my 2 favorites:

Q. How do you know if you satisfied your woman ?
A. When you wake up in the morning, your face feels like a glazed donut.


Q. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A. Full!


--------------------
Check out my tunes. You will be better off for it.
www.myspace.com/beatlebangboy

Edited by beatlebangboy (06/27/04 09:08 AM)

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Invisiblegoobler
Reanimated
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/24/03
Posts: 48,909
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: beatlebangboy]
    #2832823 - 06/27/04 08:48 AM (19 years, 9 months ago)

:thumbdown:

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InvisibleRevelation

 User Gallery

Registered: 08/04/01
Posts: 6,135
Loc: heart cave
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: beatlebangboy]
    #2832832 - 06/27/04 08:51 AM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

beatlebangboy said:
Racial and religious jokes aren't funny, so don't post'em.





But jokes about fatties are? Well sir, I beg to differ.

Q. Why did so many black people die in vietnam?
A. Because when the allies shouted "Get down!" they all started dancing.

*silence*


--------------------

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Invisiblenewuser1492
Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 3,104
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Revelation]
    #2832842 - 06/27/04 09:00 AM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Why is it that Jews like to watch pornos in reverse?
They like the part when the hooker gives the money back.


What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork


What did the little German boy get for his birthday?
Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew

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Invisiblelukeboots
fresh futuristic
Male User Gallery
Registered: 02/04/04
Posts: 19,728
Loc: Grand Ole Operating Syste...
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Revelation]
    #2832857 - 06/27/04 09:07 AM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Q.  Why did so many black people die in vietnam?
A.  Because when the allies shouted "Get down!" they all started dancing.




:lol:

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Offlinebeatlebangboy
Absinthe-ian
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Registered: 07/31/03
Posts: 2,354
Loc: Bum Fuck Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Revelation]
    #2832870 - 06/27/04 09:13 AM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Revelation said:
Quote:

beatlebangboy said:
Racial and religious jokes aren't funny, so don't post'em.





But jokes about fatties are? Well sir, I beg to differ.





Valid point there my friend, valid point. On with the jokes.


--------------------
Check out my tunes. You will be better off for it.
www.myspace.com/beatlebangboy

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OfflineSKINNYDOGGY
synth junky

Registered: 01/27/02
Posts: 353
Last seen: 15 years, 1 month
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: beatlebangboy]
    #2833107 - 06/27/04 10:46 AM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Q: What is 12 inches and can make a woman scream all night long




































A: A stillborn :shocked:


--------------------
Feels Like Heaven Taste Like Shit


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OfflineSev
Astropath
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 1,426
Loc: NY
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: SKINNYDOGGY]
    #2833792 - 06/27/04 02:47 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

Oh, that's not half as tasteless as this:

q: What's red and slimy and crawls up your leg?
a: A homesick abortion.


--------------------
"Do we want the stars? We can have them. Can we borrow cups of fire from the sun? We can and must and light the world." --"On the Shoulders of Giants", Ray Bradbury

All of my posts are full of fiction and blatant lies.

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InvisibleRipple
Ripple
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Registered: 05/16/02
Posts: 21,014
Loc: the timbers of Fennario
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Sev]
    #2833812 - 06/27/04 02:55 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

both are nasty :thumbdown:


--------------------
The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!


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Offlinenotapillow
I want to be a fisherman
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Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 31,129
Loc: A rare and different tune
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Ripple]
    #2833822 - 06/27/04 03:00 PM (19 years, 9 months ago)

i agree :frown:




but there a little funny :wink:


--------------------



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InvisiblePat Bateman, VP
Dr. House's Inspiration
Female User Gallery

Registered: 10/15/04
Posts: 50,876
Loc: Inconceivable opulence
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: newuser1492]
    #3335181 - 11/08/04 10:21 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

cb9fl said:

What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork






Magnificent


--------------------
Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow?
No, says the man in Washington; it belongs to the poor.
No, says the man in the Vatican; it belongs to God.
No, says the man in Moscow; it belongs to everyone.

I rejected those answers. Instead, I chose something
different. I chose the impossible. I chose...
Rapture.
-  Andrew Ryan

Formula: 0

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InvisibleBoom
just a tester
Male
Registered: 06/16/04
Posts: 11,252
Loc: Cypress Creek
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Pat Bateman, VP]
    #3335196 - 11/08/04 10:24 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

How do you turn a fox into a whale?













Marry her. :tongue2:

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InvisiblePat Bateman, VP
Dr. House's Inspiration
Female User Gallery

Registered: 10/15/04
Posts: 50,876
Loc: Inconceivable opulence
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Boom]
    #3335203 - 11/08/04 10:25 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

this isn't actually a joke, but it sounds funny:


i like my THC with a little oxygen


--------------------
Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow?
No, says the man in Washington; it belongs to the poor.
No, says the man in the Vatican; it belongs to God.
No, says the man in Moscow; it belongs to everyone.

I rejected those answers. Instead, I chose something
different. I chose the impossible. I chose...
Rapture.
-  Andrew Ryan

Formula: 0

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Invisiblefearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
Posts: 1,845
Loc: Flag
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Pat Bateman, VP]
    #3335256 - 11/08/04 10:37 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)


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Invisiblefearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
Posts: 1,845
Loc: Flag
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: fearfect]
    #3335318 - 11/08/04 10:48 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

why can't hellen keller drive?

because she's a woman

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OfflinePathos
A million pieces
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Registered: 09/29/04
Posts: 1,045
Loc: Under the stairs
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: fearfect]
    #3335382 - 11/08/04 11:03 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

whats worse than 100 dead babies in a garbage can?



1 dead baby in 100 garbage cans

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Offlinedaimyo
Monticello

Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 7,751
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: fearfect]
    #3335410 - 11/08/04 11:10 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

"If the guy was poor, I would give it back."
---Yogi Berra, when asked what he would do if he found a
million dollars


A young man was shipwrecked on a remote island. Although he
had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to
do except play with himself.

After many years, even that became so monotonous that he
couldn't even get an erection. Now, completely without any
happiness, he started to lose his sanity. One morning, as
he is lying on the beach, he thinks he sees a ship in the
distance. He quickly starts a fire then throws wet seaweed
on top until smoke is billowing high in the air. The ship
starts to come his way!

He gets all excited and thinks, "Finally! I'm going to be
saved! The first thing I want is to take a long, hot
shower. Then they're going to give me some clothes and I'm
going to go upstairs and have a nice dinner. I will find a
nice lady to dance with, then I will take to her cabin and
we can kiss and I can fondle her body. She'll start to take
off her clothes and she'll be wearing red silk panties!"

At this, he starts to get an erection. He slips his hand
into his shorts, grabs his pecker, and yells, "Ha! Ha! Ha!
I lied about the ship!"


--------------------
"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."

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Offlinecountryboysmoker
Stranger
Registered: 10/30/04
Posts: 80
Last seen: 19 years, 4 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Pathos]
    #3335413 - 11/08/04 11:10 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

How do you get 100 babies in a garbage sack?

blender....

How do you get them out?

doritoes

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OfflinePathos
A million pieces
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Registered: 09/29/04
Posts: 1,045
Loc: Under the stairs
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: countryboysmoker]
    #3335423 - 11/08/04 11:13 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

:projectile:

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OfflineRandolph_Carter
НơĻ?ĢΉō

Registered: 06/13/00
Posts: 29,281
Loc: Shroomery B-list.
Last seen: 13 years, 10 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: countryboysmoker]
    #3335430 - 11/08/04 11:15 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

Baby seal walks into a club.


--------------------
"..all those molecules thrashing their kinky little tails, hot for destiny and the street."  Gibson


Nuke baby seals for Jesus!

(This has been a +1 production.)

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OfflineShroomFan
nn dmt

Registered: 03/12/04
Posts: 866
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Randolph_Carter]
    #3335850 - 11/09/04 01:36 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

WHAT DID THE TWO CONDOMS SAY TOO EACH OTHER AT THE GAY PARTY?








WANNA GET SHITFACED


--------------------
Fellow Shroomerites, if you Love expressing yourself with a dope tee shirt feast your 3rd eye on www.facebook.com/vicereversa
∞ Conscious Clothing for Conscious Minds ∞ Wear a tee , open a mind
Each shirt is spawned to Arouse Awareness <> We believe in Sustainability & Giving back <> Do you know of a community project or persons in need you feel deserves attention? - Tell us on our page And we just might pick the story > develop a tee > and donate the proceeds to that cause. ∞♥∞ Unget it, VICE REVERSA

Edited by ShroomFan (11/09/04 01:36 AM)

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InvisiblePsychoslut
The Mother Fucking Bear-o-dactyl
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Registered: 12/10/02
Posts: 20,917
Loc: all up in ya
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: beatlebangboy]
    #3335942 - 11/09/04 02:28 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

How do you make a 6 year old girl cry twice?



















Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.


--------------------



[quote]KristiMidocean said:
Good now thats clear.WHO FUCKING CARES. If I am fat u all keep pointing it out like its suppose to be a secret.LIke u really have nothing better to do then make fat jokes. If o know its like I do I know yall can come up with NEW AND BETTER SHIT . This shit is old and boring . I left in the first place cause this shit got boring not because of the fat jokes . Fat jokes dont bother me but seriously its old[/quote]

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Offlinenonoman
ambassador
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Registered: 06/25/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: the wood
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Psychoslut]
    #3335979 - 11/09/04 03:26 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

rofflez,

How do you make your wife scream during sex?




















Call her and tell her where you are.


--------------------

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Offlinenonoman
ambassador
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Registered: 06/25/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: the wood
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Psychoslut]
    #3335982 - 11/09/04 03:30 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

Psychoslut reminded me of another:
How do you make your wife moan after sex?





































Get up and wipe your dick on the drapes.


--------------------

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Offlinetwigz
stick boy
 User Gallery

Registered: 02/29/04
Posts: 689
Loc: From up in a tree
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: nonoman]
    #3336098 - 11/09/04 06:01 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

Q: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A: A baby in a microwave.

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown costume!

Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: A garbage can full of dead babies.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: The one at the bottom is still alive.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: He has to eat his way to freedom.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: He goes back for more.

Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
A: You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

yay dead babies


--------------------
Know your Body - Know your Mind - Know your Substance - Know your Source.

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Offlinetwigz
stick boy
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Registered: 02/29/04
Posts: 689
Loc: From up in a tree
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: twigz]
    #3336100 - 11/09/04 06:03 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
A: So you can tell which ones are still alive.


--------------------
Know your Body - Know your Mind - Know your Substance - Know your Source.

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OfflinePhychotron
Crazy Mofo
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 06/17/02
Posts: 9,102
Loc: In A Forest Of Colossal F...
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: twigz]
    #3336387 - 11/09/04 08:21 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

when did all these dead baby jokes come into play?

Q: how do you reuse a condom?
A: turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.

(dont try that, seriously, people think your telling the truth sometimes, i swear people are idiots)


--------------------
On a mission to prove that the truth gets you no where.
They tried the truth, It didn't work. Then they wrote the bible. 

Only the foolish fear the inevitable.

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Offlinegreenhaze
one toke overthe line

Registered: 06/03/02
Posts: 514
Loc: the severed garden
Last seen: 18 years, 4 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: Phychotron]
    #3336461 - 11/09/04 08:53 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

-What do you call a smart blonde?

*a golden retriever


-How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*None, they can do the dishes in the dark.


-What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
*Nothing, she's already been tolds twice.

-Why do women have small feet?
*So they can get closer to the sink.

-How do you get 100 old cows in a shed?
*Put a "Bingo" sign out front.

-What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?

*A women who won't do what she's told.


A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once."

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InvisibleBoom
just a tester
Male
Registered: 06/16/04
Posts: 11,252
Loc: Cypress Creek
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: greenhaze]
    #3336479 - 11/09/04 08:58 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

Whats better than banging an 8 year old girl?






Turning her around and pretending she's an 8 year old boy... :wink:



Whats better than banging an 8 year old boy?







Nothing!

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OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 4,263
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: newuser1492]
    #3336841 - 11/09/04 10:56 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

Has anyone heard about the new Caddilac Tel Aviv?

word is it can stop on a dime, and pick it up!
--------------------------------------------------------------
Whats the difference between a Jew and a canoe?

canoes tip!


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

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Offlinenonoman
ambassador
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/25/04
Posts: 1,326
Loc: the wood
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: MrBump]
    #3337756 - 11/09/04 02:56 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

Why does the bride wear white?
























So the dishwasher matches the refridgerator.


--------------------

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OfflineChingChong
Non-OffensiveTalker

Registered: 06/04/04
Posts: 303
Loc: Where the buffalo roam
Last seen: 17 years, 5 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: beatlebangboy]
    #3337920 - 11/09/04 03:38 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?

a pizza doesnt scream in the oven.


--------------------
How can one murder enormously if one is microscopic.

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OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 4,263
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: beatlebangboy]
    #3338079 - 11/09/04 04:13 PM (19 years, 4 months ago)

whats the difference between a jazz musician and a large pizza?

a large pizza can feed a family of four.


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

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OfflineSummerBreeze
Phyconaughty

Registered: 08/07/03
Posts: 741
Loc: Antwerpen.
Last seen: 15 years, 3 months
Re: Funniest Joke [Re: MrBump]
    #3354805 - 11/13/04 06:49 AM (19 years, 4 months ago)

Belfast humour. Wee Aggie is approached by a man as she steps off the number 9 bus to the city centre, "excuse me, love, do you know that your left breast is hanging out?"

"Good God!" Says Aggie, "I've left the kid on the bus again!!"





Jimmy gets on the bus to Cooks town (small village) with a suit case. He starts to argue with the driver on the fare, "c'mon now! ?3.00! That's a bit much, no?"
After ten minutes of this the driver is pissed off. Stopping half way across a bridge above a fast flowing river he grabs Jimmy's case, out the door it flies, into the water, and away.
"Wha'!?!" Says Jimmy, "is it not enough you're trying to rob me, you gotta' go and try and drown my son an'all!!


--------------------
"Must'nt Grumble!".

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