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Re: I killed my demons [Re: st1llnox]
    #25573342 -

st1llnox said:
BTW your demons are doing push ups while you try to get DNS to work on pornhub on your Gear VR's proprietary browser


Just a heads up; trust me.


thanks for the heads up I will be very careful because I know they will be back :lol:

I was thinking this morning how much better a cigarette would feel.

got a deep feeling of disgust toward them once I thought about the grip they still have one me.

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: st1llnox]
    #25573347 -

RoboShaman said:
Drop the cigarettes and booze, but small amounts of weed via a healthy ROA is good for your spirit! :volcano:


i agree!

st1llnox said:
BloodWhip, I dont know the kind of person you are at heart. My prior message was directed to you, not Kron.

That said, idk if this will fit you or not but it seems to me to be one of the few things we would land on common on.

That said, some of the more impulsive ones like cigs I had good success with by looking the discomfort in the eye if that makes sense

I still do that with any discomfort I find in myself. It may help fortify you. I hope it does.

All the best to you. Godspeed. It's always that 4th day too... stay strong.


yeah I’ve notice a lot of my nicotine relapses once second I’m fine and the next I’m smoking a cigarette. Not this time though.



Oh and ASANTE, I didn’t ignore your post friend thanks for the words :heart:

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #25573379 -

I want you guys to know that I DO fuck around a lot on here and sometimes act insane and shit, but I am actually a normal human being and am completely sincecere in this post!

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #25573479 -

Well I’ve been pretty concerned about ur oxy abuse just cuz krat is illegal oxy is no good bro
It wasn’t mentioned in this thread but I remember multiple occasions of u mentioning it.  I wish u the best.  Smoke the weed if it helps u kick the real poisons


--------------------


theRealrollforever said:
That’s not possible; even with computers

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #25574082 -

Side note if the nicotine ones ever get out of control, literally most cravings last under 3 minutes.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #25574108 -

Im happy for you yo.

Quitting nicotine will be really hard for me. It make almost any other substance better. Same with weed.

Polydrug use has pretty much taken over my life. Even though im off heroin now I cant stay sober for more than 2 days, and during those 2 days I chain smoke the whole time.

Traded daily heroin and speedball injection for a weekly cycle of: Week 1 phenibut and gabapentin combo every 2 days. Week 2 Kratom every day and gabapentin every 3 days. And so on. Drinking on random days throughout the cycle as well.

Now I dont wake up feeling horrible and wanting to die, which is really fucking awesome honestly. But I still have the addiction mindset. Thats really the hardest part to kick.

I think what Im trying to say is youre much stronger than me right now, and Im proud of you.

:thumbup: :heart:


--------------------

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: trvptamine]
    #25576040 -

First day of classes sober today (literally have been high at every single class this year), ive had 2 so far. Everything (assignments) are SO much less stressful now that im not high.

Like before id stress and procrastinate all week if my assignment was due friday.

Now im getting shit done early like i did in highschool!

Edited by xbloodwhipx (10/29/18 09:54 AM)

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #25576052 -

I kept it to myself but fuck it, i was going to kill myself friday night. Ive been planning it for awhile (2 months). i had my shotgun in my fucking mouth. I couldn't pull the trigger even though i wanted to.

I feel like that was my breaking point, and my life is starting to turn around now. For the first time in a long time i dont want to die anymore...

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: xbloodwhipx] * 1
    #25576069 -

check yourself into a mental hospital.

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: Crazy_Horse] * 1
    #25576316 -

Thanks cole i found this and damn it spoke to me


second verse/half of the song

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #25576648 -

xbloodwhipx said:
I kept it to myself but fuck it, i was going to kill myself friday night. Ive been planning it for awhile (2 months). i had my shotgun in my fucking mouth. I couldn't pull the trigger even though i wanted to.

I feel like that was my breaking point, and my life is starting to turn around now. For the first time in a long time i dont want to die anymore...




Could you, like, hand over your hardware to a friend for safe keeping or at least get rid of the shells so you can't chamber one?

Get help man, really - you hit rock bottom but still, reach out to get the RL help you need with this.

:heart:


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
personal empowerment for the world

:nyan: LGBT - Love God Before Tradition :nyan:

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: Asante]
    #25576792 -

Asante said:
xbloodwhipx said:
I kept it to myself but fuck it, i was going to kill myself friday night. Ive been planning it for awhile (2 months). i had my shotgun in my fucking mouth. I couldn't pull the trigger even though i wanted to.

I feel like that was my breaking point, and my life is starting to turn around now. For the first time in a long time i dont want to die anymore...




Could you, like, hand over your hardware to a friend for safe keeping or at least get rid of the shells so you can't chamber one?

Get help man, really - you hit rock bottom but still, reach out to get the RL help you need with this.

:heart:


Theres no need to be melodramatic and get rid of the shotgun; Blood, why dont you take the firing pin out and freeze it into a cup of ice?

Glad you changed your mind man. :smile:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: st1llnox]
    #25576801 -

Whats melodramatic about handing over your shotgun (or stash) to a friend when you are close to losing it, so you can ask it back and be assessed by that friend when you do.

I did it with drugs i had compulsive issues with, like MDMA and MXE. When you don't hold it, you can't take it.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
personal empowerment for the world

:nyan: LGBT - Love God Before Tradition :nyan:

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: Asante]
    #25576818 -

Having been in a similar situation in the past, OP may feel uncomfortable drawing attention to it either by explaining to a friend or lending out shotguns unsolicited as a favor to him. Impulse is the main danger with firearm suicides so it's the next few minutes more than it is the next day or two.

It's just an idea in case he would feel like he was being that way, plus if he's over it then the only danger is an impulse one for now. Melodramatic might not be the word for that kind of revealing/feeling like its flaunting thing but it's the best I came up with.

There are other reasons logistically to do it that way like not worrying about someone panicking and sending him to the psych ward

But I mean he has a shotgun and he's talking to us.

Blood, you're cool now, yeah?


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: st1llnox]
    #25576826 -

Get rid of the gun...


--------------------
Your god is dead, and I killed him.

When you’re lost, here I am. Forever with your soul


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Re: I killed my demons [Re: King Klick]
    #25576849 -

He just revealed something deep that might be an opportunity to really connect. Maybe we should quit fixating on a circumstantial detail of that and see what we can learn about blood or what he would like to share?

Blood I totally get you man :smile: I think. Any hobbies catch your eye yet?


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Re: I killed my demons [Re: st1llnox]
    #25576873 -

The gun is a pretty big deal...but continue.


--------------------
Your god is dead, and I killed him.

When you’re lost, here I am. Forever with your soul


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Re: I killed my demons [Re: xbloodwhipx]
    #25576922 -

Dude, what are you studying? I've just started studying after fuck knows how many years (I'm in my 40s) but it's giving me a goal and focus and that's what's important to me. It's a reason for me to stay sober.


--------------------


"great things may come to those who wait, but only what's left by those who hustle"

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