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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners?
    #21039577 -

Well, what do you say?


At what point does your own happiness or high stress levels become more important than the happiness of a friend or a partner who's bringing you down?

Do we have any duty to stay in such situations with people who dont make us our happiest?

What if our leaving would result in a great deal of unhappiness on the behalf of the other person?


--------------------
Are you a lucky little lady in the City of Light
Or just another lost angel?
City of Night, City of Night,
City of Night, City of Night, woo, c'mon

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Re: To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners? [Re: jimiandtheshroom27] * 2
    #21040552 -

Your own  well being is the only thing you are capable of achieving. If that.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Re: To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners? [Re: Icelander] * 1
    #21041189 -

So you think we cannot contribute to someone else's well-being? Other people affect other people's well-being all the time...

If another person is bringing you down, then I think one may feel obligated to increase their well-being if it is a family member or significant other. Sometimes we have to sacrifice things in life, but there definitely comes a time when we have to put ourselves in the forefront. As long as I am content with someone, regardless of whether they make me the happiest, I will stay in situations with such people.


--------------------
"a note for asses: what is very convincing, is not necessarily true - it is merely convincing"

primus------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------mama didn't raise no fool

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Re: To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners? [Re: Icelander]
    #21041340 -

Icelander said:
Your own  well being is the only thing you are capable of achieving. If that.


Agree here.


--------------------
My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...

TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE

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Re: To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners? [Re: jimiandtheshroom27]
    #21042116 -

jimiandtheshroom27 said:
At what point does your own happiness or high stress levels become more important than the happiness of a friend or a partner who's bringing you down?

Do we have any duty to stay in such situations with people who dont make us our happiest?

What if our leaving would result in a great deal of unhappiness on the behalf of the other person?


I think the expectations we have for the actions of others are what fuck us up in relationships.

This probably sounds trite and evasive, but we have only the duties we have cultivated or been burdened with imo.

Some questions...

What is the nature of the unhappiness feedback loop you've established with this person? If they make you unhappy, how do you expect that unhappiness to affect you over the long term? How then will your new state affect your ability to continue making the other person happy?

How do you know how much unhappiness might result from a separation? What duration and intensity of unhappiness have you predicted, what is your level of confidence in that prediction, and how does your confidence level change over time?

Are leaving and staying the only options? Which aspects of the relationship affect the happiness level of the participants (e.g. physical intimacy, emotional support)? Is it possible to extricate yourself from some aspects and not others?

What makes you so special? Do you fill an irreplaceable role in that person's life?

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Re: To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners? [Re: Icelander]
    #21042397 -

Icelander said:
Your own  well being is the only thing you are capable of achieving. If that.


Agreed. One must weigh the stress of freedom against the stress of perceived duty. The choice seems to be the path of least resistance.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love     truth awareness peace I am      I feel      I do     I love  I speak    I see    I know

why there is reality and patterned, law-like consistency at all, rather than noise or non-reality is not a question physics answers. It's a question physics presupposes an answer to in order to provide other answers.

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Re: To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners? [Re: DisoRDeR]
    #21042582 -

DisoRDeR said:
Some questions...

What is the nature of the unhappiness feedback loop you've established with this person? If they make you unhappy, how do you expect that unhappiness to affect you over the long term? How then will your new state affect your ability to continue making the other person happy?

How do you know how much unhappiness might result from a separation? What duration and intensity of unhappiness have you predicted, what is your level of confidence in that prediction, and how does your confidence level change over time?

Are leaving and staying the only options? Which aspects of the relationship affect the happiness level of the participants (e.g. physical intimacy, emotional support)? Is it possible to extricate yourself from some aspects and not others?

What makes you so special? Do you fill an irreplaceable role in that person's life?


In this example,
It's not that they necessarily make me unhappy exactly. More that i feel having the role that i do in their life is a very emotionally demanding and draining one. I'll often have to try to cheer them up and reassure them. In essence , someone who is very easily upset, and seems to expect me to be able to make it better. I find it hard enough to keep my own mood on track, but its especially hard when my emotional resources are being spread thin.  I know i won't stay with this person in the long run. We will go our separate ways when we both go to university.

I know, i know, i cant pretend that i'm clever enough to know how my leaving will affect this person in the long run. But i can at least say that its likely that i will be causing great suffering for at least a few months. Since this person is prone to feeling depressed, and doesnt really have that many other people she can talk to, i could really be causing a lot of pain. I dont want to do that.
She has a very demanding life, as she wants to be a vet and has to work hard over the next few months to get into a vet uni. So potentially, my leaving could be life destroying for her. Of course, maybe it wouldnt. Maybe she'd be fine. But that doesnt stop me feeling a sense of responsibility for someone who i've been with for 2 years.

But i'm going away travelling soon to south east asia, and i dont really want to be having to deal with her problems, or hurt her if i ended up sleeping with someone else whilst out there having an awesome time.

I dont feel that its really possible for me to extricate myself from some areas and not others. it feels like all or nothing really.
I wouldnt say im irreplaceable. its more that in her life at the moment, shes not likely to find a replacement.

Thanks for all your questions. Its helping me think about that issue.


--------------------
Are you a lucky little lady in the City of Light
Or just another lost angel?
City of Night, City of Night,
City of Night, City of Night, woo, c'mon

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Re: To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners? [Re: jimiandtheshroom27]
    #21042586 -

I will usually try and help my friends as much as possible but it gets to a certain breaking point where I'm just like "fuck this" and have to start worrying about myself. Sometimes you just gotta do you man


--------------------
:
To define is to confine.

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Re: To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners? [Re: jimiandtheshroom27]
    #21042587 -

13.87%


--------------------

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Re: To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners? [Re: OrgoneConclusion] * 1
    #21042593 -

:thumbdown: You should be ashamed.  :holyshit:


--------------------
Are you a lucky little lady in the City of Light
Or just another lost angel?
City of Night, City of Night,
City of Night, City of Night, woo, c'mon

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Re: To what degree, if any, are we responsible for the well-being our friends and partners? [Re: unsui888]
    #21043050 -

unsui888 said:
So you think we cannot contribute to someone else's well-being? Other people affect other people's well-being all the time...

If another person is bringing you down, then I think one may feel obligated to increase their well-being if it is a family member or significant other. Sometimes we have to sacrifice things in life, but there definitely comes a time when we have to put ourselves in the forefront. As long as I am content with someone, regardless of whether they make me the happiest, I will stay in situations with such people.



We can contribute but not much really.  Mostly we can contribute to our own and that's not a given.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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