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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > The Psychedelic Experience > Trip Reports
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This newbies trip report(s)
    #25990035 -

Hi Im new here. Ive suffered from clinical depression all my life for as ling as I can remember going back as far as 4 years old. In January 2019 my friend hooked me up with 2 grams of golden teacher. For the first time in my life I can say I was depression free for at least a month.

I set up a bitcoin account and a dream market account. Well the coinbase exchange set my maximum allowable purchase of bitcoin at zero and it took nearly 3 months to fix that. By that time dream market closed. So I we t to Wall Street market and purchased 4 ounces of golden teacher.

My first trip on 2 grams was a very pleasant experience. Bright colors and an overall feeling of positivity. I then went to ingesting 3.5 g of golden teacheronce a week  when my Wall Street purchase came in.

The first two weeks on that schedule were much like the first trip. Good positive feeling the sun seemed brighter and I was depression free. I even managed to do a deep cleaning of my house as it had fallen into a real pig stye as is common with clinical depression.

The next two trips were like the peeling of an onion. I began having recollection of past traumas and events that contributed to my downward spiral of depression. But in this case(s) Even though I was reliving these events; in my mind it was as though they were being presented to me to view through the lens of psilocybin and the feelings were being purged as if the golden teacher was literally teaching e how to purge the poison of ptsd of these events from my mind.

Ive heard that when someone has a bad trip that they often are grateful for the experience. Im not sure if Im there yet and may need to either take a break or reduce or even increase my doseage.

Can anyone relate to what Im describing here? Any feedback is appreciated as long as its sincere and real as I truly suffer from clinical depression.

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Re: This newbies trip report(s) [Re: Wavebeam]
    #25990060 -

I can relate but in a different way. Psychedelics were my last ditch effort at regaining any semblance of happiness, I don’t recommend this because it was like playing Russian roulette. Lower doses of mushrooms weren’t too introspective for me or I was not good at it, and needed lsd or a higher dose of mushrooms. I found it took a long time for these trips to integrate and translate into my daily being and habits/thoughts.

I was in a pit of despair, not knowing where to go or what to do, the hard drugs weren’t relieving it anymore and I felt like I was hanging at the end of my self made rope. All I needed was a knife to cut it.

Psychedelics were that knife for me, I just did not want to listen. I did not like what they had to say and or shared with me, and I foolishly ignored it and kept “searching” for the non-existent answer to my cure all problem.

I can’t really go in depth what they made me realize besides what I typed above, ide need to write a fucking book. Good luck, try and see every day as an improvement on the last with the collective knowledge you have accumulated.

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Re: This newbies trip report(s) [Re: Palmer1997]
    #25990073 -

Thanks. Ive tried alot of SRIs over the years and none worked and alot of them made things much much worse. Psilocybin is the first medication thats ever had a positive effect on my and my depression. Ever. I want to be sure not to fuck it up somehow because im a professional self saboteur.

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Re: This newbies trip report(s) [Re: Wavebeam]
    #25990154 -

Past traumas where the main theme when ive 1st started. Together with the happy childhood memories. It seems they are there to be able to balance itself out. Speaking of onion peeling, Couldnt stop my self from crying for hours during the trip and after. A mix tears of sadness and joy for hours. Its a way of release.

Im very much terrified from my last accidental trip. But thru reflection been very greatful.

I think its safer you should stay within the range of your dosage. 3.5g per week seems to much for me. And giving my self some long break does wonders. I learned that less intake is much even better thru time.

Also headphones with nature music such of ayahuasca porangui helps in my part during transition. Prevents some incoming badtrips.

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Re: This newbies trip report(s) [Re: pacmanbreed]
    #25990168 -

Iv also noticed that they make me shit like its gong out of style and not diahrea but solid poops also I fart alot anyone experience that?

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Re: This newbies trip report(s) [Re: Wavebeam]
    #25990245 -

:goldfarb:
my fart have been the best ever. I did it awhile in a elevator full of people.

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Re: This newbies trip report(s) [Re: pacmanbreed]
    #25992364 -

were they impressed with it?


--------------------
ashes to ashes

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Re: This newbies trip report(s) [Re: 356743] * 1
    #25992384 -

Because i love my self & fellow men. I did it in a ninja CIA style.

I placed my hands near my asshole and grabbed it all.
Drag it close to my nose, and smack & recycled it all.

I was so impressed.

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Re: This newbies trip report(s) [Re: pacmanbreed]
    #25994403 -

im so proud of this dood right here my man :')


--------------------
ashes to ashes

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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics > The Psychedelic Experience > Trip Reports
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