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My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad Update:
    #22045303 -

So I was with her everyday for 6 years now, we r closer then average gma and grandson. Im very grief stricken but at least she won't be suffering from Alzheimer's anymore. I haven't dealt with the fact that she was terminal basically until a few weeks ago when they confirmed she's going to die. Today they gave her 3 days. I devoted all my teenage years and age 20-21 so I'm so close to her it's going to really hurt me. I haven't dealt with this personal a loss yet in life. I have been diving head first into lots of opiates and furthering my addiction but killing some emotion. Wish me and my family luck/pray for us.

She will be in a better place soon, we do believe that, so no one be a jackass and try and tell me atheist shit right now.

Please shroomy vibes and love :hug:


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

Edited by Seriously_trippin (08/09/15 07:46 AM)

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin] * 1
    #22045327 -

my condolences brother

take it easy with the opiates man.. u want to feel the full impact.. i know it's not easy but it really helps..


--------------------
https://discord.gg/NHHd5y2Uyv

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: zZZz]
    #22045383 -

Thank you man, ive known you a long time on here and your condolences are appriciated.Yeah I'm sure subconsciously that's one of the reasons I mentioned it because its true. I didn't deal with it at all a year ago when she was diagnosed so it shocked me to the core. Now I need to deal with this and I can't in A proper way.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

Edited by Seriously_trippin (08/05/15 02:38 AM)

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22045410 -

sorry to hear it bud


--------------------
:niffla:

ACADEMY AWARD WINNING ACTOR
WG32 KILLED HOFFA
PROFESSIONAL BALL BUFFERER
WORST NEIGHBORHOOD YARD OF 2026 WINNER
OTD’S FORMER PRODIGAL SON
TODAY IS BEER DAY

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22045421 -

i haven't dealt with that personal of a loss either... but my condolances as well. i know these words may fall on deaf ears, but as hard as it is right now, diving into your addictions wont help you... i can't say i wouldn't want to be completely faded in your position though as i've been that way in the past when something serious has happened.

sleep helps me a lot.. and being with people and trying to not focus so much emotional energy on it.

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22045433 -

sorry brother.


i have a similarly strong bond with my only remaining grandparent (paternal grandmother) and i'm going to absolutely be equally wrecked when her time comes.





it's the same story the crow told me
it's the only one he knows
like the morning sun we come
and like the wind we go

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin] * 1
    #22045467 -

Quote:
Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force.




Kind of nerdy but this made me feel a little better after my nana died last year.

Sending you love Seriously_trippin. :heart:

Sara


--------------------
:bliss:
Listening to: emancipator - baralku tour (live)  |  AMU

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: memes]
    #22045471 -

Sorry to hear about your situation.

You should however, consider yourself lucky that you have had the chance to reach adulthood with your grandma still alive. Consider yourself lucky that you have had the time to get to know her as an adult. Grandma's don't live forever, and unfortunately, it's just her time. I know it's easy to say, but try not to let it get you down too much. Death is just as much a part of life as birth. Celebrate her life with your family. She will now move on to the realm of the unknown.

:heart:


--------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Until the 20th century, reality was everything humans could touch, smell, see,
and hear.
Since the initial publication of the charged electromagnetic spectrum, humans
learned that what they can touch, smell, see, and hear... is less than one
millionth of reality.
--------------------------------


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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Artnotwar]
    #22045489 -

I'm glad you guys understand this, at least I have my amazing shroomery family. Close living family a long with friends that are my family. I really do need to back off the nod though. I know all to well that its a temporary solution. Getting off of opiates in a time like this being surrounded by them it's been impossible.

:hug:

Keep the support coming y'all I really appreciate it :smile:.
Artnotwar said:
Sorry to hear about your situation.

You should however, consider yourself lucky that you have had the chance to reach adulthood with your grandma still alive. Consider yourself lucky that you have had the time to get to know her as an adult. Grandma's don't live forever, and unfortunately, it's just her time. I know it's easy to say, but try not to let it get you down too much. Death is just as much a part of life as birth. Celebrate her life with your family. She will now move on to the realm of the unknown.

:heart:


This is for sure part of the bitter sweetness of this whole thing I got to know every story in her life. Got to know her so well and vise versa. It wouldn't be so terribly hard if I hadn't gotten close but it's better that I did. Also I quit my job to take care of her and the family,so I really did all I possibly  I could. Devoted my life to taking care of her so I did everything I could to keep her waited on hand and foot and as comfortable as humanly possible.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22045574 -

Love and peace be with you during this difficult time. Losing my grandma was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with.

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22045620 -

Dude it's rough, but as terrible as this sounds: sometimes it's best for them. You gotta consider their quality of life and if they're in suffering. When I was looking after my dad into his passing, the whole time my mentality was, keep him fit, keep him strong, keep him well fed and hydrated, don't let any of the nurses fuck with him.

And one of them approached me towards the end and said that its kind of cruel to prolong their suffering when they're terminal and near the end. And that kind of fucked me up because then I was like, well... Shit! Have I been harming him this whole time? Is it better to just let go? It's a case by case thing but towards the end for dad it was best to let go.

He was bed ridden, brain damaged and paralysed. Shutting himself in a bed unable to communicate. That's no kind of life.

And you have to think as well; It's not about you bro. It's about them. They're the one that's dying. I dunno if that relates to your situation or not. Just my experience

And death is shit man. It's shit. Nothing good comes from it and things will suck for a while. But overtime things will get better. And in time you'll learn to be proud of what you did for your grandma. Most people can't or won't care for them and they throw them in a home or hospital and forget about it.

Like I know I was the last thing my dad ever was conscious of in this world because I was there when he died talking to him and patting his chest. And from the momebt of diagnosis to the day he died we were there looking after him. And that's as good as it gets!

Anyway it'll make you stronger. Shit like this puts your day to day struggles in perspective. You relies the shit that you grappled previously was nothing. You get to keep living.

I hope everything goes smoothly for you and your family Soldier

:hugitout:


--------------------

R.I.P. WoodRuss67, Todcasil, TheMerryIguana, The Rompus, Lord Senate.
[/url]

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin] * 1
    #22045649 -

If it helps, I was recently in pretty much the exact same boat. Me and my wife have taken care of my grandparents for years. Their only care givers. Neither wanted to go into a retirement home, and the rest of the family refused to do anything about it. So we became their care givers.

I was raised by my grandparents, they had custody of me even. As far as I was concerned, they were my parents. I mean I called them Grandma and Grandpa, but their roles in my life was Mother and Father. Loved both more than words could ever describe. Me and my grandfather had a falling out around my early teens because he became an alcoholic and suddenly getting drunk became priority 1 for him. We never did anything anymore and it hurt deeply. I "hated" him for the rest of his life after that point and only realized after how much I actually cared after he was on his death bed. It tore me the fuck up. I had to type out what I wanted to say to him while he was laying in a hospice bed waiting to die because I just couldn't speak. That throat lump was absolutely choking me.

I say all that to give some perspective. I have ALWAYS loved my Grandma. We had that strong bond that nothing could ever break. No matter what I did to disappoint her, no matter how much of a fuck up I was, there was nothing but love. No matter how much she pissed me off, I would still love her, even while being pissed off. Her death hit me REALLY hard. I broke when she died.

I had known it was coming for years, she had all kinds of medical issues, even walking from the couch to her chair (which is like 5 feet) necessitated heavy breathing and a recuperation period of at least 10 minutes. For the last couple of years, I'd find her slumped over in the chair and would sit there and listen to her breathe, just to make sure she was. I absolutely knew it was coming, I just didn't know when. I dreaded every time I walked in and saw her slumped in her chair and had to check if she was alive. I felt sick to my stomach because every time I "knew" this was the time I was going to find out she was dead.

It never happened that way though. She got sick and I know she got it from me and that guilt still eats me up all the damn time. She got sick and was too weak to recover. Ended up calling 911 at some point because we couldn't get her to the hospital. Not really unusual, it's happened before, they always patched her up and she came home. Only this time they couldn't patch her up. She developed many complications and the doctors could not figure out what the problem was. Eventually she decided she was tired of fighting and refused all medical treatment. She just wanted to be made comfortable and fade away.

Hospice care with a 24/7 nurse was set up in our house, and she came home to die. Few days after she came home, she did. I fucking lost it. I knew it was a waiting game from the time she came home, but you can never really prepare for something like that no matter how much time you have. I got over it mostly. Didn't seem like I would in those first few weeks, but I did eventually. I still miss her, and I still expect to walk into the living room and see her sitting in her chair. I find myself constantly looking at her chair to see if she's there or looking for her oxygen hose to make sure I'm not tripping over it. I'm reminded almost daily of what I lost, but emotionally, I'm through it.

You'll get through it too.


--------------------
With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way.
I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today.
Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear.
I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear.


You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being
With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Shroomslip]
    #22045979 -

One of my grans has Alzheimer. It's a horrible fucking disease. I've not seen her for two years, since she got really ill. She doesn't recognise her own children, never mind her grandchildren :feelsbadman:
Though I do feel slightly conflicted and sad that I don't visit her, I want to remember the good memories with her, especially when I was young. It will be traumatizing seeing her now. She was a great gran and person.

Take care OP. Her suffering has come an eventual end :hug:


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22046241 -

i had a gma who i was close.to
die of Alzheimer's


Loved that women..
:heart:


when she actually died, it didnt make me sad
cause.i had slowly grieved for years while she went insane
and when she finally went

it made me happy.that shewas freed


:hug: to you OP


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22048274 -

AddyZomeD said:
i had a gma who i was close.to
die of Alzheimer's


Loved that women..
:heart:


when she actually died, it didnt make me sad
cause.i had slowly grieved for years while she went insane
and when she finally went

it made me happy.that shewas freed


:hug: to you OP


I'm a little pleasantly surprised about the amount of people that really do understand this situation
All the posts here are big words of encouragement. Because yes a big part of me is extremely relieved ,happy for her and I understand that I can get a job now,have a social life etc.

So on one hand I'm extremely relieved she will be rid of violent horrid hallucinations,constant wondering why she can't walk or get out of her bed,she can barely receive water from a dropper. With Alzheimer she can't remember most everything of course(including my mom and I) except every once in a while she will remember us but it is very rare. She is suffering and it totures me to watch this sharp decline over the past year and a half.

All this being said yes I'm am glad she won't be suffering and that's #1

However I am still just sad about not hearing her voice anymore or seeing her face when I come home or answer her calls. There is just so incredibly much I will miss and like I said she is a part of me ,so even though this is a good thing and will rid her of suffering,I'm still sad about losing her PERIOD. It just is very hard having someone you spent day and night for 7 years with pass.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22048352 -

AddyZomeD said:
when she actually died, it didnt make me sad
cause.i had slowly grieved for years while she went insane



When she started "going crazy" and she was diagnosed with terminal Alzheimers I ignored the shit ot of the fact that she was going to die from this. I just focused on treating her the same and keeping her "stable". So when they told me 3 days, it was a shock. That may sound stupid,you're probably thinking well you did know she was terminal? Thing is I knew about it but I put it waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay in the back of my mind and I kept telling myself"Well we are keeping her stable atm and she isn't suffering too much,maybe she won't pass when the docs say she will. That was the lie I told myself UNTIL they said she has 3 days left.

Something I take solace in is until the past 2 weeks we told each other we loved each other everday no fail or 7 years and even now in between lucid moments I've been able to exchange I love yous. So that's not something a lot of people get to do.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22049067 -

Eventually it destroys the brain function to the point of death


its a sad disease..
:heart:


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22049405 -

Yes it is and yes it does. Looks like absolute hell on earth :sad:

:hug:

Can I ask you was your gma in pain when she died? because I'm imagining her brain telling her lungs not to work and that being painful. I'd like to think that's not going to be the case.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

Edited by Seriously_trippin (08/05/15 09:03 PM)

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #22049573 -

She was on life support for last year.. :sad:

i think at that point
they should be let go..


Its like a computer virus
only biological.form


so sad


--------------------
:sunny::inlove::peyotespectrum::peyotespectrum::inlove::sunny:
And to everyone who thinks life is just a game,
Do you like the part you are playing?
This is the time in life I am living!
And I face each day with a smile :smile:
My music Library of Synthesizer goodness

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Re: My grandma who I've taken care of everyday will die any day now,I'm sad [Re: SunnyD]
    #22049626 -

Oh yeah that's tough man, we have actually been able to keep her sustaining her own breathing ,eating etc for these 1-2 years or so when it started to get bad. Until now,her eating and drinking abilities have been fine, breathing will be the last thing to go and we won't be trying to prolong anything. She's suffering so we will just let her go when that time comes. Probably in the next 2 days or so.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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